Is it ever acceptable for a T to get angry with a client?

Hankster, our mutual admiration society continues and in honor of same, I will wear my Green Monster t-shirt to work tomorrow.

regardless of the dress code around here.

I work in an animal shelter for crissakes.

My T did set boundaries (against hate mail) but never face to face. Once she told me, "You can scream in here."

My T showed anger/frustration with me once when I refused to act upon her request to not take certain medications. I actually followed her instructions, but refused to promise her that I wouldn't abuse prescription meds. I was concerned that I couldn't honor her request. All is well now, I haven't abused them since her request. I have a very "need to please" personality.
Bluemountains

if my T ever raised her voice or showed anger i would completely freak out.i freak out even if i think she is going to anger to me means hurt.i don't even deal with my hubby being angry

No... not another one!

How much do they weigh?

And do you throw at him?

Mine got mad at me when I told him I wasn't taking my meds, and that I was "conducting an experiment."

The doll he holds/throws weighs about 5 oz and soft. Mine is a few oz heavier and more solid.
No - if he breaks anything throwing stuff, it's on him. My trick is flipping over backwards in the chair. And you can't ask how much I weigh!

How does being angry show that someone cares?

I know ppl that don't give a damn about me and still are capable to be angry at me- public transportation being a great example. Succumbing to your anger means (at least for me) that you have lost the control over yourself and the situation.

Yep, same situation for me, and same reaction. Only, I decided to overmedicate and add other drugs to the mix. I am so delusional about my intelligence when I am hypomanic! I think my t yelled at me to try to get my attention about how stupid I was being.
Bluemountains

My T hasn't ever got mad at me (though underneath it all I suspect she's been frustrated at times, understandably!) but one time she was re-enacting how she'd been 'assertive' with someone, and she scared the **** out of me: suddenly she wasn't the warm woman I know, and I never again want to see that side of her! Clearly, no one messes with my T. I wouldn't want to anyway, cause you know, she's awesome...

Try this. You're four years old and you rush out into the street and almost get knocked down by a car. Your mom shouts at you and smacks your hand.

To me, that looks like love. Feel free to disagree.

Hmmmmmmmm...

Maybe you are right. Maybe my need for maternal anger is a sickness that needs to be cured. I'll have to think about that one!

Thanks!

I don't think that someone being angry at me shows me they care, but someone being angry on my behalf sure does.

My exT got angry at me quite a few times, and notably in our last session. We talked about how I'd be able to get more appts with my next T and not just every 6 weeks. I'd finally decided to switch Ts after I asked her for an additional appt and she responded in email. "Finally, I do not have any appointments available for you prior to that scheduled. I have no doubt you will use the time wisely. Take care." Such a cold tone for someone you've been seeing for 4 years.

Anyway, I told her I didn't know if more frequent appointments would help. That maybe therapy was a case of, "The food is terrible and there's not enough of it," but then again maybe the food wouldn't taste so awful with another therapist. Then I pointed out that her email said she didn't have appointments available "for me." That lit her up. It was like I could see the adrenaline flowing to her head. She got very snappy and said I was mired in semantics. Then she said "What you're hearing is frustration from me because you've violated my boundaries. You don't need to know what my other appointment spaces are reserved for." The session went downhill from there. I left sobbing. So glad to be rid of that albatross. Worst... Session... Ever...

Snuffleupagus, I can understand why that final session would leave you sobbing.

How did what you describe violate your T's boundaries?

Wow! She said you violated her boundaries by telling her the email said there were no appointment spaces for you? How did she manage to twist that into a demand to know what her appointment spaces were reserved for? I mean, yeah, if you asked her what her appointment spaces were for, then she would be justified in saying it was a boundary violation. But for her to read something into what you said, and then get frustrated and blame you for doing something you didn't do...
Man... I am SO thankful for my T. There are truly some hideous T's out there.

I think heckler has it about right. I was expressing insecurity by focusing on those 2 words--presuming I wasn't a priority, but no I wasn't asking her what her other appts were for. Just normal low self esteem stuff. I think she was just already sensitized by my criticism of her. We had a really rocky relationship. I remember telling her once that I felt bad that I'd disappointed her. She said everyone has to deal with disappointing others. "For instance," she said, "I've sat here for months listening to how disappointing I am to you, and I've handled it fine."

Yup, she did a top notch job.

Yeah, that's what I thought -- that you were focusing on the words "for me" because you felt unimportant. My T would have picked up on that immediately and we would have talked about what I was feeling and why I felt that way, and he would have explained that his lack of time didn't mean I wasn't important. He would have understood and not gotten defensive or frustrated, and he certainly would not have read anything into what I said. Even if he wasn't quite sure and needed clarification, he would have asked me what I meant instead of presuming to read my mind and then telling me I meant something other than what I had said.
That was a horrible way for your T to handle this.
By the way, you couldn't possibly have been more critical of your T than I was of mine during a very long period of negative transference. We got through it because he understood where it was coming from and didn't take it personally.

She probably deals with it a lot! Sorry to be snarky, but wow! She tries to sneak a lie past you, then cries foul when you (innocently enough) catch her? REALLY defensive! Those aren't "boundaries"! At least when my T gets defensive, he knows he better admit it and be prepared to get laughed at! Altho since joining PC, I HAVE become a kinder, gentler hankster...

See? There's still hope for you after all, Hanky!

My T has never shown her anger, but I do know that she has been angry. There was one time when I told her what she was telling me to do at that moment was really helping me, that I needed something different-so she ended up calling my DBT T and asked her if someone from her practice would be able to help me more than her. I never really discussed it with my T, but she did admit that she did out of what I said. So, I guess that was more her issue. To answer the question at hand though, T's are human and I guess its how they show it that matters more than if they show it.

Am I gonna have to become a preacher, to make an honest heckler out of you?

No, I can just be a HanksterHeckler instead! I kinda like the way it sounds anyway!

Snark away! It's been really cleansing to write out some of these experiences I had with exT and get some affirmation that she was off base. In that room it was always my fault, my skewed perceptions--like I was doing therapy by myself with a mannequin (or a wire mother ) or something--very alienating and isolating. I wish I'd found PC while I was going through it. I might not have stayed in the relationship as long as did, but if you wish in one hand...

Checking my experiences against others' has been really healing--not to mention getting affirmation from my current T which I imagine is kinda dicey for her since exT is a colleague of hers that she works with on a regular basis.

Big gratitude for this forum.

LOL!!! T and I were just lamenting the younger generation's lack of knowledge of the good ol' sayings, like splitting hairs, now this one! FYI, the cleaned up version is, "... and spit in the other, see which one fills up first."