Couch 51 - They also serve

Murray and MUE... maybe this is easy for me to say... because I've only lived it in a very small way...

humiliation is defined as a painful loss of pride, self-respect, or dignity. Sometimes we need to realize that we have it backwards. In some people's cases, we are taking on someone else's shame. It is things that another person who did a bad thing to us should feel the shame and loss of dignity.

If someone broke into my house and stole my possessions, and i went to therapy for feeling unsafe in my house, should I have a loss of self respect or dignity? NO.

No one thinks someone going to chemo for cancer is shameful so why is getting help with our mental health any different?

just my thoughts...

That being said Murray... two can play at that game... your lawyer has plenty of factual ammunition to run your soon to be X through the muck...

((muray)) people whom really know you will not change their opinion of you. Screw the ones who do. I am really, really sorry. What you are going thru is harsh.

I have had my nose in a jewelry maker's catalog for an hour. Sigh. Nothing good will come of this, I'm sure. (cept maybe a new bracelet).

Thanks you guys. I'm making myself a cup of peppermint tea and trying to just focus on doing what I need to do so that I will never be in this position ever again. Wanting to SI or sink back down into the darkness because I am so ashamed does nothing but make matters worse. ..and continue to let him have power over me...not the way I want to live anymore.

As for looking at jewelry making catalog...that is great fun! I hope you make yourself something pretty.

Wiki... my friend just got a beautiful beaded bracelet and it had charms that are for support for her two special needs kids issues... custom made but not too expensive...

I love to bead or make jewelry...the issue is that it's messy. lol. I don't have a designated area, and even if I did, it would have to look neat. I get into projects, but then I have to neaten up and put everything away after. Then it just seems like a big deal to take it all out again to work on it. I am not the type of person who could just leave a project out on a table or something.

I've been working with precious metal clays, and I've sculpted a silver pendant for my niece that has some things to do with her dad on it (he died in Feb). I have to fire it yet...and pick up a sterling chain to hang it from.

That's why I have always loved having a sewing/crafting room. I am able to simply shut the door and leave it. sorry you cant just leave it in a table or something. It really does make a huge difference when you have to pull everything out and then put it all away again each time you want to work on a project. It seriously cuts into the actual project time.

You are certainly right about it being messy, Wiki. That's one thing I know a lot about - how messy crafting can be! As much as I try to keep everything organized when it comes to my jewelry making, I am not successful by a long shot - and it IS time consuming. I know you are super organized, so I'd imagine you'd do a better job of it than me.

I have about 40 of those divided cases that holds about a dozen types of beads - all neatly filled and stacked - and it's far from sufficient. I could probably use another 20-30 of those to get the rest of my stuff organized. And then something else for my books and supplies.

I also have scrapbook boxes for the materials for my wood craft projects. And then boxes of unfinished wood crafts. And then three tiered drawers filled with paints. Another filled with picks and wreath materials. Another filled with ceramic stuff. Cabinets for my body butter and lip balm supplies. Way too much stuff.

I hate parting with any of it though because it's so useful when I get around to doing stuff...and my daughter loves having this be the "craft" house when her friends come over. They are in awe at the options that are available to them. *sigh*

The one thing I did though was STOPPED BUYING more stuff! LOL. I stopped that probably over a year ago. I hardly even go in to the crafting stores anymore - only to pick up things for a specific project or customer order that I am working on. And even then "sometimes" I falter and get a couple of extra things.

I haven't delved into sculpting my own focals, etc. I love the idea - but that would just be adding to my nightmare. LOL. Would you be willing to post a pic of the project you're doing for your niece? Sounds awesome!

I hate how when you start decluttering a certain area, it causes chaos in a different area that was looking good. *sigh*

I AM making progress with the cleaning, though. I have about 4 more bags of trash/recycle on its way out the door. And, RTS, I am REALLY taking into consideration your suggestion of getting serious about the idea of whether or not I will really have a yard sale. I could really offload a ton of stuff if I wasn't considering a yard sale.

And finally....

UGH.

I am struggling so much with this group T dilemma. I honestly don't know what to do. I was SO set on discontinuing group...and now I'm second guessing myself. I really wish I could sort all of this out, to get some real clarity. I can't seem to trust my own judgment.

I hate feeling like I cant trust my own judgment. Such a horrible place to be in. sorry.

Thanks, Murray.

Therapy is not something that most people I know would understand.

I am not confident that I can trust T with helping me work through it, because if I were really honest with what I was thinking/feeling, it would most likely start another rupture.

And I can't really work through the dilemma with the members of group T, because I doubt that the people that would be willing to help me do that work are going to be objective about it. It also risks having some significant ugliness appear AND could compromise the integrity of the group - which would go back to being a rupture with T.

Dilemmas, dilemmas....

It is so sad to me that you cant go to your T for support with this issue. He is probably too close to the issue to be objective at all anyway, since its his group.

Yeah, it would be nice if T could endure my craziness. I shared some of what I was experiencing with him and he was super defensive, adamant, frustrated, angry and unrelenting - in a non-helpful way, I might add.

When I addressed his approach at my next session, he said something along the lines of, "Well, you were accusing me of X, so maybe it was difficult for me to not react to that".

Maybe I approached it poorly, but it leaves me feeling less confident that it's something he can work with me on.

I'm wondering if maybe I can set up an appt. with another T at his office that is familiar with me...like, the last co-T that we had in group. She is awesome, and it might be helpful. That's something I may consider.

Meeting with another T was exactly what I was going to suggest. Perhaps even a session with your T and consult T, although I doubt your T would really want to be involved with that. I know that it is none of my business and not my place, but it seems that your T has a very hard time owning up to his own issues and mistakes. Even if he doesn't agree with you, he should be able to hear your view on things.

so had brunch with bff and then got my nails done and out of the way,so now i can get back to hiding in my craft room playing with all my new stamps. i printed out this letter i wrote to my T in hopes that i will be able to give it to her. i need to try and keep moving foward .i have a huge pull to back off and shut down. i read this letter and it just seems like why would t care about any of this.

I hope you do give T the letter Granite. T will care about I am sure.

this is why i love my craft room. before this it was all over the living room when i was doing something

thanks murry how are you doing today

I agree that my T seems to have a hard time owning up to his own issues. When we were trying to repair this latest rupture, he did admit that maybe he was pressuring me - but in no way took ownership for how out of control he seemed to be...and at the end of the session, he said that he has just as many faults as the next guy, but a lack of caring and wanting what's in my best interest isn't one of them.

As much as I understand it, I hate the idea of "but I care and want what's in your best interest" is a blanket excuse for poor behavior.

Murray's right - I'm sure your T will care, granite. You are brave to keep moving forward.

Been better....thanks for asking. Need to just snap out of this mood. Going to go work out in a little while which will most likely make me feel better. As much as I get stuck and avoid moving when I am feeling down, exercise does seem to improve my mood...darn T's right about that.

Welp, I did it. I emailed my former group co-T to see if we could set up an appt. so I could work through this issue with her.

Gulp.

Good for you. I hope it helps the situation.

I'm glad you are making yourself do things to make you feel better, murray. I know it isn't easy.

Wow, mue, well done! Good for you. I hope xgrpcoT comes through for you.