how does T handle??

along with all the posts lately asking about how your T handles your emotions i am wondering how your T handles your anger.your anger if you are mad at T or even your anger at anything.
do they allow you to express it any way you want?
are there boundaries added?
are you allowed to yell?
are you allowed to say anything you want to T in an angry manner?
do you think they have ways of helping you keep the anger under control as you are dealing with it?

i am completely terrified to show any emotion in T other than fear.especially anger

I'e never really expressed anger in T or towards T. I've told my T that I feel all this anger inside and it desperately wants to come out, but I'm afraid of expressing it. My T asked me if I wanted to go get a cup of ice and throw ice cubes at the building! I declined, but I did it when I got home (threw ice at the side of my house) and it did help get rid of some of my immediate anger.

My T is generally so very calm, that she'd probably just offer me an outlet for my anger, or manage to talk to me until I'd calmed down.

in a way i am in the same situation.i have never expressed any anger toward my T or anything in T, I am terrified of it.to show any emotions at all except fear i don't seem to be able to hide that sometimes.i have no idea what she would do and am hoping that others have really had some experience with this.i do want to feel OK about sharing some of these emotions with my T but dint know if she could handle it at all

Granite- can you ask T what she would do and how she would handle it? If she says she can handle it and you're still not sure, can you explain why you are asking? Can you tell her about your anger as a teenager and the way you behaved and that you're frightened you'll behave the same way and if you did, could she handle that??

do they allow you to express it any way you want? I think so, within reason. I mean, I imagine I'm not allowed to break things in his office or harm him.
are there boundaries added? He's never said anything. He is usually just observant and then asks lots of questions about the anger and where it comes from.
are you allowed to yell? I have. He's never told me not to.
are you allowed to say anything you want to T in an angry manner? Yes. He's never stopped me.
do you think they have ways of helping you keep the anger under control as you are dealing with it? He was very still and quiet and watched me. It kind of made my anger fizzle out because I felt like I was reacting too strongly for the situation. It was actually a good thing. He certainly didn't fight back at all. He was like a sponge, just sort of watching and observing what I was saying.

wow thats kind of cool of him.you could really say anything and he didn't react? WOW

It is cool. Very cool. He just asks me questions to find out why I feel the way I do. But he does not get angry and he handles it beautifully. He handles anger just like he does sadness and fear. He tries to figure out what is happening in my head. I don't always do the best job of explaining that part but I am working on it.

My lady once said something about me being angry. I hadn't even recognised that I was, I certainly hadn't raised my voice or anything. I was just talking and the next time she asked if I was still angry at that person. It came as a bit of a shock I didn't see it as anger..... but I think she may have been right!

I told T once that I was angry at her, and she very calmly asked me what for and asked if wanted to talk about it. Her being so calm actually made her more angry. I wanted to yell at her and I wanted her to yell at me. I wanted to have a screaming match with her-we never did...but she knows it makes me mad when she can just be so calm all the time

I so relate to this! The first time I admitted I was angry with my T, it was unnerving how calm T was! I wanted T to yell at me and get mad at my anger the way my parents did, but nope. T doesn't do that. T just sits there, lets me get it out, and then helps me process through it. It seems so strange that just talking about the thing that made me angry, and talking about being angry, makes it so I'm not angry anymore.

I admitted to T yesterday that I was angry at him, b/c it felt like he a long with a couple of other people pushed me into a corner reguarding taking meds. He just said, it was okay to be angry as long as I don't stay there. Actually, he almost seemed please that I admitted it to him, lol. I am not sure why.. maybe that I was be honest. I don't know. Other than that.. I don't really yell, or have angry outburts so I am not sure how he would react.

granite, as a social worker I had to learn to deal with people being angry. Now if I am around someone who is angry I actually get calm because I worked so hard at it. I get calm and I listen and I try to figure out why they are angry.

I've got DID and we have one teenage alter who is ALWAYS mad about something or someone. She frequently gets mad at T for some reason or another, and yells/ swears/sends her nasty emails, etc. T loves it. She thinks its good and healthy for M to get her anger out. They love to spar with each other.

I let my anger out at T when he messes up and I think he deserves my anger. (like when he forgot about my added on session and such) I email him with it...I'm not there yet showing it in person. I've sent angry emails accusing him of such and such and def using cuss words though not directed at him, and he always responds calmly. (suprisingly!).

I think if I would have specifically called him names and threatened him, he would refit sly draw boundries. He told me of this one guy he had a long time ago in his practice who was very very angry man and he had to terminate because he was constantly threatning T and I guess making him scared for whatever he was doing...

