Couch 51 - They also serve

(((((((((CE)))))))))))
(((((((((sconnie))))))))))) Tell that man your virtual friends need more sconnie time.

T =

He really understands me. And he puts things into perspective without belittling me or my feelings of shame and fear. And he doesn't explode when I admit I've been angry with him. My Thursday session is cancelled because Thu is a public holiday (commemorating our independence from the Danes) but I feel ok about that. Thank you to all pocketriders.

Oh, and MUE - I think this name is weird, too. You can call me Apt

I hope murray and granite and hankster and other Tuesday people have good sessions.

Sorry, forgot to answer the question. T is summer T now, in short sleeves (but long trousers). He trimmed his beard really short, too.

Apt...glad it went well!

I bought some fabric yesterday to make drapery for my great room...didn't get enough yardage. I did get some fabric to make a cute little dress for my niece though...

lets see if I can post a pic.

Here she is ( I made a matching bow)

(sorry it's sideways)

Well, C was already up when I got there (he woke up early on his own). He was cooperative this morning. Got him to camp and he ran right in. Glad he likes it so much.

After dropping C off at camp, I went to the bank and deposited my end of May check from C's dad. It was a small one, because I only worked 2 days between May 16 and 31, but it was still almost 100 bucks. 12 bucks an hour is not too bad for watching a kid.

Still waiting for my fingerprints to clear for the senior place. I want to get the ball rolling there, so I can make enough before July rent is due. Otherwise, I will have to try to borrow it from someone, then pay is back in the Fall after I go back to school (since I would need my next summer check to pay bills, so I couldn't pay the rent back then). 9 bucks an hour for them.

Have to help my dad with a job tomorrow...hopefully I will get the same amout of pay as I did for the other 2 jobs I did with him. That would pay for gas until my last school check comes.

Hanging in there. Things are looking up this summer for the first time in a long time.

Squirrel, it sounds like C is doing well with having you there!! That is so heartwarming to read about. Here come the waterworks again

Very cool Squirrel!

Where are all the couchies today? I'm bored. Pay attention to me!! lol

I have to go get stitches out today, and the skin is all scabbed up around the stitches...this is going to be painful, I can tell. I am using a warm compress to try to soften it up before I go.

I'm here! I got home a little while ago and am sitting with the laptop and drinking tea. It's cold outside and the cats are cuddled up together; they are not pleased with me because I tried to let them out in the cold rather than in the warm sunny outdoors they have come to expect. I hope the weather will improve a little, because tomorrow is graduation day for high school, and I have both a niece and a nephew graduating (from different schools, so I'll have to be a flying mammoth...)

Awww...poor little kitties!
I love graduations (the parties, not the ceremonies). It's such a hopeful time in a young person's life. An achievement, a "taking-the-next-step", an end to a stage of life. Very cool.

Wiki, that is absolutely adorable! Love it!

I need help.

I have been getting a lot of feedback from group T members who really want me to attend group tonight. After the conversation I had with xgrpcoT last night, I am quite leery about my T.

Now, one of the things I said I couldn't manage was all the changes that T was making to the group at one time, especially when I'm going through so much - having the group member that was threatening return, having a new member and having a new co-facilitator.

In the past, T has said that he would always be mindful of the needs of group members when it came to bringing in someone new - he assesses the atmosphere to be sure that it's a good time to bring them on.

Well, he mentioned last week that threatening-member was returning tonight. I emailed him asking if the new member was also attending tonight - and if so, if he could hold off having them attend this week so that I could have a final session.

Two days later, he responded (today) saying the new group member will be attending tonight.

I am not surprised. I feel like it's a power play on his part, maintaining his controlling stance. It feels like a big F U to me, honestly. Since I'm phasing out, who cares about what I need or what I'm asking for.

So here I am, with people begging me to reconsider.....wanting me to attend tonight....and T giving me the big ol' F U.

I don't know what to do.

I know! There are no public ceremonies around high school graduation here - in my home town what happens is that the leaving classes assemble (without an audience), there's a speech from the headmaster and then they all sing the graduation song together (like , which is from my old high school where my niece will also graduate), and then each class runs out in the school yard in an unorganised manner, still singing, and are met by family and friends, and that's it. (Well, there's flowers and champagne and receptions and partying and so on, but that's it as far as the graduation "ceremony" goes. The song is it, really.)

