[ladytiger]

Hello, I have never posted in ehre before. I had a very bad experience with a mental health professional again! I finished my sessions Feb 2014 and couldn't been happier. The problem was the ex-therapist and I were always fighting as she always had to use her mommy-dearest attitude and her marital arrogance to "prove her point." She was only a few years older than me (me almost 29 and her in her 30s) yet the woman lacked a lot of things about life that I could.

She said a lot of upsetting comments and took zero responsibility for anything she said! I was so upset with her in July 2013 that it took me 2 weeks to calm down I was so enraged by her ridiculous comments. Anyway, I learned nothing from her only one thing breathing exercises. Fast forward: I am looking to go back to therapy, sex therapy because I had a revelation about what happen at age 13. I knew about being sexually abused by a stranger, but I never really dealt with it or I thought I did deal with it my own way.

I have contacted some of them and they all don't take insurance of any kind. Their rates are high way out of my budget! I would like to talk to them but I am still bitter about what happen with my ex-therapist - I have seen a high school counselor and college counselor all treated me like ****! My ex-therapist had no tact refused to refer to me to the correct person who could help me she was a big time waster regretted seeing her for 16 mos!

I don't want to be dependent on therapy, but god I've been in such a stuck mindset since I was a kid I am always bothering someone to "help me solve my problems." This sexual abuse is bothering me now after stuffing it for so long. If I see a therapist, I told a couple I want str8 up answers no bs let's work together and solve my problem or me solving my own problem. I don't wanna see a therapist covered by my state insurance using the typical boring approach how does that make you feel and what could you have done differently. Like I am suppose to have a crystal ball everywhere I go and change the situation when I please!

Anyone advice on knowing when your ready to find a better therapist?

[Ididitmyway]

I don't think there are clear signs of whether you are ready to find a new therapist who'd be better than the previous one. I believe that when you are ready, you'll know it.

I can relate. I finally realized that if I wanted a competent therapist, I had to look for a good one and not be so fixated on past experiences that I was only on the lookout for a bad one. I had to change my focus in order to change my future, if that makes sense. I never thought there were any good ones out there, but once I started looking for one and had a clear idea in mind, there she was.

[Favorite Jeans]

I'm not clear on why you specifically would like a sex therapist. It seems like many less specialized therapists (and therefore perhaps more likely to take insurance) could work with you on issues of sexual abuse.

I also still have a lot of anger about a previous terrible therapist even though I have now been with my current (excellent) therapist for 3 years. Bad therapy can really feel like abuse (maybe because it is abuse) and can be just as difficult to overcome. But good therapists are out there and it sounds like you might benefit from having one so take your time and interview carefully. I hope you find someone you can work well with.

[Seeking_Peace]

Originally Posted by ladytiger

I am looking to go back to therapy, sex therapy because I had a revelation about what happen at age 13. I knew about being sexually abused by a stranger, but I never really dealt with it or I thought I did deal with it my own way.

In order to deal with CSA, wouldn't it be better to search for a T that specializes in trauma?

Originally Posted by ladytiger

Hello, I have never posted in ehre before. I had a very bad experience with a mental health professional again! I finished my sessions Feb 2014 and couldn't been happier. The problem was the ex-therapist and I were always fighting as she always had to use her mommy-dearest attitude and her marital arrogance to "prove her point." She was only a few years older than me (me almost 29 and her in her 30s) yet the woman lacked a lot of things about life that I could.

She said a lot of upsetting comments and took zero responsibility for anything she said! I was so upset with her in July 2013 that it took me 2 weeks to calm down I was so enraged by her ridiculous comments. Anyway, I learned nothing from her only one thing breathing exercises. Fast forward: I am looking to go back to therapy, sex therapy because I had a revelation about what happen at age 13. I knew about being sexually abused by a stranger, but I never really dealt with it or I thought I did deal with it my own way.

I have contacted some of them and they all don't take insurance of any kind. Their rates are high way out of my budget! I would like to talk to them but I am still bitter about what happen with my ex-therapist - I have seen a high school counselor and college counselor all treated me like ****! My ex-therapist had no tact refused to refer to me to the correct person who could help me she was a big time waster regretted seeing her for 16 mos!

