think i need more...

i think i need more than i am getting. i am seeing T once a week. i saw her twice a week for a little while -- i had to ask, and it was really hard...part of me wanted HER to ask, but realized that I need to ask for what i need. anyway, she doesn't do twice a week as a regular thing...we're back to once a week -- and i am not doing ok.

i actually did a crisis chat thing tonight...and the person i was chatting with said, "it sounds like maybe you will benefit from inpatient treatment. have you talked to your counselor about needing more?"
Then I kinda told her about having been seeing twice a week for a bit. Then the crisis person said that she couldn't help me anymore.

ugh...so i need more...even a freaking crisis person can help me...am i seriously THAT freaking messed up??

wow how horrible that the crisis person said she couldn't help anymore. how does seeing a t twice a week affect her being able to help you.

do you think you might benefit from inpatient right now?if so maybe you should talk to your T about it

possibly...but NOT anywhere around here...i have been inpatient here...twice...and it's completely pointless.

i feel like i definitely need MORE...but I don't think i can get more of what i need. honestly. really...what I need i can't afford. i probably need some sort of treatment for my eating disorder stuff...that's been out of control lately...but there are not options for me though right now. three reasons...1) i'm not thin. 2) i'm too old (when you have food issues, 35 is too old)...3) i have no money and ****** insurance

i think many of us who suffer from eating disorders lack an ability to express our needs. The ED shuts that down for us. I hope you are able to take a leap of faith and express your need for more sessions with your T. If she doesn't do 2x a week, maybe you could work out a deal where you can send an email with whatever thoughts you are working on once a week in addition to the weekly visit.

Is there a local support group that you can join? I'm sorry that you are struggling right now. I'm over 35 and struggle with anorexia and other illnesses - PM me if I can be of support to you.

Try psychoanalytic therapy. 2xwkly is the norm.

I think you really need to tell your T that you want to go back to twice-weekly and see what she says.

First of all, here's a huge hug for you!
I'm sorry you're having a rough time, I'm struggling as well right now and I understand...

I wish I could help you... All I can do is tell you that it's not a shame that you need more help. If your T doesn't get it, then she might not be the right T for you.
It sounds as if you're in crisis mode now. If you are, then you need to contact a/another professional soon.

Have you considered getting another T for weekly sessions along with the T you are seeing now?

I am also worried...because it took a long time for everything to get sorted out with my insurance and stuff with the counseling center I am at...but I finally know how much I have to pay each session...HOWEVER...I also OWE a TON of money right now for all of the appointments I have had. I am worried that because it will be another month or so before I can pay anything they'll terminate me. I need to call the billing office, but I am scared to.

When I get really anxious/afraid, I tend to freeze up.

and yeah...i do kinda feel like I am in crisis mode right now.
thankfully i have been able to talk to other crisis line people. and it's been helpful...but i know it's not a good sign when I need it more than once a day...

Well that appt did not go well...I almost had to go inpatient. Almost. I told her some of the new thoughts I have been having, and that they scared me. She said they should...and she said that they honestly kind of scare her.

But besides that, she's been very concerned about me. She said she's wondered several times over the last week if she should have the police come and do a wellness check.

I have to check in with her daily via email...and if I don't she will call and send someone to check on me. Have a couple things I have to do tonight and tomorrow - one being call my psychiatrist and try to get in sooner than my appt for Sept 6. And she has me coming in Monday and then again Thursday.

I'm glad you were able to get some more support. I can relate to needing more also, but not having the resources to get what I need. I went to the er a few times here, and all it did was stark the crash for just a bit longer (even the inpatient did only that). Maybe you can figure out which inpatient would be helpful, and try to get a referral to there? Renfrew had a great program when I did it a long time ago. I don't know if one of those centers are near you, but you could give them a call. ((Hugs)) I hope you can access what you need soon!

thanks, yeah...I told her that I knew I needed something more...but the IP here was NOT it. Last time I was there I left more suicidal than when I went in -- and actually started talking to a counselor about feeling quite suicidal...and she got called out by a nurse. I got discharged that afternoon.

The ONLY thing this place would do is a medication adjustment. I know I shouldn't, but I almost just want to increase the dosage as it is...on my own...knowing that's just what the doctor would do.

Anyway, I promised my T that I would NOT take more of my anxiety medicine than prescribed and that I would dump all the alcohol that we have -- those were things she didn't even ask, I just offered. She thanked me for that...and I think it helped her realize that I will do what I have to in order to stay OUT of the hospital. Yes, I am utterly depressed...and yes, some of my thoughts are scary...and yes, right now I am alone (kids are with their dad), but I am NOT going to act on the thoughts.

