[stopdog]

Do you tell your therapist about good or bad things that happen to you? Do you call at the time or wait until the appointment?

Good things almost always wait until appointments. I'm not going to call him for the birth of a great nephew, a promotion (kind of unheard of in the educational world anyway), excitement over a trip or even winning the lottery. The only exception would be if the good news pertained specifically to the resolution of a problem that had had me in a crisis or stressed earlier that we had discussed in session, particularly when he has asked me to let him know how things turned out.

With the bad things, it depends on if the situation is one that has me in personal crisis mode or if it is simply a crappy situation that can wait to discuss later.

For instance, an emergency like when my son was hospitalized definitely warranted an immediate phone call. The day we realized my sister's death was imminent within the next 24 hours -- phone call--needed the support. Being emergency admitted for surgery--phone call--he would have been unhappy if I hadn't let him know what was going on.

However, other things I take on a case by case basis: Our pastor's son dying--while upsetting, it could wait for session. Suicide of a former student--also okay to wait for session; I was managing it well enough to wait. Daughter of rapist contacting me via Facebook about the death of her father on the other hand--wasn't coping well with that one--warranted a phone call.

I try not to abuse phone privileges. He knows if I call that I really am in need of his support/input/help; I don't call often, and he knows I try to use what he has taught me to manage my stress/depression, etc. So if he hears from me outside of a session, he knows the situation truly warrants contact.

[unaluna]

The question is, is it a "stopper" in some way. Like when I went to the hospital emergency with my crosseyes and I figured it was a stroke on a sunday afternoon, I figured I was gonna miss my monday t appointment, so I called from the er. He ended up being very supportive thruout my stay.

Other expected hard times, like holiday mail from the family, I bring to session and open there or just before at starbucks.

I don't have much of a life, mostly currently by design.

[likelife]

I usually wait until the appointment. Exceptions were when I had a miscarriage and defended my dissertation. I do find myself thinking about telling her lots of things though.

[stopdog]

I have contacted the woman twice about events that were reasonably distressing. I did so in order to tell someone who would not react to the information and so I could say it in a less ordered fashion unlike how I needed to deal with real people in my life. I did not talk to her/exchange contact, I just gave the information so I could do it. I did not want a discussion with her about it or any response from her. The ability for me to tell her such things is that she will generally stay away.

I very rarely tell the woman about anything that goes well in or out of appointments. Telling her stuff that goes well is awful for me in her reaction to it.

[BlessedRhiannon]

Distressing thing usually warrant a call to T, especially if I need help coping in that moment. If I think I can manage, but still want to communicate with T, then I might email (but T has been trying to get me to call her more).

Good things, I sometimes email t about, especially if it's in relation to something I've been working on in therapy. Sometimes, I just wait.

I tend to email more than call, and I really (according to my T) tend to contact her less than I probably need to at times. It's something I'm working on.

[pbutton]

Good things - wait until session unless he has asked me to email him

Bad things - generally wait until session unless I think I am likely to minimize it by the time I get in the therapy room. Then I'll send details so that I am essentially pushing myself to continue to talk about the event as if it is important.

[content30]

I NEVER contact my T outside of an appointment except to try to make/add an appointment. I wish I felt better about reaching out to people, but I generally feel guilty for doing that. I should have reached out to her a year ago when I ended up in the hospital for two days, but I did not. After that incident, she made me check in with her every day for a week. I did not have to talk to her and only talked to her once, but I had to call and leave a voicemail message stating how I was doing. Looking back, I think it was her way of making sure that I reached out good or bad…so, if I was bad, I had to call her anyway and would be more likely to tell her…clever T….

I actually found myself wanting to call her Tuesday regarding something that happened that we had specifically discussed the possibility of happening. However, I’m just not sure if it is something that I should contact her about outside of session. I did discuss it with family and several close friends. I guess, If I’m not completely distressed, I feel like I shouldn’t contact her (and, like I said, even then, I’d have a hard time contacting her), and I should lean on others, if I can. So, it will have to wait until I see her in a week and a half.

On the flip side, my T is very good about calling back or checking on me if I have a very tough session. I know that a plus side of me not abusing the system (or not really using it at all) is that if I did call, I’m certain that she would call me back ASAP. The one time I left her a message saying that I really needed to see her to talk about something and sounded distressed, she called me back within two hours.

[content30]

Originally Posted by stopdog

I very rarely tell the woman about anything that goes well in or out of appointments. Telling her stuff that goes well is awful for me in her reaction to it.

Why is that awful for you, Stopdog?

Initially I did not contact him for any reason other than scheduling, ever. Then I contacted him a couple of times when my father was extremely ill. Since then, he keeps urging me to contact me even if an event is not catastrophic. For instance, I was having difficulty after marriage counseling a couple of times, and the time that I did finally contact him, I felt dramatically better after talking to him. I never contact him between sessions for good things.

[tooski]

I'm in therapy because I need help, and so it's T's job to help me. If something came up between sessions that was so catastrophic that I felt I needed his help, I would call. Well, maybe. I'm not very good at asking for help.

I don't need any help with the good stuff, so that waits until session. But sometimes I wish I could call him like a friend and just blurt out the good news.

Hell, if I didn't have some boundaries myself, I'd talk to him every day ..... No reason needed ....

a while back my youngest son od'd and i called t, he was not supportive at all. in fact, he made it worse from his reaction.

so now i will not even tell him if a major event has occurred (good or bad)...

