Googling T.

I saw this on another thread and wanted to expand it a bit. If you have googled T, have you told her/him? How do you FEEL about having done it? And what do you think your sub/unconscious is telling you?

I googled T and feel like I have to hide what I have done. I think my mind is telling me that if I think I have to hide it I did the wrong thing.

Please share your experiences.

I googled her last November.

I've googled mine and notice I've been doing so more often lately....I think I do it when I'm feeling more disconnected from him and when I'm starting to get all panicky and untrusting.....I've never told him and wouldn't want to do so. I feel sad when I google him too....I think because it's hollow and doesn't help me connect really, like I'm hoping for....I don't feel too guilty though because I believe it's common for clients to do so.

Anyone who has had a discussion with their T about it - I totally respect! I don't think I could do that one /:

I have googled my T quite intensely when I first started to see her. I wanted to find out what her experience is, how qualified she is to work with me. I found some very insightful things and I told her at the next session that googling her made me more sure than before that she is perfect for me. She laughed about a funny thing I found online and it really was never a problem at all..

I don't google her any more now, I think what I know is enough

I want to add though, that I think it's definitely okay to google your T, what I don't think it's okay is when people use it to get closer to T by online stalking them, or sometimes intrude on their personal lives online, which I know some people have done. But googling them just to see their picture or finding out professional info is perfectly fine in my opinion.

I know dozens of folks here have googled their therapists based on reading previous threads about this. In the social media age, I can only imagine it's fairly common.

I have looked up my therapist online and found information including a facebook page, LinkedIn page, professional affiliation info, even phone and address, she had a lot online, some she knew about, some she may not have realized.

I told her all about it. See... I don't think the issue is knowing "too much": I think it's what we do with what we know. Would I ever use information on her in a harmful way? Absolutely never.

It wasn't my subconscious that pushed me to look her up, I was pretty well aware that I did it to satisfy my curiosity and to help confirm she was a safe, consistent person, as well as to feel more connected to her between sessions. I think that type of searching can also help equalize a sense of imbalance that occurs when we confide all our most intimate issues to someone without much (if any) reciprocation, so it's a natural and understandable impulse.

Her reaction was largely acceptance and reassurance with a little bit of startled, as she did not, I don't think, realize how much of her info was online. She basically told me that she trusted me completely, wasn't completely used to info online, and that she understood why I would be vetting her by checking out her info online.

So, in other words, I was nervous about it a bit, but it resolved easily. A while afterward, she even gave me access to a blog she writes, as she thought it would be comforting.

I hope at some point you won't feel as scared of yourself, scared that your impulses are so awful that you can't tell your therapist about them. I don't believe that at all. Humans are curious: I think it's one of our most wonderful, successful traits.

I think I also do it for comfort and connection. I have seen on PC a few times where a T has terminated a client for this. It bothers me that I have done this, yet I do not know why.

I would think it would bother you because you feel like a peeping Tom, you know something about her that she does not know that you know, so it's about having a secret, and about the shame of wanting more of her than she gave you herself I would imagine.

What do you think?

P.S. I have not personally seen a thread where a client was ever terminated just for searching for their therapist's name online: rather, there were many extenuating circumstances. I may have missed such a thread, but I wouldn't have much faith in the qualifications of a therapist to do the intimate work of therapy if they couldn't handle knowing that someone googled them.

I think the question is, have you found out something about your T online that surprises you? Bothers you?
You needed connection and in our world today, where we can't live without the internet any more - it provides connection.
So please don't feel bad, you have done nothing wrong by googling your T, seekersinking.
But I do want to point out something, hun..
When you looked her up before and found confusing things on her facebook page, it troubled and conflicted you. I wonder how helpful it is for you to google her, or if you are hoping to find something that restores your faith in your T (or if you are trying to confirm your conflict?)
Have you brought up the last thing with her?
I just worry that you will be hurt and I like you so much, I am sad that you are having a tough time and that you feel you lack connection at the moment.
But just googling her is not ground for termination at all, please don't be afraid of that. The stories on here when people have been terminated because of online stuff usually have a lot more circumstances and big privacy invasions. You didn't do that, I am sure.

I'll pm you later, ok?

Love,
Amelia

I agree with Leah. If you take it to the extent of finding her address and driving past her house or actually dropping by her house, that's probably termination-worthy. They have got to expect the googling thing, due to the prevalence of social media. We do everything on a computer/electronic device now and nearly everything is "searchable". They are no different. Plus it is so normal to be curious about a person who is going to be hearing your deepest secrets and accompanies you in highly vulnerable moments.

I have to go to work. Will rejoin this thread later today.