I have to call psychiatrist office tomorrow morning and tell them that my suicidal thoughts have increased in intensity...my fear is they'll just say "go to the ER." Yes, that will get a quick medication change, but it will also cause a lot more stress -- I am in school...so everything that is due...or coming due...will get delayed...and a new semester starts Aug 19th. Life is too busy for hospital right now.

Yes, I think something that focuses on the eating stuff and/or trauma would be beneficial for me...but I don't see that as a possibility...i have bad insurance...and even when I had better insurance, they wouldn't approve me for a trauma program. eh. i just have to make due with what I have.

oh, and she said, that back in January I went IP and said that was what I needed to do. She asked what was different about now and then (February was the BAD experience IP). I said, in January I didn't think I could keep myself safe. But now...I KNOW I won't do anything. But they always freak out because of my history of overdoses and previous hospitalizations.

called my psychiatrist's office this morning to see about an earlier appointment -- they said next available was for November (my appt is Sept)
they put me through to the case manager, who told me that they actually have a walk-in clinic today to see the doctor. He will take the first five people on the list starting at 2pm, she said to be there by 1:30pm or a few minutes earlier to make sure I get on the list. Had to cancel an appointment, and they at first said they would have to charge me the late cancellation fee, but then they called me back and said because it's to see a psychiatrist that they would waive the fee. Which was good. So doing that this afternoon.

well today was a TOTAL disaster.
I went to the walkin clinic...got there at 1:15pm...already full.
I literally broke down in tears right there. The case manager was standing right there, and I had talked to her earlier and told her that I was not ok.
Walked out of there almost sobbing and no one said a word to me after they said it was full.

So...then I called another psychiatry place -- basically the only other one in town, only to be told when they called me back that their next opening is in December! So I called one about an hour away, and they did a short intake over the phone and then said they would submit my papers to the doctors and I should find out IF they will take me within 5 business days. I forgot to ask how far out they are booking appointments at this point.

It's frustrating because it looks like the ONLY way I will get ANYTHING done with meds without waiting a month or longer is by going into the hospital. It's the LAST thing I want to do. In any case, I am going to work really hard this weekend to get everything done for next week (my last week of summer class)...and then if I have to go in, I can do that before Fall semester starts on the 19th.

Maybe that would be the best option at this point? I don't know. I don't want to go back to the hosptial here, so I decided that IF I have to go, I will drive an hour to the larger city and just go to the ER there, it's not like they would tell me to go back to my town.
Ugh...I just don't know exactly what I need at this point!

Will your pdoc not call and speak to you over the phone and make a med adjustment that way? If I am not doing well, my pdoc wants me to call him. He calls me back the same day, and personally calls prescriptions in to my pharmacy then and there if need be. Have you asked for a call back from your pdoc?

the only person I can talk to is my case manager. and I am finding out she does little to nothing. the doctors themselves will not call back -- at least not at this clinic.

it's kind of sucky because it's designed for people that need more help than the average person -- you have to have been inpatient in a psych unit to even be seen by them...yet they can't schedule you more than once every three months or so. it's horrible

their appointment availablility is insane too...when I called this morning the next available appointment was in November. Though I have an appt scheduled for September.

Do you have other pdocs in your area you can choose from? This clinic set-up would not work for me at all. If you can find a better pdoc situation, it would be worth doing. I know how hard it is to get an initial appointment, but it might be worth going ahead and making an appointment down the road to check out the options. Doesn't help your immediate situation, but it could pay off later.

yeah...I called the only other place in town...next available appointment is in December. Looking into the larger city about an hour away.

went to the hospital for a few days. got med changes. got a little bit of hope.
i traveled to a different city in order to get better help, and the hospital bit was good. at first they were going to try to set me up with pdoc and DBT therapist/group in a city about an hour from where I live. They also said my T isn't qualified to help me because she is an intern, though we have a good therapeutic relationship and I feel like I can really trust her.

anyway, so then they (pdoc and social worker at the hospital) decide to pursue follow up in my town...at the same place i was seeking help before (where I went in last week and told them I wasn't ok, couldn't get in the walkin appointments and my case manager just let me walk out in tears). So now..>I get to meet with said case manager on Tuesday morning. Was told that this place can provide me "mental health support" a couple times a week and should never refuse to see someone in a crisis situation. blah blah blah

I don't know....feeling hopeless again.