Couch 95: No title required

The blogger is Marty something.

Squirrel sorry to hear about your grandmother. I try to remember denial serves a purpose.

Mkac- when my young dog finds a lost toy and is joyful, my old dog sits next to me and disapproves.

GAAAAHHH!!!! I am so over everything at the moment, absolutely everything!

The one blogging about recluses, Stop?

Yes. But he has written even worse ones than the recluse one.

Ugh, Stopdog you are right about Marty. I was curious enough to read some of his posts and they don't exactly tell a coherent story. He must be paid by the blog post because he has about 8 installments on recluses with nary a message in sight.

I didn't like that he seemed kind of sexist about her inability to listen to every complainer in her life. Are women supposed to always take care of everyone? Marty IS an *****

I stay away from PsychCentral bloggers. If I read them, all it does is make me frustrated or angry or both, and that isn't helpful for anybody. (I used to read them sometimes, and I remember being especially furious about the way "relationship experts" from some other website were invited to write incredibly stereotyped, heteronormative and white Anglo culture focused columns, pretending that their advice was globally valid.)

All right - I'm off to T. I wonder if I will manage to ask him again about doing something to help me through the summer. (Last time I asked it was at the end of a session and he said "ok, let's talk about it next session" - at which point he had forgotten all about it.)

Five letters, starts with a vowel and too rude to spell in full.
Nope. I can't guess.

Go get 'em, tiger!

Morning, couch.

Just checking in before I need to head to work. I am dressed and ready to go, wearing my new outfit. I wonder what interesting customers we will get today, I'm sure I will get quite a few working a 12 hour shift.

It's truck night, so I'm sure I will be busy until 10pm. Puttting stock away usually takes until 11pm, but the other techs will have to finish without me, since I am off at 10.

T tomorrow afternoon before work in the evening. I never mailed my letter I wrote, so maybe I should just give it to her in person. I will also have my grandma stuff to talk about. Hopefully, it will go alright.

Well, I need to get shoes on and get a bite to eat before leaving. See you tonight, couch.

Hi, couch. I'm still here. Still overwhelmed. There is a lot about how I'm feeling that I don't like, well, I don't like any of it but the hardest thing is that I can't force myself out of this. I can't just make it go away and me feel better. I don't like that I want to talk to T or feel like I need her when I get this way. I'm a grown *** woman I should be able to figure this **** out on my own like I've done the past lotta years. Frustrates me. I guess some things really triggered me and others are throwing me for quite the loop.

Hugs to everyone.

I have no idea why there are 5 little star things - the word only has 3 letters.

I never read psych central bloggers. They make the ones on psych today look like geniuses.

I'm sorry you're still overwhelmed. Hugs to you too. I've said that very thing to my t in the past, the "i'm a grown woman and I should be able to figure this **** out on my own" and she would invariably reply "Why?" I could never come up with an answer other than "Because I just should, that's why."

Oh. Aha - I just had an insight. I know where that came from, the "Because I just should" answer!! i never realized it before because that little snippet would invariably come at the end of a session and never get followed up on. But I just followed it.... when i was a kid anytime I would go to my mother for help with something she was almost always on the phone with one of her friends and would tell me to "go figure it out yourself". Among other things that got ingrained, that one must have too, and my kid-mind decided it was wrong to ask for help that I needed to figure stuff out myself. Maybe that's why I waited so long to go to a pdoc in the first place when I was depressed, and why i waited a year after I got on meds to find a t, and even why way back 12 years ago when i had to have my gall bladder removed, why i stomped around the house in excruciating pain but wouldn't go to the doctor... until I passed out from the pain and hubby gave me no choice and I had to have emergency surgery. Because "I need to figure it out myself". Wow. This is one reason why this forum is so valuable. I do a lot of good workings-out here.

oh and good morning (or evening) couch! went to bed kinda early last night and slept really good. I am up & at 'em this morning. Time for this girl to head to work. Have a good day / night couchies!

Exactly. I was smart enough to figure it out on my own. I've always figured things out on my own, and now I can't and it's a tough lesson to learn that I don't have to. Trying not to fight it every step of the way. T asks me the, "why" question too. I never have an answer. I just have to, that's why. Thanks for sharing your insight, Art. It can only go up from here, right?

I do have an answer to the why question - because I want to and because I don't think a therapist knows any more than I do.

Argh, I'd forgotten that there's a summer party at work this afternoon - it's due to start in 30 minutes, so I'd better leave quickly....

So, when life gets overwhelming.. I do "naughty" things. Not great things, things I am not proud of. And I am heading down that path right now. What the hell is wrong with me, couch? Ahhhhh!

Unless you misspell as-hat.

A bleary good morning couch, from sunny Washington. The cherries on the trees are ripening, the nights are cool and lovely for walks, and my daughter has decided sleeping is against her religion or something. Yawn.

Goddess grant me the serenity to not be an as-hat again if she has a difficult bedtime tonight. I'll be busy today making things right.

Leah, I hope you get some sleep. I remember those days, thinking 'I would give anything, anything, just to sleep til I wake up'. Hugs.

Gave T the letter today. She read it. Now she knows.
Feels really good and really bad iykwim

I realized when writing my journal entries lately that T might read, I have been unconsciously writing them to elicit responses to certain things. Sigh. I need to go back to how I wrote before. For me. A release. Just an interesting thought.

Kind of important breakthrough/insight in T today. I have a major T hangover now though. And now he's gone until mid-August and so I have to process it alone. Gngh. (That's like gah but more so.)

Oh, and T was wearing brightly chequered socks today. I wore the exact same sock - on my right foot. On my left foot I wore a slightly different sock from the same set. I am not exactly an auhority on clothing but I suspect that's not really done...

Serendipity! I gave my t his birthday present yesterday (a bottle stopper), and he said that just a few days ago, he was wishing he had another one!

I love the socks I think you are going to start a trend!