[Asiablue]

What does therapy leave you with? It spends so much time stripping away the layers, the defenses. It makes you look at life as it is, it makes you accept the life that was or wasn't. I can't stand the amount of loss I'm dealing with. I can't stand how sh.it my childhood was and that I lost it and can never get it back. I can't stand that I have to be responsible for making things ok for myself when I wasn't the one who f.ucked me up in the first place. So much loss.... I feel like I can't bear it sometimes.

Sometimes I wish I could go back to the life numbing depression when I was miserable but didn't know why, instead of being in this acute sense of awareness of everything, of all the loss, of all the heartbreak and of all the work still to be done. It's not fair.

Can someone please tell me what therapy replaces all this with? That there is a point to it all?

[HazelGirl]

It replaces this with hope, with a future where YOU are in control and where you can be truly happy, truly connect to people, truly love, and truly trust.

[sweepy62]

Im just going to start to figure this all out myself starting next week, when real therapy begins, and to tell you the truth, there is alot of layers to be peeled according to my t, which I feel will leave me raw.

She says it will feel worse before it gets better, for my life to heal, but sometimes I wonder if uncovering this can of worms was such a good thing, but, I couldnt stand feeling miserable anymore. You are right, its not our fault we are this way now, and have to go through this misery of fixing it.

logically we either get the help we deserve with some discomfort, or just stay numb forever, please dont give up.

[IndestructibleGirl]

Oh my God. I know exactly what this feels like. It is the shi.ttest feeling ever. It's like...there's no going back now. At least in the numb state, sometimes you could pretend everything was really ok. But now there is no plausible pretence to yourself anymore.

[ThatsMe1981]

Originally Posted by Asiablue

What does therapy leave you with? It spends so much time stripping away the layers, the defenses.

Others may disagree but what I learned from therapy is that defenses at one point served to protect you from emotional harm. The problem becomes those same defenses are harmful by interfering with your everyday life, well-being and happiness. Those defenses weren't healthy or good to begin with but that is all you had or knew at the time. I think what you need to explore with your therapist is replacing those old, outdated defenses with healthy, life affirming coping tools.

[quote]
It makes you look at life as it is, it makes you accept the life that was or wasn't. [/quote[

Often times the way we viewed the world was distorted by the past. You are in a better place when you can say, "all I know is that I do not know but I'm willing and happy to find out." Whereas before you may have thought you were perceiving everything spot on but it was all distorted. Now you are free from the distortion, but that's not the end. What you may want to explore with your therapist is what is your truth about the world in a healthy way.

I can't stand the amount of loss I'm dealing with. I can't stand how sh.it my childhood was and that I lost it and can never get it back. I can't stand that I have to be responsible for making things ok for myself when I wasn't the one who f.ucked me up in the first place. So much loss.... I feel like I can't bear it sometimes.

Something you may want to explore with your therapist is who would you be now if you had an ideal childhood. Once you know that person how do you now become that person.

Sometimes I wish I could go back to the life numbing depression when I was miserable but didn't know why, instead of being in this acute sense of awareness of everything, of all the loss, of all the heartbreak and of all the work still to be done. It's not fair.

Can someone please tell me what therapy replaces all this with? That there is a point to it all?

In the end therapy replaces the depression with happiness. Along the way through this post I've kind of tried to guide you to topics that start leading to you being happy. You were miserable and didn't know why and without therapy you would have just stayed miserable and not know why. What therapy does is tell you, "you don't know how to be happy until you know why you are miserable." Now, you know why you are miserable. You are acutely aware of it. Now is the time to work with your therapist on what to do with your new awareness, process it and turn it into a happier life.

Often times the way we viewed the world was distorted by the past. You are in a better place when you can say, "all I know is that I do not know but I'm willing and happy to find out." Whereas before you may have thought you were perceiving everything spot on but it was all distorted. Now you are free from the distortion, but that's not the end. What you may want to explore with your therapist is what is your truth about the world in a healthy way.

Sad but true.

[Asiablue]

Good post ThatsMe1981, and good pointers to work with with my therapist. Thanks.

[Favorite Jeans]

"I can't stand that I have to be responsible for making things ok for myself when I wasn't the one who f.ucked me up in the first place. So much loss.... I feel like I can't bear it sometimes."

Yeah I also sometimes feel overwhelmed by the unfairness of this. I can't believe that I have to do all the work when I'm not the one who made the mess. I just want to pout and kick and scream about it sometimes. And there are no guarantees and no timelines and few if any objective measures by which to gauge your progress. It's chaotic and lonely a lot of the time. Now I'm trying to formulate a sentence starting with "but" and finishing with some flowery cliché about hope and healing. I don't think I can muster it just now. I do hope it's helpful to know that you're not the only one though. Cause you're not.

[ladytiger]

"I can't stand that I have to be responsible for making things ok for myself when I wasn't the one who f.ucked me up in the first place."

