consultation T?

Well i have agreed they cannot be eradicated and I am stuck with them so whether I want to or not is beside the point. Being part of the human family is not compelling as a concept, but as I am, I have learned to deal with it. I have absolutely no idea why one would want to talk about emotions or what one is suppposed to say about them if one is going to talk about them even without the desire to do so.

A vulcan.

Have you told your T that you don't particularly want to have feelings and/or that you don't know what to say about them? I bet you'd find that discussion a lot more productive than a conversation about the holidays.

I have had those conversations a couple of times and it did not seem particularly productive. Since I do have them there is not much to say about not wanting them. Sort of like not wanting rain or mondays or to pay taxes. Too bad is the only possible response.

I don't do a lot of posting here on the forum but I LOVE reading everyones thoughts and "takes" on the process of psychotherapy. I do have to say, however, stopdog, that your persistance in pursuing therapy in light of your very clear distain of feelings/emotions confuses me.

Why would you pursue an endeavor that encourages and even supports one's expression of their inner most feelings? A process that relies upon one's willingness to explore and analyze their thoughts and feelings about relationships?

I have to wonder why you haven't thought about or pursued a therapist who adheres to a STRICT behavioralist route of treatment. You speak of wanting to address a particular psychological "issue" in your treatment. Perhaps you would be happier and more content with a psychological process that addressed it in a more stepwise fashion. Many behavioralist will clinically address/assess the situation and then come up with a very detailed plan for addressing the issue. He/she will go over this plan with you, help you understand the plan and then proceed with the plan with your participation. YOu seem to be stuck in seeking out psychodynamic/psychotherapy which is much more open and "unplanned" in nature.

You seem to have access to a University setting. Talk to them and ask for a referral to a behavioralist. I sure hope you stop torturing yourself with a process that seems totally contrary to your wants and needs!

Curious - what IS compelling as a concept then?

My problem is not with behaviors. I want to understand this type of therapy. I have consulted a behaviouralist and that one suggested I try this kind.

I would like to understand emotions in certain ways -like how did they come about in animals, what was their function past "don't get eaten" and why others seem to want to talk about them all the time as specifics rather than the bigger picture, And why others seem to want me to talk about emotions with them, and after I do, why they still want more talk about them. I cannot think of that many words to say about them and I don't find talking about them interesting. If someone is sad or hurt or afraid, I do want them to feel better. An dif someone is joyful or excited, I am glad for them. But what is there to say about it? We need no more bad poetry, no more over the top response, etc.
For example:

Me: i am sort of happy about x
Other: good

Or

Me:that kind of sucked
Other: yes

That to me is a lot of talk over emotion. Any more than that would be overkill.

There,s that old joke, how mant Ts does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but the bulb has to really want to change.

The truth there is that you have to want to talk about your emotions in T or it isn't going to happen. I also don't think it's possible to understand emotions in others or animals until you understand them in yourself. Although I'm sure your uni offers classes in zoology and psychology that would cover these topics. Maybe the study of these topics is where you want to be.

Anne

Then I remain very confused, stopdog. Why would you engage in a therapy that encourages exploration of feelings/emotions? You mentioned that you don't like having feelings/emotions and you work hard to eliminate them. Did someone tell you that you needed to express more?

And even if they did, you seem very self confident and sure of how you want to live your life. What makes you pursue a kind of treatment that is guarenteed to make you feel distain and distaste? It doesn't sound as though your psychotherapist's techniques are at all compatable with you or how you see life. . . Unless, of course, you wish deep inside that someone would or could convince you that you could live life otherwise. Just a thought

Maybe lawyering is too close to psych'ing. They are both a bunch of long-winded stories. Maybe you need a different way to tap into this well of whatever it is we're trying to dip into. Like the book Drawing On The Right Side Of The Brain. Not necessarily that. Have you taken the Strong Interest Inventory, lately or ever? Not to change careers, but as a tool, a key, a window for this endeavor. Let's think outside the box! (i know, overused!) What excites you?

I agree with hanster here, stopdog! You are a square peg trying to fit yourself into a round hole. Sometimes that works when the square peg is determined to find a way to fit into that damn round hole. But you are so clear and concise in your arguments that psychotherapy is NOT working for you. It has become an exercise in frustration.

Why not try something else? Hey, even a confident and focused life coach has to be more up your alley than someone who just wants you to emote. . .. when you just don't see the value in emoting!

Because I want to understand it. I realize I cannot eliminate emotion. I would like to understand how people can talk so much about emotion. I think I might find the vocabulary and skill useful if I could learn how to do it.
People constantly tell me I need to express more.

I will report back on consult t if I find one.

I am not that long winded as attorneys go. Continuing to try to figure out this type of therapy and continuing going to it is outside the box for me.

