Couch 83: In a world where...

One of my Ts and I have talked about the T/client "relationship" and his view is that I hire him to provide a service, which makes sense to me.
The term "caregiver" makes me think of a parent or perhaps someone working in a daycare center.

I think where it gets smirky is where the t expects the client to act according to how the t sees the client, instead of how the client sees herself. For one thing, that is not unconditional positive regard. That is not meeting the client where they are. To me, it's the mismatch in expectations that is disrespectful. Saying the t's choice has more value than the client's. That would make the choice of stance more fluid - sometimes more caretakey, sometimes more adult. Make the t work harder!

Perhaps I am just confused then by your use there Hankster.
I am not always great at following you.
A therapist is not giving care to me. It is not their role for me. I don't hire them to have care by one of them.

I see "caregiver" simply as someone providing support. Connotation is a very personal thing.

I dislike having to get posts removed by them rather than being able to remove my own that are just a day old.

I don't either, personally...to me it makes me feel like I can't take care of myself.

I completely agree.

For me, it is unthinkable because lets them think they are elevated in relation to me. I know I can take care of myself and if I wouldn't go to one of them if care is what was being sought.

For some of us though, there have been times when we have been completely unable to take care of ourselves due to the severity of our condition, so our T's and pdocs absolutely have had to step in as caregivers. If I am unable to take care of myself due to the severity of my mental health, going to a T or Pdoc for that support makes complete sense to me. Again, personal context. People's experiences are quite varied.

Have at it. I would rather be dead than taken care of. Others make different choices. I still find it appalling for a therapist to refer to themselves in that fashion.

And I (and I'm guessing most) would rather be helped and supported in order to recover rather than be dead . . . I certainly am glad I didn't just refuse support and care and end up dead. I suspect others in my life are grateful also.

Glad it worked out for you.

Glad I am keeping out of their clutches too.

Well. I found my first ts smirky because they were saying, "youre smart enough hankster, you can figure this out - ie figure out your parents are too old-fashioned and weird and you have to move on to be happy in life." Only they didnt quite come out and say it. Or they didnt say how to deal with it. I dont think they knew the extent of my isolation. How much help i really needed in order to get out. That is what i am calling caretaking. An emotional helping hand. But its like music. Its ephemeral but lasting in its effects.

As long as they stay away from me, you all can have all the care you want from whomever you want it. Just don't try and inflict it on me. I have several plans in place to make sure it never is.

Just re elevated. I used to think i knew a lot about psychology. Then one time t was showing me a reference site he had purchased that i had read about. He was asking me to help him get set up on it. I zipped thru it, while he was - what was that, what are you doing, where are you going? Then i realized - holy carp - he knows psychology like i know computers - and i sound as expert about psychology as he does about computers ie not at all!! So not "elevated" - just accepting that we have different areas of expertise.

That the therapist may know more about psychology is different from letting them think they are giving care at me.

Then i probably have no idea what you are talking about. Care sounds very special to you.

I agree...I think I understand what you are saying. For me the idea of letting a T give care is synonymous with losing autonomy and the ability to make my own decisions. It sounds suffocating.

Or . . . allowing someone to care for you when you need that help can give you that support you need to finally find your own autonomy . . . Care given by the right people at the right time in the right way can be quite freeing rather than continuing to be suffocated by your own illness and depression and anxiety . . . (Just a different perspective)

Hi couch.. Hope all is well with everyone! Spending the day at home with the family as well all have a snow day. I am very thankful for the snow day as I left work with a nasty stomach bug. Its been years since I had one and it was bad! Feeling better today. I do come to the couch wanting opinions...

So, I am once again looking at going back on meds. There has only been once in my life that I have stayed on them for more than a month or two, but the year that I was on them I did well. So, T and I were talking. He suggested that I start working with a Pdoc and talk to the Pdoc about not only SSRI for the MDD and anxiety, but also try out maybe some mood stabilizing meds for the moods swings I have associated with BPD. He said that would be the aggressive approach we could take. Or, I could go back to finding a GP and really only go in there talking about MDD/Anxiety and leaving the BPD dx out of the mix and just getting SSRIs. He said, if I was to go on mood stabilizer he would highly suggest I be followed closely by a Pdoc who understands both psych meds and BPD more than a GP.

I have had many bad experiences with GP and having them truly understand mental illness, and understanding that I have a close relationship with T.. and really I am just using the doctors for the meds, I don't feel that I need another person to manage my psychological condition. Do you think Pdocs are better or worse at doing that???

Just boggling.
I will do everything possible to keep the infliction of care away from me.
Death is not the thing I most fear.

It isn't about fearing death for me. Not at all actually. It's about valuing life, family, vocation.

I guess what I fear most is losing "myself" which I actually don't think is all that different than what you fear except that how we define what would cause us to "lose ourselves" is very different.

No, that is not correct in terms of me.

Hm. You always seem up in arms at any suggestion that anyone could care for you, help you, help you make a decision, have any kind of "power" over you. Seems like that would be your definition of "losing yourself". You want full control at all times of all things. Anything less would be "losing yourself". Maybe I'm missing something.

Yes, you are. But it does not really matter.