Beginner Psychotherapist; afraid of crying

I am getting trained as a psychotherapist and lately I have started to realize that during a session am afraid that my client might cry. I cringe up, my body get tensed and I find myself thinking "please don't cry, please don't cry"
This worries me. So slowly I have distanced myself from therapy and opted for assessment and psychometrics. This has gotten me down because I really want to be a good therapist.

This isn't limited to my professional life. In my personal life I feel I am not empathetic towards myself or others. Although I listen and no one knows how I am feeling, but it just bothers me. I don't like to share my problems, I have hardly ever cried in front of someone, I can't even recall the last time I cried in front of someone. But I cry, a lot these days. Mostly because I don't understand what's wrong with me. I wasn't this way before, I think.... I don't know.

Would highly appreciate feedback.

Have you ever been in therapy yourself? If you want to make it as a T, I think dealing with crying needs to be worked through.

I am sorry stuffed, but I am laughing SO HARD. I cannot stop laughing. I started to picture my T going, "please don't cry, pleasedon'tcry!" I have a lot of sympathy for your position though because the first time I had a client cry (I'm an attorney), I was horrified and had no idea what to do.

You definitely need to be comfortable with people crying if you want to be a psychotherapist. It sounds like you have a lot of underlying issues you need to work on in our own therapy. If you don't feel empathy towards others, then what is your motivation for becoming a psychotherapist? Seems like a strange choice of career.

I'm not sure where in the world you are but I know in the UK whilst training you have to have your own personal therapy I deal with your issues, if you jar to do that in your training, then you can work through your issues with crying.

You can go to therapy and that can help you to be more comfortable with yourself and with crying, specifically. Going to therapy shows strength and is great self-care.

I have. The first time I went to see a T was during my undergrad it was just out of curiosity and I wanted to work through minor stress problems.
Unfortunately my experience with her was so bad I completely shied away from the counselling process. It has always been hard for me to open up or complain about any problems or worries after that it became more hard.
The second time was during my MS and I pushed myself to really try because self process is always the most important part of becoming a therapist. T was really nice and supportive, I however just simply could not open up. I guess it's because all my life I have been taught to be self reliant and that I shouldn't burden anyone with my problems. So I left.

I joined this forum because I know I need to be able to work through my issues which I simply can't voice so may be I take this step to open up anonymously and work up the courage to open up.

Takes years to be a proper psychotherapist. This includes going through your own therapy. That's where you get to find your neurosis.

I never actually said it out loud and did provide the comfort needed in that process for my client. I however did realize that while I addressed to my clients need, I was not comfortable with it and that was the last session I decided to take. Ever since i have distanced myself from therapy. Rule number one, never do any harm
I haven't been unempathetic, I mean that's me judging myself when it comes to crying, otherwise I usually do fine in sessions. Several reasons why I want to be a therapist. One of them is that now I can see and appreciate how difficult it might be for some to go through counselling, I can relate to that so I want to be there to support them, and assist them to achieve their true potential because i do want to be able to provide someone with an environment where they feel unconditionally appreciated. And this is why I really want to work through this fear of having people cry or cry myself in public.

Do you have any idea where this discomfort comes from? Is there anything in your childhood that would explain it?

Is it the emotion in crying or the gross factor? I have a lot of compassion, but body fluids (including tears) gross me out. I don't like to be near someone who is leaking!

I can't pin point it, but I have always been closed up. Never share my worries and that's why I want to become a therapist and joined this field because I know the importance of having someone. Yet when it comes to me I overly intellectualize things and worries and never let myself cry in front of someone. May be I have been doing this to myself for so long that now I can't handle if someone else cries. It didn't use to be this way though. Even before I joined this field I have tried to be of comfort for others. But it was during my MS training that I started to become this anxious when someone cries in front of me

I don't think it's the gross factor because I have worked in slum areas as well and I have no icky issues. I don't however really know why when someone starts to cry my whole body tense up. Although I have had very deep thoughtful moments of connection with my clients where they are the most vulnerable, but as long as they express that without crying I feel fine.

Empathy is a KEY component of therapy. You cannot be a successful therapist without it. Are you in therapy now? This would be something great to work on.

I think not knowing what to do when others cry is a clue that maybe you dont know how to soothe yourself when you are upset? I mean, if you can't self soothe, then how are you going to know how to soothe another?