I've done it, actually I Googled him before even meeting him. Didn't feel guilty at all about that. After I developed feelings for him I hit a point where I was Googling for more info, partially to vet him out but also because something in my life was lacking. I felt worse about that, like I was pathetic and wasting my time and a bit of a creeper, but I never felt too bad about it. I did tell him. I felt like a bit of a weirdo, but I think it's a normal thing to do, maybe just less common to admit to it. For some reason I felt guilty about the secret. I don't Google very often now, but I did save a pic of my T to my phone and I do look at it every so often since it is comforting to me. I've yet to tell him about the pic on my phone, ha, that seems more embarrassing for some reason.

I have googled my pdoc pretty intensively. I would not tell him, and I think he prefers it that way. He is very direct but with some things (like this) he's a don't ask/don't tell kind of guy. He has said to me regarding other issues (usually involving my H) that he doesn't think it necessary to discuss everything. That in some situations some discussions don't need to happen. In regards to therapy, unless it is related to or interfereing with the work we are doing then its the same. If I want to talk about it that's fine, but he thinks there should be a defined reason for the discussion. Otherwise I think he sees it as a potential can of worms. It could also be his way to avoid the awkardness, but I think there are certain personalities that just think this way I think he would not be at all surprised and probably expects patients to look him up. I think that's why (aside from our dating site encounter) he keeps his online presence very limited. There is no facebook or twitter or any other social media. We'll find his scholarly articles, but that's ok to look up anyway. So if any of his clients google him, he's ok with what we find. I guess it's significant that he is a psychiatrist and not a therapist, as this most definitely has an effect on his overall approach. From what I've noticed in the forums, lots of T's want to dig deeper into this issue.

Anyway, given the nature of the therapeutic relationship, I think it is completely natural. To sit in a room and pour your heart out to another person, yet know nothing about them is weird. And now that its so easy to find personal info online, I'd wager more people do google their T than not.

I have done it with Therapists in the past, and have even found out some personal information about them that I have discussed with them at future sessions.

I have googled T but there is VERY little online. I found her page on the hospital website where she works. I know all about her job so it is nothing new (we live in a small city with 2 hospitals. She works in the one with very limited mental health providers. I work at the other one that one of the specialties is mental health.
I found her facebook page which she has talked about a bit and has lots of privacy settings. I found her son's facebook page as I know his name and he and my niece attended high school together and he actually came up as a person you might know.

She actually sent me a request to her linked in page so that obviously not a problem. I know she shares a lot more with me than most clients though....

I've googled my T and all of my other doctors. I don't feel guilty about it, I feel like I am being an informed consumer. Now, if I was obsessively googling, trying to feel closer to T by doing so, and started to feel shame around my activities, then I might bring it up with T. I'm not sure. Every now and again, when I feel that my connection with T is fading, I will bounce over to her website and just re-read the stuff she has on there. She has some very soothing music playing on her webpage, and I enjoy listening to that as well.

I googled my T when I first began therapy and there is not a single thing online about her, She did say that she doesn't use FB or any other social media.

I'm back. Ok, here goes. I have difficulty expressing myself properly so please bear with me.I have googled her like 2x. I felt the need of that connection. I felt reassured when I saw her picture. She and I talked about how weird it feels to me that she knows so much about me and I know so little about her. We talked about the religion issue. I do respect her privacy. My appointments are too far apart for my needs at this time. I was just looking for a sense of comfort and reassurance. But after I looked at her picture I felt kind of like I had done the wrong thing.
Thanks to all of you for your input.

I have a lot of experience googling my current T. I've always tried to find information about people without asking them. This goes back to childhood. It's probably about wanting to know so I can feel connected to them. I felt guilty for googling my T and told her about it. She was fine with it, and asked what I found. I got embarrassed because there is some personal information about her family. I got jealous of her when I found something about her artwork.

My t knows googling her makes me feel worse so I agreed not to do it. Facebook was a worse problem. I found her kids' and his pages and couldn't help looking. She didn't use to have a page but got one about a year ago. I got triggered by it so I don't look anymore. It just makes me feel totally left out and depressed, and jealous. We talked about that too.

Someone posted that a T will terminate if you look up where they live and drive by. I did that with 2 Ts and neither terminated me. I felt so guilty but I did it anyway. My current T didn't like that I drove past her house. I still don't totally understand because 2 of myTs worked out of their home. I started one of the longest threads or maybe most triggering for people about it. My urge to see where T lived (twice because she moved), was too intense. I should have talked about it with her instead of doing it. I told her I was sorry many times but I'm not sure it's resolved. My T doesn't judge behavior, just wants us to be curious about it. Now that I feel this secure attachment like she's with me all the time I don't have those urges. She also says if I want to know something about her, just ask!