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  #601  
Old Aug 21, 2013, 01:32 AM
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CantExplain CantExplain is offline
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Sounds like neither of you understands the other. I had that.
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  #602  
Old Aug 21, 2013, 01:54 AM
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neutrino neutrino is offline
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Dear T,

I think one of the reasons I'm so anxious about this whole therapy thing is that I'm afraid you'll abandon me. I'm afraid to open up to you because I'm afraid you'll give up on me when you realise I'm terrified of everything (including therapy itself). I'm afraid you'll hear what I say but won't understand what I'm saying.

My whole life people have told me that I've got poor communication skills and that it's been that way since I was a small child; that I distance myself both physically and mentally and that I never talk about my thoughts or feelings. I've always felt so different. I've always wanted to be understood. So now, when I after all these years of going through hell alone finally have someone to speak to, I don't know how to express myself. We've only seen each other for four weeks and you probably don't even care about me, right? This kind of relationship (between a psychologist and a patient) is completely new to me and I still haven't figured out what the rules are (and you should know I never break the rules. Ask my parents and they'll honestly tell you I never, not once, broke any rules while growing up).
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  #603  
Old Aug 21, 2013, 02:09 AM
Anonymous37844
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CantExplain View Post
Sounds like neither of you understands the other. I had that.
Sorry Was that in response to me? I suck at communicating sometimes.
  #604  
Old Aug 21, 2013, 02:43 AM
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CantExplain CantExplain is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bipolarartist View Post
Sorry Was that in response to me? I suck at communicating sometimes.
Yes it was.
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  #605  
Old Aug 21, 2013, 04:08 AM
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SkinnySoul SkinnySoul is offline
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Dear new T,
Thanks for understanding. You were kind and seemed to have a precise approach to things, although you made it clear that it is completely different than old T's. I don't know if I'm ready to give up on psychodynamic therapy and start back from square one with CBT. I'm confused.

Dear old T,
Could you please stop ignoring me? I have important decisions to make, so pick up your damn phone and give me a call. You're still my T, so act like it.
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Last edited by SkinnySoul; Aug 21, 2013 at 04:09 AM. Reason: oops, typo!
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  #606  
Old Aug 21, 2013, 04:29 AM
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0w6c379 0w6c379 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bipolarartist View Post
Are you really as clueless as you appear, or is just some kind of ruse?
I don't know your situation but I would guess that your T is most likely clueless. They have so many other clients. We want to think they are in tune to us (maybe they are for a moment and that's why we get confused) but I think they lose a lot after we walk out the door. Just tell or ask your T again whatever it is your not hearing. Hang in there. Communicating is hard for most of us, especially with people we're close to.
  #607  
Old Aug 21, 2013, 06:23 AM
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Originally Posted by Michelle25 View Post
I don't know your situation but I would guess that your T is most likely clueless. They have so many other clients. We want to think they are in tune to us (maybe they are for a moment and that's why we get confused) but I think they lose a lot after we walk out the door. Just tell or ask your T again whatever it is your not hearing. Hang in there. Communicating is hard for most of us, especially with people we're close to.
He is usually so on the ball with everything, we seem to be going in circles, ever decreasing circles.
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  #608  
Old Aug 21, 2013, 08:56 AM
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wolfie205 wolfie205 is offline
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Dear T, as much as I don't want to admit it, I really miss you... I hate feeling like I'm dependent on you sometimes but I really do enjoy seeing you and talking to you in sessions. I know I didn't trust you at first but I'm beginning to open up and talk more now. I hope I'm not going to regret opening up to you. I really feel that you can be trusted and I hope I'm not wrong...
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"We deny that we're tired, we deny that we're scared, we deny how badly we want to succeed. And most importantly, we deny that we're in denial. We only see what we want to see and believe what we want to believe, and it works. We lie to ourselves so much that after a while the lies start to seem like the truth. We deny so much that we can't recognize the truth right in front of our faces."
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  #609  
Old Aug 21, 2013, 06:34 PM
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tinyrabbit tinyrabbit is offline
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Member Since: Feb 2013
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TTrigger warning for talk of CSA

Dear T,

I'm sorry I emailed you about that thing when you've just had someone die and you won't want to read about what I'm 99.9% sure my dad did to me.