My T acknowledges I have lots of anger just from my emails cause I sure haven't shown it in session. I hope that you are able to let T see some of your ante or find out what's accetable with her re: expression of clients anger.

I'm not very good at expressing my feelings in therapy though I can show my anger at my H very well, LOL. The one time in therapy I remember getting angry was when I couldn't or wouldn't talk so my T gave me some paper and markers/crayons. That's when I scribbled my anger in red over the entire paper. I colored on another sheet of paper and tore it up into tiny pieces. My T put the pieces into my file.

She would be okay if I were angry and showed it in words too. I'm confident that she would know how to calm me down but she herself wouldn't get angry.

If you're angry your T will want to know why but unless you are a danger to her or to yourself, she will let you express it.

I have never expressed anger verbally with my T but have let him have it in emails. He always answers calmly and tells me the reason for my anger, which sometimes gets me even more pissed off, or, most of the time, calms me down.

Interesting question, though. Think I'll ask him next time I see him what he'd do if I started to yell at him in session! Probably wouldn't faze him in the least, knowing him!
I've been seeing him for six years, have tried his patience majorly on MANY occasions and he's never lost it yet.

Bad Facilitator reacted with "still and quiet". It made me think he wasn't listening.

If I actually expressed my anger, I do believe my T would dance a jig in celebration.

Seriously though, I suspect he would be quite calm and supportive.

how do you feel after being angry at T? Guilty? Does T's method of handling yr anger,whatever it may be, make guilt feelings worse/better afterwards?
just wondering. for me the guilt is terrible.

Granite, I have been angry at my T once and expressed it. I was mad about the way he acted in a couples session, which is not how he had told us it would be, and I expressed that to him in a subsequent solo session. He welcomed my anger. It was absolutely no problem at all! He could totally handle it and it led to better communication between us and some changes. I remember at the end he said something like the most important thing for me that day had been to express my anger and I had. He was really good with it all! I think I realized even more that I am the one with the problem about anger, not T. He can handle it just fine. It's I who can't.

I think Ts really are trained to deal with client anger, granite, so probably your T would know just what to do if you expressed some anger. She might be able to make it easier or feel safer. Can you talk to her about it? Of course, I would think there would be boundaries such as no physical violence.

I expressed anger at T once, but the intense anger was gone by session time. I told her I had been very angry at her the night before, and wrote a letter to her which I read.

I made her a breast cancer awareness bracelet (sterling silver and Swarovski crystal) and gave it to her before she was to participate in an awareness walk. She excitedly told me she was going to wear it during the walk.

After the walk, I saw pictures posted on FB. One was of her and her husband. She was not wearing the bracelet, so I thought she lied to me. I was livid.

When I told her in session, she told me how she was so worried she would lose it, she kept shaking her arm before the walk to see if it would stay on. After a few minutes of this, her husband asked her if she was having a seizure. She told him she was worried she'd lose the bracelet. He said, "If you keep doing your arm like that, you ARE going to lose it. Just take it off and put it in your pocket."

Later, I found another picture she was in before the walk and she was wearing my bracelet.

With my first T, I got really angry once, and just raised my voice a little, but was pretty emphatic EVERYTHING was his fault and I was quitting. and
He didn't have any real boundaries that he mentioned, but I was pretty constrained in my expression of anger.
I may have raised my voice, and I don't think he would have cared if I yelled. He might have been relieved I was finally expressing any emotion at all.
My first T responded to my anger with really gentle humor that let me know he heard me, understood my anger and accepted it. He addressed the part of it that he could change, and validated that the parts he could not change just sucked, but everyone in therapy just has to go through it as part of making healthy changes in their life.

With my current T, I've gotten angry at him a couple of times, but only once actually during therapy. He kept saying he was sorry about something that had happened to me that we were discussing. At some point, that just made me really angry and I told him to stop saying that. I may have yelled "STOP SAYING THAT." He asked me why I wanted him to stop. I didn't really have an answer to that, so he just said it again.

My current T also told me at one point that right up to the point where I start throwing things at him, my anger is acceptable. If I throw books at him (which one client has apparently done), then I have to leave. BUT, I can come back after I promise not to throw books. I cannot imagine throwing books at him, though he can be irritatingly direct at times.

Your T would probably be RELIEVED if you were able to express anger at her!

I think you & I have polar opposite reactions to everything.

I don't feel guilty. Maybe embarrassed but not guilty about it. I feel silly, but not like I've done anything bad.

I am angry at the one I see about 80% of the time. and frustrated the other 20. She seems fairly impervious to it and it is not like I keep it to myself. I think they sort of like it if you get mad at them. The one I see said she does not take it personally. I told her she might want to rethink that position.