[critterlady]

Originally Posted by jbmomg

a while back my youngest son od'd and i called t, he was not supportive at all. in fact, he made it worse from his reaction.

so now i will not even tell him if a major event has occurred (good or bad)...

That's really sad, jbmomg. I'm sorry he reacted badly.

I don't call T as much as he thinks I should, but I have called him occasionally with bad things. When my mother died and a few times when I've been majorly triggered, he was very helpful. I don't call him with major good news.

Originally Posted by jbmomg

a while back my youngest son od'd and i called t, he was not supportive at all. in fact, he made it worse from his reaction.

so now i will not even tell him if a major event has occurred (good or bad)...

That's a shame. Shouldn't have been that way.

When my son was rushed to the emergency room in January, T was the 3rd person I called after my husband and my oldest son. He got back to immediately, spoke directly with the admitting department at the psych hospital to help advocate for the pdoc he wanted our son treated by. He got me in that very day for an emergency session.

Time for a different T?

[BonnieJean]

About 50-50; telling in and out of session.
I sent a text to t from the er on a Sunday 'cause I wasn't going to make Monday's session. She was very supportive thru the emergency and convalescence. But normally she's not as "real time" in my life.

[~EnlightenMe~]

The therapist that I see indicated that he would much rather that I not contact him.

[archipelago]

My therapist is pretty lenient about phone calls; he doesn't mind if I contact him, but I keep the calls very brief. There have been a few periods of crisis where I just schedule an extra session either by phone or in person, but if that doesn't work out for scheduling reasons, I ask him to charge me for the calls and take a little bit more time.

[tinyrabbit]

For me it depends when in the week it is. I had a crisis the day after my session once and called to ask for an extra appointment. Normally I just wait. But if something terrible happened I think I might call.

[ECHOES]

I am free and encouraged to call or email my therapist between sessions, and I have mostly emailed, since that became available 3 years into my therapy. I email her anything and have emailed about both good and bad major situations. She does not guarantee a reply but most often does. She has been (briefly) supportive and it helps so much. When I get to my session, we talk more about it.

I have also waited to talk about it in session only, because I want the humanness in the response, and not just the words.

Telling her stuff that goes well is awful for me in her reaction to it.

How does it go, and how do you wish it would go?

[Syra]

If something happens that I want to talk to him, I'll call and see if I can get an appointment before my next regularly scheduled time. One time it was a telephone appointment cuz of logistics. But I paid for hte time. So does that count on contacting him "in-between." Unless it's something very quick, like changing an appointment or something, I don't call.

[sunrise]

I tell my T the good and bad stuff at our appointments. I am very conscious that I pay for just an hour of his time every few weeks. I wouldn't want to overstep that.

I did call him once right after therapy when I had had a terrible car accident right outside of his building. It totalled my car and I was probably in shock. Of course he didn't answer the phone because he was in session with another client. So that was useless and unsatisfactory. He did call back the next day, but I didn't need him then.

When my father died, I told my T about it at our session and he acted surprised I hadn't called him when it happened. That surprised me. I don't know what would be considered events that are acceptable to call T about and what are not. It's easier not to deal with trying to guess the distinction and just not call at all and discuss everything face to face in session.

[WikidPissah]

OTHER: I don't usually contact outside of session, I have once or twice when I was spiraling, but that's about it. I don't usually tell about major events in or out of session. I didn't tell her that I was going thru cancer again until I lost my hair, and then it was obvious. I know, I'm weird. I do tell her about past important life events, I just don't want to hear "pity" reactions from current ones.

[trdleblue]

I also voted other. I have contacted my therapist a couple of times outside of my sessions, but something about it feels so wrong to me. My t was happy that I reached out, and would like for me to do so more, but right now it is not something that I can do. My lack of contact is why I'm going to t twice a week now. I was not doing to well, and he wanted me to call or e-mail him between sessions. Since I told him that I didn't think that I could do that, he said he thought we should me twice a week for a month or so. Today's appointment will make it one month. I am curious as to whether or not he will think it's okay to go back to weekly appointments.

[stopdog]

Originally Posted by content30

Why is that awful for you, Stopdog?

Originally Posted by ECHOES

How does it go, and how do you wish it would go?

I am not saying the woman does anything especially wrong, other than sometimes acting over the top, if I talk about something good. I think she even thinks she is being all supportive and what ever else one is supposed to be in such a situation. But telling her good news just sucks all the happiness out of it for me even when she does not over act. After telling her, I feel empty and like an idiot for having spoken about it. I don't think there is anything really I picture happening differently from an action point of view. I might like to say it aloud and not feel awful after speaking. Granted, when telling her about something bad, her having a response is not useful that I can see. It is more useful for me to tell her and have her not respond or react to it.

[Perna]

I wait until the appointment unless it overwhelms my mental health and I'm feeling alone with a huge problem. I've only had one of those I think. I did have a second one, I had to euthanize my pet, but my T was away that week, out of town and I had to, by default, deal with myself/the problem using my own resources and they were pretty adequate, I can't imagine what another, outside person could have done to help (the feelings were as one would "expect" them to be and took a "normal" course). Mostly I talk about things that relate to therapy though, rather than my day-to-day, current, life.