The more I think about this, the more I think you are making the right choice to distance yourself from clinical work. Tensing up and when someone cries, and lacking in empathy ... I don't even know a nice way to say it, but that is just not a good combination in a therapist. I already feel like an idiot when I cry. If my therapist got tense, I would be able to tell and that would make me feel even worse and that much more like an idiot and like I had to hide my emotions. I have spent a lifetime dealing with people who want me to hide my sorrow and who have no empathy for me. The thought of trying to spend 50 minutes every week with one more person like that is horrible for me.

Maybe you feel like crying is a negative thing and that you as a professional should be able to prevent that from happening. Or maybe you feel like you are responsible for making them cry. I'm not a therapist or planning on ever becoming one, but whenever I'm talking to someone about their life and they start crying, I immediately feel guilty as if their pain was my fault.

Maybe your lack of empathy is a way for you to keep boundaries. No one can hurt you if you aren't available for them to hurt.

I think therapy is an excellent place to work out why you feel that you can't open up and express your feelings, or feel comfortable with others' feelings.

Your therapy, that is. Best to stay away from practicing in someone else's emotional landscape. Not to sound harsh, but I would second MKAC; you sound like you mean well, but have a long way to go before you're a safe companion for someone in need of help. Academia and assessment are worthy pursuits.

I echo the others. Pretty much, empathy and being comfortable with others expressing their emotions are two of the most important things in therapy, along with being genuine and unconditional positive regard. My T embodies all of these characteristics. If one or two were missing, it would have been catastrophic for me.

I guess I'm wondering too, if you hated your first experience with therapy, and you don't have empathy, even in your personal life with friends or family, what initially made you want to be a counselor? I feel like we all have propensities towards certain careers, which have to do with our natural abilities and strengths. Many things can be learned and taught, but if it doesn't come naturally, it may never develop strongly enough. For instance, I love gymnastics. my mother was on a gymnastics team. I grew up taking gymnastics, watching it on tv, etc. When push came to shove, despite my practice, the natural aptitude was not there. Sure, I was ok. I was never great. Perhaps what you are doing now is a better fit than psychotherapy?

As others have said, you don't seem to be ready for conducting therapy. What concerns me the most is that regardless of the techniques you may learn, you don't seem to fully realize how damaging your lack of authenticity is/would be to a client. You seem to think, at least on one level, that you are performing well for the client, but at the cost of your personal discomfort.

With all due respect, it isn't about you. It isn't about your perceived behavior. It isn't about controlling your affect. It isn't about your performance. It's about a lack of the most basic requisite to conducting a healing relationship: empathy. Until you can address that honestly through therapy for yourself, you have a responsibility to not pursue clinical work professionally.

How can you teach someone to drive a car, if you don´t know how drive yourself? You´ll have to be a skilled driver to help and guide the other person.
Two people in a car like that would be a distaster waiting to happen.

I wonder if you started your therapist training to help yourself. I hear a lot of altruism in your explanation of why you felt drawn to this profession.
I used to work on a rape crisis line and the majority of the volunteer counsellors had experienced sexual violence themselves and wanted to be there for others. But even in that very limited capacity, I found that the desire to help and identifying with our callers wasn't enough.
You actually need to develop empathy for the experience of being in therapy, making oneself vulnerable, dealing with really hard feelings etc. Otherwise you can actually be quite harmful to your clients. It can't be studied! You actually need to do it.

I'm glad you felt able to open up here, and feel a lot of sympathy for your position. It's great that you've recognised the problem and that you've stepped back from the work for now, because working on your own issues first, deeply, is paramount.

For many people including myself, and I suspect you as well, we feel compelled subconciously to try and provide for other people what we cannot provide for ourselves. For example giving sympathy to others when really we need to receive sympathy, but we're not able to ask for or accept it at that point. This often has very deep and complex roots in childhood. Perhaps this is what drew you to counselling in the first place.

I think it's really important to find a therapist you are comfortable with, and delve into this issue. It won't be easy, but it will be hugely rewarding and worthwhile.

This would be a good spot to begin in your own therapy.

It is common for therapy to challenge the settled beliefs of the past. These challenges are uncomfortable to face, and the temptation to leave therapy becomes strong. Nevertheless, for your own personal life, you would be well-advised to return to this T, or find another one that suits you.

If you are to be a T, you must undertake your own therapy in order to address and work through the issues you are raising.

Certainly, in no way I would want to hurt someone that is why I have stepped back :-)

Thankfully through assessment I have found an alternative to assist someone who is going through difficulty and work through possible treatment plans with them :-)