[Unrigged64072835]

kaliope--I hope you don't get bronchitis either! I've had it quite a few times in recent years. Those suckers really hurt!

Didn't get to the sewing machine today, and I still need to work next month's budget. I have all week, though, so no worries.

I HATE SHOPPING DURING THIS TIME OF YEAR. Crowds and the accompanying noise just totally overwhelm me. My husband doesn't like them either, but he doesn't get anxiety like I do. It's like I'm constantly on my guard and I can't put it down until I get home. We live down the road from a major mall so traffic is also horrific. We went out today for some things we needed and it was chaos. The parking lot and store were packed, people were going every which way and the line to checkout was halfway around the store. My husband was so apologetic the entire time (gotta love his insecurity sometimes), but I managed to not lose it and we got home okay. I don't think we will be shopping again anytime soon except for groceries.

For some odd reason only known to her our cat decided that she didn't like me typing around her, bit my wrist and hissed at me. She's been getting pretty snippety lately--she likes all the attention we give her since we all have been home, but ignore or disturb her at one's own peril.

Hugs to everyone, and take good care of yourselves.

[crazycanbegood]

***Possible Trigger for weight/food*****





Still dieting. This day my innards are recovering from an unfortunate binge on pumpkin-walnut almond flour cookies last night. The cookies weren't even that good but cookies seem to be my trigger/emotional food go-to. No more baking cookies!

[mommyof2girls]

****UGH**** Why oh why must I listen to all the whining at work..... Its driving me CRAZY!!!!!

[beauflow]

i am just tired-- It is a clear indication if I get so upset with some words on the internet from a human, that I just can't handle any type of human activity- I don't get well along with humans in person, and even here - I like this site for the most part, but some I just feel the awful pain of whatever it brings up-- (NO not talking about this forum here-- a different one and usually i never see this screen name that upset me so on here) I rather not say what all it was- Right now after a few winks of sleep and all I just feel so at blame- But yet not entirely if that makes sense.

I wish I could take criticizem better than i do-- i cant even spell the word- that is how much I like it--- The only critizizing that I seem to be able to handle is when the person is talking with me, they are explaining things like to a T of what they mean---

And then come to think of it on 2nd thought-- It isn't criticize that got me so upset last night it was the fact of being told I did not experience something cuz this person started this stupid post at midnight and I chimed in later morning.. to which I was having the same issue

I am not sure what that is-- then i get upset that people say be mindful and this one that preaches it--- and they arent being mindful

And another thing that will upset me is if the ignorance of humans say they are not contradiction with self or hypocrites with self.... I am not saying to the extreme but it is human nature in ways to be. it is- look through out history- even present days-- doctors, well educated people, normal people-- ya know the simplist of the humans are probably the least i would have to say- and no this is not to be a low blow on humans- it is an observation that I have observed with many- not a section, not certian types-- all humans

Ok I am done with my rant here- I think I may be taking a break here soon...

Oh and NO I did not drink last night due to I had awful head ache- my cat got me up before 4 am with his scratching-- I wish my boyfriend would give him a try in the bed room - instead I get the pleasure of being up and out of bed with the cat cuz I do understand why he is doing it-- he is lonely.

[PleaseHelp]

I did talk with my SO yesterday. There was crying, yelling, grumpiness. I think we got some things sorted out. He thinks I have a persecution attitude or something, which I don't understand at all. Told me that when I talk to him about things its just a guilt trip. I don't mean to guilt trip him and that isn't my intention. My intention is to just tell him how I'm feeling. But if I'm making it worse on him, I feel like I shouldn't talk to him anymore. He tried to get me motivated to do something. He got me started working on one of the blankets I need to finish. That rose my frustration level. Every little problem I ran across, I felt like exploding. He was really patient and just walked me through it. I'm not spacial. I'll know what needs to get done, but hell if I can figure out how to do that. I made it through one blanket and my anxiety/frustration was too high to finish the last one. Guess I'll be doing that today.

I did get a good night's sleep though. By 9:30 I was ready to crash. Got up once to let the dog out and then when the alarm went off. Really don't want to go to work today. Even though its a short week and both bosses will be out of the office.

[Chopin99]

I'm so freaking sick I am afraid of missing T tomorrow. I feel like I'm in a downward spiral of physical ailments (stupid stuck kidney stone, sinus infection). I'm starting to get depressed. I know obsessing on T and my confusion is not helping and I'm not sleeping well at night. Help!

[Nelliecat]

At MIL and all the family are here. I have retreated to the bedroom, it's too noisy and hot for me. My head is spinning.

[delicatefade26]

I feel sooo restless today!!! I think I need to do some physical activity...but my body hurts-so maybe swimming...I see T tomorrow-this is the first week I didn't email him in between sessions-feels weird! I wonder if he noticed...

