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  #1  
Old Nov 17, 2011, 10:23 AM
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zooropa zooropa is offline
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I went to my session yesterday and my T started by saying that she has come to a decision, and that she needs to stop working with me. I have 3 more sessions. That moment...wow. That was one of the most painful moments I've experienced in therapy, by far.

I have a lot of conflicting thoughts and feelings about the whole thing, and I am not even going to try to write about them yet. I'm just trying to believe that I can get through this, to remember that I know deep down it's for the best, and to ride the waves of self-hatred, rejection, and abandonment as best I can.

I see my new T this afternoon. I asked old-T for a referral, but she again refused. She just said she was advised to refer me back to the community mental health center, which is where my new T is and who referred me to DBT in the first place.

So, that's where I am. I don't know how to do this and I can't think too much about what this says about me as a person and as a client, I just have to keep putting one foot in front of the other.
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  #2  
Old Nov 17, 2011, 10:45 AM
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rainbow8 rainbow8 is offline
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Oh, zoo. I'm sorry but I'm also breathing a sigh of relief, not because I want you to be in pain, but because I want you to feel better.

Your T finally is acting like a responsible T and doing something that is FOR you, knowing that she can't be effective for you anymore. I wonder if that will be a little bit of consolation for you later on. She cares a lot about you, and that is why she made this decision.

I'm glad you are seeing the new T today. Is this is the one you posted about before, who you aren't sure if she's experienced enough to help you? If you don't think she's a good fit, then maybe she can give you a referral. Or, is this someone else? I am sure whoever it is can help you sort out your feelings for your T.

Quote:
So, that's where I am. I don't know how to do this and I can't think too much about what this says about me as a person and as a client, I just have to keep putting one foot in front of the other.
If you are thinking negative thoughts about you as a person, forget them!! It does not say anything bad about you as a person and as a client! You worked very hard, and so did your T. But something happened with HER, not YOU, and it affected your therapy. She had personal problems that interfered, for starters. She made mistakes, but that doesn't mean she wasn't effective all along. You posted that. You don't have to trash your whole therapy. Your T just stopped being effective for you, and it's no one's fault. You are a good person!!! I'm sure your T is too!!

There is no reason for self-hatred or feeling that your T rejected you. She is doing what is best for you, and you said that you know that, deep down. But I totally understand your feeling the way you do. You wanted it to work. You didn't want your T to give up on you. But she hasn't! She's doing her job. Hopefully, you can end with her on a positive note in your last few sessions. They will be painful, but necessary to have closure.

You CAN do this. Good luck with your appointment today. I will be thinking of you. Sorry if I wrote too much, or if it's too painful right now. It comes from my heart because of hearing about your struggles with your T for so long.
Thanks for this!
zooropa
  #3  
Old Nov 17, 2011, 10:53 AM
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DelusionsDaily DelusionsDaily is offline
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Why wouldnt she give you a referral? That just seems wrong she knows you arent done with therapy and just because she feels she can no longer work with you doesnt mean she should leave out in space. Zoo I really truly hope you find a more mature and workable T and that you remember you have no reason to hate yourself for this...this is HER STUFF not yours.



I am sooooooooooo aorry this is happening to you. Hang in there it will get better!!!!

Last edited by DelusionsDaily; Nov 17, 2011 at 10:55 AM. Reason: Added last line.
Thanks for this!
zooropa
  #4  
Old Nov 17, 2011, 10:56 AM
Anonymous33425
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Sorry Zoo. At least she's made the decision for you, and now you won't have to keep agonising over it like you have for a while. I think it's a responsible thing for her to do, she must know what she's doing isn't effective for you now. Try not to take this badly or as a judgment on you as a person or client - as I see it, this was perhaps just as far as you were going to get with this T. I hope that starting with this new T will give you the opportunity to move on and grow. You'll get through this!
Thanks for this!
zooropa
  #5  
Old Nov 17, 2011, 11:07 AM
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karebear1 karebear1 is offline
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(((((((((Zoo))))))))) I'm so sorry this happened, but you are strong enough to get through it. Just do like you said... one step at a time.
Thanks for this!
zooropa
  #6  
Old Nov 17, 2011, 11:12 AM
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mixedup_emotions mixedup_emotions is offline
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((((( ZOO ))))))

