The Couch Get's 86'd (it's now under the end zone at Giant's stadium)

Yeah that sounds accurate to me haha.

Here's the graph thing.

Good point. After I wrote that, I realize that I also get angry like that when I perceive something to be similar to hurtful treatment from my past. I get triggered by certain types of behavior.

I think that would be a sign of lack of boundaries and unhealthy attachment. Secure attachment would involve knowing the appropriate level of disclosure for the situation.

I have a hard time picturing relationships functioning successfully with avoidant or dismissive behavior. As much as I adore all of my tough little protective behaviors, I am aware that they do result in a certain lack of intimacy and and loss of authenticity. I don't view it as fitting into a mold, but rather learning a new skill that could help improve my mental health.

I'm sure there are plenty of people who are totally content with their attachment style I would certainly not demand that anyone change anything. If it works, it works. I also have people in my family who are perfectly content with their attachment style, but could have more satisfying relationships if they worked on viewing things in a different way. That isn't my business to change that either, even though I am directly affected. All I can do is determine my level of contact and involvement.

I just got home from Central America. I went from 93 degrees to 3 degrees in a matter of hours. I'm sick of winter and ready to head back to CA.

Actually, really really REALLY REALLY REALLY deep down, I don't agree with myself. I'm human and have the same needs as all other humans. But dismissive avoid ants are also self-abusive bullies. Better to be mean to myself and disavow any feelings of that nature, rather than admit to weakness. Any non dismissive feelings simply do not exist. (even though they do) So even the inner turmoil is sucked down under the surface, where it festers with no outlet. So we can have mood mental health issues even when "nothing is wrong" and we're totally "happy" with life. Go figure.

Yeah... Sigh...

That email from stbx has my brain on overdrive. He deals with his discomfort by pushing it outside of himself, being manipulative and abusive. And by care taking, oddly enough... I never saw that before... He's trying to 'take care' of me still... Though I'm experiencing it as intrusive and manipulative and selfish. Though part of me is feeling bad for not appreciating his 'care'.

Ye gods I have a lot to talk about tomorrow with T...

I guess I really don't want to be dismissive-avoidant after all. It would make me abusive. (Please note I'm not saying being dismissive-avoidant makes people abusive in general. I just see how that happens with me and stbx, probe mostly because we're not dismissive, just trying to pretend to be.)

I hope T goes well for you tomorrow.

I have to skip T this week due to time conflicts between appt times and babysitting. Blah! So... end of next week. Not sure how I will manage.

I started writing a letter. I am a complete mess; I can hardly control it. Trying to stuff it back in the box.

Oh, cat. I can't imagine how hard that box was to open. (((cat)))

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I had hoped I could just write it without the box spilling open, but I guess that isn't really logical. Blah. I finished it and stuffed everything back in the box. Stuffed my journal back on the shelf. Not sure that I will do with it yet.

That's great! I haven't had a plethora for ages!

I think theres a Groupon for that! Or a pill, or an herbal remedy, or a voodoo chant, or something...

(((Cat)))

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The kids say cafartic.

Ive been wondering about this question myself.

I can smell the weather too. NYC would not have closed down that day (a month or so ago) if they had me on staff.

I feel better having written it out. Just not sure what I want to do with it.

Pea, you have really travelled a great distance from where you were. Maybe i should have quoted your previous post. It was very enlightening about the value and use of attachment or attachment style. Once you know what another person is capable of or not (moreso "or not"), you dont bang your head against a brick wall anymore trying to connect to the unconnectable. If you yourself can move away from fearful to secure, that also empowers you to stop trying the impossible, and maybe looking for the possible. At least you can find bits of possible where it does exist. Some people say life consists of moments.

I am glad it's not just me!

This. So much this. Thanks Hankster.

I just wish letting go didn't hurt so darn much though

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Blahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. That is all.

*sits in the corner*

I don't experience dismissive as bullying myself. If I did, I suppose I would change it. If someone wants to change their attachment ways, then I would not try to stop them, but I don't find mine bad so I am happy with it.

Just a dearth, eh?

I couldn't answer the questions. They left me confused. It asked about the relationship I'm in but I'm not in one and I don't want to answer as if my ex isn't my ex because I don't want to do the same things again. For example, I let him control me but I'm not doing that again... I hope. I mean, I don't have to make the same mistakes again. So I gave up on the quiz... Maybe I'll look for another one.

I just discovered that 50 Shades of Gray was spawned from Twilight fanfic...
Oddly, it makes complete sense...

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I haven't read either. My partner got me to some of twilight but I found it rather uninteresting and then too violent

That makes more sense than it should.

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