Do our T's think of us outside of session?

alexandra_k I really think your T was being reassuring that you aren't in danger of burning him out because he has a full life outside of the therapy room.

Since you mentioned that you worried about him burning out, he was saying that he can handle it, he's capable of being there for you in therapy ~and~ being there for himself in his personal life.

He was just saying, "Don't worry, it's ok"

I think that he gave you the email option means he welcomes thinking of you.

(( ak ))

ECHOES

I think I have a smart pdoc and I think he is good for me on many levels. However, I accidently found out he has a fax as he was installing it when we spoke of something. So...bingo... I fax him notes sometimes when extra stressed. He is o.k...so far... with that. He states that he needs to protect himself... or he did when we had this conversation years ago... Still plucks my nerves. His message says no messages on the weekends and call at home if emergency. During the week... messages can not exceed one minute in length. What a putz.

However, I do understand that he needs to have his boundaries and protect himself... from little ole me.... (yeah probably he does... ) He needs time to replenish himself and I understand that though I do wish for a bit more warm fuzzy. Oh well. Gotta respect the brain... and there is a bit of fuzzy between the hours that are allotted to me.

sigh. i know echoes, i'm just in a grumpy mood. when i said he can't win i really meant that... if he says he thinks of me often then i'll worry he is burning out... is he says he leads a busy and varied life then i'll worry he doesn't give a %#@&#! about me. he can't win. i need to be mad at him 'cause he left me. i know he didn't leave me, i can email him and hes coming back but my dad left me and its not safe to be mad with my dad so i'll get mad at t instead...

so... he can't win 'cause i need to be mad...

and 'cause i worry i tend to deskill people so i guess i'll give him a little taste of that and lets see how he goes (if he can't handle me needing to be mad with him then how the hell is he going to cope when the REAL feelings come out?)

i just... i told him i was going away over the weekend so he didn't need to email me back... that it was ok for him to take as long as he needed to email be back... that it was important to me that he do that so the emails don't become overwhelming...

so now he is doing just that (and their wasn't an email for me when i returned) i'm going to pack a wobbly about that instead - ok?

sigh.

i wish i didn't do this... i wish i didn't have to do this... but i don't know how. i'm cringing about the last email i sent (i think it was enigmatic and he won't know what on earth it means in fact i'm really not sure what it means myself). i think it sounds like 'all the stuff you have been doing you really don't need to do any of it'. so... what is he supposed to do in response to that?

we will see if he sees that i just need to be mad at him and contrary and infuriating and confusing right now...

i tried to be direct but sometimes... rather surprisingly... directness really isn't my strength.

pack a wobbly?

pack a wobbly... throw a tantrum...

love that term... sounds kinder somehow...

Alexandra.... I think it would be so hard to communicate with my pdoc via the internet... particularly if not having the opportunity previously. It sure seems like extra stress to an already stressful situation.

Try and be easier on yourself if you can.... k?

> love that term...

thanks. i forgot it was a regional expression. another (that probably isn't so regional) is 'throw a fit' but i guess that isn't so PC to all those with epilepsy out there...

> Alexandra.... I think it would be so hard to communicate with my pdoc via the internet... particularly if not having the opportunity previously. It sure seems like extra stress to an already stressful situation.

yeah. that is the funny thing... he offered to give me a couple of telephone sessions and i kind of turned him down on that. said it would be more helpful to me to email him. i really thought email would be better because it would give me the opportunity to think before speaking and that i might be able to get some stuff said that i have trouble saying in person. he really did seem keener on the phone session idea... but i really wasn't keen on that (he has left me a phone message before and i really cringed over that. didn't SOUND like him). but then i was cringing when i read his email too so i don't know...

turns out this email business is one hell of a lot harder than i had supposed :-(

> Try and be easier on yourself if you can.... k?

thank you. i think... i will try.

(((secretgarden)))

I am sticking with the wobbly myself...

One of my favorite coping phrases... This too shall pass. Gotta love that one and hold on to it.

I have to say that I do type notes and fax them when I am having a REALLY bad day... just to connect. It seems to get easier with practice. Perhaps you can use that email option even after your doc returns to help facilitate therapeutic progress. Blam...say it. It has potential...I think.

You do have a wonderful humor to you Alexandra...I suppose when in the session you have the whole ball of wax... so to speak.. the voice, the site of him, the furniture, the rug...that we all know so well... It just all fits together. In email or even on the phone it just ain't all there. Something is missing so that other modalities require a shift.

When does your guy get home? How would you feel about emailing him to tell him to give you a call? Or... would you rather wait for real thing. Perhaps it is therapeutic to see him the way you are now... It creates a shift or crack in what you perceive as the reality. Oh I could go on but I am known to think a bit too much. I have a feeling you might relate. c ya.

Contrary to popular belief T's are not robots, they do have feelings and they do think!

Pegasus.... I sure hope they have feelings and that they do think. Otherwise we are in trouble. Would you like to expand on your thoughts?

I've never tried to find anything about my T on the web. But probably because his last name is so generic and common it would take me hours to sift through the results? He commented once that he would never put his picture on the web. So, I don't have a photo...<sob>

But, I have played phone messages over. Although, somehow they deleted and now I can't hear them anymore. I don't call his office after hours or on weekends. I'm afraid he's got caller id and might see me call his number 20x a day...giggle. That is an exaggeration but I still don't do it.

I don't have the guts to put myself out there like that. Too afraid of rejection as if you couldn't tell by some of my posts...