Need To Get A New Therapist

I need a new therapist. [This is all just me venting. My question is at the second paragraph.] The one I have now is seems like she just doesn't give a ****. I'm giving therapy an honest effort. She isn't. I prepare myself each day before I come in to see her, write out things I'd like to discuss with her and things that concern me and do self distributed homework. She doesn't. She hasn't even given me homework. I'm the one that will be doing the work and she's not giving it to me. Wtf? It's been my 8th session with her and I feel like I've accomplished nothing. Not only that, but I feel consistently worse than when I come in. When in therapy, I bring up something important - something a therapist would likely want or need to investigate further - and she just basically says "Oh, that's bad" and that's it. No questions, no thinking, no strategies. Like once I told her that I got into a huge fight with my mom that really shook me up. It was one of those fights that could have turned physical any minute. And she just said "Oh wow. That must have been difficult." Yeah! No **** Sherlock! And that was it. I tried bringing it up again to let her know that this fight wasn't some little squall over who ate the last cookie in the cookie jar, it was a very emotional angry, tearful fight filled with screaming and hate. She still had the same response. WTF?! She just doesn't give a ****ing ****! I know my life isn't always that interesting, but Christ! I've even told her several times that I was seriously contemplating suicide. I was looking up what gun is best to use for a suicide attempt, checking out gun shops around my neighborhood, looking at the prices and I wrote out a specific step-by-step plan for myself with parts in it designed to keep me from getting cold feet. I finally realized that I probably should inform her about this because maybe it doesn't have to end this way, so I did. And guess what? Same thing. She just told me to start doing positive affirmations. WTF?! POSITIVE AFFIRMATIONS? What kind of ******** is that?! If you don't believe what you're writing, it's not going to change anything!!! WOW. *catching breath* Sorry... I am very pissed off right now. Don't get me wrong, I do believe there is value in being sure that you acknowledge the good things that happen in your life, but making good **** up isn't going to help you one ****ing bit. That's exactly what the ****ing "Secret" is! And has anyone who wanted to be rich ever become rich by applying the "Secret"? No. End of story. Anyways, so I gave my therapist a chance. I really did. In the beginning my gut was telling me that this may not work out for various reasons. I should have listened to my gut. But I didn't. Instead I came back every week, giving an honest effort and trying to maintain a positive attitude. Nothing came out of it but frustration and anger.

Now I need to find someone else who (hopefully) will be different for the better. So, really I just want to ask (after all that venting) how do you go about finding a therapist? (I was appointed the therapist I have now, so I have no idea where to look.) Do you look in the Yellow Pages? Do you talk to your GP? Do you ask for a referral with the one you have now? Do you look online? I don't really know where to look - or where are the best places to look. Does anyone here know? Thanks.

I used to feel very much like this. In my case, it was the reaction of a disciplined, structural thinker (me) to the holistic and apparently planless nature of therapy.

Therapy is a bit like Zen: the more you study, the further from the way.

The ideal is to go in without notes, without objectives and just let it happen. Turn off your conscious mind and let your heart speak.

Crazy, right?

But if it is true, then getting a new therapist won't solve the problem.
Instead, you must embrace a way of thinking that you find alien and abhorrent.

In the meantime, there are lots of people here who feel the same way you do, and you may find comfort and companionship in that.

I interviewed several from the internet using various sources such as psychology today and good therapy and therapy tribe. I also got three referrals from the therapist a friend of mine uses.

Affirmations are a way for the conscious mind to reprogram the subconscious. Which may explain why my T doesnt use them.

You DESERVE to have a good T who will help you heal. It may take some looking around, but you can find that right match.

It sounds like this t is not matching your needs. Have you looked into the different types of therapy and picked out any that seem like what you might be looking for? Some are less directive and some are more. Some sects of therapy believe in more disclosure, some less, etc. Gather some questions and some requirements you have for what you need the therapist to be like (the client gets to pick the kind of therapist that will help them) and interview some for the job..

Itchy, it DOES sound like you need someone different. I am just amazed at the T's lack of response to your suicide plan. It's stunning. Not sure where CE is coming from on this, but your T sounds like an idiot. In terms of finding a T, Psychology Today has a web site that has a locator service for therapists, if you're in the U.S. Getting referrals from people you know is probably the best way, if you're up to it. I was really lucky with my first T, and just made an appointment at the college mental health clinic and was assigned to him. I had a great deal of difficulty finding someone else when I tried to therapy later in life. My current T is someone my mother in law sees and she told me to see him.

Good luck. Hang in there. It can get better. Please don't lose hope.

I agree with MKAC that this T sounds like an idiot. Any T worth their salt should be concerned about a suicide plan that detailed.

Another possibility for referrals if you live in a larger area is to call the counseling center at a local college/university to see to whom they refer. If you know of a particular kind of therapy you're seeking, there are also professional association websites with therapist referral systems.

I agree. Your T doesn't seem to care one bit and you do need to find someone else.

A friend of my mom's went through a horrible, very painful divorce a few years ago and she recommended my current T.

Who "assigned" you this t? Can you contact them and ask for another? I agree with the Psychology Today website, also internet search. Try to interview a bit on the phone...set up a few, like 3, different t appts and pick one after seeing all 3. It's important to click with a t and feel like they are listening to you. Good luck.

run away-fast!!!!!

I agree with the other posters that you should seek out a new therapist.

I used both psychology today and just a google search for therapists in my area. I used email to first screen them, and then setup actual appoitnments. First two turned out to be duds. Third time was the charm for me, that one I found just using google.

I disagree with everybody else. Seriously, although I suspect that they may be right. But in my world, you never know how good a T is until you tell them how much they suck. It gives you incredible power and is usually a game changer if you are of the sort that typically keeps your feelings to yourself. Or if you're of the sort who just sort of dumps friends and lovers at the drop of a hat, without really talking about what's wrong.

I say go for one more session. Read her your post here if you can't put it into words. See what there is to learn about yourself from what she has to say back (because, shock of shockers, sometimes our perceptions about things are colored by our own stuff). And maybe she might just turn out to be able to help you better, because I think that in 10 weeks there might have been some good moments along with what sounds like some real bonehead ones.

But perhaps you already have all this interpersonal relationship stuff worked out and you don't need to use this as an opportunity to talk about what's wrong in the relationship, and give the other person a chance to talk back. But for me it was really important to talk to my various T's over the years about what wasn't working for me. Some of them rose to the occasion and became amazing T's to me, after I trained them. Some of them either couldn't understand what I was saying or were defensive in return, and I dropped them. But each time I have chosen to engage and discuss what's wrong, I have moved a little further along the interpersonal competency spectrum, and my marriage and my friendships and my other relationships have all benefited from my enhanced ability to really communicate the tough stuff.

Just a friendly dissenting opinion.

Maybe she's trying to build trust with you? If she flipped with your suicide plan before knowing you then she may completely lose any trust she could possibly ever have. It has taken almost a year for me to remotely trust my therapist and I have told her things to gauge her responses.None of my therapists have ever gave homework. I do assign my self a guided journal entry from a book I bought but it's not for her. It's to help my recovery from the things I recognize. She's supposed to help me with the things I do not recognize. If you don't think it's trust building then run as fast as you can to another therapist. If you have a pdoc I'd ask him/her. Sorry your having so much trouble.