I dreamt I had to take bleach to our next session to wash the cups. You laughed and said it was okay as I've washed my mouth out since then, havent I? Except I couldn't remember if I had, so I was going to have to bleach my mouth too.

I can't believe I told you this. The day after I emailed you I broke out in a bunch of cold sores around my mouth. I can't believe I told you. I think you should just throw the coffee cups away. And maybe throw me out with them.

TR

Last edited by tinyrabbit; Aug 21, 2013 at 06:49 PM.
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  #610  
Old Aug 21, 2013, 07:51 PM
precious things precious things is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tinyrabbit View Post
TTrigger warning for talk of CSA

Dear T,

I'm sorry I emailed you about that thing when you've just had someone die and you won't want to read about what I'm 99.9% sure my dad did to me.

I dreamt I had to take bleach to our next session to wash the cups. You laughed and said it was okay as I've washed my mouth out since then, havent I? Except I couldn't remember if I had, so I was going to have to bleach my mouth too.

I can't believe I told you this. The day after I emailed you I broke out in a bunch of cold sores around my mouth. I can't believe I told you. I think you should just throw the coffee cups away. And maybe throw me out with them.

TR
TR, you don't deserve all the shame and self-disgust. I hope you can see beyond those feelings to get the help from your T that you deserve.
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  #611  
Old Aug 21, 2013, 07:52 PM
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tinyrabbit tinyrabbit is offline
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Precious, thank you. I needed to hear that.
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  #612  
Old Aug 21, 2013, 08:33 PM
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0w6c379 0w6c379 is offline
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Dear T,

I trusted you > you trusted me

You brought her into the picture then

trusted her over me
I am destroyed

Now, I don't trust you and you don't trust me

Not the ending I would have chosen
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  #613  
Old Aug 21, 2013, 08:58 PM
precious things precious things is offline
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Dear T, I've never met anyone willing to walk with my
Pain step by step. You are my rock and hopefully
The stone which I will jump from and towards recovery. I am so deeply grateful to have found you.
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  #614  
Old Aug 22, 2013, 12:27 AM
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ShrinkPatient ShrinkPatient is offline
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Dear T
I'm sorry that I stormed out of last session relaying that I was irritated at you. Especially since you tried for an hour to get me to open up about why I seemed to be so angry. I couldn't tell you that I was angry with you. I didn't intend on ever mentioning it or even behaving like I did. You know me so well, you were aware that I was angry before we ever got back to your office. I couldn't hide it and that just made me more angry.
I'm angry with you because after over a year and a half, I finally have you access to a few of my writing entries & you never even read any of them. You've been challenging me for weeks to let you see some and then when I finally set up a way that I'm comfortable with sharing them, you didn't even access them. I understand that the account isn't the easiest for you to navigate but it wasn't exactly easy for me to "navigate" my extreme issues of distrust & fear of rejection. I even made efforts to find an easier way for you to read some things without compromising my need to feel protected in what I share. However, that was not something you would do either. I am at a loss. It seems like my writing entries aren't nearly as important as just getting me to give in. I can't even express how difficult it was just considering letting you read them. It took months for me to bring myself to do it. I feel like all that anxiety is ruined. I only agreed because I realize I can't articulate my thoughts and feelings in session and its been a barrier to my therapy. If you're not interested in reading my entries and I can't open up in session, then I really am doomed!!!

Last edited by ShrinkPatient; Aug 22, 2013 at 12:32 AM. Reason: Left in an incomplete part
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  #615  
Old Aug 22, 2013, 07:52 AM
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SkinnySoul SkinnySoul is offline
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Dear old T,
Thanks for answering my call...
Somehow, I'm not angry at you anymore, even though I believe you didn't realize the severity of the problem I called you for on Friday. We will talk about that next session, it will help me decide whether I want to terminate with you and continue with new T or not.
I'm glad you're back sooner than I expected. I feel safer now.

