[shoez]

...I had one of the worst flashbacks ...in T in my recent appointment....one of the worst Ive had in public Ide dare to say. It was quite the show....i was literally on the verge of running out of the office it was sobad.....I was breathing I dont know how fast,....and my thughts were everywhere...

So much..My T said she was gonna schedule an appointment...to meet with her supervisor..and her and me..because she said she wants to help me better...Wht if im gonna get kicked out of college for being such a wacko...or get locked up...

I dont think i should show how deeply in pain I am anymore....I feel this is too messed up..I didnt think it was so bad ...that she thinks we should speak with the supervisor...

Shes experienced ......idk

...Im thinking of forgetting therapy..Im thinking that maybe Im just not supposed to remember all these things..maybeit was best when I pretended they werent there and Ijust tried to pretend everything was ok.....
everyday is feels like im somewhere else... it gets worse the more I say..
I panic more and get more frantic the more I think about what Ive told her...

I feel too screwed up for T...Like...im really going to lose it.

We didnt even talk about the really hard stuff..

She says she wants to help me...she says she believes in me..

but I feel scared, like I ruined her life...Im afraid if I show her how messed up flashbacks and all these things are for me...
Ill end up locked up somewhere.

Im so disgusting.

my T is really nice and very professional...so im not saying something is wrong with her...
i think something is wrong with me. mayb im too messsed up to be helped.

[Callmebj]

I think maybe you are looking in the face of a break-through with this flashback and you are scared to take the next step. Her speaking to the supervisor could be the thought of a different type of therapy for you; or something she may feel she needs guidance with.
Speak from your pain level shoez, she is not tired of hearing you or will condemn you in any way. She's heard it all before shoez and you are a worthy person who just happens to need help. Go for it shoez. Nobody promised it would be easy going through all the victimization you have had....just know that you can and will have victory for yourself in due time. Hang in there sweetie...don't worry about your t doing anything but wanting to help. So let her! hugs, bj

[unaluna]

I really doubt you're gonna get kicked out of college. You're in therapy, you had this reaction under controlled circumstances. I've had "junior" therapists in session with my pdoc, that's not the same thing, I get it, but I liked having the one person help me explain something to or from the other person. It sounds like you're really getting in touch with something, that's the OPPOSITE of not being help-able, I think.

Is this a student T? My first time through therapy was with a student. He told me years later that he was scared about making mistakes with me, and he and his supervisor discussed me pretty often. It doesn't mean anything about YOU that the T needs to talk to her supervisor, or wants you to talk to the supervisor. It probably has more to do with the T's experience level.

[shoez]

Originally Posted by My kids are cool

Is this a student T? My first time through therapy was with a student. He told me years later that he was scared about making mistakes with me, and he and his supervisor discussed me pretty often. It doesn't mean anything about YOU that the T needs to talk to her supervisor, or wants you to talk to the supervisor. It probably has more to do with the T's experience level.

No..shes actually also a director of the whole program;..and has an advanced degree. has lots of years of experience and worked in hospitlsand stuff from wht i read..definitely not a student T at all...

i just.. feel really messed up

i think..she wants to putme on meds...and thts y idk...she asked me in one of our past sessions....if ide be willing to see a dr. for meds ..

meds scare me ..

mayhbe thts it...idk..........just feel liike *****.

part of me knows i need her...and partof me thinks its too much ..
she doesnt seem incompetant tome....but i feel liek im took much..ill take up too much time...ill be too much..im to stupid or idk..
i waste time in T a lot cuzi try to rememebr things and i cant..
just feel like im too much ofa waste of time..too much of a waste waste waste

If she's that experienced, shoez, why does she have a supervisor? In our area, therapists only have supervisors if they are relatively new or have gotten in trouble with the licensing board.

I understand being scared of meds. I found them really ineffective with way too many side effects. One of my friends, however, cannot make it through the day without them.

[shoez]

Originally Posted by My kids are cool

If she's that experienced, shoez, why does she have a supervisor? In our area, therapists only have supervisors if they are relatively new or have gotten in trouble with the licensing board.

