Glad I can be honest with T

It's nice to be able to say what I feel, like "I envy your success" and "I really hate those pants." Not need to hold back or bite my tongue!

That must be a very nice feeling. I don't feel like I can be honest like that with my T. Although, it would be easier for me to be honest about what I think or feel about him than it would be to be honest about what I think or feel about me. Unfortunately, therapy is supposed to be about me.

I totally can relate to that- after a year with my T, I feel like I can tell her anything. But I probably wouldn't tell her I hated her pants

Was your T able to hold back and bite HER tongue when you said " I really hate those pants"

She laughed.

She said, "I like the way you are so honest. It's lovely."

Hating someone's pants isn't really worthwhile honesty though is it.

Well, my T thought it was.

Anyway, that's not the point. The point is I can say how I feel.
It's not about the quality of the pants. It's about the quality of the relationship.

Do you think I'm being disrespectful of my T?
Does that bother you?

I think my T would love it if I were to say something like that as well. Unfortunately, I haven't reached that point yet, and I don;t know that I ever will! In my dreams maybe. In my dreams.

Yep, this. I do like the sound of your T. I'm very glad you have that kind of relationship.

There is a difference between saying ,I envy your degree or what ever and saying I hate your pants.

The first comes from and emotion you get from within. You express yourself and how you are feeling. The other one it´s just ..well saying I hate the pair of trousers you chose this morning to go to work and I don´t like your taste

Honesty is great and your T sounds cool, but maybe go easy on her on picking ON her clothes and stuff .. and other women on this one. IF we have not specifically asked- does my but look big in this or do you like my pants?. I would pick my honesty wisely

You can be honest with your T, but you can be honest with other people, too. It's just that with everyone else, they can tell you where you can go with all that honesty. A therapist, in general, won't do this.

I dunno. The one thing about therapy that I don't like is how "unreal" it is. I can be all kinds of crazy with my therapist and she doesn't blink an eye. But it's not because of unconditional lovingkindness. It's because she's trained to tolerate bizarre behavior and control her behavior.

Insulting my therapist and getting an unrealistic reaction from her would drive me up the wall, I think. If she laughs when I insult her, why should I believe she's telling me the truth when she pays me a compliment or giving me advice? I guess I take sincerity seriously.

Interesting, acknowledging her success AND diminishing her looks - all in the same sentence.

A very interesting power dynamic I think. I would love to be a fly on the wall in your therapy.

I don't see why her reaction would necessarily be unrealistic or insincere, though. If I think of how I would react if somebody told me they hated a particular item of clothing I was wearing (ok, that's a bad example because I could not care less about what I wear, but say it was a book I was reading) I'd say it would depend entirely on who said it. And how they said it. And the context in which it was said.

Besides, there's a considerable difference between "I hate those trousers you are wearing" and "I hate your looks" or even "I hate the way you dress in general" (which could be interpreted to mean "You have no sense of style".)

I think a better question would be "does it bother you". I think passing comments on someone's pants isn't real honesty. Real honesty involves true intimacy. Telling someone what YOU think of their clothing isnt really intimacy.

Maybe an example could be.....if you are invited to a dinner party. You like the host or envy her or what ever do to whatever issues you have. But when you say...without being asked...I don´t like what you have cooked for me, the dish you have chosen to cook when I was invited to your home etc.

And then the host say...oh that is a lovely thing to say.....

I personally would get offended or sad whatever... and no this is not an example of a good relationship or intimacy. Nor EMPATHY

CE...I think it's great that you can be blatantly honest with your T. I wish I could be half as honest with mine.

Is being completely unfiltered helping with your therapeutic goals? If so, then it sounds useful to you.

the more ugly things I blurt out in T and deal with there, the fewer ugly things I blurt out IRL, and the more the true classy me shows up

For me, the credibility of the therapist would come into play, though, as autoelica says. I appreciate the fact that when I once called my T an 'idiot' (and in my defense, I said it affectionately AND what he said was pretty stupid), and he called me on it. He told me that 'idiot' is NOT a term of endearment. Calling him a name is not cool.

I'm glad you can be honest with T too! I used to criticize my former T and she didn't like it, especially when I said something about her clothes. I think she took it personally. But it's different with my current T. It feels different to be honest with her. It's a GOOD feeling because she knows I like her anyway, even if I criticize something about her. So I understand how it is with you and your T. We need to be able to tell them what we think, even about their clothes.

Like you, I'm very interested in my T's clothes. For me, it may have to do with wanting her to be like me rather than different from me. That has to do with wanting us to be more connected, but tastes in clothes don't really matter. It's the emotional connection, which takes us back to being glad we can be honest with our Ts! Did this post make any sense at all?

I'm sorry, but I don't think I managed to make my point quite clear. We don't know (well, I don't) CantExplain nor his therapist very well, and don't know what their conversations are like. We don't know the contexts. We cannot judge somebody else's conversational strategies based on what works for us personally. (Especially somebody who may or may not have a totally different cultural background.)

I might be offended if somebody I didn't know very well insulted my choice of reading in an offensive manner. I would probably not be offended if a close friend whom I trusted not to want to hurt me expressed a difference of opinion about something that's a matter of taste.

All I'm saying is that we can't look at somebody's report of a conversation and, based on our own culturally-specific interpretations of the context, judge the possible reactions of a third party who hasn't given their side of the story.

You are right. I thought about that after I replied too, about the the context and probably humorous ( spellling?) tone it was said in. Point taken... By the way I am not Japanese or Indian or come from a culture with specific culturel dinner codes or different interpersonal ethics;-)

I think most people wouldn't laugh at someone poking fun at their clothes. Even if they don't care about their appearance. I don't really care about my looks either, but I wouldn't really appreciate hearing someone's unsolicited opinion about it. I wouldn't be mean to them, but I wouldn't laugh.

Honesty is great...until it hurts your feelings. I'm wondering if CE would appreciate that kind of honesty from his therapist. What if, in response to the comment about her pants, she said she hated his haircut? Why shouldn't she return the "favor"?

I think there's a big difference between being honest and being unabashedly opinionated.

Maybe CE's T wasn't concerned about the pants comment because she didn't like his pants either, or maybe he's quirky or maybe he was just playing with her and she knew it because she knows him that well. I told my T once "you suck", when I started to cry. He knew what I meant, I didn't think he actually sucked... It was more of a you win comment... I was defeated. I'm glad you can be honest with T, but I would be careful of woman and their clothing choices.

I totally agree with you. My t is one person i can be open and honest with, and that is so refreshing.