[beauflow]

I am really glad that a lot of people on PC have a great therapist.... I can't say the same.

I will say what I have always said about this lady- She is nice to talk to.

today was basically my last session and I was told when I came in-- YEAH she gave me that leave way of "well if you think you more therapy just give me a call"

This is all because due to I have her my summery of the last month from our last session (01/30 was our last session)... This summery was about when I was doing either rather bad mixed states of things or really chaotic rapid cycling with really LOW points, (Depression for the ones that like to use that word). AND it was more than Idealization with some thing--- And I had the hopeless at the end that I was not sure if she could help me with my problems, and that I did not think there was a solution to me, and that this was just my s h i t life and had to deal with it...

She pulls out the paper today- and says well here you say you are not sure about therapy.... and I think we should see each other in a month, BUT I will call you two weeks before that last session Just to Be sure IF you are coming or NOT.

She is a nice lady and maybe I am just feeling hurt right now, that this did sort of hit me out of the blue

Fine if she does not want to do therapy with me any more whatever, that is fine.. I DID tell her what my boyfriend told me- that he thought after seeing her for a few months that he thought I had gotten worse, and that I should had stopped therapy but I was the one that was saying that the month before I started therapy was one of my worse downs/mix state/rapid cycling.

And ON TOP OF IT-- We are doing our session today, and I have tlaked about my dog so many times, and she has no clue what I am tlaking about

Add injury to insult it feels like right now

I agree Therapists and Pdoc are human too, but I have been seeing this woman for 6 months, and she has no clue the issues that i have tlaked about with the dog and the attachment that i have.... and I feel just like- ok this is for the best.

Whatever.

I am sorry I just needed to rant right now, I am not too happy about this.

And right now my attitude is Fine F u c k this and I will be fine on my own- did not need this s h i t any ways!

I thought I would get a heads up--- Like, well in two more sessions will be the last-- Not just walk in one day and OH well this is like the last, but I will schedule one a month in advance but call too see if you want to cancel... I find this a bit messed up.

Of Course, I am keeping my tounge- this woman is in ways stranger to me, and I can't blow up at the therapist office right-- I tell her fine whatever.
Don't want to be rude.

I just got out of this choatic roller coaster in my f u c k ing head and i tell her I think I am doing better than January but still with some downs WITH ADDED Paranoia Which is not a norm and this is my last session. (SHE Agreed it was paranoia then said simi paranoia at the end of the session)

Whatever, I have many times felt like she has not wanted to do therapy with me, and ya know-- whatever.

F u c k this.

I am sure many of you find great benefits from therapy but I honestly can't say much have I taken from this BESIDES:
1) I was actually to open up and tell another what happened to me as a child-- I kept being told I had to be stable before talking about the issues-- WHICH WE NEVER GOT TO TALK ABOUT
2) That I guess the skills that i use before therapy i just need to strengthen, and try to keep even though at times I can't.
3) Umm.... yeah.. I found it is nice some times to talk to someone with issues, but I knew that before i went to therapy,.

Double Edge sword with #1-- opened up and this is what I get in ways- BUT I WILL NOT TAKE THAT ROAD-- I opened up to my boyfriend and we still talk and work with each other...

I am sure she would be a great therapist if she did not have such a booked load on her. but today's session is like whatever- it was the last, nothing deep.
whatever- I DID Tell her by the way my last 2 weeks, and she brushed them off basically- she did not want to get deep with it.

I am pissed off that I kept being told I need to be stable before I could talk about things, and yet I am fine to do with out therapy but we never were at that stable part to talk about things.

Give myself a hug for I am not sure if any one else will understand this rant

I will keep telling myself, I will push through. I have to do things on my own, and keep trying.

I just wanted some things from therapy Like better coping skills, and better grip with things, and to resolve some issues from my past, and to get help in general. and I feel failed.

but it is ok. whatever-- just another duck bobbing in the water till I go off

[chipperdear]

Is there another therapist in the area you could see? I know there are very limited options in my area, but perhaps you have better access than I would in this situation. Best of luck!

It sounds like she wasn't a good match for you. I know right now it feels like its not a good idea and all, but maybe you could find a therapist in your area that could meet your needs better. I am thinking of changing therapist myself and all of the good and the bad experiences I have with current T. has given me a whole list of questions and criterias to look for in the next T. I didn't ask any questions when started with first T. But now I know what will or at least what won't work for me. All T.s are different and I bet there is a great one out there for you.

[CantExplain]

I'm sorry you are having such a hard time.
I'm not sure it's T's job to say, "you're not ready to talk about that."
Good luck!

