Learning to self-soothe

My t brought up coping techniques and self-soothing strategies last session. I have quite an array of self-destructive coping techniques and limited self-soothing abilities. I am currently in the process of learning more helpful and nurturing ones. So far, I've found talking kindly to the sad, hurt, scared, angry and childlike part of me has shown the most promise.

Have you and your t discussed much around this topic? What techniques and strategies do you use to self-soothe?

I've been studying Buddhism and I've started using a mantra that says "we burn the embers of our earthly desires and they become the flame of enlightenment"
It works for me because I was abused and neglected as I child and much of my pain comes out of longing for what I don't or can't have and from feeling like my past PROVES that I am fundamentally defective.
RemindING myself that longing is common to everyone and that whatever my past I retain control of how this journey shapes me comforts me.
I also use "suffering is inescapable and shared by everything that lives"
And
"The divine exists in me as it exists in all things"
I feel less alone that way. As unique as my pain feels I know nothing is more common to all mankind than pain.
It kind of works for me right now.
I also use meditation. I have a very rich inner landscape peopled with various creatures I can converse with if neefed.

Hi, I wrote a thread about this a while back, hope it will help.

http://forums.psychcentral.com/psych...-tool-kit.html

From that thread, I especially recommend the DBT Workbook. http://www.amazon.com/Dialectical-Be.../dp/1572245131

It's really useful, not just for the target demographic in my experience. I liked it for myself because it was interactive and blended mindfulness lessons/exercises with an excellent list of self-soothing and self-care options.

A few things i do are:
Wearing really soft clothes that are really comfortable
Listeing to my favorite music
Swimming
Sleeping with really soft blankets and pillows and i have a great cozy mattress
Read books that i can use to distract myself from thoughts and feelings
Make collages about my feelings that i email to T
Play games on my ipad
Get massages

T and I didn't discuss it much, but it came up once in a while.

What I like to do for self-soothing:

Wearing comfortable clothes
Watching tv series and movies
Writing in my journal
Hugging my husband
Drinking a cappuccino
Taking a nap
Lighting candles
Reading in my garden
Going for a walk or bike ride
Getting massages
Posting at PC

Nothing works for me. Or if it did if was because I was already in a 'good' place.

My own techniques to self-soothe. Can be cumulated without too many unwanted side-effects

- watching instructive tv shows and videos I usually enjoy. Instruction helps keep the anxious thoughts and feelings at bay.
However, I consciously avoid anything related to the object of anxiety. For ex, if I get phobic of a specific object, watching a video about my phobia is putting oil on the phobia's fire : counterproductive at best.

- Reading books I've already read in the past. I prefer reading on a screen rather than paper because backlighting helps with attention and some visual issues ;

- spending time with my cats. The two brothers enjoy giving cat kisses and have taught this skill to the two older females ;

- Accepting the negative as a temporary situation that doesn't say nothing about my level of worthiness. My rational mind knows that my representation of the underlying fact is inaccurate, but it doesn't change my powerlessness about the intense anxious feeling.
The paradox is that you surrender some control to gain back your control.

Crafting doesn't work for me.
Journaling with a copy book and pen is more work than it worth because of my very slow handwriting. A good app for journaling on iphone will go a long way !

I also believe in the new self arising out of the flames, like the Phoenix. That fits with my independent lifestyle. But I'm learning in therapy that it's also important to go through the inner child feelings with a therapist. Only then can a person let go of the past and truly accept maturity to the higher level without being dragged back by a frustrated, angry inner child. My own inner child is very strong in me and has guided my therapy by her fears. I've learned to self-soothe, but can't as yet do that in place of the T. I believe in John Bradshaw's "Homecoming" book about being a good parent to one's own self...to a point. But better relationships are learned only by having relationships, not so much by being shut up inside myself. And that starts with a good therapist. Do-it-yourself therapy is good to a point but can itself be a defense against attachment to T and facing the attachment problems. Also, my inner kid doesn't like me much yet, and I get very anxious if I try to make her accept me instead of T.

