What to do when you are unhelpable!

First off, I am not even sure unhelpable is a word but it's needed here!
As some of you know my first t terminated me out of the blue, this was a year and a half ago. I had no idea it was coming, she never explained why so last month I felt a great urge to find out why! I sent her an email asking could I go back to see her again- her response was short and curt.
She said;
I feel as though I have taken you as far as I can on your counselling journey- good luck for the future.
From this I get that she couldn't help me anymore, I suffered all of this time and she didn't even refer me or suggest somebody else knowing that I needed help but she couldn't help me! I am so mad over it because she made me feel like I wasn't doing the work, telling me I was not doing enough in her eyes and then she says that arghhh. I am confused all over again and angry.

I'm sorry I know how very painful it is to be terminated unexpectedly and given no direction. Are you working through this with a new T?

When a therapist can't help any further i don't think it's necessarily anyone's fault, it's just a fact of training in any particular area, that's all, nothing personal. How a therapist deals with that situation is within their control. She treated you badly at the time but at least she's doing the right thing now my not muddying the waters. Her reply was curt but also clear. Can you process all of this with your T? It's the only way you'll get closure.

I'm sorry that a so called professional person treated you that way. I hope you find someone to replace her, and you get the help and support you need. Our journey to wellness isn't easy.

I am unhelpable so I can relate. I don't know what to do.

Can you find someone who has more than 3 years of training? It seems like you keep running into counselor-type ts who are not trained in depth psychodynamic psychotherapy and cannot handle the slightest bit of transference. Their training pretty much commands them to hand off a client to someone else if it becomes too much for them, but you can't keep repeating your first year of therapy over and over - it's really not fair to you. It's not you, it's them.

I agree with Hankster. It´s not you it´s them. A more skilled T may be the best thing at this point. I had this happen to me too. I hurts like H..based on her response, the highlighted part, she seems No wonder she couldn´t help you with an approach like that, when a former client writes for closure. You´re NOT unhelpable, you´ve just come across a person who didn´t have the professional or personal skills in T or to terminate you in a legally and ethical right way.

I have had simulated experience with next t and it scares that maybe no one can help. There aren't many ts here that have had any more than three years training. They are few and far between and I would have to go to the other side of the country to find one. This makes me disheartened and sad- why couldn't she have been honest though, instead of blaming me for her mistakes.

How did she blame you? She clearly states, she feels she has taken you as far as SHE can take you. Not as far as YOU can go. TThere's a difference.

I would agree that you just need a different type of therapist (or therapy). I'm facing similar fears, but more on the end of not being able to find a program to help me. I've found I have trouble working through things on an outpatient basis...
Also, I did not read up on what your t has said earlier, but I'm glad she was able to be direct about her inability to he'll you further. She did not say you are unhelpable, but said her skill set can't help you. As painful as it is to feel abandoned by a t, is also more ethical than just dragging along and getting nowhere. I know that's something I will keep having to tell myself that as I'm at risk of losing my own t If I can't pull things together. (Hugs) hope you can work through things with your current t.

There are all kinds of T's and I'm sure a good fraction of them are just plain bad at their job. I'm sure that a % of T's would not "understand" me, and a fraction would, and some in the middle... just based on their own transference or superficial stuff. What I'm getting to is this one therapist shouldn't make you feel unhelpable, especially when the same therapist is being vague about why they terminated therapy.

It could be the therapist didn't think you had a good enough relationship to really trust them and do the work. Could be you had issues they were not familiar with, and didn't think they would do a good job of helping you. Could be some of your beliefs clashed with theirs and they couldn't reconcile them, and also cant tell you what and why because it's personal (i.e. if you are a devout Baptist and they aren't religious.) Bottom line is, IMO, it could be any number of things and only one of which is that you are unhepable. I actually doubt any therapist would think someone is totally unhelpable though, so I think that's the least likely possibility.

Try not to sweat it. I know that's easier said than done. You just need some people on your side and in your corner. You need a therapist who believes in you! This T just doesn't sound like a good one. Find one with decades of experience, that will increase the likelihood they'll be good at their job.

What I wrote there is only a small part of what happened, obviously after one and a half years with her a lot more happened. She would blame me because I wasn't working, she would blame me for everything that had happened that brought me to her in the first place- things that weren't my fault, like being abused, being treated badly and being cheated on. She would say that I did all of this to myself- maybe I unknowingly contributed but by her saying that did not help when I was distressed and suffering post traumatic stress.

I get what you mean. It still sounds like HER limitations to me. I mean duh. It's like telling a sideroad it's their fault they are not a superhighway. When the question is, how does one reconstruct this road? And hey - your country is not as wide as our country! So you cant use that as an excuse! But maybe you can go to school there and then come back home and be the only t with this kind of depth experience. When God closes a door, She opens a window , per Helen Keller.

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I think we both had the same crappy T.

Terminated without warning and no referrals and blamed us for their issues.
I would be so terrified to email the T at this point.

These Ts are unethical and unprofessional... I have been told this over and over by the new Ts I am interviewing... even though it still feels like my fauly.

I don't think we are "unhelpable,"...... I truly believe there are ALOT of crappy Ts out there

She may be too proud to admit she doesn't have the skill level needed to be a good therapist. You deserve better.

You're not unhelpable. You just haven't found the right T yet.

A T that blames a client is not doing the job correctly.

I agree!

Unfortunatley, she said it over a year later so there was over a year of confusion about it.
I also wonder, and felt (perhaps erroneously) if there was more that was said towards the end that monalisasmile was remembering.
I agree with you on the face of it, but I sense there is more. Maybe.

BTDT. SAme thing happened to me. My T started blaming me for things. Manipulating things. But I still hung on for various reasons (I really wanted it to work out) - until she stopped my therapy with no explanation. It was one of the most painful things I've been through.

No one is "unhelpable", but not everyone can help us. Your T certainly had the right to terminate with you if she felt she could not help you, but she owed you an explanation as well as referrals to someone else. She acted very unprofessionally in all this and I would say that you are better off without her. Just look for someone else. Instead of moaning and groaning over what you have lost, get out there and start interviewing new T's. You'll find someone you can work with, though it may not be easy. Good luck to you.