Changing core beliefs???

I don't think so because I have always seen it as a choice.
I could choose to be different (hugs for everyone) - I don't want to.
I am not a huge believer in unconscious - but if one is - super with me.

I am always fascinated when people see what the therapist says as having relevance to them.
BB - do you want to change the core belief? It may seem like there is only one answer - but I am not always sure that is true.

I think that is one reason my therapist gave up on me. He knew I was hopeless in changing the core belief that I am too damaged to ever heal or be loved.

That's it . For me believing that I am unlovable causes 1. Tension and discord in my important relationships because other people feel " not good enough" or not important or not loved because I brush off and don't believe in the loving things they do and say
2. Incredibly lonely even when I am with close friends
3. Occasionally suicidal because I believe I am so. Damaged that I can not be in anyone's life without ruining it
4. Perpetuates my eating disorder because of the part of me that believes I could BECOME lovable if only I were thin enough

Wanting to change it is a no brainer...

Yes I definitely do want to change it. See above. It causes a lot of pain in my life. It is not a belief that helps me in any way

I would argue that as long as something is truly a core belief, it's not something we want to change. And it is not as if all core beliefs are undesirable - though I think this thread is mostly about changing core beliefs that are, in some "objective sense" (as if that could exist, but nevermind) bad for the individual.

I have come to realise that I need to get back to my old convictions.... PC is a good place for reality checks!

Certainly not all core beliefs are ones that need changing, but I disagree that the definition of a core belief if something we do not want to change simply because it's a core belief. I have some core beliefs I do not want to change (that people are generally good, that I can love someone or thing fully and deeply without really loving myself, etc), but there are definitely others that could use an overhaul (according to not only others, but some of my own conflicting core beliefs).

A core belief is simply some value that ranks higher than most. It is something we generally have had for a long time, and as such is difficult to change when it does need changing.

That's not quite how I understand it. A core belief is one of the beliefs we form in early childhood about how the world and other people function in relation to ourselves. Because they are created so nm young and during a time when our grasp if language and logic are poor,; they are resistant to reason, logic, evidence and change. My understanding is core beliefs. Cover only a certain range of ideas. I am lovable/unlovable, I am accepted or there is something wrong with me and I am not like other people. I am capable of helping myself or helplesss. I deserve the same things as other people or I don't. Every one will leave me or people generally stay and care. The world is inherently good or inherently dangerous. I will be taken care of when needed or it is always my job to. Take care of others.

According to the reading I've done for example I am a vegetarian but my moral objection. To eating neat is NOT a core belief. They are very black and white and resistant to all contrary evidence, where as if someone proved to.me satisfactorily that my understanding of the experience of food animals is incorrect, I'd be open to changing my mind. With core beliefs since they are part of a pre logic view of the world, ; they are not responsive to evidence and we actually censor input to support them..

So it isn't just any strongly held belief. And usually negative core beliefs have significant negative effects on happiness and social functioning.

Yes, that. Sorry. 5 am without coffee and I'm not explaining myself well.

I'm sorry. I'll shut up.

Is there maybe a confusion between "core beliefs" and "values"? Is there a difference between the two? I see "core beliefs" as BayBrony does - formed in childhood, black-and-white, focused on how the individual fits into the world. I see "values" as kind of overlapping but involving more choice. And I think sometimes they are in conflict with one another, so that can cause suffering. For example, I am a bad person (core belief) but I believe all people are inherently good (value). I'm not sure this makes sense...

Do I really come off that... I dunno... unable to have a discussion about something? I didn;t mean to sound high & mighty about my opinion... sorry.

Could it be a semantics issue? A core belief is a way of seeing ourselves and the world and just accepting it as fact, but not necessarily one that makes us feel good. In that way, it's not a choice or a non-choice; until we see it, it's not something we want to change until maybe the discomfort of it drives some people to therapy. There, it can be seen as a belief and not a rock solid truth. I see a lot of wavering in my own therapy--wanting to change, not wanting to change, afraid of change. It's interesting for me to wonder how changing my views about myself and the world changes my trajectory in life.

