Body language cues from your therapist: reading into things or not?

I'm not sure if there's a thread out there that this topic belongs in but I wanted to ask about what kind of body language do you pick up on from your therapist?

I know they're human. At times they may be tired, irritable, or *shudder* to think perhaps even bored at times. They can also be moved, amused or happy about something you're saying and give off positive body language cues.

And then there's the stuff we're just reading into.

During my last session, I was reading some breakthrough thoughts from my diary and I was quite excited but nervous about it, so I rambled it off, rather hurriedly as well as interjecting commentary along the way. I felt a bit scattered.

In the middle of reading, I heard her take a really deep breath. I looked up and her eyes were closed and she exhaled slowly. She quickly reopened her eyes and I tried to carry on and just finish what I was talking about. . I didn't question it. I know she was paying attention and we had a good session, no doubt but those little non-verbal moments stuck in my head.

Later I thought, what was that about? Was she feeling my excitement and nervousness as stress and needed to breathe to calm "us"? Did something I say annoy her? Or was she bored, and trying to refocus her attention?

I wish I had the presence of mind to ask what that was about. I wouldn't even have known how to ask —"uh, ... are you...what is that?" It was a small thing so I don't think I'll bring it up later but it's odd when a therapist shows such a physical reaction to something.

Do you talk back to your T on this kind of things? Would you ask if s/he is tired, or irritated if you picked up on something? What are your experiences with body language in a session?

I mostly don't look at the woman so that helps me a lot. Otherwise I just ask -"why are you tapping your fingers- are you impatient or something else?"

My T clearly showed his discomfort to a transference disclosure of mine a few months ago by changing his body language (becoming much more closed) and looking away from me as he spoke. I called him on it via email and he described it as 'immediacy'. I pointed out to him in the next session that immediacy is a therapeutic tool, but the way he reacted appeared subconscious. He sort of admitted that was the case, but we never really resolved it properly.

I think hearing mine sigh or even breathe at all would freak me out! The worst was few months ago my T bounced her foot while I digressed with a story. In that session she got snippy too, so something must have been going on with her. Or maybe she'd gone to her supervisor about a statement I'd made and was on edge about whether I am trustworthy. Will never know for sure and it is bothersome to wonder what bouncing meant. I told her twice recently that she needs to pay attention or at least fake it. We'll see if that helps. My money is green and can go anywhere.

I don't know what the closing eyes and sighing is about. I would say ask about it if you have the guts. For me there have been times I know my therapist is distracted, he's looking at his phone more, or just scattered seeming himself that day. I've never called him out on it. I've felt like he was bored, but never when I was disclosing something heavy... more when I was just rambling on. Perhaps your scatteredness that day made her feel like whatever it was wasn't too important. Could be she had her own issues going on as well... you really never can tell with people.

One day in particular I felt like my therapist was really struggling with something emotional himself, like maybe someone he knew had died... later I asked him about it and he just said something vague about maybe something horrible did happen that day. Sometimes I feel like I can read more off of him than I get by listening to him. More and more I think I can see through the fantasy of what I wanted our relationship to be, to what it really is... and that is a guy trying to do a job, acting supportive and caring whether he feels it in the moment or not, and trying to connect with me.

For me hearing a deep breath or sigh would not generally be a big thing but I'm surprised your T had her eyes closed. The former reaction could be just her own reaction to what you were reading, but with the eyes closed I don't know what to think of that. Was she grounding herself? Was she tired? If you can muster the courage, asking is the best thing to do.

To me, it almost sounds like she was trying to make sure she was 100% focused... especially if you were a bit scattered and rushed, you may have been throwing a lot of information at her all at once, with lots of random bits, and she might have been trying to really make sure she was catching all of it. That would be my guess, especially if she's normally a good T. But, by all means - ask her! These little moments can really be enlightening, both into what T is thinking, and what you're thinking.

At my last session, I can't remember what I was trying to explain, but my T looked a little bored. I don't think it was so much *bored*, as much as I tend to be very precise and detailed, and I don't think he's that way at all. So I think he gets a little impatient, maybe, when I want to include lots of details in something I'm talking about. I asked him! (This was big for me, I usually have trouble noticing stuff like that and responding in the moment.) It was actually pretty automatic, not at all coming from an "I'm offended" place - but more like if you see someone's not following, and you want to check with them if it's too many details.

