What if your therapy ended today? Could you handle it?

I fear the day when my therapy ends. I hope that I will be ready, but I worry that I will spiral into a deep, dark depression if it ends before I am emotionally able to stand on my own.

Do you ever think about that? Therapy ending before you are ready? How would you handle it? Would you seek out another therapist? Would you want to crawl in a hole and die? Would you say "Yippee! I am free!"

I can't think about ending therapy. It hurts me too much. Yet it also hurts me to continue. I am so confused about all of this. I wish I could just accept things and take them as they come. I can't. My husband says that I am infatuated with my therapist. I don't agree with him. I am just smart enough to know that I have issues that need to be worked through. I know that I need help doing that.

Fear of abandonment can predispose one to becoming infatuated with and dependent on another person. You sound needy, and your acknowledgement that you may in fact be infatuated with your therapist is not the right reason to sustain psychotherapy.

If you feel that you cannot live without therapy it may simply be due to having become dependent upon it, your crutch in life as it were. And if you feel that you have created a bond with your T, and that it would be disastrous for you if it were ever to be broken, then that may in fact happen, as subconscioulsy, that is what you want to happen.

Say to to yourself "I am a strong and independent person, and I rely on no-one and nothing for my own personal well-being and survival". If you use that as your own personal daily mantra, then perhaps you can some day learn to believe in yourself, and develop the confidence and courage to walk freely and alone, and without anyone to lean on.

Lately, I've been struggling with the thought of what if my t moves away? There's absolutely no indication that this is going to happen, but I still think about it. I'm afraid to bring it up with t because what if one day it's true! What if one day she says she is moving away?

I guess I know I would survive without therapy, because I did before I started therapy. I would be very sad though. It took me a long time to open up with t and the thought of having to start over would be difficult. It took me 20 years to finally get the help I needed. I am not sure if I would seek out another t. Maybe after a break.

I agree with this statement completely because it's been true for me. I feel as if I'm just getting over my dependency on T. However, if my therapy ended with her initiating the termination right now, I'd find another therapist because I'm just starting to make headway. That's not to say I don't love her, want her approval and affection, but I just don't need it anymore. I'm no longer dependent on her for my happiness.

Like you, I waited many many years before seeking (or asking) for help. At this point, yes I do depend on it. There are circumstances in my life that brought me to therapy and those cirumstances are still here. They will probably never go away and will inevitably get worse. Thus, the reason I need to stay in therapy a bit longer.

I don't think I could handle it right now. I lost one T (he moved away) and once I found the one I have now, I started to actually work through some things. I have a boatload of stuff going on right now and I'm perfectly happy being dependent on T for a while.

I don't see dependence on a therapist as necessarily a bad thing, depending on the stage of therapy. It can be a very valuable part of the therapeutic relationship.

I've had to switch therapists twice before due to moves and while it was frightening in those periods between therapists, I found it within myself to keep going and living my life. The right therapist always managed to cross my path when eventually the need arose again. I suspect I would manage it once again.

This is a great question.
The depression is now in a moderate stage, and my energy is very low. Partial Remission? (After 3 years+)

I have just restarted with a T and am already planning when will be a good time to exit.
Or when will I have enough of my 'questions' answered and my "new normal'" established to move on my own.

This will be added to my list of discussion topics, centred around what is control and what is wellness.

If my therapy with this therapist ended today, I would trust that I would find another T as I know I need the support in dealing with my illness.

Would I be disappointed? Yes, and like any ending I could imagine grief would be a natural response.
It has taken me awhile to find a connection and trust, but if I did it once I can do it again.

As it is now, each session is an adventure in the landscape of myself, my awareness, mindfulness and emotions. The T is a great guide on my journey.
thanks for the question

It's not that I can't live without therapy. I can. But is it in my best interest to terminate at this time? That is the question. It took 2 years to get where I am in therapy. I fought it tooth and nail and resisted all along the way. I was determined NOT to form any attachment or dependency on her. Contrary to that, the advice I got in here was that I should allow that bond to happen. I should allow that secure attachment to form. It was okay to need her to help me.

In my RL, there are those who often ask me "How do you manage to work full time and be a caregiver as well? I don't see how you do it." When they find out that I am in therapy, their response is very favorable. Like, "Good for you! You need that person to support you. You need someone to confide in and help you work through the emotional toll that being a caregiver can have on a person."

In my RL, I do not come across as "needy" at all. I give off a completely different persona. Only the people of PC, my husband, my therapist, and one other friend know how 'needy' I can really be.

If it were up to me, I wish I could say, "Let's terminate therapy and just get it over with." I will survive.