I understand being scared of meds. I found them really ineffective with way too many side effects. One of my friends, however, cannot make it through the day without them.

idk i guess since its in college T thy need to have suprvisor.
no clue? idk anything

[Chopin99]

shoez, sweetie, I'm sorry you are going through this! Plenty of safe hugs to you!

The first time I was in therapy, I had to take meds just to be able to do therapy. I wasn't even dealing with past trauma; I was dealing with right-there-in-the-moment-trauma. I was first placed on Zoloft, Klonopin, and Seroquel. Then they added Trileptil as a mood stabilizer. Once I progressed in therapy and got out of the gawd-awful situation I was in, I went off the Trileptil, then the Seroquel. I still take the Zoloft and Klonopin because my depression is a chemical imbalance and it exacerbates the anxiety.

Originally Posted by My kids are cool

If she's that experienced, shoez, why does she have a supervisor? In our area, therapists only have supervisors if they are relatively new or have gotten in trouble with the licensing board.

MKAC and shoez...are y'all in the US? My state requires all T's to have a supervisor. They even have a separate accreditation: Certified Clinical Supervisor. You are required to have somewhere around 5 years of experience and take a special test. The guy who owns the practice my T works in supervises the four T's in the practice, as well as having his own practice. I don't like him...he seems like a snot.

Originally Posted by shoez

No..shes actually also a director of the whole program;..and has an advanced degree. has lots of years of experience and worked in hospitlsand stuff from wht i read..definitely not a student T at all...

i just.. feel really messed up

i think..she wants to putme on meds...and thts y idk...she asked me in one of our past sessions....if ide be willing to see a dr. for meds ..

meds scare me ..

mayhbe thts it...idk..........just feel liike *****.

part of me knows i need her...and partof me thinks its too much ..
she doesnt seem incompetant tome....but i feel liek im took much..ill take up too much time...ill be too much..im to stupid or idk..
i waste time in T a lot cuzi try to rememebr things and i cant..
just feel like im too much ofa waste of time..too much of a waste waste waste

Shoez, I promise that you will not get kicked out of college. This is from someone who attempted suicide 3 times during college - which the Deans knew about - and is now a college professor and familiar with confidentiality rules.

Regarding supervisors, it's completely normal for even the head of a college mental health clinic to have a supervisor. I wouldn't worry about this at all. The bigger the bureaucracy, the more supervisors, and the privacy and ensuring that no mistakes are made (i.e., getting other opinions) laws that universities are subject to are huge.

Lastly, you are not a waste of time. I promise you. She wouldn't offer to help if she didn't want to. Many of us write on here that we're too much... so there are lots of therapists out there who have clients that they believe that they are too much! College is tough and stressful and it's GREAT that you're reaching out for some help.

Meds are not the end of the world... If you had diabetes, would you take insulin? It's the same type thing - if there is something that could help you (and taking meds now doesn't mean that you'll take meds forever), perhaps you could just meet with the doctor and learn more?

Good luck. Know that you're not at all alone and thanks for posting here!

Originally Posted by Chopin99

MKAC and shoez...are y'all in the US? My state requires all T's to have a supervisor. They even have a separate accreditation: Certified Clinical Supervisor. You are required to have somewhere around 5 years of experience and take a special test. The guy who owns the practice my T works in supervises the four T's in the practice, as well as having his own practice. I don't like him...he seems like a snot.

I am in the U.S., and in my state, only therapists in training and those on probation with the licensing board are REQUIRED to have supervisors. Some therapists periodically undergo supervision to just brush up their skills or whatever, but it seems pretty uncommon. [from what I have seen. I'm not a T and most of what I see with the licensing board involves acting as an attorney. My perspective may be slanted.]

