[HealingTimes]

My T said the above statement before our break on 18th Dec.
What would it take for you to take her up on her offer of texting? I said i wouldn't text because i don't want to appear stalker-ish, but she said that has never happened with me.

[stopdog]

I cannot imagine there being anything I would consider to be such a need. The second therapist I see told me to contact her over this period when she is gone if I wanted, but I have no idea really why I would not be able to wait.

[HealingTimes]

Thanks stopdog...i guess i am just too needy

[stopdog]

That is not what I meant. If you think you have a need and the therapist has no problem with the contact, then I would do it. I don't usually consider the therapist helpful with anything I consider a need. I don't usually think of contact with the therapist as being calming, reassuring etc. So I cannot imagine why I would do so - if one thinks of the therapist as useful in those ways, then I would say contact away. I don't think of it as having anything to do with being too needy.

[Lauliza]

I probably wouldn't take a therapist up on texting between sessions. I feel like it would create too much dependence on the t. I understand there are many people who have no other means of emotional support, so if that's the case it could be helpful and even necessary. But for me, this extra contact would discourage me from using my existing support system outside of therapy.

[HealingTimes]

I don't think my last post had the right 'tone'..i actually did mean thanks for posting. It made me try and assess whether my 'need' was great enough. I consider that a good thing. I'd hate to be texting for no good reason.

I think i made it sound like i was being sarcastic with the thanks? If so, sorry, thats not how it was meant at all

[HealingTimes]

Originally Posted by amee200

I too wouldn't want to take a therapist up on texting between sessions. I feel like it would create too much dependence on the t. I understand there are many people who have no other means of emotional support, so in this case it might be warranted. In most other cases though I think this extra contact would discourage patients from forming a support system outside of therapy.

I dont have any other means of support. Nobody knows about my issues apart from my T.

[stopdog]

For what it may be worth, the therapist I see was has been somewhat expressive that she would think it a good thing if I would contact her. Not just that it would be okay, but an actual, to her, positive thing.

[Raging Quiet]

My T said a similar thing; I suppose in my case it would be a bereavement, finding out about a pregnancy or a manic depressive episode.

[unlockingsanity]

I can't imagine a reason either. I think about the worst thing that could happen - maybe someone dying - but even then, my T isn't going to be able to do anything to really help me via a text. I'd need a session and that wouldn't be happening, so I wouldn't contact T.

[Willowleaf]

Mine encourages me to take a risk and contact her if I have a need she can help with. I suppose the idea is for people like me who never ask for help learning to reach out to a t might eventually encourage us to reach out to other people. I find it very difficult, but I am learning if I have a need she can help with to sometimes let her. T's don't make the offer lightly so if she can help why not reach out. Good luck.

[unaluna]

Just to summarize, this week, i saw my t on monday and friday (today), and he texted me on wednesday (xmasday) to say merry xmas. He had said on monday that he would be thinking of me. I was like all, why? I dont get it. His text made me anxious and i expressed that. We talked about it today, and i was like, when ANYBODY approaches me, i dont know what they want from me; im afraid of what their attitude will be - mad or not mad. Either one is bad! Either one is my mother / filter.

So he said he knew i would be dreading any contact from my mother on xmas, and that was kind of running thru his head when he texted me. I guess my point is, the point of any t contact over a holiday is that it is probably going to be significant or clarify or highlight something for you. Or that it has that potential. If you can just go with the feeling. Its just therapy continued.

[purplemystery]

Like Willowleaf, I can imagine it being helpful for learning to reach out to someone when in distress, and seeing that they can react positively or helpfully,and that they will not reject you for being too needy, emotional, crazy, or what have you. Do you find it difficult to contact others for support? Or maybe your T wants to talk to you right when you are experiencing difficult emotions as opposed to processing the difficult times after the fact. I do think that this could also help with healing.

On the flip side, at least for me, there would be so much angst involved with texting. I'd be obsessing over saying just the right thing, over how long it took my T to respond, over the exact wording of what my T said, over when to end the conversation, over how much to say and how much to leave for the next session, etc. I don't think I could emotionally handle the texting, so I guess it's probably important to think about whether you could.