I can only imagine how painful this feels, and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. I'm sorry you're going through this. Please post here as much as you want and as often as you want. Know that there are people here that care about you, me included, who want to support you through this very painful time. ((( HUGS )))
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Thanks for this!
zooropa
  #7  
Old Nov 17, 2011, 11:49 AM
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zooropa zooropa is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rainbow8 View Post
Oh, zoo. I'm sorry but I'm also breathing a sigh of relief, not because I want you to be in pain, but because I want you to feel better.

Your T finally is acting like a responsible T and doing something that is FOR you, knowing that she can't be effective for you anymore. I wonder if that will be a little bit of consolation for you later on. She cares a lot about you, and that is why she made this decision.

I'm glad you are seeing the new T today. Is this is the one you posted about before, who you aren't sure if she's experienced enough to help you? If you don't think she's a good fit, then maybe she can give you a referral. Or, is this someone else? I am sure whoever it is can help you sort out your feelings for your T.


If you are thinking negative thoughts about you as a person, forget them!! It does not say anything bad about you as a person and as a client! You worked very hard, and so did your T. But something happened with HER, not YOU, and it affected your therapy. She had personal problems that interfered, for starters. She made mistakes, but that doesn't mean she wasn't effective all along. You posted that. You don't have to trash your whole therapy. Your T just stopped being effective for you, and it's no one's fault. You are a good person!!! I'm sure your T is too!!

There is no reason for self-hatred or feeling that your T rejected you.
rainbow, thank you so much. You said exactly what I needed to hear, so thank you. I can tell myself these things, and I do, but it is easy to lose sight of what is real and what is just my brain going off. Anyway, thank you, and please feel free to repeat as needed, lol.

My new-T (this is confusing) but yes, she's the one I had before. She was my counselor/ case manager at the agency that then referred me to DBT. She had moved away, got some more DBT training, and then ended up coming back when the agency closed their DBT program.

So, she knows me and some of my history, so that's probably good. She is young, just 5 years out of school, and she doesn't have a lot of experience. She certainly doesn't specialize in trauma. But, I'm glad I have her for now, and I plan to talk to her about a possible referral to someone with more experience with complex trauma.

Quote:
Originally Posted by MELISSSAD81 View Post
Why wouldnt she give you a referral? That just seems wrong she knows you arent done with therapy and just because she feels she can no longer work with you doesnt mean she should leave out in space. Zoo I really truly hope you find a more mature and workable T and that you remember you have no reason to hate yourself for this...this is HER STUFF not yours.

she just kept saying "I am giving you a referral. I'm referring you back to [community mental health agency."
I told her that I had hoped that, because she knows me, she might be able to think of someone I could work with, or that could work with me, but she finally said she could print out a list of names if I wanted her to. I asked her if the reason she didn't want to give me a referral is because she wants to maintain her relationship with her colleagues, and she doesn't want to inflict me on anyone she might have to interact with in the future.

Quote:
Originally Posted by just_some_girl View Post

Sorry Zoo. At least she's made the decision for you, and now you won't have to keep agonising over it like you have for a while. I think it's a responsible thing for her to do, she must know what she's doing isn't effective for you now. Try not to take this badly or as a judgment on you as a person or client - as I see it, this was perhaps just as far as you were going to get with this T. I hope that starting with this new T will give you the opportunity to move on and grow. You'll get through this!
there is some sense of relief, because deep down I know this is how it has to be. But that's deep down, way way under a whole lot of hurt and grief and anger and fear.

Quote:
Originally Posted by karebear1 View Post
(((((((((Zoo))))))))) I'm so sorry this happened, but you are strong enough to get through it. Just do like you said... one step at a time.
people keep telling me I'm strong. I don't know if I am strong enough to do this, but I will try.

