[littleowl2006]

Hey folks,
I am in despair and I know that I have to talk to my therapist, but I don't seem to have the courage to do so.
I have been in group therapy for about 6 months now, and I am struggling with all sorts of problems that I cannot discuss there. A. because I feel like there isn't enough room for me to talk about my stuff more, B. because I don't like and/or trust some of the group members.
Two people in the group are very insensitive and like to fight and make sarcastic remarks or laugh about sensitive things, and I really don't want to talk about my feelings in front of them anymore. I just want to get away from them. So therapy feels like a waste of time because I am geting so blocked, but I need help!
I don't feel like I get enough support and I am drowning. I am so embarrassed. I would like to talk to my T alone, but I am SO afraid of him rejecting me when I ask for a change of therapy. I don't want him to tell me that this is all part of the process etc. I am just not strong enough to deal with the group right now.
Has anyone been in a similar situation before? How do I get the courage to solve this?

[NowhereUSA]

Group therapy would be my worst nightmare. I've done DBT skills group and that's about as close as I've come. It's not about being strong enough to deal - group therapy isn't for everyone and it sounds like there aren't appropriate rules to keep the place a safe space. I don't know how to encourage you exactly except to say that wanting to work with your therapist one on one is absolutely your right and your frustrations with group are valid and worth being heard.

If your T can't respect that or can't hear that then the problem isn't you, it's your T and the therapy group.

[CantExplain]

It is the facilitator's job to make sure everyone gets their turn and no one feels intimidated.

[ThingWithFeathers]

If your group t hasn't noticed their behaviour or how it's affecting members of the group (ie. you), it would be completely acceptable for you to speak confidentially with the t. Were there agreed upon 'ground rules' for the group and it's members? Maybe you can refer to that?

[littleowl2006]

He is a good therapist I think, but he doesn't see my problem in the group. There is no such rule as "try to be kind and respect the others feelings and needs", as far as I remember. He said that it is a constant process that we define the rules new all the time. But I hate it. Some of the participants are constantly complaining that group is too "nice" and everyone is being too friendly to each other and that there isn't more conflict. I hate conflict! I am a sensitive person and I tend to shut down when people want to quarrel or be rude or say that they are bored by what the others (including me) want to talk about. (Which one guy frequently says or expresses otherwise). AAArrgh I hate this. And I really do feel intimidated - the two problematic folks are about twice the height as I am, not that any of this has mattered to me before, but when they are sitting next to me I get scared by their attitude and appearance and don't feel like talking about my childhood traumata at all.

[ScarletPimpernel]

I've had a few problems with my group therapy. I always address it with my group T. He can't always fix it, or sometimes he doesn't want to change. But it's still best to tell your T.

I wrote my group T this week telling him that the amount of people in the group is starting to overwhelm me. He wants a medium size group, about 7 people. We do have 7 members in our group, but they don't always show up. I'm hoping he doesn't add more people just because of some inconsistent people. I did ask if we can start group with a breathing exercise to help calm me down. He agreed.

[mcl6136]

In my experience, the very people you want to get away from have the most to teach you.

The temptation will be strong to:

*Block out those reactions that "hit a nerve."

*Run away from discord.

Not in your best interests at all, though the fearful and constricted part of you will shout very loud for those fleeing instincts. They are old baggage that can be left behind, like steamer trunks at a train station leading to a destination you never really wanted...

Just my opinion.

[littleowl2006]

Yep, I get you. That's true.
It is just hard to do everything at once, confront sarcastic people that "hit a nerve" with me and atst talk about things from my past when they don't want to hear it. This conflict is too much right now and I don't have the energy. When I was feeling better, I was able to talk to them, but right now I can't stand to be laughed at or told that I should "stop suffering and seeing the good side!" (which is what I was being told. But I just don't know what the heck should be the good side to [here I would to put the trigger symbols around my problems but I cannot remember how it worked and don't want to shock anyone] - let's just say it was really BAD.)
I know exaclty what these people touch in me, but I dislike them nevertheless. These guys go to therapy because they don't have close relaionships and complain about it, but when they are being rude and mean all the time, I can understand why they are lonely. ( in my honest and maybe unpopular opinion)

[ruh roh]

I don't see any benefit to being around toxic, abusive people; in fact, as a result of therapy, I am learning to not expose myself to them if I have a choice. If someone is creating an unsafe environment in what is supposed to be a therapeutic setting, I'd steer clear. If your therapist disagrees, or will not respect the effect the group dynamics are having on you, that says quite a lot right there about his approach. Can you find another therapist?

[littleowl2006]

I had no idea what I was getting myself into when I first started group therapy. I can say that it has in fact also helped me to a certain extent, but right now I feel like there are problems that I cannot solve in the group sessions.
It would be a lot of effort to find a new T, and I actually have a good feeling about this one. I had a couple of sessions alone with him and felt like he got me. I like his respectful manner of talking. I think that I should ask him if it was possible to go into single therapy with him, and if he says no, it will be inconvenient, but at least I should ask.
What have you guys experienced in group therapy?

I haven't really had group therapy, but when I was in a residential facility we had 'goal discussions' (weird translation, I know) every afternoon after tea/coffee. Basically everyone had a 'goal of the week'. This could be anything from 'getting out of bed on time in the morning', 'smiling at myself in the mirror five times a day', 'filling in charts whenever I experience a strong emotion', or 'using my coping/safety plan when I experience anxiety'.
Everyone was always supportive. The group itself was always mostly supportive, except on What'sApp - that was about as unsupportive as could be. Extreme descriptions of self harm, etc. People seemed to be proud of how messedup they acted. What didn't help was that people who had been in the facility remained in the group chat even after they'd been discharged. I quit the what'sappgroup after a few started to demean a new client who wasn't in the group chat. (I also emailed one of the nurses that that was happening)

[CantExplain]

I had one good group that was the family I never had.
The other was a bad group and quit.

[Fuzzybear]

((((((((( littleowl )))))))))

I'm sorry you have had these experiences, littleowl. For me, group therapy has never been an option at all, and I just wanted to mention the fact that it is not something that helps everybody, and that's perfectly okay. If somebody is not helped by group therapy, it can be because a) the specific group is problematic in some way, b) the therapist who leads the exercise is not doing their job, c) the person just isn't the kind of person who benefits from group therapy - and probably other possible reasons as well. But if you cannot raise your problems in the group, it does not have to mean that you have to try harder, or that the facilitator isn't doing their job, or that there might be another group for you - it could quite simply be that group therapy isn't helpful for you, because you don't feel comfortable ventilating your issues in a group and the group's response cannot help you. Only you can gauge whether that might be the case. But in therapy there is no solution that is good for everybody, we're all different and need different things. Any halfway competent therapist should recognise that.