[MASIMO]

My therapist said he would "check in on me" over the holidays. But he has family from out of town so he said not to count on it. I haven't heard from him yet, I see him Tuesday.
He might still email or call. I dont have much to say, but I derive support just from hearing his voice. And, I always need support so I'll take the contact. I would contact him if I was having a difficult emotional time, regarding my marriage. I dont have to ask and he never minds the contact. Even if it's not a major crisis. Nice Guy!

[Daeva]

A death in the family. Or a personal trauma (raped, assaulted, etc)

[wheeler]

Sometimes I text my T to simply say 'Hi' and connect with her. It has made all the difference to me.

[Leah123]

Originally Posted by HealingTimes

I don't think my last post had the right 'tone'..i actually did mean thanks for posting. It made me try and assess whether my 'need' was great enough. I consider that a good thing. I'd hate to be texting for no good reason.

I think i made it sound like i was being sarcastic with the thanks? If so, sorry, thats not how it was meant at all

Wanting to contact her means there is a reason. Nothing wrong with wanting to reach out. Nothing wrong with wanting to be in touch with a kind voice.

She told you herself what was "enough" and her definition was "wanting" was enough.

I'd go with that! I told my therapist I was afraid to seem like a stalker too- she laughed right at me, lol, said she knew I was too busy to stalk her.

Christmas is the kind season, I say... if it will help you to contact her, do that for yourself.

[HealingTimes]

Thanks for all the replies so far
She knows that i fear abandonment, and i can sometimes be reassured by a text.
Sometimes i need to be reminded that she is still there, between sessions. So it's not unusual for me to text her with "you're still there, right?". All she usually texts back is "yep, still here and not going anywhere".

[BlessedRhiannon]

My T made the same offer, and I also know that she's out of the office the entire week and spending time with family. So, for me, contacting her this week would have been for one of the following only: anxious to the point of dissociating and unable to get grounded on my own, suicidal thoughts/feelings, feeling like I've completely lost the connection with T and needing to just check that she's still there, or anything major (good or bad) happening.

I did not need to contact T this past week, and I see her on Monday. I really, really didn't want to bother her. There wasn't enough of a gap between sessions to feel like I was losing my connection with T, and I managed my anxiety well enough that it was no more of an issue than usual.

[archipelago]

I have been in touch with mine though it is about side effects of new meds so he knows he is the only person responsible for that since it is a two week break and we started just before. Not a good time to leave without some space for check in. But he has also asked about mood and how I'm doing so he is doing the therapist thing with me as well. He doesn't mind the contact. He knows that I respect his time off with his family and don't want to bother him.

[Freewilled]

Mine told me to text him if I needed a phone session...which to me was because I don't know how to ask for such a thing. I would be intruding on him and his time. BUT when thinking about you, I would say go ahead because your T wouldn't have offered if she didn't mean it. Isn't that funny? It's ok for you but not for me? I really am coming to terms with my lack of self-care. It is a place of sheer grief to see so much more clearly how horrible I treat myself and how messed up I am due to so many factors that were beyond my control. It really is a grieving process.

My goal to aspire to is that someday I will be able to reach out to my T if I need it. AND that I will know why I need him so I can articulate it. Because as it is, I wouldn't know how to put it into words if I did end up reaching out to him so what's the point of sitting in silence? Although, maybe that's ok too (?) sorry I don't have much clarity to add I hope you are able to sort it out

[Nightlight]

Mine offered the same thing. I didn't ask for it, but I did talk about how hard Christmas time always is for me. However, the week before when we were talking about how difficult it is my therapist said "I don't want to be in contact with you over the Christmas break". I wished she'd found another way to word it or just not said it like that at all because I never would have asked. Anyway, in the next session she said it was something she was willing to do for me anyway.

Um yeah but you don't actually want to?? So no thanks?? I guess I got a really honest statement about in between contact though. She would, but doesn't actually want to.

[stopdog]

Wow - how contradictory, Nl. That sort of thing would really be confusing to me.

[healed84]

Whenever my T reminds me that I can call or text him if I need him.. It is always in context to my safety. I am sure another emergency would be included in that as well.

[HealingTimes]

Thanks everyone for so many wonderful replies.

I am going to put off contacting her. I imagine she is busy with her husband and his family, and i don't want to ruin that for her.

In reality, i KNOW she must still be there...but it feels very much the opposite to that. Her actually existing isn't in doubt...i am not quite sure if i am making any sense now, sorry. It just hurts to feel abandoned, whether that abandonment is real or imagined.

Typing on phone so sorry for any mistakes.