The Couch Get's 86'd (it's now under the end zone at Giant's stadium)

Thank you for sharing that, Chris.

It has that "pre-snow" smell outside.

Baby wants snuggles. Bleh.

My blanket and sheet are all messed up. Silly bed.

Annoyed that I can't remember my dreams! I'll know it's a good dream & one I need to discuss while I'm in the midst of it and then as soon as I open my eyes it's gone and all I'm left with is the feeling that I need to write it down but can't. Meh. Morning couchies.

*sits in corner and starts racking brain*

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I have never seen a therapist who would listen to dreams. The first one I ever saw back in my early 20s was openly scornful of dream stuff, the second time I tried, about 15 years later (and for only a very few months as the therapist was batshit crazy) the therapist did not want to hear about my nightmares, and the first one I see now kept asking if the nightmares were about me thinking she would not protect me (good lord - not everything is about you therapist. And of course I don't think the woman would protect me. She has actively been the enemy.). I have not bothered telling the second one I see now.

That is a great question. Such a strong reaction could very well be telling you something.

I am dismissive avoidant. This type of behavior makes me comfrtable. I also realize my life would be better if i could modify my maladaptive patterns.

In my experience, anytime I feel an overwhelming need to claim that something doesnt apply to me, it is usually because it is because it DOES apply to me, at least a little, but I am very invested in maintaining that it isn't so. When i genuinely do not agree or feel something applies to me, i can offer my opinion, or leave it alone. The inner rage is not there.

I've not talked about bad dreams at all. I've only had a few and I know why I have them I'm sure. I did have one recently that was awful and made no sense. Not sure I'd waste therapy time on it though.

I have been labeled dismissive/avoidant by the therapist, but I do not think my life would be better if I was not. I think that part rocks. And the therapist has failed/refused to explain how changing that would help with the reason I hired her in the first place. Without that information I have no reason to change something that does not bother me nor that I see any benefit for me in changing.

Of course, the woman has said a couple of times that the fact my life mostly works well for me creates a bit of a hurdle for therapy as I am not desperate enough to buckle under to her whims.
Okay that very last part of the last sentence is my interpretation of what she said.

I wonder what I'd be labeled as lol

Most of my past T's got all excited falling over themselves with dream-work. CBT is so funny; when telling him a dream that seemed important he was kind of quiet. He acted like "Why are telling me this?". Silly therapists.

My dreams are very informative. I learn a lot from them and right now they seem to be more and more descriptive/telling. It seems to come in waves. Most of the time I want T to know as much as she can so I just read what I wrote and we move on unless it's something we need to spend time on, otherwise it's just used as informative material.
My T doesn't express labels, but I often am curious to know. Maybe one day I'll get up the nerve to ask.

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Well, sometimes that is true, but sometimes it isn't. Gender stereotypes is one area where I have very strong feelings about something that genuinely doesn't apply to me. I get very pissed off when people assume that I react in a stereotypically female way - not that many people do assume that, at least not in RL.



I can't remember what the kind of attachment that I'm labelled as, based on online tests, is called. But to begin with, the tests are rather silly - you get fourteen questions about "do you tell the person about intimate things" and "are you afraid the person will leave you", and then they tell you that "you do not tell this person about intimate things and you are not afraid that they'll leave you" (or the opposite, as the case may be.) It's a lot like the joke "favourite colour" test where you get to choose one out of fifteen shades of colour, and then you are presented with the result, which is the colour you chose. Then, as I've said a bazillion times, there are more than four ways to relate to other people. I know I'm being glib here, but it really feels as if that's what they are implying. And then again, if we accept that there are only four types, I refuse to believe that it is the case that three of those are always and automatically maladaptive. The "secure" type which is what one is supposed to strive for is completely malplaced in most of our relationships - I had a colleague who told everybody everything she was thinking and apparently never feared that people would leave her, and she was not a happy or well adjusted person at all. And there is absolutely nothing wrong if one is "avoidant" or "dismissive" and one's relationships function well anyway. I guess I just really hate anything that tries to force me into a mold (especially one that is based on psychological tests made on people in a foreign culture).

And no, nobody is forcing me to participate. And my T has never talked about attachment styles. (I bet my best friend, if he still is that, would like the concept, though.)

I don't tell my H about personal things and I'm not afraid he'll leave me. I tell my best friend personal things, and I'm constantly afraid that he'll tire of me. Likewise with T. I'm sure those are different boxes in the model, but neither is particularly bad or wrong, really.

Google for attachment style tests and you'll get a plethora to choose from.

That's interesting. T wants me to tell her so she can know bit at the same time she never really says anything. She's also CBT / DBT / EBT and talk oriented/psychodynamic. So I don't even know what type of therapy we do in my sessions, perhaps I should ask that too. I'm gonna have a list of questions tomorrow. Ha.

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All the ones I ever saw for more than one appointment have been psychodynamic but one of those gave a misguided attempt at cbt. She sucked at it and I hated it and told her to never ever try that sort of crap on me again. After grumbling that it was not crap, she agreed. I did go once to a cbt person and we both quickly agreed in the initial appointment it was not for me.

Fearful-avoidant.

I'm fearful-avoidant. I don't need any tests to tell me that either; it's painfully obvious.

Got another communique from stbx. That man is a great steaming pile of stupid.

I don't even know what it means. I probably should have read the report part lol

Hugs JS!

Of course you think that part rocks. I also think that part rocks. It's not like being fearful where it is unpleasant or uncomfortable. Dismissiveness is generally about strength and protection. False strength, but strength nonetheless.

It means you want to be close to people, but you're terrified of being close to people. A constant state of being pulled in two directions at once.
I know that the experts say that dismissive-avoidant is just as bad, but I disagree. At least when you're dismissive-avoidant you agree with yourself... Inner conflict is hell on self-esteem.

Yeah, this. Honestly, I wish I were dismissive-avoidant. I feel so weak and fractured inside. It's so easy for manipulative people to pull me apart.

This. Sucks. I hate it.

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