Couch 55...And on it goes....

uggg... i re broke open my nose stitch spot. I should be bubble wrapped.

On my way to t's - I just saw some of my glee buddies on the bus and two of them talked to me for the first time. One is deaf and one is blind. I know the sight impaired girl sings and plays piano so we talked about that. The young man is a fashion plate chatterbox so we just talked about summer and clothes. It was great. The blond girl who is usually with them reminds me of britney from glee who danced with britney spears.

whats up ready???

its true, and i seem to be one of them.

Just got done with t.. Talked about the things I wanted to talk about and he didn't bring up the Instagram thing.. Phew!

Still cloudy and muggy. Baby blue jays and baby cardinals are SOOOO damn cute. I am starting to like the birds.

Hey couch peeps....

I am stressing. My childcare (mom) is away from Sunday to Friday.....I talked to my sister about the possibility of having my daughter stay at her house during assignments next week. She said I'd have to check with them to see what they have going on but it should be ok.

I was asked to do an assignment early Monday morning - and I need to get back to them ASAP with confirmation - and I can't get a hold of anybody at my sister's house to secure childcare so I can confirm the assignment. AAARGH.

It's times like this that I HATE being a single mom in the summer without reliable childcare. HATE IT! HATE IT! HATE IT!

And the fact that my unemployment is ending this weekend, I NEED to work.

ACK. Now my mom tells me that my sister is hoping I don't have to work next week so I can watch her kids while she and her H go to work.

My sister's H works for his dad's company and gets paid whether he's there or not.

Let them know you'd be happy to watch all the kids, and tell them the hourly rate that you get paid for doing the assignments you will miss.

MUE... how about the mom of your daughter's friend? the one you take to the pool all the time and have come stay at your house? could she watch your daughter? If she works, what does her daughter (your daughter's friend) do?

just some thoughts......

That would be ideal, but considering my sister is taking my daughter to Disney for 10 days in August and lets my daughter stay at her house 4 days a week each week during the month of July (while my mom watches all the kids there), I doubt that would go over well.

And the thing with my work is that it's so unpredictable. I don't know in advance what days or hours I will be asked to work....so the only way I can commit to watching their kids is if I tell the agency I'm unavailable on a given day....which may or may not turn out to be a missed opportunity.

This is just so frustrating.

My daughter's friends parents work and their kids go to their grandmother's house. I'm not very close to their family, just the daughter really.

I do have a neighbor who I'm sure would be willing to help me out if I'm in a bind, but her daughter will be going to camp during the day so my daughter wouldn't want to be there without her. She'd have to live with it though. The unpredictability of my schedule is what's hurting me most right now because I have no idea when I will be asked to work.

At the moment, I only have Monday morning at 7:15 AM for a 2 hour assignment confirmed. And my BIL will be watching my daughter during that time. During group T on Tuesday and my T session on Thursday, I plan to have my daughter stay at the swim club by herself (if it doesn't rain). She doesn't like being alone, so this will be a test for her - and it would only be for 1-1/2 hours at the most each time. She is at the age where she is permitted to be there without an adult. If the weather is bad, then I'll just not go to group and would cancel my T session if I can't find alternate child care.

I just need to BREATHE and realize that it's just one week. After that, things will be better.

MUE... I remember and understand the issue with your daughter but have you thought to do a little training runs... like go to the WaWa and leave her home when you know your neighbor who is your backup person will be home... just to give her a 15/20 minute test?

Thanks, RTS. It pains me to try to leave her home alone when I know she is filled with such panic and anxiety....And, we don't have a home phone, so it's a safety issue too. She is terrified of the idea of being home alone.

A thought popped into my mind a few minutes ago - and I called my exH to see if he could keep her after work while I go to group T on Tuesday. He said he was going to a concert with his brother. Oh well. Another option gone.

MUE.... you mean she's 12 and you made it this long without her having her own cell phone? LOL.... I added my son around this age to my plan with the cheap free phone and the $10 a month charge...

I understand....

Hi Murray...miss seeing you here...

LOL, there isn't a week that goes by that my daughter doesn't remind me! I've heard that you can add a line for $10/month - but that's only with a family plan, no?

I only have a single line, so I would have to go from a single plan to a family plan to get an additional line, right?

I am considering getting her a tracfone or something like it, a pay-as-you-go kinda thing - for when she is in Disney and wants to reach me. I was hoping to find something cheap with texting since she uses my phone to text most of the time. Considering my income is about to drop dramatically and I will need to draw from savings to keep afloat until something changes in my employment status, I can't imagine taking on another bill right now.

Hi Ready. Thanks for noticing me.

Murray... did you start your job?

I have been trying to sort through paperwork and get ready for trial next week. I cant believe that there has to be a trial for my stupid divorce! Oh well.

Been doing some part time work in an office and feeling like such an idiot. For 20 years I have basically done the same sort of work and I am feeling pretty out of sorts attempting to do something new. Plus I don't know if it is stress/depression/ptsd/etc or old age but I have no idea where my brain went. My T and I discussed it a few weeks ago and he said that my issues can cause what is essentially dementia and that I may or may not at some point get my brain back. Very disheartening discussion as the only thing that I really ever felt confident about was my brain- I could learn, remember, understand things so quickly and easily and now I feel like I am in a fog all the time. Anyway, it is what it is and at least I am doing something and they are talking about having me continue to work part time indefinitely rather than just for this month. So they must not be too displeased with my performance.

((( Murray )))

That sounds so hard! I'd imagine that some of the stress from the divorce and impending life changes can be contributing to what you're dealing with at work. I'm hopeful, though, that maybe once the divorce is out of the way, things will start to settle down and you can get "some of your brain back".

Murray... anxiety can do a number on your brain and the ability to focus. I bet you will get it back when things settle down... and you don't have so many what ifs floating around in there.

((((MURRAY))))
You have every reason to be stressed and foggy right now, hang in there!

I am a procrastinator. I did one of the three biggest things I've been procrastining for a year about... semi proud of myself for finally tackling it.

That is awesome! Woohoo! I say be totally proud, not semi proud.