[stopdog]

How have you tried to communicate with the therapist when they do not seem to hear you or you understand them? I have tried talking in very direct and explicit ways, written short stories, presented charts and graphs, given a powerpoint presentation, and prepared oral and written examples of what would help me and where they lose me - all to no avail. Have you all tried any other ways? I am desperate and am beginning to plan a sock puppet play or possibly interpretive dance.
(I am not asking to be told I suck at therapy or to find a new one - just examples of what you have done if you have any you are willing to share)

[Miswimmy1]

i dont know what to tell ya, except that I sometimes get this too. I dont think its that they don't hear you; i think its more that they dont nessisarily agree with you and want you to see their way, only they wont tell you their way. they want you to come to the conclusion on your own, that way it will be your decision. It sucks kind of. I see it almost as manipulation in a way.

i guess it depends on what you want. maybe you just have to be blunt and say, "look im trying to tell you X. why do you continue to avoid answering me"

[stopdog]

Originally Posted by Miswimmy1

i

i guess it depends on what you want. maybe you just have to be blunt and say, "look im trying to tell you X. why do you continue to avoid answering me"

That was where I started from. But that directness did not help. I am not looking for them to agree with me necessarily, but to indicate that at least they have heard me or heard that I do not understand them.
Anyway, I am just wanting other suggestions if anyone has them.

[2or3things]

No unique ideas here--T and I were just talking the other day about my facility with language and how I can come up with 1,000 ways to not say what I need to say. I do, sometimes, spend a few days between sessions trying to write out what I want her to know, because it's so much easier on paper than face-to-face for me. Then I have time to go back to it and try to clarify if it's not working. (Think "What would a 5th grader take away from what I just wrote" and revise accordingly.)

If you're taking a poll, though, I'd totally go for the interpretive dance.

[Anne2.0]

What happens when you say "I do not understand what you are saying" or "You are confusing me?"

It seems like you are saying that you get ignored when you say this, that the T does not make further efforts to help you understand or feel less confused. But I'm not sure if I have failed to understand you.

[WikidPissah]

hell if I know...

Have you tried telling her to shut the ef up and listen? Then follow up with "what did I just tell you?" Works for my 2 yr. old niece.

BTW...can you youtube the sock puppets? I'd enjoy that.

(and I am really sorry that she isn't understanding you.)

........................
Nevermind, sorry

[stopdog]

I am not looking for the therapist to give me "the answer" - I don't think they can do that and I usually become directly hostile when that woman tries to do that - it makes me crazy. But if they talked in metaphor I would become homicidal. I want clear indication in comprehensible format they heard/understood me and can work with me to figure out a way to communicate with me better than the non-working way that is going on now.

[Gadgetsmile]

Sorry I wish I had something new to tell you. I write it all down if I feel like that, but directly. A real example...last week you asked a question and I didn't answer it fully because I didnt think about it properly at the time. So I wanted to clarify and fill in the blanks.
(I write in bullet points to get each point across and to break it up so it isn't a solid 4 page letter.)
Then I go over everything I have written, just so I know they get what I'm on about. And ask for their input. If I don't understand something I immeadiately say, can you repeat that in English for me please? (I hate psychobabble)
Most t's I've had have been pretty good with me about it.

I hope you manage to find a way to deal with this.

Ps you don't suck at therapy. It's a difficult thing to do and you are sticking with it which is good, although it sounds rather frustrating, but I had a really good t and I found I got rather frustrated with myself and with her at times.

Hang in there....

.........................
sorry, I'm not making sense

[granite1]

stop are they just refusing to be direct with you.is that what the problem is?? i have no idea how to get a T to communicate how we want. my T has used games to help me understand role play, drawing and other things sometimes it helps other times it doesnot. but i would always want them to be direct.

[karebear1]

There has been one time when I felt I wasn't being understood and I said in a rather exasperated tone of voice, "You are not hearing what I am saying". T stopped and asked me to repeat what I wanted her to hear.... adn then she actually heard it!

I know when T wants me to hear something that she is sayonig she will emphsize it and gthen say- "OK . What did you hear me just say?". Maybe that would help T understand if you asked her to interpret what she heard you say?

[pbutton]

I have said "I feel like you are not understanding me. Could you repeat back what you've heard, explaining it from my point of view?" Then he leaves out what he thinks should be done differently or what is maladaptive on my part. It also gives me a chance to interject on any points he's not understanding correctly.

