[ErinBear]

Hi,

I haven't posted here in a long time. I send good wishes to everyone here and have been thinking of you.

I have been through a lot in the past 6 months or so. I am seeing a new therapist and am trying to get adjusted to that. There are some good things about it, like the fact I can reach his office on public transit (I don't have a car) and he's been kind about being flexible about his fees. I think in some ways, we are still getting to know one another. It isn't as good of a match as it was with the counselor I used to see, which is hard, but I don't think that is going to happen again. It is hard; I still miss that counselor a good bit. I wish I didn't and was somehow free of feeling that I missed that working relationship. It was such a good personality match. I think that was a one-time thing.

But I digress.

I have had really difficult problems with severe depression and suicidal thoughts/urges in the past six months or so. I've been in the hospital twice this winter, for pretty long visits. We've tried a lot of treatments and medications and nothing has really seemed helpful so far. It's been an awfully hard time. The psychologist I see now has very specific ideas on what is okay and isn't okay in terms of contact when people are having difficulties. Some counselors/therapists are okay if people call or send email when they are having crises, and some think this is a bad idea within the counseling relationship, I guess. The therapist I see now is the sort of therapist who believes in having contact only within a planned appointment. When I have brought up the question of what to do if there is an urgent problem, it seems like he dodges the question, or says to I should take myself to the hospital again. By now, I don't have enough money to go to the hospital again, and I also have come to realize there isn't anything they can do to help....they've done all they could. It would be pointless to go back to the hospital. It seems like there aren't a lot of options when things are going badly. I keep trying and trying to come up with alternative ways to handle it when there are emergencies, and I'm getting stumped about what to do. I want to be respectful of the psychologist's desires for boundaries/contact/etc., and at the same time, at least in my case, this doesn't seem to be a safe way to work. At least right now. I am trying to think of what else to do. I'm not having very good ideas right now.

I'm wondering if other people have run into these sorts of issues, and how they worked them out.

I sure wish that other things had worked, like the various antidepressant medications over the past 15 years or so, and other treatments I tried when I was in the hospital. Maybe it wouldn't be like this now. I really don't know what to do to make the situation better. I feel stumped about this.

Sorry if this is wrong to post here or something. Maybe someone else has ideas for how they have dealt with a similar situation, if they've been in one. Thanks for listening.

Take care,
ErinBear

[sunrise]

ErinBear, it is absolutely not wrong to post here! Welcome.

Is there a Crisis Line in your community? Where people can call to talk to professional in times of crisis? They have one where I live and it is common for therapists to put on their voicemail message to call the Crisis Line if they are having an emergency. Do you think that sort of resource would be helpful?

I had a friend with intractable depression and he had ECT twice. It really helped. I know that is pretty extreme, but he had exhausted other treatments. He suffered some memory loss but feels it was worth it.

Hang in there and feel free to post here anytime.

[(JD)]

((((erinbear)))

I guess I would first ask you... does he return your calls outside of session times? If so, then even the 5 minutes on the phone are worth the call, regardless of what he says? I know many Ts who don't "encourage" the patient/client to call outside of sessions... as therapy happens IN session. But we all know that crisis intervention DOES take place mostly away from that office!

In a way, he's "requiring" you to do self care. We all have to learn to do that, and it's not easy, and feels terribly alone at times, right?

I'm sorry for your experiences of late, but I'm glad you're still with us. Many ppl go through such times for a while, and then the darkness clears. BTW I am making my way through depression without any meds for it, as I have paradoxical reactions to ADs I couldn't do it without a great T... but while he has never encouraged me to call him, he has always been there for me during those times.

If he hasn't said DO NOT CALL ME I wouldn't push the subject, and if you have to, you have to. If he knows you are trying to manage, he probably won't be angry or upset with you. Besides, if he gets upset, that's his problem.

Good wishes for a better next 6 months!

[ErinBear]

Hi Sunrise,

Thanks for the message, I appreciate it.

