Emailing during session experiment....FAIL

The cost of doing this worthwhile experiment is that I left the session feeling alone and distant....It was awful.

Having T's back toward me, with him focused on the computer elicited feelings of being so far away, ignored...just distant. I shared this with him, and he acknowledged it. I felt SO sad.

I struggled with picking out a place to start on the therapy questionnaire that I sent him...to the point where it just simply didn't happen until we decided on one close to the end of the session.

At one point, he was talking about how impressed he was with the questionnaire and how it would be worthwhile for clients to share it with their therapists. I immediately told him that this stirs up one of the points in the questionnaire - about how I feel about his other clients - and I said, "**** your other clients".

Towards the end of the session, he turned around and we spoke instead of continuing with the experiment. It could have been a time of connection, but I just felt so sad and lost.

I guess it was a worthwhile experiment....even though the results weren't favorable....and it came at the price of having to go another whole week before I can work towards reconnecting with T....

I just feel like bawling right now....

Did he suggest having his back to you? My first thought was that he could have still been facing you but looking down mostly if that would make you more comfy. Heck, he could have checked his own email or something while you typed. But at least you could still look up and see him if you wanted too.

I'm so sorry you didn't feel connected during the session. I know what it's like to leave still wanting that connection and to know that there's another week before even a chance to connect again. You and your T email sometimes, I think? Can you email explaining to him that the experiment backfired, and ask for a slice of email connection to get you through the week?

(((MUE))) Yea, that sounds like a fail. Can you maybe get a do-over tomorrow??? Or maybe Monday?

Thanks for the understanding. I can't believe how incredibly sad I feel right now....

As I think about the session overall, it seems his interest was more in the questionnaire and the possibilities for it....and not on me.

I told him at the end of the session that the experiment left me feeling sad and disconnected....So, there's not much left to say there. He did say that he was going to work on put together some responses to my answers. I guess I have that to look forward to...but for now, it just feels really, really bad....

There's gotta be something more to it than just this....because it feels too awful for it to be about this alone.

I don't like the fact that he turned his back to you. I pictured you both being on laptops facing each other. I'm sorry you felt such a disconnect. I would too.

Also, at the end of the session, T mentioned how one of the questions was whether or not he's ever double-booked an appt. My answer was, "no". He said that it happened today. My sessions are usually at the same day/time each week - but today I had to change it because of a meeting. He agreed to see me during his lunch hour instead - and would take his lunch at my normal session time.

I felt uneasy about this but agreed to it. My meeting then got cancelled, so I called and left T a voicemail this morning letting him know that, giving him the option to switch it back so he could have his normal lunch time.

He said that until I left him that voicemail, he hadn't realized that he had booked two clients during his lunch hour today.

Needless to say, that felt crappy as I was walking out the door....I told him it's a good thing that we both didn't show up at the same time, because I would have to beat the person up.

sorry it left you feeling so sad. having a counselor sit with their back to us would trigger all sorts of childhood stuff,maybe thats what happened? ♥♥♥

his back to me, i would have just left. like chopin said, i imagined two people on laptops facing each other.

one time for session, i took in my youngest son for help. t maybe said ten words to me and focused all his attention on my son. it was a good thing, t really helped my son. HOWEVER, i feel so abandoned and neglected.
i was surprised at how strong my reaction was, so i totally get t having his back to you! not cool in my book.

i would definitely say no way to the next time!

sending safe hugs

I thought out would be face to face emailing too. Buy then I waaaaa like "hmm, we all have our issues with eye contact so what would it matter". Butt when I actually imagine t sitting with the chair turned, feels rejecting. More so, I imagine than psychoanalysis with the t hiding out of sight. This case has t there, but felling as if t doesn't even want to bother looking at me. Ugh, I can only imagine how your feeling based on how bad I felt thinking about the prospect. Hugs mue

Thanks for the feedback, everyone.

I tried to consider why I am feeling so badly after this session....and although his back to me did trigger very deep sadness, I realize that it was part of the experiment that I wanted to do. He also told me that we could stop at any time.

It seems that he was so interested in the questionnaire, curious about other responses, how this could be useful to all clients...that I felt like a total afterthought in my own session.

When he addressed my responses to it, he said something along the lines of....we've talked about most of these things, so it's not like there's anything ground breaking here.

I feel so insignificant....and really wish I never shared it with him at all.

I have done e-mailing in a session once before, my T was sat sideways and I was facing T, it was scary as I am less guarded in e-mails but it helped to see my T didn't have a look of total disgust when receiving a message from me. Do you think you would try again if you could face each other?

