This is playing off of the thread "is there something you want to tell your T but can't?"

I'm wondering if there's messages you guys WANT from T. What is T LIKELY to say about whatever your worries, anxieties, or joys are? What do you *want* T to say?

I'm hoping this can stay rather realistic (i.e. not "Lets run off to Spain together and get married!"). But truly what T would need to say in response to those things you need to talk about.

Such as: Me: I can't sleep because I'm scared after watching a triggering show.
My T would likely say something like/I hope she says something like: Gosh Stormy, it does sound like a really rough night. How about you imagine something safe and imagine me holding you in session so you can sleep safe and sound til I see you again?

BTW - That is one of my true "what I want T to say right now" things. I am super triggered after the show and wish she would invite me in her lap to soothe me.

[skysblue]

Although T has said she won't ever terminate me, I would like her to say it in a way where I can finally and deeply believe her.

What sort of message do you think that would sound like? Have you imagined it playing out in your head, of how T would say this in a way that would convince you?

[skysblue]

Originally Posted by stormyangels

What sort of message do you think that would sound like? Have you imagined it playing out in your head, of how T would say this in a way that would convince you?

No, I haven't. And each time she tells me, I 'believe' it but then I worry again when I think I've done something in session that I think would make her want to terminate.

She has been annoyed with me before and so we do have that real and concrete threat in my mind. See, if someone is mad at me it means they will abandon me.

She called me yesterday and left message in which she said, 'of course I want to continue seeing you' after I had expressed my concern that she was finally sick of me.

IDK, maybe if she brought it up and was more emphatic and wouldn't let the topic end until she was convinced that I was convinced. IDK

I have already asked her this question in which I gave her a ton of scenarios about how I might act and if any of those would be cause for termination and in each one she said no. The only cause would be if I threatened her physically.

[Wren_]

BTW - That is one of my true "what I want T to say right now" things. I am super triggered after the show and wish she would invite me in her lap to soothe me.

I wish she'd do that for you now also

Although T has said she won't ever terminate me, I would like her to say it in a way where I can finally and deeply believe her.

I hope you'll come to believe it

[Wren_]

I'm not going to let you die
I'm here
I'm not going anywhere
I won't let you fall apart
It's ok
We're in this together
I'll catch you
You aren't alone
I'll keep you safe
I know you're scared, I'm here
You're not too much for me

.... living in fantasy land

[skysblue]

Originally Posted by tigergirl

I'm not going to let you die
I'm here
I'm not going anywhere
I won't let you fall apart
It's ok
We're in this together
I'll catch you
You aren't alone
I'll keep you safe
I know you're scared, I'm here
You're not too much for me

.... living in fantasy land

Boy, those are great wishes. One of them my T has told me numerous times, " you're not too much for me." I guess I am very lucky. I wouldn't ever expect her to say the other things though.

[Wren_]

Boy, those are great wishes. One of them my T has told me numerous times, " you're not too much for me." I guess I am very lucky. I wouldn't ever expect her to say the other things though.

I hope she will ............. and i'm glad she's said that; does she say it after you ask?

[skysblue]

Originally Posted by tigergirl

I hope she will ............. and i'm glad she's said that; does she say it after you ask?

No, she has said it spontaneously quite a few times.

[Wren_]

sounds reassuring? was it?

[learning1]

T says he cares from time to time and that helps a lot. I'd like to know if he likes me or dislikes me. If he thinks I should keep coming to therapy. Even if he thinks I should, would he prefer if I talk to a different therapist. If I bore him, disgust him or annoy him. Once he said something in particular didn't bore him. Another time he asked if people think I'm boring.

[granite1]

i always would want my T to say things like i care about you ,I'm not angry at you,it will be OK,I'm not going to leave ,etc..and all these comforting statements. now i called her a few weeks ago to ask her if i was still able to come to my session and so on because i thought she was mad.i never really asked her if she was mad witch was my real concern not my appointment.when i told her what my real concern was and that i should have just asked her she asked,"would you have believed me if i had said no?"probably not.so yes i would love for her to say all these things but it is probably unrealistic that i would take her at her word

[WePow]

I would like my T to say when he gets back Tuesday "I thought about you a few times while I was away. I was hoping you were taking care of yourself and I would return to find you a little bit happier than when I left."

After all of this time, when I really need to hear something from T, I ask. I'll say something like "I really need to hear that you're not going to terminate me" and T says something like "That's EASY to say, because it's the truth. I. am. not. going. to. terminate. you. We're in this together".

I trust T and I know he wouldn't tell me something that isn't true just because I asked him to (I think I actually tested this quite a few times early in therapy!). So, when I really need to hear something, I ask. And it helps. It feels empowering to be able to ask for what I need and I know T is proud of me for doing it.

This is after four years of therapy, though. I'm pretty positive that in my first year or two of therapy, if I said "I need to know that you're not going to terminate me", T would have asked "where do you think that fear is coming from?". I guess for most of the things I need to ask for, we've worked past that stage. Now, more than anything, I need to know I'm loved and safe, even after telling my story.

[skeksi]

Originally Posted by granite1

so yes i would love for her to say all these things but it is probably unrealistic that i would take her at her word

This is true for me, too. I think my T has said pretty much all the things I wish he would. For me, the problem is that I don't trust another person to say those things outright. I assume he must be lying, tricking, or otherwise manipulating me by saying such kind, caring things. It's sad, but that's where my life experience has gotten me. It's a battle to learn to trust in his word.

I honestly can't think of a thing I'd want my t to say to me that he hasn't already said. We have a very honest, straightforward relationship. We both say exactly what we want to say when we want to. No mincing words. I think it is that complete directness that makes it so easy to trust what he says.

[PTSDlovemycats]

Things I've wished but over time she has actually said to me;

I care about you
You have more capacity then you know
You are a good soul
You deserve good things to happen to you
I am here for you
You are like a daughter to me.

[rainbow_rose]

I know she cares. I'd love to for her to say it.

[elliemay]

It's not so much something that I want my therapist to say, but what I would like for him to do.

I volunteer at the most wonderful place in the whole world (not biased at all!) and have for a long long time.

It is open to the public. I wish he would go. I wish he would share that part of my life that I love so much.

[dismantle.repair]

...
I wish she'd just say she wouldn't give up. That's all.

[FourRedheads]

I'm here.
I'm not going anywhere.
I'm not going to hurt you.
You deserve to feel better.

[wintergirl]

I want him to tell me more about himself when I ask - I like him so much, yet I feel guilty for liking him, because I know so little about him. But when I ask some of my questions, the session takes on a weird feeling, as if I'm trying to turn it into a date.

I'm trying to trust him more, but I'm becoming less trusting because he seems unwilling to tell me things! I know the boundaries are there to protect us both, but I find it so difficult to navigate this relationship.

[WePow]

(((((FourRedheads)))) My T has said all of those to me!
Why don't you print that out and hand it to your T.

[nicoleb2]

I wish my T would say:

I'm not going to leave you, even when you frustrate me.
You are trying so hard to cope with everything, I'm proud of you.
It's ok to have setbacks

[vaffla]

My T is great, and she has already said to me things I was craving to hear for years by my former T, so I can't really complain, I am very content with her . There are, however, things I would love to hear down the road, but these are just fantasies:
* You are my most special client
* You are like a daughter to me
* I wish I could be your mom

I also wish that after we're done with therapy (i.e. never! ), we would be in close touch, have lunch together, I would be able to come to her house, and be part of her life.

But these are all just fantasies, and I know none of this would happen, so it's not like I expect it or anything.

God, I her so much...