Quote:
Originally Posted by mixedup_emotions View Post
((((( ZOO ))))))

I can only imagine how painful this feels, and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. I'm sorry you're going through this. Please post here as much as you want and as often as you want. Know that there are people here that care about you, me included, who want to support you through this very painful time. ((( HUGS )))
thanks so much, MUE.
__________________
She left pieces of her life behind her everywhere she went.
"It's easier to feel the sunlight without them," she said.
~Brian Andreas
  #8  
Old Nov 17, 2011, 12:05 PM
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DelusionsDaily DelusionsDaily is offline
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My T is awesome...I would let you have her too if it were possible. I dont think she has ever walked away from anyone and I havent always been the easiest client either. If our issues were easy we wouldnt need therapy. I hope your new t works out and you find and get what you are klooking for.
  #9  
Old Nov 17, 2011, 12:08 PM
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zooropa zooropa is offline
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I know this had to be difficult for my T. She always told me she would not kick me out, she would not terminate on me, and now she's doing it. I know that she wouldn't do that lightly. It just feels like such a failure. I just keep reminding myself of the progress I've made, and I plan to use those last 3 sessions I have to hopefully process some of this and reframe those thoughts.
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She left pieces of her life behind her everywhere she went.
"It's easier to feel the sunlight without them," she said.
~Brian Andreas
Thanks for this!
rainbow8
  #10  
Old Nov 17, 2011, 12:55 PM
Anonymous43209
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sorry this happened to you. our ex-counselor of close to 6yrs kicked us to the curb 2 weeks ago as well with zero warning and no closure or referrals said we were unhelpable after swearing,promising to us she would never,ever abandon or reject. be glad you have someone else to fall back on, we have nobody and wed hate for anyone to ever be in that kind of place. hope things work out very well for you♥
  #11  
Old Nov 17, 2011, 12:57 PM
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zooropa zooropa is offline
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oh god, trinity, I am so sorry. That is incredibly unethical, not to mention cruel. I hope you are doing ok, and that you can find a new T soon.
__________________
She left pieces of her life behind her everywhere she went.
"It's easier to feel the sunlight without them," she said.
~Brian Andreas
  #12  
Old Nov 17, 2011, 12:59 PM
Anonymous43209
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thank you but most likely shes right,we are unhelpable as every last counselor we have had has done the same thing to us eventually. dont want to hijack your thread so we will be still now and thank you once again ♥♥
  #13  
Old Nov 17, 2011, 01:01 PM
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zooropa zooropa is offline
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I don't believe anyone is unhelpable. I have to believe that's not true, or I would be so hopeless I would probably not be able to continue to be alive.

Please feel free to post here or anywhere, if talking about it helps.
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She left pieces of her life behind her everywhere she went.
"It's easier to feel the sunlight without them," she said.
~Brian Andreas
  #14  
Old Nov 17, 2011, 01:08 PM
Anonymous43209
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she wrote us a letter and asked us to read it out loud-we did not but if it were not full of religious content we would have shared it in its entirety here. you are helpable. completely. we know that.♥we never post here out of fear but have lurked many months. your post grabbed us and we couldnt not reply.
  #15  
Old Nov 17, 2011, 03:10 PM
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zooropa zooropa is offline
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ugh. 2.5 hours until my appt w/new-T. I've been holding on all day. I don't know if I can wait any more, though. The pain just keeps coming in waves. I've tried everything I know, everything I can think of, to distract myself. I've tried sitting with the pain instead of pushing it away. I've tried breathing in all kinds of complicated ways. I really think this pain might be so much bigger than me, there is no way I can possibly contain it.
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She left pieces of her life behind her everywhere she went.
"It's easier to feel the sunlight without them," she said.
~Brian Andreas
  #16  
Old Nov 17, 2011, 05:10 PM
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karebear1 karebear1 is offline
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It'll be ok zoo.
Thanks for this!
zooropa
  #17  
Old Nov 17, 2011, 06:43 PM
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rainbow8 rainbow8 is offline
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Thinking of you, zoo. Post when you feel like it. I hope your appointment helped.
Thanks for this!
zooropa
  #18  
Old Nov 17, 2011, 09:02 PM
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WePow WePow is offline
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(((((Zoo))))))) Thinking of you!!!!
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Thanks for this!
zooropa
  #19  
Old Nov 17, 2011, 09:27 PM
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ECHOES ECHOES is offline
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oh, zoo, how awful