[PleaseHelp]

I'm at work and feel like I'm going to lose it. Last week the other assistant & I were talking about how we'd be the only ones in the office, so we were going to wear jeans. I come to work in jeans & a nice top. The other advisor is here & his assistant (the one I talked to), they're both dressed nice (like how we normally dress) and she informs me he (advisor) has clients coming today and will be here all week! Great I feel like an idiot. Also think I look like s h i t. I can't concentrate. This just made me sprial. My boss is working out of a different office in a different city. He's calling and confusing the hell out of me. I almost lost it and went off on him, I didn't. But I'm so confused and irritated. I can't comprehend 20 things being thrown at me at one time and then have him jump all over the place. He does it all the time. I tell him, I can't do that. I need him to stick with one thing at a time. Either he doesn't hear me or he doesn't care. I've got a ton of other stuff on my desk he wants me to do and he starts throwing all this other stuff at me. I'm about to freak out. OK I might already be freaking out. Get me off this rollercoaster before I crash and burn!

[nicoleb2]

My kids are on winter break from school. They are home for the next week and they are already being MONSTERS! I really don't know how I am going to survive this next week.

No t till next tuesday. Ugh, I want to go into hiding and stay there for a long time!!

Slept until late afternoon. Still tired. Not done much, just various horse-related chores. Went to mums for tea - and she was more like herself today. Sober. Christmas could have been so much better for me if she'd just been like she was today. Even so, I feel like we're drifting further apart again. She used to hug me goodbye - when I got really ill, when she was playing the part of 'worried mother', but I guess my misery is wearing thin because now I get a peck on the cheek - the kind you get from distant relatives you only ever see at weddings and funerals. I bet if I brought that up with her it would somehow be all my fault, because according to her I 'push people away' ... My T gave me a story about anger that she suggested I maybe leave for mum to find - and I planted it today. Now to wait and see. I doubt it will even get a reaction, she'll probably just be like 'oh, you must've left this.'

Been journaling my between-session time so far to show T next week, because I've had so much going on in my head I was afraid I wouldn't be able to express it all clearly. It might need editing for profanity and ridiculousness...

[WePow]

Crappy day today. Had a very very very bad dream last night with the CSA junk.
Went to therapy and T was fighting a cold (bless his heart).
Came home and S/O threw a fit about some dumb holiday gift that was delayed and came today and was wrong. Then she got mad at ME instead of the stupid seller. And we got into a fight (we never fight). And my T is out the rest of the week so I can't see him again. Days like today make me SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO happy that life is short!!!!!!!!!!

[kaliope]

Well I slept in till past noon again today. Getting tons of sleep but I am still not getting better. Not getting any worse either so I guess thats good. I picked up around the living room, putting away the xmas gift boxes I hoard, the tiny spiral xmas tree, a book here, magazines there, not a lot, but reached the point I could not breathe and had to track down an inhaler in order to catch my breath.

Otherwise I am doing well. Not looking forward to going back to work tomorrow. its always like that when i have had time off. i want to hibernate forever.

Hugs to all............

[Unrigged64072835]

Getting late. Still need to make the bed before we can lie in it. Ugh!

Got the budget and laundry done and did grocery shopping today. The store wasn't crowded so thank goodness for small mercies.

Husband has to go back to work tomorrow. That stinks. I have a hair appointment tomorrow so the pampering will be nice--but since it's at the mall, I sure hope the masses have dispersed!

Daughter is talking about learning how to drive next summer. We are so NOT ready for this!

[beauflow]

hug to all first
It is a rough time of the year and that is ok right

I did not want to come to work--- But here-- I want to slap my co-worker- I get this way with this guy all the time--- Just feel like slapping him- He is a good person just a butt nugget- that is why only a slap and not a drop down curb check.....

Ok ok, but I must admit- I sincerely have very little to do today and I over extended last week while here so really I was told don't do much today-- So, I guess I will be doing what I want-- Finally a day that I can sit back and be like the others but yet because there is nothing to do- not due to not wanting to do the work.. wow....

But it is days like these that remind me that these days are probably why we have furloughs even if no one else sees it that way- but I do see it sort of a waste for the coworker and I to be here when literally he said he was going to read all shift and I am up at the desk doing what not-- even if it was work related, it would be really minute to the whole operation... meaning not needed any ways...

Sigh-- I need to go back to school and go for a carrier I suppose-- fears there of getting into something and it just falling due to economy or me failing due to it is not my fit-- at least it would be a change

Be well all!! and lots and lots of hugs!

[nicoleb2]

I NEED to go to the dentist tomorrow (well, technically today). My chipped (2 times) tooth is very sore.
I hate dentists, they scare me, near panic attack scared.
Can't talk to t for support because she is on vacation

[mommyof2girls]

Another night at work....I really NEED a vacation.....

[WePow]

Had a hard night but I am still here kicking around a bit.
My T yesterday told me to write out my emotions in a poem when I got this way.
So I just sent this one to him I wrote this AM.

Heart of Night
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Weighted words gather around me
something I don't understand
how life can one day be roses
and the next day just thorns in your hand

How people who seem so familiar
in darkness become very strange
when minutes transform into hours
turning joy into sorrow and shame

Trying to hold back the fury
the longing and tearing inside
a heart not easily broken
shatters beneath me tonight

As moonlight settles around me
I gather the pieces to hold
stuffing them into a blanket
protecting them inside my soul

The morning sun dutifully rises
filling the emptiness there
melting fragments to memories
as dreams disappear into air.