My T brought this up pretty early in our work and I made a self-soothe kit. Probably one of the best things to come out of it.

My favorite thing (and one that I've found to work best for myself) is to read a children's book out loud with voices. The book I use is The Little Prince which is around 100 pages. When I use my kit it's usually when I'm at the point of wanting to harm myself so I'm all over the place and by about page 30 I've been able to remove myself from that frame of mind and be able to talk to myself compassionately.

For me another big thing is to remove myself from the internet so I make sure that I have DVDs near hand and even music that I don't need to get off of any website. For me I've found ocean or nature sounds are best since they don't really have anything but a calming effect on me.

Other things in my kit are:
-art supplies (water colors, markers, colored pencils, ect.)
-Embroidery floss for friendship bracelets
-small stuffed animal
-mints and other hard candy
-feelings chart
-letters from people

If you read about self-soothe kits online you'll find a lot of things talking about putting things that use different senses so I tried incorporating that in mine as well.

I hope you're finding strategies that help you

Thank you for bringing this up, I like to learn as well. I don't think I know how to soothe myself, I just eat sweet things but that's maybe for pleasure?

learning to self soothe was something I had to learn in therapy. my therapist said I missed out on that growing up.

kind self talk, deep breathing and loving kindness meditation are what I do.

One of my favorite ways to self-soothe is reading, especially fantasies where the characters are young/in their older teens/20's and have mentors and others who care for them and give them good advice and take care of them. Vicarious self-soothing But I learn a lot from the characters I read about and the stories I read.

We talked about it from time to time. What works for me:

journaling
swimming
creating a sand tray
(or just sticking my hands in the sand even!)
conversing with t in my head
meditating
drumming (for myself, or listening to a shamanic drumming cd)

For me it's really hard because of my anxiety but when I can

I read
I journal
Do one of many crafts
Spend time on PC
Take pictures of nature or my dogs
I spend time with my daughter
Use esential oils or candles
Watch TV

Best wishes, Gayle
Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

Learning how to soothe myself gas been very empowering for me, I light a candle and watch it as I drink tea. I wrap a soft blanket around mysekf. Listen to music. Put myself on the couch for a nap. Smell lavender. Swim. Go to acupuncture.

I feel this way too. Nothing works. I try so many different things and still nothing works.

Have you tried kinetic sand? It's fantastic stuff!!!

I use kinetic sand as one of my techniques...it's very tranquil!!

I also go to massage therapy, wrap myself in a blanket T gave me, take a hot bath, do crafty things, listen to music, watch Taylor Swift videos and TRY to tell myself that I am a good person.

I think the "Velveteen Rabbit" would be a great book for a kit. It's about the toy animals in a little child's room who secretly come to life after they've been loved and played with for a long time.

Never heard of "self-soothe" until reading on PC. I think we all resort to something to calm down when upset by the events of life.

Wow, you have a lot of great ones here. I am going to have to try a few new ones! Thanks!

And how cool is it for a T to give a client a blanket to take home? That is so awesome.

My T did a "safe space" imagery exercise with me.

It started with her asking me to recall a time where I felt alone and isolated as a child.

Then she "invited herself into" the image and we collaboratively rescripted it into an imaginative space where I felt peaceful, safe, calm and not isolated.

As we practiced mindfully "experiencing" that imagery exercise - imagining how things would see/sound/feel/smell etc, she said it was a thing I could hold on to whenever I feel distressed.

I think back to that "safe space" as I find it helps me self soothe.

I LOVE that book! I have a French copy and an English copy, and read them both. There really is a lot of good "perspective" in there....

I love to spend the late night hours alone, my sanctuary of velvet dark protection from the world. All is quiet and most people are sleeping. I curl up on the couch and watch a DVD of a gently crackling small fire. I lay my head down on the couch on a soft teddy bear (I am not playing like a child but using it as a soft comfort tool) I watch the gently flaming log on television and listen to it. A lot of times, I will play soft iPod music or listen to a tape of a therapy session. I eat a late snack and also turn off the DVD to watch comedy television.

The BEST blanket EVER!!!