I must have said something like, "uh oh, are you ok?" And he said "yep, why?" And I said... "Oh you look bored, is it too many details?" ! He said, "Bored is the last thing I feel!" and then made what appeared to be a conscious attempt at "I'm listening and interested!" face. I almost laughed, because I think it was a bit of effort for him, not one of the normal faces he makes but I managed to just go on with the story.

Funny that I can't for the life of me remember what I was actually telling him in the moment, but I can totally remember the face he ended up making!

So... yeah ask her! Even if she doesn't remember, I think her reaction will help you feel like it's safe to ask next time you notice something like that.

She could just be focusing on really hearing the words of the journal entry.

I definitely notice my T's body language and often find myself commenting on it. I did ask him one day if he got any sleep the night before because he looked as if he could barely keep his eyes open! He confessed to being tired, but said he thought he was still present enough.

Sometimes I notice him exhibiting self comforting body language and sometimes feel bad about that. He also exhibits defensive body language. One day he mirrored nearly every non-verbal movement I made and when I asked him why he was mirroring my every move, he looked really abashed and a bit confused and like I'd struck him. I thought he was mirroring on purpose and it was very clear from his reaction that he wasn't even aware of it.

I am really aware of others body language though so whatever he does, I'm gonna notice!

My T encourages me to read her body language. One day she actually asked me to tell her how she was feeling based off of her body language (and I was able to do it).

I do ask my T about her body language or other ways of expression. Why not? And I have no problem asking about it in the next session either.

As for if my T sighed, that would put me into an instant panic. My dad used to sigh when he was angry, and everyone in the house knew to go hide when he did this. So sighing is a huge trigger to me. The rest of what you described would concern me too, but I would address it.

I don't go out of my way to read body language, but it's there like it is with anybody, anywhere. I always react to it, but T doesn't always know what I am reacting to.

example of a time I reacted immediately...
Once I was in the middle of talking and suddenly my thoughts were blocked mid-sentence. I had no I idea what I had been saying, and he didn't throw me a rope at all and I was feeling stupid and he was just staring, and smirking. I remarked to him that these things happen to me a lot... and some people think its FUNNY. he was like "I don't think it's funny!!" I don't know if that's the truth or not, but that's how that went.

one that I reacted but not in a way he knew I was reacting to him..
I had a nightmare about T that were pretty horrible and clearly was uncovering some anger I had with him. So I read the whole thing from my journal and look up, and my normally Mr. chill looks more than a little tense, and manages to say. "So, what are your thoughts on that?" I felt kinda bad at that point and skipped to a more hopeful message that I saw towards the end.

Sure, that's possible.

My T is super physically expressive, and sometimes it's a bit confusing. One time I asked her if she was acting really sad on purpose (just the look on her face after I said something) so I would see that that was how I was supposed to feel about it, and she was confused and she said she hadn't realized she was doing it; she just gets sad in sessions with clients sometimes. That was honest.

But actually when I had a session with her yesterday, I could see that she was really upset by what I was telling her and there was a part of me that was a bit concerned about her body language just because I mentioned something related to sex, which I usually don't do, and she looked...judge-y. Well, incredulous maybe more so than judge-y, and I couldn't tell if it was because of what I was talking about (which to me was not a big deal at all) or who I was talking about (it happened to be someone who she is generally pretty judge-y/incredulous of), but it makes me worry that she would judge me if I brought up something relating to sex regarding myself...

So, in other words, I feel your pain with this. It might be a good idea to mention it to your T, but I can understand why that would be really difficult for you. It is for me.

Her body language repertoire is 90% "I should charge gratuity from this one" and 10% amusement and/or frustration. I'm a social catastrophe that sometimes remembers to wear pants.

I've called my T. on it a lot of times but mainly because of my transference. By telling her how she's coming across, I'm learning that I misread people a lot. Last session I remembered that somehow we started teasing each other and I lost the mood. The next session she mentioned me criticizing her for using her hands to talk. I had NO MEMORY of doing that which surprised her. So, yes I read into things but then I tell her. The other main feeling I call her on is frustration but that's mom stuff too. It helps her to know when I'm seeing it because it's usually always wrong. I'm learning that her "frustration" look happens when she's thinking.

Thanks for the feedback, everyone. I'm fascinated by body language in any event. Very much the people watcher, me. I always have been. I can recognize how someone moves or stands better than I do names or faces.

