Session 2

So I posted a while ago about meeting a T and how it was making me more anxious. I think it went well, she explained things well, the theory behind Gestalt T, her position etc.

She asked me if I had any questions for her near the end but the appointment was booked really last minute and I was thrown off guard but I couldn't think of any. She answered anything I wondered going in before I had a chance to ask. I'm sure Ts get used to what questions are generally asked on the first session so they answer them. But she looked at me expectantly like "why don't you have any questions??!" I'm probably perceiving it wrong and she really just wanted me to know I had the opportunity to ask them.

Ok anyways...now I'm nervous for #2. Now from this side of the pond, session 1 makes sense -introductions. Nothing to be anxious about. But now we know that I'm tsol, she's a T, I've got scattered issues and 2 cats. NOW WHAT?

Like amongst the issues are trust issues, I don't open up. They've gotten worse in the past year, but it can take a long time for me to open up to friends. I don't like small talk...I'm not....good at talking. What the heck do we do know?

I wish I could answer your questions of what you do now - I so know that trust issue thing - has taken me so long to start to trust my T enough - I think all I can suggest is to have faith and just see what happens - I know that this is particularly scarey when there are trust issues and for me, I like to know how, what, when, why etc. - T tells me to not fight my feelings, but to just be interested in them. Let us know how your session goes - Soup

Hi Silent

Not sure how much help I'll be since I don't remember much about my first few sessions - I was in such a state.

I too have trust issues and am very good at putting on an 'everything is fine' face. It has been a slow process and I am learning to go at baby steps pace. I imagined when I first started going that we would bring up all the issues I have one after the other, work on them, leave them behind all fixed but wow! - we talk about whatever may be bothering me that day, big or small. Small always leads to bigger stuff and there's no straight line and no rush.

Maybe for you, just take it really gently but remember, silence is fine too.

Hope your second session goes ok for you. Sending hugs your way,



Nelliecat

I can relate! I have problems with trust. Just remember you are paying for these sessions so get the most out of them you can. Also live in the moment! That is my motto for the day! Maybe start with trust issues? I hope everything gos good for you sorry I don't have any better ideas. RELAX!

This is something that worries me the most. I won't let my guard down and say that everything is not fine.

I saw a counsellor at school last year when I was having a crisis and she didn't even get a chance to introduce herself before I blurted it out and started crying because I was such a mess. But the next time I went to see her, I was back to my locked up self and that's when we kind of got stuck. It was almost a good thing that I was in such a state that it came out during that session, it was an ice breaker. But now the ice is fully refrosted for my safety and I don't know how to get through that and not say everything is great.

I don't understand how therapy works when you have trust issues because....it seems so integral. But ..*sigh*

I think another thing I worry about is that I AM paying for them, so I SHOULD make the most of them and that's when I panic in the silence. Because it's "wasted time"

I have been talking about this with my T today - the brick wall (more of a tower), the trust, the fear of things being uncontrollable after exposing myself and I'm still no further forward. I'm sure she is completely and utterly trustworthy and I'm pretty sure I'm not going to go up in a puff of smoke if I can remove a few of the bricks. I feel stuck and frustrated. Am blaming it on my meds suppressing my emotions but maybe it's all just me. I'm so used to coping that I don't know how to get past this.

I explained to her 2 weeks ago in session 1 that there's a castle and I'm in the middle of it. There a bolted gate and walls 200 feet high. And there's 10 000s troops there, wizards and dragons. There's a moat with crocadiles and archers and all sorts of creatures in the army. Sworn never to abandon post, even if I ask.

It took me a year with my bf to finally start opening up and eventually let him in the castle. And that was a well-tested year, for no reason -I had ZERO reason not to trust him as he passed every test I gave him. BUT my trust issues have only gotten worse in the past year.

Nellie,
Do you mind me asking how you talk about it?

Hi Silent. Weird!! I told my T today that my tower is surrounded by horrible thorny bushes but I do see this lovely land beyond that I want to get to. Unfortunately the thorny bushes are not looking appealing!! Don't think I can get through them yet. We come back to the issue of trust every so often and I am becoming braver at saying what I need to, but it doesn't take much for me to go running for the hills One slightly misconstrued comment or moment of misunderstanding and I'm back near the start. I think that with each session though I am a miniscule teeny tiny bit forward, I mean so tiny that it's hard to tell sometimes. It's very slow but maybe that's the best way. My T is all for taking it very, very snail pace.

I have rambled on and don't think I've really answered your question that well. Maybe I need some tips on how to talk about it too!

Nellie

just relax be patient with you.good luck with you session.

I think the last time I was relaxed was when I was in the womb...

Thanks everyone for listening.