Yes, I had ECT while I was in the the hospital, and continued the treatments after I left. It didn't seem to help, and it did cause memory and cognitive problems for me. But I know it is supposed to help in some cases.

We do have a crisis line in our community and my therapist recommends that also. When I've called, my experience hasn't been very good. I think it is staffed by volunteers rather than professionals and their training isn't so good. I've been in other communities and called a crisis line once or twice and found it helpful, but not here. sigh.

Anyway, thanks again, and maybe I'll have a sudden flash of inspiration somehow. I hope so.

Wishing you all the best - thanks again!

Take care,
ErinBear

[ErinBear]

HI Sky,

Thanks for the message. Yes, he did say it was not okay to call outside of sessions. He has returned the phone calls if it was related to rescheduling an appointment, for instance, and kept it to that subject. But it's against the rules to call for an urgent problem.

Yes, I understand the need to do self-care, and I am doing so. I also want there to be safe and reasonable options for taking care of things when there are emergencies.

Thanks for listening, and thanks for the good wishes.....

Take care,
ErinBear

[MissCharlotte]

((((((((((ErinBear))))))))))

Do you have a friend, family member or pastor you could talk to in a pinch? I know it sounds trite, but when I went to my doctor and told her I was depressed (my internist) she said that therapy was good but that I needed my girlfriends. I think in a way she is right. You can find us here too! Also, i agree with Sky. Call your T if you have to. An emergency is not a casual situation.

Hi ErinBear and welcome back,

I'm sorry you are feeling without support. I hope you will discuss how you feel about this and about ways to self-care in your therapy. It is important for you.

I admire you for respecting your T's boundaries but I hope you will call if you need to.

I also admire you for planning ahead and being prepared!

I have a list on my computer of things that have worked for me to get me out of a time of high anxiety or depression. I add to the list as I find things that work for me. The list is easy to find and has many things to try, from playing with the cat to meditating to planning a future activity to listening to music ... etc.

I also had a not so good experience with a crisis line; I felt like someone was reading a script (if caller is suicidal, see page 6). But I would try again and hope to get someone I might connect with better.

PC is 24/7, so come here often!

Hi Erin. It's great that you are trying to take care of yourself even if you do feel horrible. I know you said your T has strict boundaries about when to contact him. Have you ever tried calling between sessions? If so, what happened? When is the next time you see him? Maybe you can explain to him that you have been feeling like a crisis is coming on... ask directly what to do if you feel unsafe. Make sure you feel satisfied with his answer, i.e. that it is clear and direct. I hope you feel better.

[Perna]

ErinBear, sorry you are having such a rough time. I was interested when you were talking about how things haven't been helping, wondered what you'd like? What would you like to happen when you call a help line or go to the hospital or whatever?

I think you have some expectations/desires but are not sharing them with yourself/others trying to help? No one else can reach into your life and change/fix it. All they can do is try to be there with you. Were I you, I would think of all the comforting and helpful things I know of that help myself (I used books a whole lot) and I would start journaling too. Maybe if you find a good workbook/journal to add a little structure, that would help.

Sometimes when things were toughest for me, I would "throw a hand grenade into my own foxhole" and start over. A lot of times things would get to an unsustainable pitch and just wouldn't work and I'd have to take it down quite a few notches, just realize it was my head gone haywire and declare it "invalid." Pretending and radically shifting perspective that way helped me a lot. Just do something "else." Once I distracted myself from serious suicidal thoughts by making an appointment with the dentist!