That's how I view it. Core values are shaped more through our maturing mind whereas core beliefs are fixed by kindergarten. In kindergarten I enjoyed the zoo very much and it took growing up, learning about animal behavior, developing more universal compassion to see the cruelty inherent in the way some animals are confined..
In kindergarten I had no grasp of social justice, how lucky I was to be born in a first world country and survive a premature birth that would have killed me somewhere else. I had no concept of how devalued human ife is in some parts of the world versus others.
In my understanding that developing moral compass and sense of justice and compassion shape our core values.
Our core beliefs are largely shaped by events outside of our awareness or control. I mean my abuse began very early and I have fragmented memories of some of it. But I could describe in detail the field trip we took to the Bronx zoo in sixth grade where I burst into tears at the tiger pacing. In his small enclosure. ..

I think the point of this thread is more to accept the OP's definition or usage of the term core belief, and then proceed to answer her questions about changing them, rather than a philosophical discussion. That seems hurtful and distancing to me? I mean, yeah i am the biggest hijacker on the site probably, but i feel like my t would say i was evading the question by going off on these tangents. They serve as distractions, but they avoid answering the question. What core belief are you in therapy to change if any and have you succeeded? Is it an easy question? No. But i think its an important one. Do we know what it is when we start therapy? Probably not. We work to even discover it.

Thanks hankster!
I really do need help with the actual mechanics of it.
It was a very difficult thing for me to admit to myself as true because my.mom uses to threaten to kill. Herself all the time because I was "impossible to.love and would suck the life out of anyone and should not have been born"
What my T is saying is not the same but to.me the "never enough" SOUNDS like what my mom said. For about 20 minutes after I read the email I was seriously considering just walking downstairs and euthanizing myself ....it was very hard to get my head around that it's not the same. I'm still swinging back and forth with that. .

So I have THAT to deal with

But then I am also trying to fix that broken part of me that rejects all the love people show me. Because it hurts me and because I don't want the people I love to feel that way. So far all I have figured out is to slow down my thought and carefully analyze each idea and to try to consciously reject the thoughts of being unlovable. But it's such a core part of who i.am that if I'm not ruined and unlovable and inhuman...I feel like I literally lose my identity. It seems close to impossible but I want to believe it's not.

We are ALL born loveable.....tragically, someone(s) told us differently...a lie, and we have to find our way back.
xo

Sounds like a thought your t needed to keep to herself. Sounds like you need to find a t who understands what it really means for it to never be enough. Not somebody who is sitting on top of a mountain of candy and asking you why youre still hungry.


Its something my t and i share; i dont get the feeling your t is IN THERE with you, whether thats your "fault" or hers, you havent moved towards each other. She has to leave a space open for you.

Yeah, this. They're almost like building blocks that form the foundation of your personality. Very hard to change because you can't just pull them out - your whole 'structure' will collapse. They need to be carefully replaced with new beliefs, and as I see it, T provides a type of scaffolding while that's going on...

Ah, see, I don't consider those as core beliefs, which makes it easier for me to see them as malleable, to see they can change for the better. I think those are negative imprints, not intrinsic, and that my core is purer and stronger. The rest just requires reeducation, both experiential and educational. DBT books can help with something like that, a program of affirmations too, as far as the mechanics, and lots of other tools in my experience. Reprogramming those deeply ingrained negative cognitions and thought patterns is definitely, absolutely possible, but as you've discovered, it does take a lot of time and work, like strengthening any muscle.

No . For me, now it's true and it was spoken in love. I am surrounded by love but it never fills me up because I won't take it in. I sincerely recognized the truth in her words. I can brush off the biggest display of love as insincere.

We are very close. She said yesterday " I don't want you to always feel this suffering. You can fill the emptiness in your heart if you open yourself to all the love in the world. But first you have to believe that love is for you or you never even see it"

I sincerely believe she us correct and that it's only the strength of our relationship that allowed me to.hear what she was saying and see how it was different from what my mother always said

My t is affiliated with a bunch of other ts who like to call it "emotional muscle" and im like, sorry, but just ONE THING comes into my mind when you say that!! Fortunately he hasnt said it recently. I dont think it ever caught on

Oh god. .I'd lose it. LoL!

Well i hope you feel the love here. We aint just whistlin dixie. I tell my t all the time what a great, what a REAL community this is.

Lol thats like my rebuilding the parking structure metaphor! I made it up before you got here, a few years ago! Definitely a modern metaphor!