A life coach is not the answer to the issue I have.
I just thought here was an okay place to express my frustration.

Okay, this makes me understand better ... you want to understand it. You want to grasp the process. . .. BUT your need to understand is an intellectual pursuit. It's not emotional or deep down in the root of your being. I say that with total understanding because personally, I've struggled mightily with true emotion. And I don't believe that all of us are able to "go there". I still question if that's in my capabilities!

So, if you want to "understand" psychotherapy, start with studying it. Go and take classes. Continue to read and discuss. But expecting that another person, a therapist, is going to lead you or make you "understand the process" is often deemed to fail, especially when you're not really ready to engage openly in the process.

If you can't let go. If you can't trust the process and just flow with it, then you are always going to be disappointed, angry and tied in knots. One of the things I found was that I needed to read and read and read (along with taking courses) before I could even begin to allow my defenses to lower and begin the process . .. and even then I struggled.

Being in touch with my emotions/feelings is not an easy task. I live in my head. I've lived in my head all my life. I am a narcissistis and very self assured in my professional life . .. not so much in my personal life, but that is something we can hide . Take some time to read about narcissism and paranoia. You might find it hurtful but enlightening. At first I rejected what was said, but over time I have come to realize that my rejection and anger toward my therapist was created in my head, not by the process. I wish you peace in this process!

I just read what you said to my husband and he wondered if he actually wrote what I commented on. He said he thinks he'd get along with you!

OUCH, stopdog, you wound easily! I was NOT telling you not to express your frustration. This is where a lot of communication breaks down with all of us with psychological/relationship issues. See, what happened here is a normal thing here on PC! You are in good company.

Look, it's fine to express frustration. Anger! Rage! . .. .oh wait, we're talking about emotions! Aren't those the dang things you hate and want to squash? Sorry, I was using a bit of humor. Here is definitely the place to express those things . .. but it's even more important to express them in therapy. Something tells me that you don't talk about those things in therapy . . .other than to express distain about what your therapist expresses. .. but I could be wrong about that. Do you tell your therapist how frustrated you are with the process? How you don't understand how it can be helpful for you? How you're confused by the entire process?

AND i"m not talking about how you might express how disappointed you are with the process and how it wasn't what you expected. Those are different.

I'm suggesting another trying another venue because learning about "opportunity costs" in MBA school econ class was a psychological aha moment for me.

I would suggest an acting or comedy improv class for you, because there the rule of law (sic) is to say yes, you have to accept what your partner pitches to you and build on it. It was very hard for me. Today my T offered to bring his dogs into the office for me and I automatically said no, so I identify with what you're doing.

And I didn't mean you personally were longwinded - it's the law itself, it's literally a bunch of stories. So is psychology. Cooking, dancing, chemistry, math - maybe not so much?

The t actually told me I was not a narcissist - but the t said that I live only in my head and have attachment issues. I will continue to try. I have read a lot and I have taken some classes. Quitting is not the answer because I have quit twice before at different parts of my life with other therapists and monthly(in the beginning it was weekly) with this one. I really just wanted to know about consultation and to express my frustration.

No offense. And what about all those math word problems - didn't you want to know the story about the people who were on the two trains traveling at different speeds to the same destination but over different type tracks and when would they arrive in baltimore? Why baltimore, who were they seeing, who were they with, did they miss their dogs?

I wanted information and commiseration over trying a consult after becoming extremely frustrated again.
I constantly tell her how frustrated I am. I have spoken softly, loudly, raged, joked, and told her about my smashed body parts. And I do admit I have all the negative emotions possible. I have not denied having them. I do not know what to say about them, but I have not denied having them.

And "we" were doing what we so often and so loudly accuse "boys" of doing - not really listening, not answering the question, and trying to tell you how WE would "fix" it. Oopsie! And sorry for not doing better.

I think I would get along with him too. We would have a grand time.

That sounds like you'd be experiencing the emotion of delight or enjoyment.

Stopdog, your thinking intrigues me and I want to assure you that I am only trying to understand your point of view - not to argue with you.

You said: " And why others seem to want me to talk about emotions with them, and after I do, why they still want more talk about them. I cannot think of that many words to say about them and I don't find talking about them interesting"

Who are those 'others' who want you to talk about emotions? I would get irritated also if someone wanted me to keep talking to them about my feelings. Or is it just your therapist who is asking you to explore your feelings? It can be tough figuring them out and you're right - there are not that many words that can be used.

My T has used other methods to help me access and understand my feelings. She doesn't just and only ask me to talk about them. Words sometimes are not useful and sometimes can really slow down and even halt the ability to understand.

So, what I'm getting from your above statement is that maybe you're not against having emotions but that you're not happy that 'others' keep asking you to talk about them? Is that right?