[beautiful.mess]

Ugh, I'm sorry!! It sounds like you need to find someone else. I know how exhausting that is. But you shouldn't have to feel like she's not remembering details about your life, or is telling you what you can and cannot discuss.

My T is OK. Not GREAT. Not perfect. Not someone I'm gonna run out and recommend all my friends to. Just OK. But I have no other options due to finances right now We mesh well together and have a good connection. He gets my quirky sense of humor (no one EVER does) but also knows when to turn it on and be serious with me. I lucked out that we get along well, but if we didn't, I would have to find someone else.

Good luck to you - DON'T GIVE UP ON FINDING A BETTER THERAPIST!!

[beauflow]

thank you all and hugs to all that have or are going through some thing like this.

I am Sorry that was a rant and I missed some words, and messed some words up...... but i think the idea is there.

I was suppose to go see the psychologist (that is in linked with the therapist) on Friday, but seeing I have no therapist, I think I will cancel this appointment Actually I am going to call and cancel the Month out appt as well- Save her a freaking phone call.. Don't like the idea of taking meds without therapy.

So much still upsets me with this- and maybe- yeah not a right fit- but it is a bit neglectful of her to know 01/30 I was planning, cutting at times, and doing serious planning, and hopeless with getting better (that is why I wrote what I wrote- No cure for a person like me and not sure if she could help me), and then to turn around on our next session to be like- your fine! you don't need therapy!

Maybe need a break any ways- Maybe this following year or two maybe, get into therapy again if I ever get some extra cash monthly.

[granite1]

it sounds like you are so hurt that thingd didnt turn out the way that you had hoped.it doesnt sound at all like you were a good match at all.please don't give up on therapy there are some very good T's out there

[beauflow]

Originally Posted by granite1

it sounds like you are so hurt that things didn't turn out the way that you had hoped.it doesnt sound at all like you were a good match at all.please don't give up on therapy there are some very good T's out there

I will try not to give up on the aspect of trying to better myself- Always had that in me since realizing some how, that how I grew up was not like others, and seeing my family members ( i was the observer)... Therapy I am going to put off right now I think--- I can't afford a private therapist, and the County has just totally let me down yes, I try not have high expectations but It was more than just being brushed off like this..

I called them both and let them know to cancel my appt for the future- I am at the point right now of wanting to cry for failure and not crying for trying to be strong

Surprising I made a follow up appt with my general doctor to listen to my lungs, I never do that- I just wait till I am sick again for them to listen to my lungs lol......

I am glad so many find break through in therapy and all, but maybe I am a person that is on the boarder line of needing therapy but yet not (it seems at times I need it which makes it even harder)-- maybe it is also part of my personality to reject some things (especially how they are spoken to me), and fear for rejection and failure, and this has happened which right now has made me sour.

BP2, Sever PTSD, with traits of Borderline- who the hell wants to deal with that right? and can "it" be helped... ("it" is me-- I know stop being mean to me but it is how they see me)

Maybe some day in the future, I can find someone to talk to and that we get along on that level for talking

Life is therapy I will always think-- The more positive, tries, failure but learn from them-- and to grow is all a life thing, right?

I guess I will end it there

[unaluna]

Beauflow, you have made SO MUCH PROGRESS!!! don't let this misunderstanding or whatever it is with this T set you off course. You're right, I think the county requires you to have a therapist if you're getting meds from them. Can you get on a six-week schedule? that's what I did for a while, saw t and pdoc at the same location, same visit. it wasn't ideal but it got me thru for a while. i'm not clear on what's going on, what went wrong. but from your other posts, omg you've gone thru so much in your young life. and if stopdog's T can recognize that the only time she speaks from the heart is when she talks about her dog, then talking about your dog is FINE - your T was wrong or blind! I was talking about a PICTURE of a dog the other day and my T understood! Well he IS a dog person. Apparently that T is not. Fire her! and thank you for posting to my birthday thread, that was very sweet!

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by beauflow

Don't like the idea of taking meds without therapy.

I'm not sure if you are quitting meds or deciding not to start them.

Whether you are on meds or off them, I suggest you make no changes until you have been off therapy for a month or two.

There is a great temptation to quit everything at once but I don't recommend it!

[mcl6136]

Originally Posted by CantExplain

I'm not sure if you are quitting meds or deciding not to start them.

Whether you are on meds or off them, I suggest you make no changes until you have been off therapy for a month or two.

There is a great temptation to quit everything at once but I don't recommend it!

