C O U C H 39 -The Renaissance Period

I am glad that your sister is physically okay, Critter. I'm so sorry for your pain. I think it's particularly brutal to go through this when it's just kind of out of the blue like that.

So if you're going to speak your mind, do you feel comfortable just telling her that it's because she doesn't meet your needs and isn't there for you?

NO.... I have trouble saying things that will hurt the others feelings. I did tell her she smothered me. Its hard to talk to her because all she does is cry and I just get madder and madder. Our communication sucks. No matter what though, I'm going to be ok.

MY H does this too.. Will censor himself b/c he doesn't want to hurt my feelings. Right now, he thinks I am too fragile (IMO anyways).. And it drives me crazy. I want the truth.. Just sayin' she may need to hear it. You can say it in a loving way, it doesn't have to be in the middle of a fight either..

TMI .......

That is frustrating.. There are two people in a relationship, and neither one are perfect!

anyway...... How are you and H doing?

LC - is w also threatened by your friends in real life?

(((critter))) Do you think it's the anniversary of your mom's death that's triggered her? Anniversaries are sometimes harder than the actual death, because there is no planning to do to help you grieve. Please be kind to yourself as well. Of course this would effect you deeply.

No because I don't have any.... I am with her 24/7 literally.

I am wondering how I would react if my sibling did something. I think I would just be like
"Dude..."
The thing I dread about that idea is dealing with his insane drama queen control ***** freak of a wife. I don't get along well with her and the camille performance she would put on would possibly make me homicidal.

Perhaps changing that could help - what about those drunken artist guys you painted with recently? Or your little old lady pets? Or the softball people? I am serious here - I think both people having their own friends is important. Couple friends also are good, but individual friends, are, I think, vital.

Thanks SD - I don't need to hang out with a drunken anyone. LOL

I have had a few IRL friends and she doesn't like it. I do play softball with a group, starts in a few weeks.... she will come to the games, so there is no hanging out with them. I know I need to break free.

We have had a couple of good talks in the last week. We have agreed on a marriage counselor and T will help us get set up with him. In the mean time, I will continue to work on my issues with my T.

Maybe she needs to find friends??? Can you encourage her to do that?

I just meant that group you drank wine with and painted.
She needs to get some friends, in my opinion. You can get friends without her permission. One person cannot be everything to any other person as I see it. And the whole concept gives me the willies.

Really glad to hear that Healed

She is an introvert and would be perfectly happy with just me and the family... she has no other friends out side of work.

I'm sorry ya'll .... lets talk about something else.

It might be. It's so hard to tell. She has a lot of stuff going on.

Can you talk to her yet Critter?

LC -Okay = so she can do that, but you don't have to. This is a big deal with me because I have had a lover like that. We did not last long. I did not care if she did not want to have friends, but it was not going to change me and I was not going to discuss it, listen to it, or be sympathetic to her being lonely. Not my problem.

I have to do billing and grading. I hate both.

And the whole therapist with a leash thing and lovers trying to suffocate you gets me riled up.
Come on, somebody try and trap me. Go ahead see how far you get - you want a piece of me?
Thank goodness I don't go see the first therapist today.

Yep, that has been a hard lesson for me to learn. I was always a social person, but I relied on my H way too much when it comes to making me happy. I am learning how to rely on myself for stuff like that. He adds to my happiness, but shouldn't be relied as the sole source.

Lola- it is ok to talk about it here. It is good for you to have a sounding board. You can't always be the one helping!!

I think I like a scrappy SD, perhaps you are my type.

I had one unfortunate conversation where the lover told me I made her feel like she was not good enough or that she provided me with enough when I did x or y with friends. I agreed with her - she was not enough for me and also it was not possible for me to be enough for her and I was not trying to be such. Which, in my defense, I meant as a good thing.
Surprisingly, it did not go well.

Critter if you need to talk we are all here, you can PM me too if you like. Suicide is a terrible thing and it hurts many.