[struggling2]

if you caught my thread from last week...my T is on vacation with her family and this vacation has really bummed me out. All I keep thinking about is how much of a good time she is having with her WHOLE family. I can hear her laughing in my head. And it makes me sad. This is ridiculous. Where is this coming from. I feel so weird. She's gone on vacation before and its never fazed me. I never gave it 2 thoughts. Ive never given much thought to her kids either....ive never been jealous of them cause they have her for a mom and i dont. BUT....when briefly talking about her vacation and who all was going she shared that her sons new gf was going too. For whatever reason knowing that has sent me into a tailspin of jealousy. WTF? I dont know either of them. I know nothing about them besides his name. All I know is that im totally jealous of this girl. Why? Is it because T is not this girls mom either but she may get her as a mom if she marries her son? All I think about is T and her becoming super close and laughing and having a good time. Im so confused. Where is this coming from? I feel like such a creeper. This has totally thrown me for a loop. Ugh. What a crappy week.

struggling, I'm sorry you are feeling this way. Are you afraid that the son's new GF will somehow make your relationship with T less important to T or that T's feelings for you will somehow be replaced by the son's new GF? Transference sucks sometimes.

[struggling2]

Originally Posted by LolaCabanna

struggling, I'm sorry you are feeling this way. Are you afraid that the son's new GF will somehow make your relationship with T less important to T or that T's feelings for you will somehow be replaced by the son's new GF? Transference sucks sometimes.

I dont think its that exactly. I think its just that my family is not close. And hearing how close she is with hers just bummed me out cause I feel like im never gonna have that. Im married and I have my own mother in law. But my marriage is rocky due to my struggle with intimacy. And my H is not close with his family at all either. I think its just made me feel real down in the dumps cause im not close to my mom or my mother in law and one person I feel getting closer to is T and ive started to see her in motherly way and now theres another person (sons gf) that gets to have a close mother like relationship with her (or the potential to) and ive still got this lame therapy patient attachment to her like shes my mommy and shes not. its just depressing.

I get this completely. I am so jealous of my T's family life I could throw a hissy fit. Seriously. A while back we were talking about music and how it affects emotions. He gave me a quick glimpse of something he had created on his computer. He had taken pictures from a family reunion last year (his kids are grown), and used a program to create a slide show effect with fades & stuff, and then set it all to music. Waaah!!!!! He cares so much about his family, and he's such a good daddy. And my family was so screwed up, and my dad was never there for me. Hell, It's just not fair!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Man, this just eats at me sometimes. The envy is soooo painful, the regret for what I missed .... I swear, I could just croak.

Just wanted to share this lovely stuff so you'll know you're not alone .........

[kiki86]

i get a bit annoyed if i think about my T's private life too much. i don't really know much about his family or anything but the picture of him being all happy and having a great life because it makes me feel a bit pathetic. and knowing that i share so much of how sad my life is, it makes me think he must pity me. which i hate. so i try not to dwell on it. maybe your T being holidays has raised some of those feelings?

[struggling2]

thx bunny, have you talked to your T about this? Is he aware of it? If so, what does he say? I'm curious because I'm dreading having to say anything to T. I feel like I can tell her anything but when it comes to feelings/things about her and towards her I absolutely do not wanna go there. She always tells me she can handle whatever I throw at her feet but still... This is like way weird. And she always tells me she "looks forward to struggling days" and that she really likes me and I'm one of her favorites. but I consider myself an easy client. I show up everytime. I pay everytime. I never contact her between sessions and I don't freak out on her with emotions all the time. but if i go to her with all this weird stuff about her and start showing all these crazy emotions she's not gonna like me anymore.

[struggling2]

Thx Kiki.....yes, I am a bit annoyed. I know she hasnt always had a great but just knowing all the weird family stuff I'm dealing with right now and she's the first person in my life I feel like I'm letting in....and to be thinking about how happy and close she is with her family just sucks. makes me feel pathetic. This is the lowest ive felt in a long time. and I don't know of I should tell her about it.

[Asiablue]

Originally Posted by struggling2

thx bunny, have you talked to your T about this? Is he aware of it? If so, what does he say? I'm curious because I'm dreading having to say anything to T. I feel like I can tell her anything but when it comes to feelings/things about her and towards her I absolutely do not wanna go there. She always tells me she can handle whatever I throw at her feet but still... This is like way weird. And she always tells me she "looks forward to struggling days" and that she really likes me and I'm one of her favorites. but I consider myself an easy client. I show up everytime. I pay everytime. I never contact her between sessions and I don't freak out on her with emotions all the time. but if i go to her with all this weird stuff about her and start showing all these crazy emotions she's not gonna like me anymore.

Struggling, i want you to know i'm standing right beside you on this issue. I feel exactly the same way you do. It's a form of grieving for what we never got and will never have. I have maternal feelings for my therapist too and she's away on vacation for weeks. And while i don't want her to be my mommy, i want my own mother to have been more like her. This distance i have with my therapist right now seems to scream at me "you are just a patient, she isn't even thinking about you, she's glad to be away from you, it's you she needed the break from etc" This break is a loud reminder that i am not part of her life, even tho she's a big part of mine. And that hurts.