I lived for many years being a strong and independent person. I relied on no-one. I never let anyone in. I never accepted help. Giving into therapy and actually asking for help was a sign a courage for me. Staying in therapy is a sign of strength. Knowing that I need it is a sign of acceptance. Reaching out to the people of PC is my way of admitting that I am struggling with my emotions. Allowing myself to become vulnerable to the people of PC is a sign that I am actually growing. Believing in myself is something that I still need to work on.

Actually, i want to have a heart attack just reading that question lol

Well, if for some reason my T terminated today.. It would not be good. Only b/c I just disclosed some heavy stuff to him and I would feel like I opened myself up and now I don't know where to go. So, I would probably seek a different T at this point. I have not thought about termination with my current T. I trust that it will happen at the right time for both me and my T.

I would be panicky if I thought that my therapy would end today. I like my therapist and would hate to leave her, but I would need to go with someone else as soon as I could. Like some of the others, it took me a long time to go into therapy and now that I'm there, I still have a lot of baggage to go through.
Bluemountains

I don't know that I would seek out another therapist. My situation with my therapist is a little different in that she works for my church organization. Her rates are quite a bit lower than most and she charges the same whether I stay 45 minutes or 2 hours. It would be hard to go to a therapist that stops at the 50 minute mark. It would not work for me.

So I actually was thinking about this yesterday as I am potentially considering a move across the country for work. I've only been seeing this T for approximately 2 months so its not like there is some long standing relationship or attachment. It did take me however 3 tries before I was able to find someone who was satisfactory. I think I would tolerate it and would be able to handle it if therapy ended today, though I might not necessarily be happy about it. It took me quiet awhile to actually get myself to be able to go to therapy. I'm not sure whether I would find a new T or not, I guess I will deal with that hurdle if and when it arises.

what if you didnt get a choice and your counselor just decided one day she was done with you? how would you handle that?

me too on the heart attack just reading the question!!

I feel exactly the same way. I see my dependence on my therapist as a big step forward for me. I also trust that it will lessen when I no longer need that level of dependence on him.

Now that would be very hard to take!

See those kind of thoughts don't even occur to me. T 's not unpredictable or inconsistent or whatever it would take for a T to be that unethical. More likely scenario is that he decides to retire before I 'm "ready" (whatever that is) . I don't plan to still be in therapy at that point though. God, I hope not!

I think it would be the worst or one of the worst things that could happen to me right now. I think I would need to see a new T-----but oh pity the poor T that will be compared to and never live up to Dr. S!! I think I would spend a lot of time mourning.

I think that we are social creatures--everyone needs someone and anyone who says otherwise is lying. Don't beat up on yourself for feeling needy towards your T, it is part of the deal.

unfortunately that did happen to us-which is why we asked

I've seen 5 Ts and most of them ended before I was ready. Each time except for once I felt compelled to see another T. My fear has always been about my T dying though that's never happened with any of them.
My T tells me that I would be all right without her. I never believed her until today. For some reason, something is shifting inside of me. I would be very sad if my therapy ended for whatever reason, and I would not be able to see my T again. I don't know if I could stand seeing anyone else but I would want to continue with EMDR and maybe do more IFS. I would grieve for my T like I would grieve for a member of my family, and then I would try to live according to everything I've learned from her. I sure hope that nothing happens to her, though.

My t encouraged me to take a break or stop therapy, and I am doing one of those two now (we left it open as to which). He encourages that every time I question if therapy is working. He suggests, implicitly, that maybe my issues aren't very serious and I don't need therapy. Then he also points out some things he thinks I have trouble with. He just doesn't know any better than I do, I suppose, whether it's worth the effort to work on that stuff or whether he can help. atm, I think I'm doing a little better than before I started my string of therapists about two years ago, but it's hard to tell whether that's due to other life circumstances, or whether it will last. The first few days after I stopped I was not doing well - thoughts of sui, trouble getting out of bed, etc.

Anyway, if I go back, I suppose I should stop talking about whether therapy is working since it doesn't get me anywhere. I read about t's helping other people when they talk about that, but that's sure not what happens with me.

>> what if you didnt get a choice and your counselor just decided one day she was done with you? how would you handle that?
it happened to me. My T of 4 yrs started looking for her own replacement. Her enthusiasm in making the search told me we were already finished (not ME, just US).

>> How would you handle it?
with a LOT of hurt, and feelings of abandonment.

>> Would you want to crawl in a hole and die?
yep, sure did.

>> Would you say "Yippee! I am free!"
not for a minute. i know how much needs fixing.

>> Would you seek out another therapist?
yes, and although I thought about taking a long break, i saw her just the very next week

AND

Have. never. looked. back.
T2 is the best thing that could have happened to me. I am very thankful for her.

I think this is a different situation compared to some mutual decision to end therapy versus the client choosing to end therapy.

For some reason the word betrayal comes to mind in this situation if there was no forwarning and the decision was one sided.

I don't think my answer would change as much other than I would probably be more hesistant to start again.