[unaluna]

Mission Impossible 2 - another call from my brother, this time that a relative died Saturday, visitation is today, the funeral tomorrow. I don't have any clean clothes and the laundry rooms are closed for FLOOR painting. Plus I haven't showered since I don't know when (and no, one shower will not reverse the damage!). No one else in the family notified me, they know not to expect me, or rather, what they can expect of me nowadays. I just thanked him for letting me know. He sounded like he was going to ask if I could find a car, then changed his mind. Maybe he's not as dumb as he looks, as my dad used to joke about himself! I need to not let this get me down. Everyone there (at the funeral) has a support system. They will be fine without me. I will not be fine around them.

[Chopin99]

Originally Posted by WePow

Had a hard night but I am still here kicking around a bit.
My T yesterday told me to write out my emotions in a poem when I got this way.
So I just sent this one to him I wrote this AM.

Heart of Night
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Weighted words gather around me
something I don't understand
how life can one day be roses
and the next day just thorns in your hand

How people who seem so familiar
in darkness become very strange
when minutes transform into hours
turning joy into sorrow and shame

Trying to hold back the fury
the longing and tearing inside
a heart not easily broken
shatters beneath me tonight

As moonlight settles around me
I gather the pieces to hold
stuffing them into a blanket
protecting them inside my soul

The morning sun dutifully rises
filling the emptiness there
melting fragments to memories
as dreams disappear into air.

Absolutely beautiful!

[PleaseHelp]

That was beautiful, WePow.

I managed to finish the last of the blankets last night and find boxes and wrap them! So glad to be done with that. Then my SO says "so when you gonna finish my blanket?" Gee, I don't maybe when I have time and room! It's so hard to work on his quilt b/c our house is not big enough for me to lay it out completely flat. It's really hard to put a satin border with a gold cord on something when you can't lay it flat. Plus I need help with it b/c well its huge!

Had a minor flip out about supper. Got a new kitchen gadget for Christmas. I'm not good with new things. Instructions and such confuse the $hit out of me. SO got all pissy and was like fine then don't cook and we wont eat. Ya, OK. He finally came and helped me when I started asking questions, he seemed where obvious. But I made it through the night w/o any major breakdowns.

So far, I'm doing OK today. I think for now I'm just going to take my PRN on a regular basis. (My pdoc would rather me take it every day, but its not something I feel comfortable doing. So she's said take it as a PRN when your doing well but take it every day around lunch if your not doing so well) I think this would constitute as not so well. Going to go get a mani and pedi with my sister-in-law after work. I've never done that before so a bit anxious. But it'll be nice to spend some time with just her. And she understands how I'm feeling b/c she deals with some of the same issues.

to all

Set my alarm for 10am. Hit snooze. Hit snooze. Etc. Got up at 1pm (reluctantly, despite a decent night’s sleep.) Went riding on the bucking arab again. He was better today, for the most part. Did my jobs, drove back home, fed the ponies, and back in bed by 5.30pm. Worn out.

[agma]

I thought I would be fine not having t this week due to t being on vacation, but now I am starting to really struggle.

[OneRedRose]

been listening to an audio book the last couple of days, I bought it really for when I am in waiting rooms or bus etc etc just something I can enjoy, its a book about war, real war, the real events that the media dont tell you, and it depresses me, I always wanted to join the army but I was refused due to asthma, well it wasnt the asthma that bothered them really, it was the fact that the asthma was still in a poor stage, they told me when I can go two years without needing an inhaler to come back to them, but then my ankles started messing up, smoking made my lungs weak, and here I am now age 24, and instead of in the army...I am listening to a book about it...I havent told T about this, whats she gonna do?? meh, I want to do something honourable in my life, something to make my soul proud....I wont ever get too...one day I wont be able to walk anymore, one day, I will be entombed in the room I have already sentenced myself inside of, I dont live a life, because life is only out to get me. I was someones worst enemy, before I even got the chance to shake their hand.

I am the cardless poker player, alone at the table with no one to play with.
alone....thats what I am, What I will always be.

[Kacey2]

Originally Posted by hankster

Mission Impossible 2 - another call from my brother, this time that a relative died Saturday, visitation is today, the funeral tomorrow. I don't have any clean clothes and the laundry rooms are closed for FLOOR painting. Plus I haven't showered since I don't know when (and no, one shower will not reverse the damage!). No one else in the family notified me, they know not to expect me, or rather, what they can expect of me nowadays. I just thanked him for letting me know. He sounded like he was going to ask if I could find a car, then changed his mind. Maybe he's not as dumb as he looks, as my dad used to joke about himself! I need to not let this get me down. Everyone there (at the funeral) has a support system. They will be fine without me. I will not be fine around them.

Can I ask why you don't shower? I am not trying to be rude, just curious....