Tapering off things is a good strategy. The mind and body sometimes react, or over-react to sudden changes in ways that can surprise us....

Take it slow, if you need to... and give yourself the time you need.

[beauflow]

I'm not sure if you are quitting meds or deciding not to start them.

Whether you are on meds or off them, I suggest you make no changes until you have been off therapy for a month or two.

There is a great temptation to quit everything at once but I don't recommend it!

Tapering off things is a good strategy. The mind and body sometimes react, or over-react to sudden changes in ways that can surprise us....

Take it slow, if you need to... and give yourself the time you need.

01/30 My Therapist took me off the med I was on- LOL- Lot there- I am nto sure if this was normal for going through drugs, but she is the one that was like "get you off this drug" and when talking to her about it on that session- she did not think it was doing any good
Then this last session- she told me- you wouldn't stay on a drug any ways.

This woman is just a bad fit for me---

but i do agree- tapering off would had been good-

I have taken this experience and made up a list of things to ask a new therapist if or when if ever i go to another one.

One of the number 1 questions is-- IF you think you can not help me will you be honest? and if that, will you help me find someone you think maybe able to help me?

I think that is part of the problem here, I was honest with her in saying I was not sure if she could help me-- and I guess maybe I hit a nerve with her --
I think there are other factors here too..

She is a nice lady to talk to , i will say that

And Hankster
Sorry- I am trying to do 3 things at once and on 2 hours of sleep- i know

Beauflow, you have made SO MUCH PROGRESS!!! don't let this misunderstanding or whatever it is with this T set you off course. You're right, I think the county requires you to have a therapist if you're getting meds from them. Can you get on a six-week schedule? that's what I did for a while, saw t and pdoc at the same location, same visit. it wasn't ideal but it got me thru for a while. i'm not clear on what's going on, what went wrong. but from your other posts, omg you've gone thru so much in your young life. and if stopdog's T can recognize that the only time she speaks from the heart is when she talks about her dog, then talking about your dog is FINE - your T was wrong or blind! I was talking about a PICTURE of a dog the other day and my T understood! Well he IS a dog person. Apparently that T is not. Fire her! and thank you for posting to my birthday thread, that was very sweet!

Hankster (HUGS) No thanks for well wishes to you
I have tried hard, and yes last August was a big step for me, and I tried so hard.
Like i was saying I think a lot of factors are with this
"not stable enough, but yet I dont need therapy".. Ok so basically I am fine till I am triggered is what i get from this-- which arent most like that too ? seems pretty human thing to me... But idk there is more to it.
She has been doing this "stable, not stable, who knows why you are here" sinc emy 2nd session with her, and then go on drugs, don't do drugs, and so on for a while-- and her forgetting what the hell I am tlaking about- forgetting what issues, and what not-- the whole time--

I think she would be a great therapist if she was not so over booked. but I think she looses sight, and i think she is over worked, and she has her own life on top of it (which she should).... but idk... Also one time we talked, and she was telling me about how with her job she has to be stable and at times she thinks she internalizes things-- maybe things are getting too much, and I am one to cut lose?

I am very thankful for my boyfrined-- the other day I was so upset i started to have a nose bleed, and I was uncontrolled with crying and trying to talk but I was shouting and not making sense... I am grateful for him for he talked to me, held me, and told me it would be ok.... I know he is not a therapist but for him to talk to me and we trying to find a solution and saying maybe down the road another try, i think really helps..... and in addition with how I was the other day- by myself, i am not sure about me some times... really mixed with emotions, and I can tend to get confused... I am sorry I rely on him so much some times when like this- but i am lucky to have him

[unaluna]

Originally Posted by beauflow

I am sorry I rely on him so much some times when like this- but i am lucky to have him

he does sound like a pretty special person - you both are!

[growlycat]

I hope you can try out another Dr.

Some suck but thankfully not all.

Keep posting to get through this!!

[Rose76]

I am coming to this thread a little late in the game. I gotta say what you called a "rant" sounded pretty coherent to me. Well, it sounded like something has gone on with you and this therapist that is NOT coherent. So I think you did a decent job of explaining what I don't think is all that understandable.

I saw a therapist over a period of 19 years, who was a nice person and whom I respected. I'm not such an idiot to stick with someone for 19 years, if the person was a jerk. I thought we held each other in high regard.

Well, I got into the worst shape of my whole life, and while I was in that shape, I succeeded in somehow getting on her last nerve . . . and . . . boy, did she ever let me know that in no uncertain terms. There I was - extremely fragile - and she went off at me like a viper. I never saw her again. Actually, I bumped into her years later in a public spot and she greeted me like a long lost buddy. I was c o n f u s e d!