I actually teared up watching that video...

MUE, I have no experience of group T so my thoughts are a bit uninformed here. But it seems to me as if you could be doing yourself a bit of harm by going, if there will be members present who are likely to hurt you. And then I would say that your first duty is towards yourself, rather than to the other members who are asking you to go. But I don't know what kind of responsibility to other group members you sign on for when you start group T...

Thanks, Mastodon.

I emailed T asking him to help me understand why he wasn't willing to consider my request - and that I'm struggling to see that he is taking what's in my best interest into consideration.

Typically, a group member announces their departure during a session. I announced my on the group blog but said that I wanted to attend a final session if there wasn't a new group member attending.

Apt...I love that video, and the little white hats! They usually wear caps and gowns for high school graduation here.

MUE - I know it's hard. The saddest part is realizing that group will indeed continue without you, they'll be fine. You decided to leave for a reason, so you made the decision. I don't think your reasons have changed in a week.

Maybe it's too awkward for him to un-invite the new member?

That said, I wouldn't go. But I really wouldn't take advice from me. I never go to anything.

Do the members want you to attend tonight and stay on after tonight? I think the answer is yes; it would be kind of cruel for them to ask you for one night only.

With that "winning" in mind, I think it's about boundaries with this t, or anyone else in life. It's our responsibility to tell other people no, we don't like that, we won't do that. We can't just declare them bad for asking. Wow - that's how my mother controlled me. But I would bet a lot of girls were controlled like that. I know we're from different generations and backgrounds, but still. I think women shortchange men when we say, "if you don't know, I'm not gonna tell you." Not that you're necessarily saying that. I've had uncomfortable fights with my t too, we were not always lovey-dovey! I regret acting like a douche and not being able to handle my feelings and dropping out of my dbt group abruptly, so if you can go back, I would if I were you. If there is more good than bad. Mine might have been getting to more bad than good.

me either.

Thanks, Wiki.

No, my reasons haven't changed. Although I got a lot of affirming feedback from many members in group, it doesn't change my situation. It doesn't change the incredible anxiety I feel when I'm in that room. It doesn't change the nature of the group process which is so traumatizing to me.

Because it's a room that includes several people that really seem to care about me, I am heartbroken that I am letting them down and leaving them. I keep hanging onto the hope that I'll come across some "a-ha" moment that will help me understand that all of this chaos will lead to growth by sticking it out there. So far, that hasn't happened.

If I decide to go and decide to stay, I can't help but think that it's only because I don't want to let people down and that I'm holding onto the hope that things will change - and that's the same attitude I had in my unhealthy marriage, unhealthy job and unhealthy friendships. Continuing with that pattern is harmful to me.

Yet I am still heartbroken. I think this may even be the end of me and T.

LOL, pbutton.

It's actually been done before. Asking the new member to wait a week is not an uncommon thing, because T is usually mindful if there's something pressing that needs to be worked through. Perhaps he believes that watching an ending is important for the new member to experience. In that case, he's thinking of the new person and not of me at all. All I see is that he's disregarding my feelings and trying to put me in my place of being powerless.

The group members that have communicated with me on the blog want me to come tonight and to stay. They don't want me to leave.

I'm not quite sure I understand the rest of your message.

I emailed the exchange to xgrpcoT, and she responded that it would have been good if he offered me some options or ask the new person to wait a week. That there are so many options and possibilities to be kind to everyone. She reiterated my idea that perhaps a new person can witness someone leaving appropriately.

She agreed with me that it feels like an F-U and that it sux that I don't have his support. She also said that she doesn't know if he realizes how cold he sounds.

I'm glad they want you to stay!

Idk about your t. Like, I don't like that he asked you to make something for his wife, but you handled it, and then he offered to sell more. By dual relationship standards, that might be bad - but I don't think he means to profit from it.

I guess what I'm asking is - could you have said no to him when he wanted you to say your stuff in group? What would have happened if you had? Have you talked to him about it? Talking about it tonight without warning him is something I would do - totally burning bridges; ruthless like my mother. Well, would have done in the past. I don't know if I've burned any new bridges lately. I just try to stay off the roads

ETA: Like when he was bugging you to do all those expensive retreats and you finally said, what part of I'm broke don't you understand?? He gets it when you tell him directly. I hate having to be SO DIRECT with my t, but I'm getting better at it.