Originally Posted by struggling2

thx bunny, have you talked to your T about this? Is he aware of it? If so, what does he say? I'm curious because I'm dreading having to say anything to T. I feel like I can tell her anything but when it comes to feelings/things about her and towards her I absolutely do not wanna go there. She always tells me she can handle whatever I throw at her feet but still... This is like way weird. And she always tells me she "looks forward to struggling days" and that she really likes me and I'm one of her favorites. but I consider myself an easy client. I show up everytime. I pay everytime. I never contact her between sessions and I don't freak out on her with emotions all the time. but if i go to her with all this weird stuff about her and start showing all these crazy emotions she's not gonna like me anymore.

I mentioned it once, when I was really angry and going on and on about all the things that I was angry about. I said something like "I hate that your life is so perfect and mine is so ****ed up." He didn't show any particular reaction .... he was taking notes of what I was ranting and raving about. I don't see any reason in my case to bring it up. My emotions are for what I missed growing up - they're not really about him. I'm angry with my parents for what they didn't give me, and I can tell by the kind of anger it is, it's a childish anger, not an adult one. I feel like stamping my feet and just throwing a tantrum!!

So I can't give advice as to whether you should bring this up. But I am sure that your T will understand completely if you do. I think it's pretty common, actually, and I might be doing myself a disservice by not talking to T about it more. Usually what I talk about are the things that are bothering me the most, and this isn't at the top of the list right now. But if it's at the top of yours, please don't be afraid she won't like you. I'm sure she's heard it all before!!

oh my gosh...I wish I could articulate the way I am feeling as well as you do! Just THINKING about my family and "family stuff" in general, and my anxiety level shoots up from a regular, daily 2 to a dizzying freekin' 8.

I think you expressed perfectly how you are feeling. And IMHO, I don't think it's weird or freakish or crazy at all...in fact, taking into consideration what you've written, it sounds completely apropos.

I would venture to guess, your T would WELCOME the discussion, too, because it's probably one of those "doors" in T that once you cross through, you come out on the other side feeling so much better

Hugs to you,
Rose

[struggling2]

Originally Posted by Asiablue

Struggling, i want you to know i'm standing right beside you on this issue. I feel exactly the same way you do. It's a form of grieving for what we never got and will never have. I have maternal feelings for my therapist too and she's away on vacation for weeks. And while i don't want her to be my mommy, i want my own mother to have been more like her. This distance i have with my therapist right now seems to scream at me "you are just a patient, she isn't even thinking about you, she's glad to be away from you, it's you she needed the break from etc" This break is a loud reminder that i am not part of her life, even tho she's a big part of mine. And that hurts.

thx asia ....."And while i don't want her to be my mommy, i want my own mother to have been more like her.".....this part is a big factor of this sadness. im also not sad that im not a part of her family and ive never wished that i was....its just a huge huge reminder of how dysfunctional my life seems right now. talking to my parents on the phone is stressful enough.....impossible to imagine going on and being excited about a big family vacation spending all kinds of time together and being close and blah blah blah. im sure her life is not perfect but damnit she's so perfect to me. Smart, pretty, confident, SO confident, seems to know what she wants and where she's going, close family........and here i am....confused, depressed, lost, overwhelmed, pathetic, not confident, bad wife, etc etc.......ugh.

Struggling, we all have to play the cards were dealt even if it's a S H I T t Y hand. I hope your T can help you through this, don't judge yourself by what you think your T or others have. Wishing you well.

[Asiablue]

Originally Posted by struggling2

thx asia ....."And while i don't want her to be my mommy, i want my own mother to have been more like her.".....this part is a big factor of this sadness. im also not sad that im not a part of her family and ive never wished that i was....its just a huge huge reminder of how dysfunctional my life seems right now. talking to my parents on the phone is stressful enough.....impossible to imagine going on and being excited about a big family vacation spending all kinds of time together and being close and blah blah blah. im sure her life is not perfect but damnit she's so perfect to me. Smart, pretty, confident, SO confident, seems to know what she wants and where she's going, close family........and here i am....confused, depressed, lost, overwhelmed, pathetic, not confident, bad wife, etc etc.......ugh.

ummm... are we long lost twins lol??

[Freefall1974]

this is why I know nothing about my T, after 2 years. Don't know where born. What city she lives in, if she has kids. I assume when she goes out of town is when she tells me she wont be available the next week-I don't ask. I don't know what here issues are. It is the safest way for me.

[struggling2]

Originally Posted by Asiablue

ummm... are we long lost twins lol??

lol...maybe? i always wanted a twin!!!

[mcl6136]

Originally Posted by LolaCabanna

Struggling, we all have to play the cards were dealt even if it's a S H I T t Y hand. I hope your T can help you through this, don't judge yourself by what you think your T or others have. Wishing you well.

man that is wisdom.

There have been times when sitting across from the T who seemed like they had the perfect life, I thought.....I don't have every card in the deck, but it's an okay hand. I am going to call you, and raise you one.

Cause I just didn't buy it. You might be bluffing.