Agreed, I feel like I gotta "make things right for myself," all because of something I had no control of back in the past. I finished with therapy Feb 2014 and was glad! I have seen a high school counselor, college counselor, and a therapist (from the State didn't have to pay for it). High school and counselor a disaster nothing got done really. This recent now ex therapist I had, it started out good then it dissolved later on. This woman thinks she knows everything because she is a therapist and clearly has parental and marital arrogance to boot!

Inexperienced, knew nothing about life (wasn't that much older than me yet she is married with kids), etc. Nothing in there but arguing, it got to a yelling match last summer because she is always saying off the wall crap that doesn't make sense and expects me to believe it because she is a mom as it fits her ideologies!! I was so irate that I didn't sleep for 2.5 days yet my social worker told me to keep her because she is the one who has history with me on my issues. At the end of the sessions, ex therapist said it's been a pleasure. Really? You were the one saying I was a lost cause!

I find most of the mental health professionals (MHPs) to be totally useless and ridiculous filled with dogma. There were things that were touched on that made sense, a lot didn't make any sense not with that therapist! Therapy is suppose to help and be understood not sitting there having fights with your MHP because what you say doesn't fit their ideologies! Told my ex therapist wonder why people stop going to therapy and don't pay attention to what some MHP expert says on TV can't get their own issues figured out - she didn't like that!

I wouldn't go back to therapy again, why keep reopening those old wounds? Nobody wants to hear a dark story anyway, just the fictional white picket fence!

[AllyIsHopeful]

I'm sorry you are feeling so crummy. There really is a light at the end of the tunnel. You are probably experiencing the hardest part right now, or one of them, and those usually feel never ending. I think it's the same as any other healing process. I once had surgery and was in a tremendous amount of pain...highly medicated and would still wake up screaming because I couldn't tolerate it. It seemed I would feel that way forever and I could not remember what it felt like to not be in pain. It did get better though. Hang in there.

Originally Posted by ladytiger

"I can't stand that I have to be responsible for making things ok for myself when I wasn't the one who f.ucked me up in the first place."

Agreed, I feel like I gotta "make things right for myself," all because of something I had no control of back in the past. I finished with therapy Feb 2014 and was glad! I have seen a high school counselor, college counselor, and a therapist (from the State didn't have to pay for it). High school and counselor a disaster nothing got done really. This recent now ex therapist I had, it started out good then it dissolved later on. This woman thinks she knows everything because she is a therapist and clearly has parental and marital arrogance to boot!

Inexperienced, knew nothing about life (wasn't that much older than me yet she is married with kids), etc. Nothing in there but arguing, it got to a yelling match last summer because she is always saying off the wall crap that doesn't make sense and expects me to believe it because she is a mom as it fits her ideologies!! I was so irate that I didn't sleep for 2.5 days yet my social worker told me to keep her because she is the one who has history with me on my issues. At the end of the sessions, ex therapist said it's been a pleasure. Really? You were the one saying I was a lost cause!

I find most of the mental health professionals (MHPs) to be totally useless and ridiculous filled with dogma. There were things that were touched on that made sense, a lot didn't make any sense not with that therapist! Therapy is suppose to help and be understood not sitting there having fights with your MHP because what you say doesn't fit their ideologies! Told my ex therapist wonder why people stop going to therapy and don't pay attention to what some MHP expert says on TV can't get their own issues figured out - she didn't like that!

I wouldn't go back to therapy again, why keep reopening those old wounds? Nobody wants to hear a dark story anyway, just the fictional white picket fence!

I learned that the hard way. I put *complete* trust in the past therapists I had. Last one was a complete mistake....should've left the moment I saw she was ignoring my voice. Lesson learned. Treatment doesn't necessarily have to be a lost cause though. Shop around until you find the one you feel most comfortable with & allows your needs to be met. That's the point of being there anyway.

[boredporcupine]

I think you are free to decide what kind of future you want to have and how to start building that. And therapy doesn't have to focus on the past all the time if you don't want it to. It could focus on deciding how you would like to make things better in the future. When I first started in therapy my life was kind of a mess, and I actually wish I would've put more work into that first before focusing on my deeper issues.

"I can't stand that I have to be responsible for making things ok for myself when I wasn't the one who f.ucked me up in the first place. So much loss.... I feel like I can't bear it sometimes."

I'm sorry you're feeling so bad right now. But it does get better. The above resonated with me there were so many times I'd sit in front of T stomping my feet saying loudly "BUT IT'S NOT FAIR!" for this very reason. True, I didn't "do" any of the stuff that effed me up. But T said to me things like "True, it's not fair, and you didn't have a choice then, but you DO have a choice now" enough times that I finally got it. The point now, is, that I am stronger now and I have a choice - I can choose to remain miserable OR I can choose to be in control because I can be now - I'm not that lil girl with no power anymore. So I chose the latter - it's been hard work, I've felt wretched at times, pounded my fists on my bed in frustration, hollered at T more than once "all these other people get to walk around every day being crazy, why can't I?" and she hated hearing that I think cuz she'd say a dazed-sounding "Wh-aat?" in response. It's a process, sometimes a long process, a painful process, but I have come to see that it is also sooo worth it all.