Is it ever acceptable for a T to get angry with a client?

T has never shown anger in one of our sessions, but I am certain I've frustrated her at times when she is trying to get me to think "broad picture" and I am incessantly focused on the details of the example she's using.

Honestly if she were angry at me I would hope she would say something but in a nice, constructive, let's grow through this way. After all, she is human and has emotions. I am terrible at confrontation and I avoid expressing anger. I think it would be helpful to have interaction in expressing it in an appropriate manner. There have been times I've been really upset with T, but never said anything. Instead I went home and wrote nasty journal entries for several days.

He's never shown anger and he says he doesn't get angry.

I think that anger is a feeling and one couldn't help feeling it at times even with a client. It's what you do with the anger that is most important.

My ex T, during our final session, got angry with me because I jokingly let her know that I thought she didn't like me. She never did deny it, but she was mad that I thought it. She became very defensive; I guess I pushed a button, since she said something about it being brought up in her supervision, but that wasn't my intention. Just like when I'd asked her weeks before why I annoy her so often, I really wanted a denial, not an explanation.

Exactly what I got early on from my mother - here are the reasons I can't stand you and wish you were out of my life, when all I wanted was "I don't hate you. I'm glad you're in my life."

Thankfully, though, this weekend marks the first time since session #1 that I have a healthy lack of feeling for her. No "loving feelings" or hate or anything. It's GREAT.

My T has expressed anger over what happened to me as a child and once when I raised my voice to her - she set boundaries.

That's the sort of anger I've experienced too. One could probably define it as something other than anger, though I'm not sure how much the term matters. It's disapproval, which might feel worse than anger, idk. With me, it happened during couples therapy sometimes. Since I realized t does that, I'm pretty careful what I say. It still happens sometimes though, like when I told him about fighting with my sister as a kid and he seemed disappointed that I can't apologize to her now.

My t has also tried to get me to show anger and I think he did it in an manipulative, mean way. I told him about it a year later but he didn't remember.

I'm curious how you can tell you're pushing his buttons like that. I don't think I'm that clued into where my t is coming from but I wish I could tell.

I'm sorry cbreeze and I'm glad you're getting over it. I'm afraid I might be in the same boat after my next appointment. I wonder how long it takes? Anyway, I think that's awful she couldn't end things more positively. I guess if it gets brought up in her supervision, it means it's her problem, and probably one she has with other clients too, so probably good you moved on.

I think that's true. Also, if we always think that when someone has a different opinion that they are NOT angry or upset or otherwise feeling negatively, we'd often be making insensitive assumptions about their actual underlying emotions.

My T has expressed anger towards people in my life who she does not think are healthy..but she's probably right, and that is probably mostly to try to make me angry with them, too..I don't think she would ever get angry with me, and definitely wouldn't show it if she was (not sure I'd want her to!)

My previous T got very angry when I disclosed my childhood SA. He was angry at the perp. It was actually kind of nice to have someone get so angry on my behalf, especially when I'd pretty much shut down emotionally about the abuse. He told me he thought he was madder than I was.

My T has thrown a therapy doll at me 2 or 3 times. He always misses, and always says he won't miss next time. It makes me laugh - I don't remember if I am teasing him, or being self-deprecating, or insulting the Yankees or what, when all of a sudden, whammo! He also gets mad - more like disgusted-amazed - at my family in general, which helps me understand them and figure out my place in reality. I need somebody to validate that - that was weird, right? And he does that.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN, INSULTING THE YANKEES?? That's it; we're through, Hanky!

^^^ You guys were wondering what people's T's looked like? That's my T, whenever I mention the RedSox!

LOL

I am pretty sure my T was pretty frustrated with me in the last two weeks for not having my meds and not taking me. I doubt he was angry. Although, I don't dount our Ts get angry with their clients whether it is with us or others. I think with all of us, it is about how what they do with that anger that really matters.

Did you challenge him on this? We can often read T's moods but it is dangerous to assume we can.

No; he was right to be upset by that. I didn't want to talk about it anymore. We were both disgusted with me, and I didn't want to think about it anymore.

I don't think T has ever been angry at me, but when we had our rupture, she seemed hurt by an email I sent her. I know if I asked her, she'd deny it, but I saw the defensiveness in her face and hurt in her eyes.

She has been perturbed lately by my H. They've only met once, she thinks he's a good guy, but she feels he minimizes things for me and it frustrates her. Minimization is his style though.

That and he'd argue with a wall, which drives her crazy. Apparently that reminds her of her own H.

It was all because of a tragic misunderstanding on the scale of Romeo and Juliet! I started seeing T in 2003, then moved away. Well you know what happened in 2004. I ASSUMED he was a Bosox fan because I remembered he was from Boston. FAIL! BORN in NY, moved to Boston. But by then, I was too much in love with rookie Jacoby Ellsbury. Not that I would kick Derek Jeter out of bed...

LOL Hanky, oh I totally understand about Jacoby Ellsbury! But I actually had a dream about Derek Jeter one night last season! I don't remember it anymore but I do remember it as a pleasant dream!

I think my T was angry with me though she didn't use that word when I first told her that I looked things up about her family, and that I drove by her house. She said it felt intrusive. I know she wouldn't ever tell me she was angry because her training teaches her to accept all of my parts and to be curious about them.

My first T (Former T) and I had an intense session once. ( Well, more than once but this one was the most memorable)

I was on a summer break from T, when a friend of mine learned I had been seeing him and shared some personal information about him. I mentioned it to him, upon my return, and he wanted to know what information she shared. I didn't want to disclose it to him. I told him I paid to come to therapy to talk about me, not talk about him. He became very defensive and angry and kept pushing. pushing. pushing me to tell him. I kept repeating the comment above. We finally did discuss it before I left but only because I felt hostage to the situation. He was always very prompt about ending sessions on time, this one ran 20 minutes over and was very intense. It was, without a doubt, a very messy therapy day! ugh.

With current T, last fall he was "irritated" with me for something. Turns out, his irritation wasn't at me, it was at himself and projected. It "felt" like he was angry with me, I just didn't understand why. I left therapy and returned a month later to discuss with him.

What did your friend tell you?!

Oh I know I royally pissed off my therapist before. Rupture!! All better now.

Clients have frustrated me with lack of doing something different, of threatening self harm as a means of emotional blackmail, of refusing to take responsiblity for things. Parents have made me very angry when they report outright abuse.

Something, that changed the course of my therapy. I just don't feel comfortable posting it here on a public forum. I had already known he was married, kids, etc...so it wasn't anything like that.

This was very important to me.

I told T I thought she was withholding her anger from me and it made me feel she didn't care.

So she obligingly turned it up and now the sparks fly brighter! Yeah!

I do not think the t has been angry or if so has not told me. The time I know she was frustrated we eventually agreed she sort of needed to back off and remember it was my life not hers. I acknowledged her frustration was understandable, but it was my choice and so she could tell me whether she was able to continue with me or I would go elsewhere if the situation was such that her frustration would not be alleviated without my acquiescence.
I personally would not respond positively to the t being angry and I would not feel cared for- I would think the t needed to step back and get a grip. That is just me.