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#601
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Sounds like neither of you understands the other. I had that.
__________________
Mr Ambassador, alias Ancient Plax, alias Captain Therapy, alias Big Poppa, alias Secret Spy, etc. Add that to your tattoo, Baby! |
#602
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Dear T,
I think one of the reasons I'm so anxious about this whole therapy thing is that I'm afraid you'll abandon me. I'm afraid to open up to you because I'm afraid you'll give up on me when you realise I'm terrified of everything (including therapy itself). I'm afraid you'll hear what I say but won't understand what I'm saying. My whole life people have told me that I've got poor communication skills and that it's been that way since I was a small child; that I distance myself both physically and mentally and that I never talk about my thoughts or feelings. I've always felt so different. I've always wanted to be understood. So now, when I after all these years of going through hell alone finally have someone to speak to, I don't know how to express myself. We've only seen each other for four weeks and you probably don't even care about me, right? This kind of relationship (between a psychologist and a patient) is completely new to me and I still haven't figured out what the rules are (and you should know I never break the rules. Ask my parents and they'll honestly tell you I never, not once, broke any rules while growing up). |
![]() AnnaBegins, Anonymous200320, Anonymous37844, FeelTheBurn, growlycat, tinyrabbit
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#603
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Sorry Was that in response to me? I suck at communicating sometimes.
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#604
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Yes it was.
__________________
Mr Ambassador, alias Ancient Plax, alias Captain Therapy, alias Big Poppa, alias Secret Spy, etc. Add that to your tattoo, Baby! |
#605
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Dear new T,
Thanks for understanding. You were kind and seemed to have a precise approach to things, although you made it clear that it is completely different than old T's. I don't know if I'm ready to give up on psychodynamic therapy and start back from square one with CBT. I'm confused. Dear old T, Could you please stop ignoring me? I have important decisions to make, so pick up your damn phone and give me a call. You're still my T, so act like it.
__________________
![]() Last edited by SkinnySoul; Aug 21, 2013 at 04:09 AM. Reason: oops, typo! |
![]() CantExplain, tealBumblebee
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#606
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I don't know your situation but I would guess that your T is most likely clueless. They have so many other clients. We want to think they are in tune to us (maybe they are for a moment and that's why we get confused) but I think they lose a lot after we walk out the door. Just tell or ask your T again whatever it is your not hearing. Hang in there. Communicating is hard for most of us, especially with people we're close to.
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#607
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Quote:
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![]() Anonymous33425
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#608
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Dear T, as much as I don't want to admit it, I really miss you... I hate feeling like I'm dependent on you sometimes but I really do enjoy seeing you and talking to you in sessions. I know I didn't trust you at first but I'm beginning to open up and talk more now. I hope I'm not going to regret opening up to you. I really feel that you can be trusted and I hope I'm not wrong...
__________________
"We deny that we're tired, we deny that we're scared, we deny how badly we want to succeed. And most importantly, we deny that we're in denial. We only see what we want to see and believe what we want to believe, and it works. We lie to ourselves so much that after a while the lies start to seem like the truth. We deny so much that we can't recognize the truth right in front of our faces." |
![]() 0w6c379
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![]() tealBumblebee
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#609
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TTrigger warning for talk of CSA
Dear T, I'm sorry I emailed you about that thing when you've just had someone die and you won't want to read about what I'm 99.9% sure my dad did to me. I dreamt I had to take bleach to our next session to wash the cups. You laughed and said it was okay as I've washed my mouth out since then, havent I? Except I couldn't remember if I had, so I was going to have to bleach my mouth too. I can't believe I told you this. The day after I emailed you I broke out in a bunch of cold sores around my mouth. I can't believe I told you. I think you should just throw the coffee cups away. And maybe throw me out with them. TR Last edited by tinyrabbit; Aug 21, 2013 at 06:49 PM. |
![]() 0w6c379, Anonymous33425, growlycat, photostotake, precious things, unaluna
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![]() ShrinkPatient
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#610
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Quote:
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![]() tinyrabbit
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![]() tinyrabbit
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#611
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Precious, thank you. I needed to hear that.
