Thanks, PleaseHelp! Thoughtful of you to post, and I think that could be good to do...

(((Beauflow))) Crashing your car sucks, I know, especially when you can't blame someone else! I've been there. You are not a moron, though! Accidents just happen sometimes, try not to be too hard on yourself. The weather can't have helped, in your case.

Well, Thursday is DONE! Got up at a reasonable hour, went out for another good ride, did my 30mins on the exercise bike... Pretty good. Had a bit of a problem with a packet of biscuits, though

A bit of TV/Internet and then to bed with a comedy audiobook.
(((everyone)))

[mcl6136]

How can it seem like a long time until T? Only a few more days. I'm feeling so GOOD and steady that I honestly don't know if I want to do this again (t appointment).

[kaliope]

Well, it is back home tomorrow, an eight hour flight. Worried I may have a psychotic experience again like on the flight here. Guess I will just drug up more than on the way here. My bags are packed and ready to go. Gonna miss seeing my little grandson everyday.

will be weird going back to work after being gone three weeks. really upset T pushed my appt out another week. and then clinic called and rescheduled my pdoc appt but pushed that forward by a week. im all mixed up.

hope everybody is doing as well as they can be. hugs

[nicoleb2]

Had a really, really bad night last night. Anxiety was awful. If it had not been 3:00am, i would have called my t. Instead, I did things i should not have.
I started physical therapy today for all the stuff from my car crash 3 weeks ago. They hardly have me doing anything, but just from the exam, I am in a ton of pain

[Lauru]

Had group T today. It was good. Which was great because last week was so bad. Although my individual T was really odd. There was something wrong or going on with my T. She looked like she was sick or in pain. But I didn't ask because I really needed to talk to her and I didn't want her to say she had to go home. It was very selfish of me. When she is sick, it is very obvious, she is very not with it, and has a hard time being there, being present. I emailed her today positive stuff and she emailed me back.

I have been seeing her for probably about 8-10 years by now. I think I want to email her and tell her in it that I love her, as a person. I have never done that, too worried about rejection. But I want to try and say it. And hopefully she won't get rid of me. I don't think she would, by I don't know. It is still a scary thing to do.

[PleaseHelp]

My T session went well. T was glad that I had started taking notes on how my days were going. She asked that I keep it up that way she can read it and catch up on the 2 weeks b/t our sessions. Really struggling with some of my emotions. Not good at dealing with them or even understanding them. I know that stems from childhood.

My in-laws came to town yesterday. We went out for supper with them and it was nice. Just the 4 of us. Then I went out with some friends.

((((everyone)))

[FourRedheads]

Started Zoloft today. Feeling okay so far..just a bit dizzy and my tummy is slightly queasy. Could all just be in my head, though. T session went well yesterday. It was good to see her again after a 2 week break.

I became a grandmother for the 3rd time today. They called me to watch the other kids at 4:00am. I got to their house at about 4:15. The baby was born at 5:17am. Whew! That was a close call. I thought I was going to have to deliver the baby in their home!

Her name is Katie-Marie Elizabeth.

(((Nicole)))
(((kaliope)))
(((Lauru)))
(((Glad your sessions went well PleaseHelp & FourRedHeads!)))
(((& congrats on the birth of another grandbaby Sqiggle )))

I woke up around 3am having a panic attack, and spent some time lying on the bathroom floor. I think I brought it on myself this time because of what I did last night. The anxiety must have took it out of me because I slept soundly all day - which blew the plans I had to spend some time with the ponies. Oh well... I'm going to go and get a quote for fixing up my car tomorrow, then contact the woman who crashed into me to try and get a payment from her to cover it. Hope it's not going to be a problem - don't want to have to get into making police reports and putting in a claim. I know I need to do whatever it takes, but I can't be bothered with the aggrivation.

I managed not to give in to the tempatation to go to the supermarket this evening. Would have probably resulted in more biscuits and more unhealthy choices. Plus, I would have been spending money I don't have.

Booked tickets to see Breaking Dawn with my friends in November, so that's something to look forward to...

Hope everyone is set for a good weekend

[nicoleb2]

Congrats on the new graddaughter squiggle!!

I'm doing much better tonight. Talked to my t for a bit this morning which helped a lot. then i went to a friends and got henna tattoos on my arms

I've had a really lazy and unhealthy day -- BUT! At least I got up early (9am! Wow!) and didn't self harm. I'm trying to be a little more relaxed with myself today, hence giving in to some bad food choices, but I just wanted to take the pressure off myself for the day and stop punishing myself: no exercising like crazy, no purging my food, no knives! Tomorrow I will try and get back on some sort of even keel, find a happy medium. My anxiety seems to have calmed back down now, and my depression is somewhat in check, too, for the minute (yay!) Seems an age until I see T, though (6 days!)

Just want to mention that I'm appreciating some of the older threads being revived - I think CantExplain has been digging though them! Nice to re-read some interesting posts, and the new perspectives now being shed on them. Good work!

[nicoleb2]

Today has been a pretty good day. I had an 8 hour training to help lead my son's cub scout den (only 2 hours was required, the rest was fun stuff). I really enjoyed it and some of what I learned I can carry through to my daughter's brownie girl scout troop.