I'm reminded of how, when one is learning to drive, it's easy to look to close to the front of the car and that makes one feel like the car is going too fast and is going to go out of control. However, if you look a bit farther ahead, look at a turn or where you want the car to go, your body will automatically steer the car where your eyes are focusing. I would practice refocusing, get some other things to think about whenever the going gets really rough. Do something like substitute "grocery store" for "hospital". Figure out a really nutritious or delicious meal you want "next" and how to go find/get it. Some days it can just be one distraction after the next but eventually the mood/problem will lift or it will be time for bed/sleeping or crying or screaming (do you have good places to scream? I am sorry you don't have a car, that can be nice, screaming while you drive :-)

Have you talked about how much you miss your old therapist with this new one? Mr. New might be interested to know what helped you about the old T. My T didn't like contact between visits either but let me write snail mail to her office (but never wrote back or discussed what I wrote, etc.). But the very very few times I called her she'd listen a bit then say we'd discuss it next session :-)

HI Erinbear, I really dont have any great suggestions but am glad you choose to ask others for advice, I think thats one positive way of looking after yourself!

Take care.

[ErinBear]

Dear Sister,

Thanks so much for your reply - I appreciate it. Yes, I agree with you (and your T) that having the support of friends is a great asset. I am thankful to have caring friends and am able to be in touch with them most days by phone, and sometimes in person. Even when we talk about casual subjects for the most part, it still helps to have some contact.

I'd call my T in an emergency, but he was quite clear about that, and I know it's not a good option, so I need to have other ways of handling things.

Thanks so much, Sister. Thinking of you and wishing you well.

Take care,
ErinBear

[ErinBear]

Dear Echoes,

Thanks so much for your note. I think it's great to have a list of things to do when it's a rough time. I have a similar list as well - in writing but also in my mind, as it were. Distraction in its various forms helps for a lot of folks, I think, and it does for me, too. Things like listening to some calming music, doing some crocheting or crafts, going for a walk, or calling a friend sometimes can help a little bit. I think it's a good idea to remember those sorts of options.

I'm sure sorry you've had some difficult experiences with crisis lines, too. I know there are good services out there, and as I said, I've experienced some helpful support through them in the past. But it's hard when it doesn't work out so well! I send you caring thoughts.

Take care,
ErinBear

Erin, would you consider seeing another T?

[ErinBear]

Hi Pinksoil,

Thanks for your message. I appreciate it. Yes, in the past, I have called my T inbetween sessions a couple of times. Sometimes he called back, sometimes he hasn't. When he did return the call, usually kept it short and told me to go to the emergency room or psych ward, which isn't an option (I can't afford it). Yes, his message was clear and direct, and I understood his wishes. I just need to find some alternative solutions in an emergency which are workable for me.

Thanks for listening, and I send good wishes your way.

Take care,
ErinBear

[ErinBear]

Hi Perna,

I appreciate your reply. Yes, I have tried to communicate my thoughts and wishes to my T. He has clear thoughts on how therapy should go, and his role in it, for instance. It may be that it I am the wrong person for that situation, I'm not sure. We have also talked about the working relationship I had with my previous counselor, at least to some extent, and he knows that I miss the former counselor.

I do journal and write, and I agree that has been a helpful process. I have used various self-help books. And I also know what you say about shifting gears at times, and looking at what changes may need to occur, large and small, when things aren't going well. That can be important!

Thanks Perna. I wish you well.

Take care,
ErinBear

[ErinBear]

Dear Mouse,

Thank you for your kind note....I appreciate it! I have always appreciated the Psych Central community, and yes, I think it was good to write here. Thanks to you and everyone else for listening and responding. :-)

Take care,
ErinBear

[ErinBear]

Hi Petunia,

Thanks for your note. Sometimes I wonder about seeing another T. I don't know the answer to that right at the moment. I think, in my area, it's going to be hard to find another T I can afford and reach. I don't have a car, and I can get to this T's office on public transit. I'm thinking we are not the best match for therapy, but given the circumstances, I also don't think quitting is such a good idea either. So it seems awkward. I keep hoping it will get better. Sometimes there are times when it goes better than others and it gives me some hope. I don't know how much of that is just trying to get used to another T and a very different way of therapy, and how much is missing the other counselor, and how much is the depression being really horrible, etc.

Thank you for listening, Petunia. Can I also say I still like your smiling flower? It always gives my heart a grin.

Thinking of you and wishing you well.

Take care,
ErinBear