[PleaseHelp]

Went to bed with emotions all over the place. Woke up the same. Really hate when that happens. I'm trying to figure out how to not let it get to me and have a good day. I'm so not understanding the section of DBT that we're covering. And I think its stirring up a lot of stuff. I guess the things I stuffed have decided that they wont be stuffed any longer. Is it Thursday, so I can talk to my T about this stuff. Then again, I'll probably forget all of this by then.

[FourRedheads]

(((delicatefade26)))

I hope you are able to get some good sleep. That sounds downright miserable!

[delicatefade26]

((((FourRedHeads))). You are beyond sweet!! Thank you so much!

[Indie'sOK]

Today in media class I had to give a PowerPoint presentation. I knew I didn't get it done and didn't even do it right, so was extra nervous about presenting. When I was done I had to go to the back where the teacher was sitting to work out when I would turn in the videos that were missing from the assignment. He took one long look at me, put his hand out, and was like "it's ok..relax, you're fine". Granted, this was a teacher that I'd never gone out of my way to talk to. I always got the feeling he cared only about the jocks and popular people. I liked what he said to me today, strangely. I found it caring

[nicoleb2]

I drove today for the first time in 2 weeks. I managed to make it the 2 miles to my kids' school and home. Never got about 35 mph. My next hurdle will be going further and going faster.
I talked to my T a little bit today because I was majorly stressed out, so that helped a little bit

[mcl6136]

I am making things up as I go along today without a plan for more therapy at all. I feel like I'm flapping in the breeze and in a good way, actually. My plans have not come out as planned anyway. Also, therapy was soooo expensive. I am putting some of this in perspective and asking myself whether it's worth it or not. That feels good actually.

Hope you're feeling better delicatefade
Well done nicole!
(((kaliope)))

Well, I had a pretty good day today. I put all my problems to one side, and simply spent some time with my horse. Went riding with friends. The horses were hyper and we were all a bit giddy, so we were chatting and laughing, cantering across fields... just had such a great time. My horse is just amazing, the sweetest mare. I'm so proud of her I feel like my heart is going to burst! I don't know what I would have done without her this year, she buoys my spirits.

Tonight I feel rested and calm... happy?! (for once!) and tomorrow I see T

[WePow]

I saw my T yesterday for EMDR. I feal much better. He was kinda defensive at the end with the hug but we came home and wrote him about it. He appologied and it was not about us but other stuff going on. I was SOOO glad we wrote him and he said the right things back. It is wonderful to finally feal like I have what I need from therapy!!! I learned I just had to stick with it and be totally honest about the relationship.

[Elli-Beth]

Bad... Thank you to my T for another emergency contact, but still bad...

[Indie'sOK]

My dad ran into my old therapist at work last night while taking someone to the hospital. She left her therapist job for this one, so is now a social worker for the hospital floor. They talked for a minute, he said. He told her that I'm doing fine, that I'd gotten a job but had left because I was taking college classes. Sure, that's partially true. But does she know that the main reason I left was because I couldn't handle the anxiety this job provoked? Did he tell her that? Because I'd love for her to know this stuff. I wish she knew that I'm NOT fine, that I can feel every day that my anxiety is getting progressively worse. I don't want her to think I'm fine now and am best left forgotten

I miss you

[kaliope]

Great job Nicole!

I laughed a little bit ago and it felt really good. But it almost made me cry and that scared me because Im afraid I wouldnt stop. But the laughing part of it did feel really really good for those few moments before I got scared. I was all alone and I wanted to share it with somebody, but I dont know that anybody else would find it funny. I signed onto yahoo and the first thing to pop up on the yahoo news was giant lego man washes up on beach. I have been watching seasons 1-5 of Bones over the last week and seeing nothing but dead bodies wash up on beaches. Imagining coming upon an eight foot lego man on the beach just cracked me up. maybe im losing it.

Hugs to all.

Today was a good day. Had fun with my students. Came home and took a nice long nap. Now I probably won't be able to sleep!

[beauflow]

:-| don't get me sometimes well a lot of times. I feel out of no where disconnected. I was just laughing not more than 20 minutes ago about my dog jumping in the snow then like i switched off and just realized i was staring blankly and i looked around and my animals are with me but i feel nothing now. It happens a lot, this nothing feeling from no where. I just don't get it. :-| i feel neither happy sad mad glad. I'm just here. Blah. Soon i'm sure i'll feel something again as like i did about the dog jumping around in the snow which made me so happy inside smile or try for that

[FourRedheads]

How are you feeling today, delicatefade? (((Elli-beth)))

I haven't updated in awhile. When I get "bad", it's very difficult for me to write. I can't get my thoughts out of my head and that makes writing and speaking very difficult.

Today is a better day. I have some difficult issues going on right now with the kids and their safety and their dad. But I'm dealing with them and trying to stay calm and focused. Safety issues come up periodically, and my reaction is always fear. The fear immobilizes me and so it's hard to take positive action. Today....today I took positive action. It was only an email...but for me...that's huge!

We're headed out to a pumpkin farm in a bit. Take care, everyone.