Thinking about it more, since I prepped the whole thing my mentioning how excited I was about these ideas but nervous about reading my own writing out loud. In the past, my T has had me do some deep breathing if I come in nervous or worked up. So I'm guessing that she was grounding herself and trying to focus through my own rambling to what I was getting at. I'll take it as a good thing. Again she responded very well and I could tell she was impressed that I had put so much thought into the subject.

So... here's another moment that just occurred to me. When we said good bye later she congratulated me again. After she handed me the receipt she put both hands deep into her jeans pocket. It struck me as a nervous, shy gesture—*maybe because I do that too when I'm feeling insecure around someone I like. It was kinda cute, even. Very human. I can appreciate this more than someone who would be more stiff shouldered.

I am probably reading into this but I got the sense that she might have wanted to hug me but was resisting it? But there's my transference, I know.

My T doesn't really have much body language. She will sit in her chair, cross her legs, look into my eyes and we start talking. When she gets excited or happy she will switch and cross the other leg. Ive also noticed that she mimics my moves sometimes, like when I sit leaned forward and when I lean my head to the left or right she will do it. I haven't told her about it, but I think next time im going to tell her when I catch her doing it. This is some interesting stuff. Next session im going to pay attention to her body language.

Sounds like your t was centering herself around your excitement.
I've asked my t about her body language or her tone of voice before, but it mostly resolves around me reading anger and frustration into everything and I need a "reality check". A few times though, t has left me confused because she tries to get me to accept that I'm reading correctly but that the frustration or anger is the other person's problem and might not have anything (or much) to do with me...

Body language. hhuummmmmmm... I noticed her mirroring some times. Sitting up when she is interested and sitting back staring out the window when I am not on the subject I should be on. Not much else I can think off. O and I had to say sorry a few times a year ago to her as she caught me staring at her legs. She said nothing at all about that. I half thought she might be annoyed or something.
So thats it... how they sit on their chairs!

If my therapist looks bored, tired, or whatever, I'll ask her about it immediately. She picks up on my body cues and prods. Of course, I'm a very direct person and not very good at social cues, so my clumsiness at reading body cues is during therapy is not a good combination. I need to not worry about what is going on with her and figuring it out in my mind is a bad idea, so I cut through the tape and just ask right there and then. I'll stop mid sentence if need be to ask if I'm boring her.

I cant concentrate that much to analyse his body language but I have always been thinking that it would be a way to better understand him. I can't even look into his eyes very often but we can see so much into someones eyes esspecially if that person can't hide emotions and I think it's impossible to hide emotions because I can see the sadness and I see when his smile is so real, I see it into his eyes.
Sometimes I have noticed that he is breathing faster.

One time he touched his lips and I was wondering what does it means.

Ok had another session this week and she did it again!

I was in the middle of talking about some connections I had made recently about patterns and childhood stuff and she took a deep breath. It wasn't so dramatic this time, however. I wasn't overly excited this time and though I was a little emotional, I was quite focused on this subject, so it wasn't my energy.
I was speaking of an accomplishment So This time I paused and smiled and asked her, "I'd that pride?" As in our you proud of me?
After she realized what I asked, she smiled and said, "well yeah!"
I am realizing that the last time she sighed, I was speaking of an accomplishment as well. So I think this might just a little escape of her own emotion?

My T takes deep breaths a lot. She doesn't really sigh, but takes those breaths. But she's also very big into yoga....so I think she tries to concentrate on her breathing sometimes. I also think she does it thinking I might mirror her. I don't breathe at all during my sessions, so I'm told. She has been yawning some in my sessions. Thankfully I've talked myself out of taking it personally.

Bravo for having the presence of mind to ask for clarification. That's great. So much better than speculating.

Mine sometimes sighs and rubs her forehead when I've shared something difficult, but she's generally very even keeled and natural, so I don't worry about it.

Oh yes, I am constantly on the lookout for these little body language cues not just in therapy but especially so in it because of the intimate setting. I think Ts have been trained to be aware of this sort of thing but of course they slip up at times. I've caught my ex-T blinking reaaaal slow a few times (like over the span of 3 s) while smiling inanely so it's led me to believe she's on the verge of dozing off. Fortunately she doesn't do this often and when I tell her something important she usually leans forwards and furrows her brow, or forces a smile/laugh because that's normally what I do (in awkwardness) so it sets me more at ease. I suppose conscious efforts to look more engaged on her part will be more effective on someone not focusing on the presumed intent behind her actions, but I'm over-analytical by nature and sometimes it feels contrived to me. But of course that's just my own weird thinking and it is on the whole better for the T to actively present positive body language.