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![]() Anonymous200320, growlycat, precious things, tealBumblebee, unaluna
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#612
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Dear T,
I trusted you > you trusted me ![]() You brought her into the picture ![]() trusted her ![]() ![]() I am destroyed ![]() Now, I don't trust you and you don't trust me Not the ending I would have chosen ![]() |
![]() Anonymous37872, growlycat, tealBumblebee
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#613
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Dear T, I've never met anyone willing to walk with my
Pain step by step. You are my rock and hopefully The stone which I will jump from and towards recovery. I am so deeply grateful to have found you. |
![]() photostotake, tinyrabbit, Wren_
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![]() growlycat
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#614
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Dear T
I'm sorry that I stormed out of last session relaying that I was irritated at you. Especially since you tried for an hour to get me to open up about why I seemed to be so angry. I couldn't tell you that I was angry with you. I didn't intend on ever mentioning it or even behaving like I did. You know me so well, you were aware that I was angry before we ever got back to your office. I couldn't hide it and that just made me more angry. I'm angry with you because after over a year and a half, I finally have you access to a few of my writing entries & you never even read any of them. You've been challenging me for weeks to let you see some and then when I finally set up a way that I'm comfortable with sharing them, you didn't even access them. I understand that the account isn't the easiest for you to navigate but it wasn't exactly easy for me to "navigate" my extreme issues of distrust & fear of rejection. I even made efforts to find an easier way for you to read some things without compromising my need to feel protected in what I share. However, that was not something you would do either. I am at a loss. It seems like my writing entries aren't nearly as important as just getting me to give in. I can't even express how difficult it was just considering letting you read them. It took months for me to bring myself to do it. I feel like all that anxiety is ruined. I only agreed because I realize I can't articulate my thoughts and feelings in session and its been a barrier to my therapy. If you're not interested in reading my entries and I can't open up in session, then I really am doomed!!! Last edited by ShrinkPatient; Aug 22, 2013 at 12:32 AM. Reason: Left in an incomplete part |
![]() 0w6c379, Anonymous43209, tinyrabbit
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#615
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Dear old T,
Thanks for answering my call... ![]() Somehow, I'm not angry at you anymore, even though I believe you didn't realize the severity of the problem I called you for on Friday. We will talk about that next session, it will help me decide whether I want to terminate with you and continue with new T or not. I'm glad you're back sooner than I expected. I feel safer now. P.s.1 Tranquilizers were a great idea! I slept like a baby last night and today my mood swings are gone. I am calm. ![]() P.s.2 You were pissed with me and guess what; you can't get pissed if you don't care. ![]()
__________________
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![]() tinyrabbit
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![]() tealBumblebee
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#616
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it would have meant so much if you had replied ... you didn't
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![]() AnnaBegins, Anonymous200320, Anonymous33425, Anonymous43209, growlycat, precious things, tinyrabbit
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#617
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![]()
__________________
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![]() Wren_
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![]() Wren_
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#618
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Dear T,
How am I supposed to live with all this shame? |
![]() 0w6c379, Anonymous43209, growlycat, photostotake, precious things, tealBumblebee
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#619
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Quote:
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]()
__________________
A majorly depressed, anxious and dependent, schizotypal hypomanic beautiful mess ...[just a rebel to the world with no place to go... ![]() |
![]() 0w6c379
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#620
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Dear T,
Meds are not the answer...I've ended up in the hospital twice for accidentally ODing on them and I don't trust myself not to do that again. Can you take them off the table and never bring them up again?
__________________
"Beneath the dust and love and sweat that hangs on everybody / there's a dead man trying to get out..." |
![]() photostotake, precious things, Wren_
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#621
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I trust you T. And I want to let you be the one to decide when it's time. If you say inpatient is what has to happen I will go (but I'm still hoping we can avoid that). I won't fight you on it if you say it's the right thing to do. (((this is what I need to find the courage to say to T)))
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![]() 2or3things, AnnaBegins, growlycat, photostotake, tealBumblebee, tinyrabbit, Victoria'smom
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#622
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Dear T,
I know you must think I've completely lost it...yet you humored me tonight and you definitely weren't judgemental like I expected. Thanks for that, I think. But I'm completely detached from my feelings, T. It's scary and frustrating. I can't even get close to crying or feeling sad or anything. I think about those things that were tearing me apart inside only a couple short weeks ago and there's nothing there anymore. It feels nice to have such a low level of anxiety for once - but T, I don't feel ANYTHING. I'm empty. What happened??? I wish you didn't go away last week...I just wish the timing had been different. I seemed to be making a breakthrough last time and today I showed up...but I was empty. Hope you enjoyed my intellectualization /: you asked me what would help me to know the difference between whether I'm "better" or numbed out and I said only time. It's always time, T. I *hate* that I'm this way. I'm lost again ![]() |
![]() Anonymous33425, tinyrabbit
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#623
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**** you and you ****ing boundaries. Would it have hurt??
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![]() AnnaBegins, Anonymous200320, Anonymous33425, Freewilled, growlycat, tealBumblebee
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#624
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Xt,
I miss you so much. I think about you every night. I wish that I could tell you everything that's happened since I last saw you- my learning evaluation, my first time driving a car, etc. I wish that you could see how unhappy I've been. I wish I could talk to you about beginning school, and about how I went to the back to school BBQ. I wish I could hear your voice again. I wish that you were here because I know that you would understand and help with my 'clycling'. I miss you so much.
__________________
Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass. It's about learning to dance in the rain. ![]() ![]() |
![]() Anonymous33150, growlycat
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#625
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Dear T1,
Thanks for not emailing me back! You're the bestest! Do not even try and hug me when I see you next. ![]() |
![]() 0w6c379, Anonymous43209, growlycat, kirby777, tealBumblebee
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Closed Thread |
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