Dear T: I need to tell you something, but I don't know how Part VII

Thank you so much Michelle

today has been really hard and your thoughts are so welcome right now

Thank you so much Michelle

today has been really hard and your thoughts are so welcome right now

again I just feel so alone.my life feels like complete chaos, and out of control. and I hate me for not being able to empathize with the reason you may have needed to take this time off so suddenly. I know this is self centered and all but I really am scared it is me

Dear T-

You obviously have no comprehension of what is going on in my mind. You do not know me, and I am angry that you did not take time to know me & my issues prior to giving me "homework" assignments. If you cannot handle me, then transfer to someone else.

tinyrabbit - I don't want to derail this thread, but just want to say that there is a difference between "worthless" (which I'm not, because nobody is) and "not worth it". People are always telling each other in threads here things like "stop catering to every whim of your spouse/parents/boss/patronising friend, because he/she/they are just not worth it." Which doesn't mean that we tell each other that the unpleasant people in our lives are worthless, because they aren't. Nobody is.
But, you know. Thanks again. (Also CE and worthit. Thank you.)
And it's precisely when I'm confused that I argue. How else are we to get out of confusion, except by reasoned discussion?

Dear T,

This really is something I don't know how, or maybe more to the point, am way too scared to, to tell you. There was a moment today when I thought I'd lost it, you were being so sympathetic and comforting that I suddenly had this urge to curl up in your jumper and just BE comforted . And immediately squashed it and backed right off, because every red alert alarm in my system started going off.

I did hint at it though later . Things are going well, thank you for today

You are worth it to me.

It really is at least partly my fault and I still feel like I'm disgusting and you must be at least a little sick to your stomach talking to me about these things. It was nice of you to say I'm not gross though.

you are not gross at all MKAC

I don't care anymore because you nor anyone else cares.

We're all here for you,we care

Sent from my VS920 4G using Tapatalk 2

Dear t, **** you for not telling me in Advance that this was our last season. I asked you quite a while ago when you would be leaving. You said the end if the month. This is not the end of the month. Termination means giving the person s chance for closure and saying goodbye. I got none of that. I'm mad because I trusted you and it feels like you just threw that away by telling me in the last 15 minutes that we would not see each other again, and that you will be gone after the end of the week. That's just not fair. So **** you. Now i'm mad And that's the last memory I have of you. Thanks. You suck! (You really don't, buy I'm mad at you, do you do. You knew I have loss issues...)

Oh no - I am so sorry to hear this

CBT guy-

I needed that call today!!!! Thanks for the encouragement and praise. Sometimes I need to hear that I'm doing the work and doing it well. You are super awesome.

I've emotionally terminated with you because it's the mf 14th of August and you assured me back in May that sessions would resume on the 12th with emails being sent out at the beginning of the month. I don't know if you decided to extend your leave or if you just took back a select few clients and I'm not among them but I'm not Nancy Drew okay I suck at solving mysteries and it's agonizing not knowing when you have trust and abandonment issues. It's a thoroughly sucky feeling. So thanks, man, for neglecting to equip me with a headlamp when you left me in the dark. I'm bumping into all sorts of wildly troubling **** in here.

Ps. I'm not contacting you because I'm feeling passive-aggressive and I want to see how long it takes for you to remember you have an unmedicated, emotionally provocative client kicking it somewhere in the wild.

Did you check your spam folder? Sorry if you did; sorry anyway. I hope you will contact the office and let thrm know. They probably just messed up your email address.

Dear T, I had to deal with some unbearable news today. You're on holiday, so the same time we would have been in our session... I called my mum. At my age, I called my mum and she tried her best to help. It's only 7 days into our break (out of 21 days) and I've already had to deal with some awful news. I miss you.

Nice to have a Mum you can call.

Ye. I went through it a few times actually. She flies solo in a private practice so she sends out emails personally and it's our primary (my preferred) means of contact. I would think if she had tried to call me she would be sent to the "service unavailable" line and redirect her efforts to email, which squanders my paranoia that she might've tried to reach me by phone. If I don't hear from her by the end of the month –– which is when I relocate back to the area anyway –– I'll ask her what's going on. I don't think I could compose a message with minimal vitriol at this point.

Thanks for your feedback. It's appreciated.

Dear T
When I said you could push me i didn't mean closer to the edge.

Dear T,

I've not thought of you much this week...until today. I've gone on with my life, I've pushed through some difficult situations, I've put my head down and plowed forward. I'm fine.

But there's this part of me that feels like its numb. Maybe I've turned me off again /: It was not intentional, T.

The question is: when you return, how long will it take for me to come back??

Oh. And I miss you. That's annoying /:

I wish that I didn't feel so dependent upon you....while it makes me feel safe the reality is that this is not a relationship where I can call upon you whenever I feel the need. Sure, I email...but there are boundaries and I know that they need to be in place...I get it. So I don't ever call. But what if I was going through some kind of crisis? Would you talk to me? This is not meant to find fault...you are pretty much saving me...or helping me to save myself, you are helping me put the zillion pieces of this puzzle together, I feel connected to you. You are a really good therapist. I look forward to meeting with you each week because for that 50-55 minutes...it is all about me, and you care. Transference is some heavy stuff...it is exhausting because I spend a lot of time trying to figure it all out...I'm in it neck deep.

:;:;::;

You are so brave to be putting your feelings out here like this. I only signed up to pc two years ago, and that was before my gf and I ran into my t when she came to my town for lunch one afternoon. I introduced them, and he hugged me as he usually does, but still my mind or my imagination ran wild. I don't know if I could have admitted to it. I had a hard enough time admitting the little I did to him. The fact that this still resonates with me means I probably need to revisit the subject from where I am now, from where our transference is now. As much as it will kill and embarrass me to do so. Ugh.