P.s.1 Tranquilizers were a great idea! I slept like a baby last night and today my mood swings are gone. I am calm.
P.s.2 You were pissed with me and guess what; you can't get pissed if you don't care.
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  #616  
Old Aug 22, 2013, 08:44 AM
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Wren_ Wren_ is offline
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it would have meant so much if you had replied ... you didn't
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Dear T: I need to tell you something, but I don't know how Part VII



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  #617  
Old Aug 22, 2013, 08:54 AM
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Fuzzybear Fuzzybear is offline
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((((((( tigergirl )))))))
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  #618  
Old Aug 22, 2013, 08:35 PM
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tinyrabbit tinyrabbit is offline
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Member Since: Feb 2013
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Posts: 4,084
Dear T,

How am I supposed to live with all this shame?
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  #619  
Old Aug 22, 2013, 08:53 PM
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tealBumblebee tealBumblebee is offline
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Member Since: Jul 2013
Location: USA
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Michelle25 View Post
Dear T,

I trusted you > you trusted me

You brought her into the picture then

trusted her over me
I am destroyed

Now, I don't trust you and you don't trust me

Not the ending I would have chosen
Oh my gosh this is so horrible! I'm sorry this happened to you. Here, you need this:
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A majorly depressed, anxious and dependent, schizotypal hypomanic beautiful mess ...[just a rebel to the world with no place to go...]
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  #620  
Old Aug 22, 2013, 09:11 PM
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AnnaBegins AnnaBegins is offline
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Member Since: Apr 2013
Posts: 307
Dear T,

Meds are not the answer...I've ended up in the hospital twice for accidentally ODing on them and I don't trust myself not to do that again. Can you take them off the table and never bring them up again?
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"Beneath the dust and love and sweat that hangs on everybody / there's a dead man trying to get out..."
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  #621  
Old Aug 22, 2013, 09:43 PM
precious things precious things is offline
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I trust you T. And I want to let you be the one to decide when it's time. If you say inpatient is what has to happen I will go (but I'm still hoping we can avoid that). I won't fight you on it if you say it's the right thing to do. (((this is what I need to find the courage to say to T)))
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  #622  
Old Aug 22, 2013, 10:06 PM
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Freewilled Freewilled is offline
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Member Since: Mar 2013
Location: US
Posts: 1,708
Dear T,

I know you must think I've completely lost it...yet you humored me tonight and you definitely weren't judgemental like I expected. Thanks for that, I think. But I'm completely detached from my feelings, T. It's scary and frustrating. I can't even get close to crying or feeling sad or anything. I think about those things that were tearing me apart inside only a couple short weeks ago and there's nothing there anymore. It feels nice to have such a low level of anxiety for once - but T, I don't feel ANYTHING. I'm empty. What happened??? I wish you didn't go away last week...I just wish the timing had been different. I seemed to be making a breakthrough last time and today I showed up...but I was empty. Hope you enjoyed my intellectualization /: you asked me what would help me to know the difference between whether I'm "better" or numbed out and I said only time. It's always time, T. I *hate* that I'm this way. I'm lost again
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  #623  
Old Aug 22, 2013, 10:48 PM
Anonymous37844
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**** you and you ****ing boundaries. Would it have hurt??
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  #624  
Old Aug 22, 2013, 11:03 PM
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Miswimmy1 Miswimmy1 is offline
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Member Since: Aug 2012
Location: USA
Posts: 3,791
Xt,
I miss you so much. I think about you every night. I wish that I could tell you everything that's happened since I last saw you- my learning evaluation, my first time driving a car, etc. I wish that you could see how unhappy I've been. I wish I could talk to you about beginning school, and about how I went to the back to school BBQ. I wish I could hear your voice again. I wish that you were here because I know that you would understand and help with my 'clycling'. I miss you so much.
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Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass. It's about learning to dance in the rain.
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  #625  
Old Aug 23, 2013, 01:06 AM
Anonymous33150
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Dear T1,

Thanks for not emailing me back! You're the bestest!
Do not even try and hug me when I see you next.
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