(((everyone)))

Saw my T today, and yabbered on at her for near enough an hour and a half. I don't even know half of what I said, but I was just trying to explain things and how I feel about trying to get a job, etc, but I suspect I wasn't my most eloquent. We had a good session, but I always feel disappointed when it's over, because I feel like we could talk for hours - there's always more to say! I always think 'I should have told her [this] or [that]...' and then there's the long wait 'til next week! 9 days! (I've switched to Friday next week, because commitments with the horses mean Wednesdays are a bit of a problem.) Also, my T is insisting I start to drive myself to therapy from now on instead of being dropped off. Eep. I will most likely arrive as a dithering wreck. She hasn't seen me have a panic attack... yet! She's already told me she'll leave plenty of time though in case I get lost, and not to worry about being late

Hopefully getting out on another ride tomorrow. Am going to try and focus on one day at a time, instead of the 9 day void

Happy Wednesday everyone

[WePow]

I was mean today. I have never been mean before really. Not sure what got into me. But I just feel different since that EMDR. Maybe my brain healing in therapy is making my mean side come out more? urrrrrr I don't know what to say or feel. Maybe this is all a part of the experience? Therapy is so odd the way it works.

Today was not the best day. I am out of work and reviewed job listings but did not send any resumes. I have to change careers and don't know what to do. No one seems to care much about me. My T is on vacation this week and I am all alone. I did manage to get the grocery shopping done but not the laundry. I don't believe I am getting enough accomplished.

[Elli-Beth]

so many days of T either in person, on phone, or texting in a row helped to get me through some really really hard days. today with T felt safe but as soon as I left all the fear and stuttering came creeping back. he's going to be gone for a few days in a row and i'm just worried about holding it together on my own

Today was okay. Had my session today. It went okay. I ended up talking about a bunch of nonsense! Yet, (as always) she sees that as progress!

[rainbow8]

We got home from our visit safe and sound, but now I miss my grandchildren already!! My stomach is getting upset again, so I'm eating rice. I hope I will be okay for my session tomorrow. I'm anxious because of the 3 weeks and because I'm going to her other office in a different location. I think my H will come with me and sit in the waiting room.

[nicoleb2]

today was ok. Tonight, i'm feeling kind of lost. I don't know whats going on inside my head. I wasn't to cry non-stop. I want to sleep all day...

[beauflow]

I'm a ****ing moron. I ****ing crashed our only car on my way to work just like 2 or so hours ago. I'm thankful no one else was around but i feel like a god Damn stupid person. My boyfriend was understanding and grateful. The cops too understood cuz of the fog and saw i tried to stop. But the car doesn't have valid insurance and still got careless driving ticket. I have to go to court and it's the day before my psych appointment oddly. i feel like **** but i'm starting to disconnect again. My supervisor tried to make me feel better when i called too. I flipped out before anyone got to the scene by myself with screaming but with others around i was just quiet. Sigh at least the car is home i think i'm ok and all now is just court and trying to get the car fixed. I still feel ****ing stupid. I haven't drove in snow for about 3 years. The plows did a good job- just so much fog. It's my fault i'm not denying that, just feel so stupid. It's a sign i shouldn't be driving i think.

[skysblue]

Originally Posted by WePow

I was mean today. I have never been mean before really. Not sure what got into me. But I just feel different since that EMDR. Maybe my brain healing in therapy is making my mean side come out more? urrrrrr I don't know what to say or feel. Maybe this is all a part of the experience? Therapy is so odd the way it works.

My T says it's good when all parts of ourselves show themselves. We try to avoid looking at the less than laudable parts and wish they weren't there but somehow we need to acknowledge they exist and make peace with that fact. We are all a mixed bag.

[beauflow]

Originally Posted by beauflow

I'm a ****ing moron. I ****ing crashed our only car on my way to work just like 2 or so hours ago. I'm thankful no one else was around but i feel like a god Damn stupid person. My boyfriend was understanding and grateful. The cops too understood cuz of the fog and saw i tried to stop. But the car doesn't have valid insurance and still got careless driving ticket. I have to go to court and it's the day before my psych appointment oddly. i feel like **** but i'm starting to disconnect again. My supervisor tried to make me feel better when i called too. I flipped out before anyone got to the scene by myself with screaming but with others around i was just quiet. Sigh at least the car is home i think i'm ok and all now is just court and trying to get the car fixed. I still feel ****ing stupid. I haven't drove in snow for about 3 years. The plows did a good job- just so much fog. It's my fault i'm not denying that, just feel so stupid. It's a sign i shouldn't be driving i think.

Then my boyfriend got me down more- like he doesn't want me to mention the accident to anyone cuz the stupid car never got re registered. I'm sure now his sister will be mad at me then his mom will be mad at me. Idk if i can bear to be with ppl mad at me again. . Still feel like a f k up.

[PleaseHelp]

Originally Posted by just_some_girl

Saw my T today, and yabbered on at her for near enough an hour and a half. I don't even know half of what I said, but I was just trying to explain things and how I feel about trying to get a job, etc, but I suspect I wasn't my most eloquent. We had a good session, but I always feel disappointed when it's over, because I feel like we could talk for hours - there's always more to say! I always think 'I should have told her [this] or [that]...' and then there's the long wait 'til next week! 9 days! (I've switched to Friday next week, because commitments with the horses mean Wednesdays are a bit of a problem.) Also, my T is insisting I start to drive myself to therapy from now on instead of being dropped off. Eep. I will most likely arrive as a dithering wreck. She hasn't seen me have a panic attack... yet! She's already told me she'll leave plenty of time though in case I get lost, and not to worry about being late

Hopefully getting out on another ride tomorrow. Am going to try and focus on one day at a time, instead of the 9 day void

Someone in my DBT group, started writing things that happen through out the day and the feelings/emotions they bring up. I'm not good at journalling, but thought I would try this. I have been writing down things that upset me or how my day is going and then typing it up later. I'm going to bring this to my T today and see if this helps to talk about the things that have happened since our last session. Just a thought, maybe that would help.