Couch 65...Where all the fun is!

I would love for a T to believe me .heck I would love anyone irl to believe me. I never talk to my husband about it because he does believe me and what little he knows he hates the mother and wont talk to her and that makes it hard on me. but it would be nice if a T believed me.

no not much about it after she said that radiators don't burn fingers I shut down again and felt totally stupid for saying anything

I believe you,,Granite. Radiators DO burn. Tell her she don't know what she's talking about with that.

She's wrong.

Healed- thanks for sharing that post this morning. It really hit home for me. My t says that both my sui thoughts and my ED behaviors are my safety nets that I fall back to whenever things get tough. Whenever I start to feel my emotions, I go back to those two things, neither of which are obviously safe and could cost me my life. Working really hard on finding new coping skills.

((( granite )))

I'm sorry you're having such a rough time with this. I hope you can tell T what you're feeling, especially about your upset around the idea that she might not believe you.

Just got back from blinner....ya know, breakfast/lunch/dinner all rolled into one...LOL.

Had a nice time, although there were quite a few times when I just wanted to run out of the restaurant. I have no idea why. Just not up for socializing right now, I guess. My daughter and I came home so she could take some meds for her cough but then she wants to go back to my moms.

My aunt and cousin are leaving on Tuesday. The other aunt/uncle are staying I think for at least a couple more weeks.

Tomorrow, my grandmother is coming over to take everyone out to lunch, and I'm invited. Not sure I'm up for another day to be around people. *sigh* I'm working until around noon, so we'll see.

MUE... its nice to have family visits... for a while but then it can get old with all the obligations that surround it (atleast in my family)

Where you able to get your billing done for all those hours you worked last week?

Granite...were you able to scrapbook today?

what are you doing tonight?

Yes, I got my invoicing done. Thanks for holding me accountable! LOL.

OMG, my daughter is bugging me like a 2 year old....can we go? can we go? (deep sigh) how bout now?

Granite - just explain the type of radiators you mean - not everyone is familiar with the kind that burn. I did not know about radiators at all until I went to college and lived in an ancient dorm.
Plus, it does not matter if she believes you about the item you got burned on, she does always seem to believe you about what your parent did to you. That is the important part it would seem to me.

Argh! I went do laundry and lost the keys to my apartment in the car. Yes, my car is messy so it is easy to "lose things".

I mustered up enough energy to do laundry and I come back to my apartment to wait for it to get done washing before moving it to the dryer and could not find my keys. They were not on the seat where I put them. I dug and dug and could not find them. It was time to go put the wash into the dryer and I still could not find them, so I went back and moved the clothes to the dryer. Then I came back again and dug around some more and finally found my keys. They had fallen off the seat and into a pile of trash on the floor. Guess I should clean my car more often.

Now I have 10 minutes before I have to go back down and retrieve my wash from the dryer. It's late and cutting it close to when the washroom closes, but at least I go it done.

Granite I am so very sorry that you are feeling sad. Perhaps she was trying say, and get you to see, that the severe burn scars are not from what you did but from what the bad mom did? Again, I am so very sorry that you had such a jacked up childhood. You are a good person and If I could take away any of your pain I would, honest. Your not alone, we are all here for you.

I hope she does. she seemed to but I just stopped the conversation. I couldn't risk her not believing me. I don't know why it is so darn important for her to believe me . no one ever seemed to care and or believed me when I would say anything about it so I guess it just would be nice. when I was younger I could never risk it either. I never talked about what the mother or others did to me . it would send me into a complete rage when anyone tried to get me to talk about it. so it was more of my T then trying to regulate my behavior more then anything. it just hurts when I see someone not believing me about this stuff but maybe she does but im not asking I don't want to hear the answer.

she did say that she knows that a care taker may have done this to me and she would guess it might have been my mother.i so wanted to say to her yes you (insert dirty word) she did do this to me not may or might. but at this point I will not confirm or deny .i know I am just cutting my nose off despite my face and being a jerk but it hurt .I guess I am in over react mode and might need to just have a drink and chill

I think I am just kind of scared to deal with this again Tuesday so I am working my self into a frenzy and upset to avoid it and focus on the one little thing she messed up on. I feel I did all this to myself by starting that time line again. I know my T said it is good that I am allowing myself to look at this stuff but I don't think I have a choice it is there and not so sure it is good for me to look at this stuff.

We lost a softball down the storm drain. I recovered the ball and dropped a manhole cover on my foot. Ouch.

that would be a big ouch. that needs to be on one of those life sucks tee shirts

Poor Ike.... is it broken? the foot not the manhole cover?

Granite I hear ya, I am about to break my fast for a glass of wine, as the W just went home and 7 months seems too long to keep this "separate living" thing up. I am weak, very weak... I suck and I am a giant baby..... rant over.... moving on.... nothing to see here

Not broken, just bruised. And the pain meds are kicking in.

Sorry MUE...sometimes I am like an annoying grandma

Granite, i think its that simple. She is wrong, doesn't understand about radiators, etc. it is NOT her not believing you, i firmly believe that.
Look at you, figuring yourself out!!! It is good for you to look at it, in tiny glimpses I think. Of course you are going to get severly triggered when this stuff comes up because it is absolute awful what your mother did to you. You shut down very easily and quickly (and understandably!!), and don't give your T much time to capitulate on everything you are saying. I think you shrink down to survivor mode and can only think either "she hates me" or "she doesn't believe me," when in fact she has said things to you that very clearly indicates that she knows awful things went on.

is this therapist a trauma therapist?

Well...laundry is done. I was too lazy to bring it up from the car and put it away (it's not like I need it for clothes tomorrow), so in my trunk it sits.

EDIT: It's a step. At least I did something.

So my T responded to my email on a Sunday afternoon. Now I feel badly for messing with his free time, and really happy at the same time.

I'm counting down the minutes until I can call my S. He has a class on Sunday evenings, and has a quiz today. It's also his birthday; the first we have ever not spent together.