I do so much better when I drag my butt out of bed, some days, I feel like that's impossible though

Today was a pretty good day
Spent most of the day with my husband.
I am really hoping my T will call me tomorrow--she said she would call this weekend because its Halloween, and she knows this is an extremely triggering time for us.

[rainbow8]

I feel yukky because of this virus and because of my session. When I was out-of-town, I didn't think about my T so much. Now, with the last session and her talk of reframing who she is to me, I feel depressed. Disappointed. Lethargic. Hopeless. Scared. Sad. I feel like my T died and I'm grieving for her. I don't want to go through this. I miss her. I'm angry with her, too. I still like her very much. I'm miserable. I'm confused.

[PleaseHelp]

Had a good day yesterday. Spent time with a friend & her boys. Went out for Halloween with my SO, his bro & gf, and some of our friends.

Today I've been fairly lazy. I did do the laundry though.

Nothing important happened today. Blah.

[Joanna_says]

Wasn't the greatest day. Fear of letting people (T) get closer to me and hurting me got really big and I felt really down. I don't want to keep walking around through life shutting people out of my life before they enter it, because I am too afraid to get attached and then they leave again.
Luckily I got to see my friend tonight. There I never have to talk if I don't want to and I feel very safe and warm there. So now I feel somewhat better again.

[nicoleb2]

I was having a relatively decent day, now all of a sudden, all I have is anxiety. I don't know why. I guess it could be because I see my T tomorrow, but i rally don't have anything to be anxious about regarding that. I get SO anxious at night sometimes and I have no idea why.

[WePow]

I don't like today at all thanks to the past. I know today is a new day, but bad things happen in the world on this day. I hate it. What I do like is that my T is with me today and I don't have to be alone in this. I want to cry but I will smile and work instead. I will watch the world have fun even though I know that not all children will be smiles tonight. I hold them in my heart today.

[FourRedheads]

I can feel the medication is starting to kick in. Getting out of bed is a little easier.

Last night I took the kids to a Halloween candy carnival at a local church. Big church, lots of people. It was hard for me to be there..I don't like crowds..but I did it!

[beauflow]

Originally Posted by beauflow

I'm a ****ing moron. I ****ing crashed our only car on my way to work just like 2 or so hours ago. I'm thankful no one else was around but i feel like a god Damn stupid person. My boyfriend was understanding and grateful. The cops too understood cuz of the fog and saw i tried to stop. But the car doesn't have valid insurance and still got careless driving ticket. I have to go to court and it's the day before my psych appointment oddly. i feel like **** but i'm starting to disconnect again. My supervisor tried to make me feel better when i called too. I flipped out before anyone got to the scene by myself with screaming but with others around i was just quiet. Sigh at least the car is home i think i'm ok and all now is just court and trying to get the car fixed. I still feel ****ing stupid. I haven't drove in snow for about 3 years. The plows did a good job- just so much fog. It's my fault i'm not denying that, just feel so stupid. It's a sign i shouldn't be driving i think.

Originally Posted by beauflow

Then my boyfriend got me down more- like he doesn't want me to mention the accident to anyone cuz the stupid car never got re registered. I'm sure now his sister will be mad at me then his mom will be mad at me. Idk if i can bear to be with ppl mad at me again. . Still feel like a f k up.

Ok- So Sister in Law, Mom in Law knows- they are grateful that I am ok- and no one is really like mad at me like I thought.. It just is another realization on how messed up my upbringing was and some of my family members... Like I told my boyfriend- if it was my mom- she would seriously be like "why are you ok and the car messed up" attitude- maybe not out right but subtle several signs and sayings and actions to mean that. Out of all of this- it has made me sit down and really think on my last years of Fall- they all have a bad story- It makes me think more on bipolar sadly- could it be connected?

Also- How to forgive oneself.. I am still hung up on this car crash (I know it has not been a full week but still) my boyfriend tells me: "I have forgiven you- it was an accident" he says forgiven due to I am always saying it is all my fault---- he tells me :" You need to forgive your self now"... I dont know how.

(((beauflow)))

I feel pretty crummy right now. Depression and anxiety both taking over me. Just gonna eat some junk, drink some cheap booze, and watch some nonsense or other on telly.

Happy Halloween you guys

[beauflow]

Just Some Girl- Last night I just sat down and drank a little- just a few shots, my boyfriend and I just laid around and watch some old American Dad- some times we all just need breaks I think- maybe Alcohol is not the answer- but it is an easy one not to praise it- I do realize that it is a depressant but idk- I am probably wrong for thinking but, I think we all just need breaks at times.

Best wishes to you and feel better soon

[BlessedRhiannon]

I really, really want to call my T this evening. I'm just struggling, and feel like I need some extra support right now. But...I know she has a youngish kid (like, 10, I think) and it's Halloween...so, I'm NOT going to call her. I don't want to intrude on her time with her kid this evening.

So - I'm just going to post here what I want to tell me T. I HATE Halloween. I HATE having OCD. I feel lost and alone and sad and tired right now.

[OneRedRose]

so nervous about tomorrow I just want to cry meeting new T