I don't want to be dependent on therapy, but god I've been in such a stuck mindset since I was a kid I am always bothering someone to "help me solve my problems." This sexual abuse is bothering me now after stuffing it for so long. If I see a therapist, I told a couple I want str8 up answers no bs let's work together and solve my problem or me solving my own problem. I don't wanna see a therapist covered by my state insurance using the typical boring approach how does that make you feel and what could you have done differently. Like I am suppose to have a crystal ball everywhere I go and change the situation when I please!

Anyone advice on knowing when your ready to find a better therapist?

Hi Lady Tiger. Sorry you are having a bad time. You said you don't want a therapist using the typical boring approach, how does it make you feel etc.. My T has never taken that approach. She has never asked me a question like that or how I could do things differently. I think there are probably a lot of T's who don't talk like that. She does however make a lot of seemingly ridiculous comments that I feel upset and angry about. My therapy seems to be about talking about that at the moment. I'm kind of trusting that she actually does know what she is doing and that if we keep talking about this we are going to get somewhere. Perhaps this is what therapy is for me? It is novel for me to feel a bit angry and talk about it, and somehow explaining why I feel angry is hard and I feel very vulnerable doing it, I don't know how it is going to turn out.

[ladytiger]

Seeking Peace, yea I guess. Reason my gyno said sex therapist is because she wants me to practice (not trying to get personal) inserting objects in me so I can be used to it. She didn't say anything about a therapist specializing in trauma. Like I said, do I wanna be in therapy x amount of years paying for their bills or vacations? No. My ex-therapist has background in trauma didn't see much of it. I am needing to talk and do work on my own to get to a place of comfort, being comfortable and safe with my own body, then i can enjoy sex! Anyway, I have the info of what abuse is but I need help in getting past it so it can stop controlling me and also things that I was told about sex is hindering me too.

When i saw my last therapist, I didn't get the chance to interview it was like see what she can do or not type of thing since my insurance is through the State. My gyno said a sex therapist would be able to delve into my issues much deeper and she said they could also give me a vaginal dialator to use. Now, if I saw a therapist who does specializes in sexual abuse, the mental part, they wouldn't be able to give me those dialators.

For me, i don't wanna go through that boring how does that make you feel and what could you have done differently - that does nothing for me. I am just interviewing the sex therapists see where they come from on their approach and one lady I liked but she teaches human sexuality as mine is sexual abuse that she couldn't do with me. A therapist who does the mental part will be covered by my State insurance. With the state, you don't have many options to interview they just pick someone for you and you gotta find out yourself.

I let bad experiences get to me. I am not the type to let things go, that's been the hardest part for me still working on it. Right now, i am looking at other places like a support group and this one I found is a therapy support group which has a cost! Does that make sense? The cost with one is 40-50 bucks....

My ex-therapist used how does that make you feel blah blah so did a college counselor I had a few years ago did the same thing. I am not sure if a 12 week support group will work or extensive therapy will do it. If I didn't have such a stuck mindset, I would be able to solve my own problems instead of bugging people to help me solve them.

[Seeking_Peace]

Ladytiger, I am far from an expert at these things but here my are thoughts. If all you want to do is get vaginal dilators and practice without talking about feelings, then why even bother getting a sex therapist? You can buy them online yourself...I googled and the very first things came up was a set for sale ($44). I would think a sex therapist (or any T for that matter) would cost more than that. https://www.vaginismus.com/products/dilator_set

However, if you are having sexual issues, then my guess is that working through those emotions would be necessary for you to relax enough to allow the dilators in. In which case, I would think a therapist specializing in trauma/PTSD would be a better fit.

I wish you the best with whatever route you choose.

I guess it depends on the state, but even people on Medicaid can sometimes find a private therapist who takes that insurance. I say "sometimes" because it's still hard. I agree that being assigned a therapist sucks. And if it's a clinic, they will only do a certain type of short-term therapy which isn't the best for everyone. Even so, there are exceptions.

fwiw, I don't like the "how does that make you feel?" bs either. When I was interviewing a few months ago, I ran into one of those and ran the other way. She was the only one who did that, btw.

I would look for a knowledgeable, experienced in the issue you are brining in, personable and somebody with good credentials and with a good name in the community.