But a part of me is kind of glad that she is freeing you from ... her ways. I hope that doesn't sound terrible. It's just that the way she's been has been terrible and I hate that she kept you off-kilter and in such distress so much.
Thanks for this!
zooropa
  #20  
Old Nov 17, 2011, 09:32 PM
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Kacey2 Kacey2 is offline
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Zoo oh my gosh dear sweetie! I am so very sorry. I can not imagine........well yes I can. I have that same fear. I am hoping that you can really lean on your new t. You have a lot of healing to do from this relationship. The other thought I had was, Are you sure you want to have 3 final sessions? I mean really closure for who? Is it just so t can feel better and feel like it was all nicely wrapped up? I know (as a BPD sister to you) that you are going to be in complete agony H@ll for those last three sessions. You don't have to torture yourself for another 150 minutes. I don't know just my thoughts. If I were in your shoes... Anyway I hope you can lean on PC and really work with your new t. I do believe that what she is doing is wrong. If people really understood borderline they would understand that time limited therapy is just so unbearable it isn't really an option. The fear of losing t is sooooo huge and unrelenting, no other work can be accomplished. I had to make a deal that with my t there would be contact in one way shape or form until one of us died before I could get on with therapy. XOXO to you. I wish I could sit with you and just be with you.
Thanks for this!
zooropa
  #21  
Old Nov 17, 2011, 09:37 PM
Anonymous29412
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((((((((((Zoo))))))))))

I don't even know what to say...but I think I mainly want to say that you are NOT bad. For whatever reason, your T wasn't able to provide the consistency that you need...that EVERYONE needs in good therapy. It's been so painful to watch what you've had to go through for such a long time with her.

I can only imagine how painful it is, and I am SO SO sorry about that I wish I could be there and we could just sit together and knit and be warm and safe....just to try to help absorb even a teeny bit of the pain.

As awful as it is right now, I agree with ECHOES...in a way, it's like you've been set free. You don't have to stay stuck...you will find a way to use this experience to heal and grow. I know that about you.

Sending love and hugs. Keep an eye out for grace...it will find you.
Thanks for this!
zooropa
  #22  
Old Nov 17, 2011, 09:41 PM
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rainbow8 rainbow8 is offline
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Kacey, I just want to say that I disagree with you about borderlines not doing well with time limited therapy. I did MUCH better when I ended therapy gradually than when I just quit. I did it both ways. It hurts either way but at least I had a chance to settle as much as I could and say all I wanted to say when I had more time to finish. We're each different even though we have the same diagnosis.
Thanks for this!
zooropa
  #23  
Old Nov 17, 2011, 09:41 PM
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likewater likewater is offline
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(((((Zoo))))) had you thought maybe if this counselor was not the MOST qualified to treat you, maybe she realized she was also not the most qualified to choose your next T. Also, maybe the center has a policy on how clients get referred. Maybe old T cannot handpick new T or clients can't request specific T' s.

Whatever the case, there is nothing wrong with you. Any T should be honored to work with you. You also deserve good treatment. I'm sorry for what you are going through. It sounds like it is going to get a lot better.
  #24  
Old Nov 18, 2011, 10:22 AM
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rainbow8 rainbow8 is offline
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How are you, zoo?
  #25  
Old Nov 21, 2011, 12:21 AM
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CantExplain CantExplain is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MELISSSAD81 View Post
...I havent always been the easiest client either...
This is just my fantasy, but I think is the difficult clients that Ts get most attached to. Ts love a fighter.
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Add that to your tattoo, Baby!
Thanks for this!
zooropa
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