[stopdog]

Originally Posted by just_some_girl

........................
Nevermind, sorry

I appreciated your input.

[stopdog]

I have tried the direct route. I have tried direct with charts and graphs And examples and lists and powerpoints and bullet points and every other direct "I am not being heard" and I am not being heard in the following ways, and "when I say x and you respond with y - I do not see how these relate to each other" and "could you say 'I hear you say x and it relates to y like this...'

[velcro003]

and what does she say to your comments? does she just completely ignore you? or answers in a way you don't understand? can you give a specific example?

What T does with me a lot is to say something like, "What I heard you say is .......blah blah blah" then I say either Yes, that's what i meant, or No, what I meant is blah blah blah. We repeat until we're both agreed on what's being said.

I've decided to try the same thing with him. Next time I don't think he's actually hearing what I'm saying, I'm going to say, "I've been talking. Can you tell me what you've heard?" Because sometimes I don't think he's actually HEARING me - he's listening, but he's not hearing.

It works well when T does it, so I don't see why it wouldn't work when the client does it. Turnabout is fair play and all that .... If you're having a real problem communicating with the woman, and it sounds like you are, then you might need to go back and forth a bit until you're on the same page. Or have you already tried this and it doesn't work?

[WikidPissah]

Originally Posted by stopdog

I have tried the direct route. I have tried direct with charts and graphs And examples and lists and powerpoints and bullet points and every other direct "I am not being heard" and I am not being heard in the following ways, and "when I say x and you respond with y - I do not see how these relate to each other" and "could you say 'I hear you say x and it relates to y like this...'

You don't suck at therapy at all, I think maybe you are even working too hard at it. Seriously, charts and bulletlists and powerpoints and directness. No wonder you're frustrated, I would be too. I am sorry I don't have any ideas for you. She really should understand you, that's not fair at all.

I hesitated about answering because I think we both know that what works for me and my therapist is probably not going to be helpful for you. That said, when he and I are having really difficult conversations and I'm not feeling heard or like he understands me, what he does is try to summarize what I'm saying. In at least one conversation, I had to keep stopping him and trying again at least three times, and the third time I started crying because I was so frustrated and angry. Then I still had to be come back the next session and clarify again what I was saying. Finally, then, when we were both calm and had a week to think about things, then it seemed like he FINALLY understood what I was saying.

For what it's worth, I've asked him several times to explain how some process of therapy works. He either talks to me about the science involved and neural pathways and blah blah, or he just says no, he cannot explain it well. He says 'something about the process of therapy' causes X effect. Or whatever. But he's pretty upfront when he doesn't have an exact answer.

It's about the meaning of the words you use, and that she uses, right? So can you try some kind of semantic feature analysis? That's a surprisingly effective way to find out when you are using words in a different way from the person you're talking to. (A simple introduction to SFA is at http://edweb.sdsu.edu/triton/guides/SFA.html )

For me, what worked was to change the language; though I did it mostly so I would be better able to speak myself, it also means that I understand T better, I think.

[stopdog]

She just says she does listen.
And that she does not know why I don't understand her.

I don't have these issues with the second one I see - so I don't think it is just me. When I tell the second one stuff like the examples everyone has given, she stops and repeats back and we both try rephrasing etc until she gets it - and even when it is difficult, she at least gets my frustration and she keeps trying with me until we are more clear with each other.

[sconnie892]

I am sorry you are frustrated with your t stop.

I think I am just reiterating what a few others have said, but can you both work on mirroring the conversation? It's a technique they taught us in my comm classes at college. You (or t) repeats back what the other just said but as the listener heard it. Basically it is a check to make sure each person is interpreting the same.

Now, I am horrible at remembering to use mirroring in t. My last session I threw my jounal on the floor in frustration and said "Fine!" Sometimes I will say "I don't understand what you are saying" or "I don't think you understand what I am trying to say."

Or, you could just throw your journal on the floor...

[stopdog]

I have asked "what did you hear me say" and "Here is what I heard you say..." "how does that response relate to what I said" and so forth

[SallyBrown]

I wonder if she doesn't prioritize mutual understanding the way you do... perhaps she doesn't see it as a problem, e.g. thinking something like "I heard what SD said, I don't need to process it any further; and what I said to SD was clear, so I don't feel like I need to clarify," or something? So she is just not engaged in trying to fix it? If that makes any sense?

Never felt misunderstood or unheard in 9yrs of therapy.