[Wren_]

my guess is letting her know some of how bad it is, is what is needed even though it's very hard to do. Hopefully it helps her to know how to help you best. Not sure what happens in college situations; but I can't imagine any reason from what you've described for anything to go outside of the therapists office (plus her supervisor). My understanding is some therapists choose to stay in a level of supervision, not that it's required but for their own ongoing growth and care. I hope you can stick with the therapy and that it is something that helps

[likelife]

It would be discriminatory to kick you out of college for having mental health concerns. If, on the other hand, your behavior is indicating that you're unsafe or putting others at risk, there can be stipulations about not staying in the residence halls. I used to work at a college and that happened sometimes.

Regardless, I think it's important to be honest with your T about how you're struggling. Hugs to you!

[Sannah]

Shoez, you are doing really good work, okay. Keep going. This is how it is supposed to be when you have difficult stuff to deal with.

[BonnieJean]

Letting out feelings and flashbacks like that can make you feel pretty exposed and wanting to close up the possibility for it to happen again. But I think part of healing depends on being able to let these things out, to hear them on the outside and to be heard by someone who 'gets it' and can help you heal and grow as a person. Please hang in there and keep being honest with your T.

[Switch]

My dear Shoez,

You are not a waste of time, and your T knows it. And so do I. Please do not leave T, please trust that your T knows how to take care of herself, and she will tell you when it gets too much, and she will find you help if that happens, but right now she sounds very far from that. Your T knows that you can get better, and that you will be okay, even if you're not okay right now. And so do I.

You sound like you're making real break throughs in session, and I'm really proud of you for that. I know it's really scary but you have to be brave and know that if you keep walking forward and being brave everything will get better. It might take time, and a lot of courage, but your T clearly knows you have what it takes, and so do I.

Why are you afraid of meds? Can you tell your T why you're afraid?

I've taken meds, as you know, and they have been alright. They may not be perfect, but I seem to be doing okay. And I doubt you would have to stay on them forever, like me. I think they might help you get back on your feet again, and then you can get off them and be able to walk on your own.

You're going to be able to fight through this Shoez. You're a strong girl. And we're all here for you, cheering you on.

[growlycat]

You are worth the time!!! Sounds like you are on the verge of a breakthrough although it feels bad right now. IDK how the supervisor situation works--I thought that new T's needed supervisors? My T is a psychologist not a psychiatrist so he is not licensed to talk to me about meds--that may be the reason your T needs to bring in anyone else, not because you are "far gone" or anything. I attended the first few months of college from a p-hospital. No one knew--not even sure if the school knew. Colleges are very flexible !! High school, not so much. hang in there!

[Mindinpieces]

I dont think i should show how deeply in pain I am anymore....I feel this is too messed up..I didnt think it was so bad ...that she thinks we should speak with the supervisor...

Shes experienced ......idk

...Im thinking of forgetting therapy..Im thinking that maybe Im just not supposed to remember all these things..maybeit was best when I pretended they werent there and Ijust tried to pretend everything was ok.....
everyday is feels like im somewhere else... it gets worse the more I say..
I panic more and get more frantic the more I think about what Ive told her...

I feel too screwed up for T...Like...im really going to lose it.

We didnt even talk about the really hard stuff..

She says she wants to help me...she says she believes in me..


I am sorry if you find this strange but I really did feel bad and want to apologize after reading quotes above. I just want to say sorry for some of my comments and opinions I replied to your earlier thread, “I’m losing it and I can’t tell anybody”. I can’t help feel bad for may be encouraging you to open up more and express things to your T you may have otherwise not have told your T. I am sorry if I did have an influence on you in not a good way.
The reason I suggested opening up is in the past I have hidden thoughts and feeling for one reason or another. However as much as I thought I could handle keeping these to myself it’s the reason I just end up in a cycle of behaviour over and over again. Have you hear the term people project their thoughts or feeling onto another person, I think this is what I done with my reply to your thread because I didn’t want you to make the same mistake I did with thinking you should keep certain things bottled up for a reason. Even if this is because you think it’s better for the people around you not to know although it makes you feel so miserable and bad inside. This is why I wanted to encourage you to open up because you shouldn’t feel bad inside because you keep things to yourself. You have the right to get past this and be at ease with yourself and file things away in your mind once they are not a problem for you. I would like to wish you all the best and I hope things will work out for you.