I will always be confused about what happened. My point is that a therapist can do a number on your mind that is unbelievably insensitive, and the T may not even realize how impossibly cruel she/he is being. In a way, it is maybe not cruelty because the person probably doesn't think they mean you any harm. That doesn't mean it can't feel cruel and be cruel in the effect it has on you. Furthermore, I think every single one of us has a cruel streak somewhere inside, and there is no telling what set of circumstances will uncover that streak.

My T was a nice lady, nicer than most people I have ever known. But, on that last afternoon that I went to her office, she was mean to me. (I believe she thought I was being mean to her because I complained about therapy not helping me, so she thought she had to defend herself.) I was not exasperated with her, really. I was exasperated with my life, which at the time was going down the tubes. Somehow, she personalized my exasperation/frustration as deliberately directed at her. That was a lapse of professionalism on her part, IMO. I forgive her - sort of. But she did harm to me that afternoon that I did not deserve after 19 years of being her client.

How can people be so mean. I don't know - but it happens. We can get treated bad, even by a therapist. Your situation sounds worse than mine. At least I got 19 good years out of this lady. That is - 19 years of getting along nice, but the therapy really never helped me.

[beauflow]

((Rose))-- I am not sure who had it worse-- HUGS to you!! 19 years is a long time.. and for the therapy not to work that sucks; and

Yeah I think this Therapist was not a right fit.. and maybe another time in life, but I am not sure....

I don't think many therapist mean to harm , but they can as you mention. They are humans too

[growlycat]

It's common to feel and act worse in therapy before you feel better. A lot gets dragged up from the depths. What do you feel you need? Maybe your BF is afraid of changing the status quo. You need to do what's good for you.

[beauflow]

Originally Posted by growlycat

It's common to feel and act worse in therapy before you feel better. A lot gets dragged up from the depths. What do you feel you need? Maybe your BF is afraid of changing the status quo. You need to do what's good for you.

Thank you GrowlyCat

I could see that with getting worse before getting better--- and yes ultimately yes do what is right for me- but something to keep in mind is my Boyfriend has went over years of changes with me (good and bad)- Was heavy into drugs when i met him, cleaned up, when we first were officially together he saw me go through another hole in my heart from my family with different members of it which brought me down- it was hard due to it was like- I am over them, no I am not- And then I bounced a little up from that of it will be ok/postiive ok attitude of that is their lives- he has went through the bad of surgery with me, and getting back (still working on getting fully back from that) but still.... And to be honest I am not sure what it is that I need-- My boyfriend has mentioned maybe a different therapist-- After all this woman i was seeing was hard to read, and confusing, and many times gave no direction- and if that was her game to get me better- well I think maybe that should had slightly been indulged to me.

To be honest the Therapist at times seemed as if I should not be in therapy as I mentioned the 2nd session of her bouncing around, like I was ok- Just some stuff i have to deal with in life-- I guess I did not detail mention the bouncing around- cuz she would be like that and then when i tried to get out of therapy around November of saying nothing was working, before this happened in February, she told me not to quit and to keep trying; and a time before that when i was using the frogs as signs--- she said well thank goodness you did not indulge yourself in the signs for who knows what would had happened if you did not start therapy (Frogs appearing last August to me were signs of stop therapy- the one got killed after a bad day in therapy and that I took as a deep sign).. I know they are just frogs-- but they had some connection to me at the time... then this happens in Feb from her.. IDK..

Rose mentioned something in another thread that is the bipolar section that I had before the drop that I did talk to the Therapist about but she did not give a damn on what was going on and blamed it on me quitting smoking at that time (which it was 2 weeks of stuff and I had just quit smoking for 3 days) But I think what Rose mentions does have some truth in it-- maybe I do just need side projects.. I had a very hard child and teenage years growing up-- Yeah i may had gotten heavy into street drugs at the end of my teenager years- but between the ages of like 6 to 17 i had school-- School always got me away from home, and gave me focus... perhaps that is what I need in life right now-- be the busy bee--- be the workahlic that others know me as.. but to balance it out and not be soo indulged in it as I know I can get to be.........

I need to get out more maybe-- I am not sure--- I am a loner after all.... I have trouble with peopel.. That is one reason why I like grave yard shifts. I did first shift but had anxiety with things

In the end-- GrowlyCat you do make a great point and it is something to really think on.... what do i need.. I am not sure at this time but it will be something more to think on....