[Favorite Jeans]

Your vaginismus may or may not be related to your history of sexual abuse. Lots of people have one without the other. There's a pretty good book about it you can find by googling. You can work on the therapeutic techniques for overcoming vaginismus without a sex therapist as others have mentioned. Also there a physicians who specialize in sexual medicine who might be covered by your insurance.

[ladytiger]

Seeking Peace, I have been to that site. I know these therapists could use another approach on feelings. Sexual abuse is still controlling me which is why I have painful sex. Gyno told me to do the poor man's method of using tampons starting with the smallest since it's similar to a dialator and that's a cheap method I can use. Yea, there are options I don't have the money for a sex therapist at all. I just want str8 forward answers which is something my ex-therapist couldn't do because she was too busy trying to be mom guru!

[ladytiger]

Originally Posted by Favorite Jeans

Your vaginismus may or may not be related to your history of sexual abuse. Lots of people have one without the other. There's a pretty good book about it you can find by googling. You can work on the therapeutic techniques for overcoming vaginismus without a sex therapist as others have mentioned. Also there a physicians who specialize in sexual medicine who might be covered by your insurance.

Long ago, I was seeking a book but wasn't sure which book would be good. Do you know of any or can give me a hint? I am not sure I mean I have done a lot of talking and talking when I saw my ex-therapist on abuse, emotionally abuse. I also told my boyfriend about how my dad is a pedophile and how he molested my mom's 1st born daughter who isn't his repeatedly, now how am I suppose to deal with that? She did absolutely nothing called her a ***** and a liar.I found this out a couple years ago and he looks at young/teen girls yet I am still at home trying to fight my way out. He also walked in on me in the bathroom a lot and when I was in the shower a few months ago! I feel like a basket case not knowing how to solve my own probs if I wasn't so codependent, this wouldn't be an issue. Past is still keeping me stuck which isn't helping and hard to try to live in the present and move forward. The therapists I was speaking to told me sexual medicine isn't even covered either as they and others won't take insurance because of privacy issues that other agencies/employers can get ahold of and violates the client's privacy.

[Favorite Jeans]

Originally Posted by ladytiger

Long ago, I was seeking a book but wasn't sure which book would be good. Do you know of any or can give me a hint? I am not sure I mean I have done a lot of talking and talking when I saw my ex-therapist on abuse, emotionally abuse. I also told my boyfriend about how my dad is a pedophile and how he molested my mom's 1st born daughter who isn't his repeatedly, now how am I suppose to deal with that? She did absolutely nothing called her a ***** and a liar.I found this out a couple years ago and he looks at young/teen girls yet I am still at home trying to fight my way out. He also walked in on me in the bathroom a lot and when I was in the shower a few months ago! I feel like a basket case not knowing how to solve my own probs if I wasn't so codependent, this wouldn't be an issue. Past is still keeping me stuck which isn't helping and hard to try to live in the present and move forward. The therapists I was speaking to told me sexual medicine isn't even covered either as they and others won't take insurance because of privacy issues that other agencies/employers can get ahold of and violates the client's privacy.

Hey, it sounds like there's a lot going on for you.

http://www.vaginismusmd.com/book/

And

https://www.vaginismus.com/products/vaginismus_books

Are the two that came up immediately. I believe I've seen the first recommended but it sounds like they both take the same approach. I think a therapist who knows about trauma and can help you figure out healthier living situation would be a great first step. If you are living with an abuser right now it's probably going to be quite hard to feel safe enough to address sexual anxiety and dysfunction. Part of moving past trauma is learning to feel safe which is very hard to do if you cannot honestly and in good faith remind yourself "I am safe now."

[ladytiger]

Thanks. I agree moving past trauma and saying I am safe but I am not safe. Even my social worker agreed how this is very difficult for me which I tried to explain to people for a long *** time! My ex-therapist's background is in abuse and trauma the only good point she made (that shocked me) is she agreed how the abuse was traumatic for me growing up yet I have wonderful parents lol in the same breath!

My ex-therapist is a complete idiot saying at least you got a roof over your head, sorry, I never felt safe period! She never knew about me being touched by a stranger at 13, who knew what ignorant comment would come out of her mouth. Even if I did tell her, I certainly didn't want her to help me with it. She wanted me to do things to "please the abusers" just to keep the peace, oh god, been doing that for years and when is it gonna stop?!