I may consider trying the email experiment again....perhaps using IM and having us face each other....But at the moment, I'm fighting that typical urge to discontinue therapy altogether. In the whole grand scheme of things, I feel incredibly insignificant...and that isn't very helpful to me right now. 8(

I emailed T about this....and he responded saying that he considered that as well. He was so excited about the questionnaire and the community we've created that he lost sight of me. He said he was sorry.

That might make most people feel better - that he acknowledged it, etc....But he confirmed what I was feeling....that I was an afterthought....and that feels awful.

If it helps I don't think you are insignificant at all and I'm sure your T doesn't either, although I understand why you feel like you do you're an extremely special, important and significant person on here and to us

Aww, thank you, confuseduk.....That means a lot, as I sit here bawling my eyes out.

I guess I'm not being very nice to my T....I emailed him back saying that "hearing confirmation that I was an afterthought feels awful...and to think, I paid for that."

I just need some time to lick my wounds....and I know that this will pass and something will be learned from it. But for now, it hurts....

((((Mue)))) I'm so sorry you feel this way. What I said is true though. I'm glad you were able to share your feelings with your T, did he respond?

I'm sorry you're in so much pain and had to pay for this hurt please keep posting

Thanks, confuseduk....((( HUGS )))...I sooo appreciate it.

No, T didn't respond to that yet. I doubt he will because I believe I was being reactive and hurtful by making that last comment about how I paid for it...and he doesn't typically feed in to that kind of stuff.

I'd like to get to a place where I can be accepting of it...that **** happens, I know he cares, that he realizes what happened, he's human, and we can work through it. But for right now, I'm hurt, angry and wanting to forget therapy altogether....

I don't think sending that e-mail was you not being nice, you were just expressing your hurt and feeling you were let down by him, that sounds like progress, that you have shared it with him and not bottled it up so it will eat away at you. I understand you want to forget therapy altogether, but hang on in there, you're doing amazingly well try to do something nice for you this weekend, you deserve it

Thanks...I'm having trouble taking in the idea that this is doing well....

I'm beginning to feel more and more angry.....because the idea of me having "paid for it" is a deep issue. My income has dropped by 70% over the last year because of going on disability and then losing my job. Luckily, I had a decent savings to help me get through - which has dwindled away to next to nothing. I still don't have a full time job - only working one day a week, with the hope that it will become full time....And I am single mom with a mortgage....

Yet, I come to therapy every single week - pay the fees on time....and when I end up having to pay out of pocket due to limitations on therapy, I pay the full amount. I am not a burden on my T - because I keep almost every single appt. I ever make. In the 3-1/2 years that I've been seeing him - upwards of 2-3x/week - I can count on one hand how many sessions I had to cancel...and those that I canceled without enough advanced notice, I paid for in full, no questions asked.

I am ANGRY that he does not have to carry any of the burden of it. He lost sight of me during my session. I was an afterthought. And I PAID FOR IT. He loses nothing out of it. I DO. After mid-August, I will have to start paying out of pocket for all of my sessions for the rest of the year....and this is one that I LOST.

I am SO sad and SO angry right now....

(((mue))) I'm sorry, it sounds like you've had a lot to deal with in the last year I'm so sorry this has eaten into your savings, I don't blame you for being angry about this wasted session. Does your T know about your situation? i really do think you're doing amazingly well given that you have a disability, family, mortgage and other issues to deal with how are you coping? If you ever want to vent then you know where I am. I guess the relationship may seem a bit one sided at the moment. It's great that you try to go to all the sessions, I hope it helps and you will continue to do that.

Can you do something nice this weekend?

Thanks for your support. It means a lot.....

I know that everything I am feeling is all part of the process....and that something of value will come from it. I wish it wasn't so hard and so painful....

Sometimes I hate therapy....

I don't really have plans this weekend...but I also don't have any energy and can't be outside in the heat/humidity due to my medical issues. But I will try to figure something out to help take my mind off of this...

Thanks again....

what do you like to do mue? Maybe we can figure something out?

Hey MUE....I just logged on for a little bit. Sorry you are hurting right now. I am glad you are venting it out though. You're T screwed up, you have a right to be angry.

MUE...I'm angry for you. I understand the financial issue. Sometimes when I feel like I have wasted sessions, I don't like having to pay for them. I hate therapy sometimes too.

I just wanted to commiserate with you and show you a little support.