Problems with self-control at therapy

Last sessions I was totally out of mind and my behaviour was crazy, week ago I almost killed myself in front of my therapist and texted him sick messages, called him at night and yeah of course it's really hard for me not to touch him.
Today I took 3 mg of Xanax (it's overdose) and drank two bottles of cider. I did it just to be normal and control myself. I was talking like I were sober and felt calm and okay. I was honest and told him what I did.
My t told me never see him when I'm not sober. But I did it just to control myself and be good to him.
Now I really don't know what to do to not to do things I mustn't do at therapy.
He said maybe if it's so hard me we should meet rarely but I want to get through this as fast as I can and my emotions just won't disappear if I saw him once two weeks.

Have you ever had problems with self-control at therapy? How did you get it through?

How do you mean you almost killed yourself in front of him? Did he not call an ambulance?

I cut my wrists, he didn't see it than I went to him bleeding and started to cry and if I am honest- I really can't remember this, I said- okay I will fall down the stairs, he took the phone to call the ambulance and followed me, I was on guardrails, he pulled me to him and didn't let me fall, he was standing there while I was running away. Than I texted him crazy messages, also evil phrases, he texted back- you should call the ambulance. I called him but it was 10 PM and I thought it's too late to call. He didn't answer. I texted him- I just wanted to hear your voice. I was completely out of my mind and wanted to leave him and just lost from his life but he called me at 11 PM and asked me am I okay and where I am and said I'm so cruel. After some days I texted him- please forgive me. He replied- we need to talk about this at session. I texted back- please tell me that you forgive me. He didn't replie.
Today I asked him thousand times- Do you forgive me? He didn't want to answer. At the end he said- I forgive you because you are my patient. I think he can't forgive me, I don't know.

When are you seeing him next? Is he going to continue to be your therapist? Im sorry you are hurting so much, and im asking so much, but you know, with this behavior, that you need help with, he could end up referring you to someone else, imo.

I may be wrong but I have seen it done, its thier responsibility to keep you safe, within the frame, and it seems out of control right now.

He suggested me some ts, I posted another thread about this and I will go to another t and stay with my current t too.
I will see him next week.

Honestly, most T's would have called the authorities and had you committed following this kind of dangerous, life-threatening behavior. I don't at all understand why he didn't follow through with calling the ambulance himself. You really do seem very much out of control and a danger to yourself. Is going into a hospital an option to get intensive help and keep you safe?

I'm okay, I can live my life, do my hobbies, hang out with friends, laugh with friends etc but sometimes I get out of control and I never knew before it could happen to me.
I don't want to go to hospital again, I was there for two weeks.
He said I need to take mood stabilazers but he afraids to prescript me meds and wants me to see another pdoc. But the problem is- they know nothing about me.
I should talk about this to him next session. Sessions are too short to talk about all important things.

I think it's little bit stupid that he afraids to prescript me meds just because I overdosed it many times. He knows what is happening to me, he knows how to help me (like pdoc) but he wants me to see another one.

You are not okay if you are impulsively going into life threatening behaviors. This is not the first time you have tried to hurt yourself recently, so you have known for awhile that you have been getting out of control and have been very unsafe.

I do think he is wise to ask you to see another doctor about this. I hope you will do so before your impulsive dangerous behaviors lead to serious damage or worse. Please don't minimize what is happening to you by saying you function the rest of the time.

Yes, my impulsive behaviour is the hardest thing when I do something bad to myself or to other people.

Sometimes I'm tired of trying so many meds. Maybe I can work with myself to change myself because I don't believe that there are any meds which could help me with this, I have tried very, very much different meds.
And I'm trying to change myself. I'm trying to be the one who I want to be.

This may sound horrible. It is not intended to be but I really care about you. Do you think you tried to kill yourself in front of him or do you think it was your way of getting his attention?? You got him to hold you close and chase after you...

Hugs...I am sorry you are going through such a difficult time.

Unfortunately he may end up referring you. He really should have by now and it's only getting worse. Just try seeing a t that he referred if you need to at first. You probably won't like any new pdoc or T, because they will want you to stop seeing him. It's hard, because what may be best for you is exactly what you don't want. You have a lot going on right now and regardless of how good a person and therapist your T is, he is not helping you. But you have to sincerely want the situation to change for any treatment to work. Usually this kind of change will not be easy for you. But what you're going through now is so painful, I hope you get the help you need soon.

This is exactly what I was thinking but didn't have the courage to say.

I don't think I wanted to get attention because I have tried to kill myself before because of him. But that day I did it after session, I felt like there is no where to go, I felt so horribly desperete and all I wanted was to see him again for just a second, I just couldn't walk away.

I have problems with self-control, I'm scared of myself that's why I overdosed Xanax- to be not able to do something stupid again.

Interesting that when I ask something in my posts people are starting to talk about other things about me and never replie to my questions. Okay not everyone.
But I'm not angry at all, I just don't know what to do to control myself, it's so hard. I didn't think when I did all those things, I even can't remember how it happened, I even was shocked I almost fell down and asked myself where was my mind gone.

Sometimes I feel like I don't belong here. I don't belong anywhere. The only person who always is there for me is my mother and my therapist though I was so bad to him.

Thank you
Let's see who another t will say about this, it would be interesting to know his/her opinion.
I have talked to psychologists but they have different opinion about boundaries etc.