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#1
Dec 18, 2011, 10:40 PM
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Therapy is finally taking a turn for me. I feel that I am moving away from so much pain and frustration into a period of time where I learn to live my life today and plan for the future. I have no idea what this will be like.
How do you stop talking about the past and all the painful things in your life and move forward? We have talked about the past and pain so much that I don't know what to do with myself if we don't talk about it anymore. |
 rainbow8
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 rainbow_rose, sittingatwatersedge, Unrigged64072835
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#2
Dec 18, 2011, 11:53 PM
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The biggest thing for me was learning to stay in the present. My life (& T sessions) became focused on what I am doing. The temptation, in trying to move beyond the painful past, was to jump to the future & dwell in the "will be (perfect)."
That, I learned, was even a bigger trap. I don't want to start filling tomorrows that aren't even here with expectations, which probably won't come to be anyway. Neither the past nor the future has any reality. I had to learn to live in the now. Comparatively, now is boring, demanding, and hard work. But you can do it!
__________________
roads & Charlie |
| Chopin99
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#3
Dec 19, 2011, 12:03 AM
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 But for me, I know that since my therapist got me to this place, she can help me move through it.
__________________
Happiness cannot be found through great effort and willpower, but is already present, in open relaxation and letting go. Don't strain yourself, there is nothing to do or undo. Whatever momentarily arises in the body-mind Has no real importance at all, has little reality whatsoever. Don't believe in the reality of good and bad experiences; they are today's ephemeral weather, like rainbows in the sky. ~Venerable Lama Gendun Rinpoche~ 
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| rainbow8
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#4
Dec 19, 2011, 04:06 AM
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For me, there came a time when it got "boring" to talk about the past, the pain wasn't there the same way and there was really not much to talk about with it so it just "stopped".
__________________
"Never give a sword to a man who can't dance." ~Confucius |
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#5
Dec 19, 2011, 09:06 AM
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(((((((((((((( squiggle ))))))))))))) first of all, huge congratulations for getting to this point. this is real progress according to my T.
The next phase, I thought, would go quickly and would not be difficult... I was so wrong... although difficult in a different way, I have to say. i feel as if I am working more in the daylight and less in the night, in the shadows. Also I have at last learned to have a degree of confidence in my guide, so that makes things easier. but it is SO HARD to undo the learning that was laid down in the early years. I called it "hard wiring" and T said YES, that's exactly the way to describe it. It can be done, she says. but for myself, it's so hard not to get discouraged. Still - every try is a step forward, I'm finding it's important to keep that in mind. I don't have big answers, just wanted to say be patient with yourself, and keep going. you are doing great.
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| geez
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#6
Dec 19, 2011, 09:58 AM
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#7
Dec 19, 2011, 10:23 AM
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Good luck.
__________________
"Therapists are experts at developing therapeutic relationships." |
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#8
Dec 19, 2011, 10:58 AM
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SAWE of today is shaped by her past, to some extent, and some of those effects are worth holding onto, & some are not. I tell T something I've just heard or read, and ask about it, and we try to tie it into what I have learned so far; but much better is when i tell her something that happened since I saw her last, and how i reacted at that moment (and how I feel about the incident now, say a week later). We take a close look at this, why I reacted that way, other ways to see the situation, other ways to respond. It is very much into the now, but the past is always there. It always will be there; but I am working on not being the marionette, moved by the strings of the past, i am working on being able to move on my own. like I say, for me it is so hard, and I get discouraged, but I can see that things are different from when i started, and that's good.
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| Chopin99
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#9
Dec 19, 2011, 07:51 PM
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I remember that place. "I can't believe I'm still paying to talk about my mother! When do we get to talk about me?" It does seem such a waste to go over and over and over things that happened twenty, thirty, forty years ago. I'm afraid the sad truth is, that if you don't talk about the past enough, it will always hold you back. The world if full of triggers and new pain is much harder to take if it drags in old pain as well. Each time you examine the past, you see it from a stronger position. It gets easier.
__________________
Mr Ambassador, alias Ancient Plax, alias Captain Therapy, alias Big Poppa, alias Secret Spy, etc. Add that to your tattoo, Baby! |
| pbutton, rainbow_rose
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#10
Dec 19, 2011, 09:15 PM
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| Sannah
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#11
Dec 21, 2011, 10:05 PM
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I tried to have my session today and NOT talk about the past. Funny that I couldn't think of anything to talk about that amounted to anything. She asked me to re-evalaute my goals for therapy. I had no idea what to say! It all sounds so stupid to me. Like, "I want to learn to treat myself better. I want to improve upon my self-esteem. I want to learn to like myself." Sounds rather dumb, doesn't it?
What kind of work would we do to learn about that kind of stuff? Sometimes I think I am just trying to be someone that I am not and never will be. Right now (once again) I want to quit! Throw the towel in and say, "I surrender to who I am. " |
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#12
Dec 21, 2011, 10:16 PM
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#13
Dec 21, 2011, 10:50 PM
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I told her today that I hate coming to therapy. I really do hate it. It is not fun at all and I wish that I were not having to go through this. She said that not many clients come in and say, "Woohoo! I am glad to be here today!" She reminded me that therapy is not easy and that's why there are so few that really stick with it.
I told her that she was irritating me, getting on my nerves, and was aggravating me. I said I was tired of her staring at me and that I don't like her! She just sat there and didn't say anything. I said, "See how ugly I am? I bet you don't have any clients come in here and act ugly like this, do you?" She said that she understands that she is not the one I am irritated with. She is not the one I am mad at. To that I questioned, "Then who am I mad at!" Her response was, "That is something you will have to figure out. It seems that you still have some anger that we need to work through." AArrghh!!!!!!!!!!! Ggggrrr............. 
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| pbutton
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#14
Dec 22, 2011, 04:41 AM
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LOL........That sounds so familiar. A classic response from the therapists manual!! With regards to what you wrote about feeling like you keep talking about the past.........when you have finished talking about the past, you will just know it.......eventually it will run out!! Best wishes.
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#15
Dec 22, 2011, 10:50 AM
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Sometimes I feel that we are beating a dead horse! Over and over and over. The same thing. I am sick of it! I know she must be, too. Wouldn't it be better to just let things go? At some point, we have to just let them go. Don't we? I have to accept some things in my life that I cannot change. They are what they are. I need to focus on what I can change and move on.
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#16
Dec 22, 2011, 01:38 PM
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#17
Dec 22, 2011, 02:15 PM
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That's a good question! I have no idea what that looks like, or if it makes any sense. |
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#18
Dec 22, 2011, 10:26 PM
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__________________
Mr Ambassador, alias Ancient Plax, alias Captain Therapy, alias Big Poppa, alias Secret Spy, etc. Add that to your tattoo, Baby! |
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#19
Dec 30, 2011, 02:52 PM
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Maybe you aren't living in the present and this is why you can't talk about it?
__________________
Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........ I'm an ISFJ |
| rainbow_rose
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#20
Jan 03, 2012, 11:04 PM
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#21
Jan 04, 2012, 12:46 PM
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People live in the future and past because the present is painful. They escape. It becomes a habit. The person might not want to even have feelings. Not living in the present helps with this. I had to learn to live in the present. It is hard to do at first because you become aware of your feelings and all the other things that you don't want to sit with and accept. You learn how to do it by first becoming aware of all of these uncomfortable things that you want to avoid and then working on them one by one, clearing them out so that you can sit in comfort for once.
__________________
Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........ I'm an ISFJ |
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