[Cinnamon_Stick]

I feel so connected to my T during our sessions. It feels so good. She really "gets" me. When I leave, I don't feel it as strongly and I crave it. I want to be with her in her safe room all the time.

Does anyone else feel like this? How do you deal with it when you are not in session?

I look at her public instagram. Looking at her instagram reminds me that I'm just a client, yet gives me a glimpse into her non therapist life.

I swing between feeling connected like I carry her around with me, and craving that sense of connection too.

Those times are definitely hard. I try to remember things she has said, and sometimes I listen to some of my secret recordings of our session to hear again some of the healing things she has said.

[Cinnamon_Stick]

Originally Posted by QuietMind

I look at her public instagram. Looking at her instagram reminds me that I'm just a client, yet gives me a glimpse into her non therapist life.

I swing between feeling connected like I carry her around with me, and craving that sense of connection too.

Those times are definitely hard.I try to remember things she has said, and sometimes I listen to some of my secret recordings of our sessions so I can hear again some of the healing things she has said.

I record all of my sessions and I listen to them often. Its a way to keep that connection alive. I still crave the person to person connection I feel though.

Originally Posted by Cinnamon_Stick

I record all of my sessions and I listen to them often. Its a way to keep that connection alive. I still crave the person to person connection I feel though.

Yup, I record and listen for that same reason - to feel connected.

Like you, I still crave the in person connection. I know T can't be a friend, but I really enjoy the emotional intimacy as I'm very isolated. What I try (it's really difficult for me) is to see where else I can develop such emotional intimacy and connectedness with others in my regular life.

Thus far, I find having deep conversations (usually via text) about books with fellow book lovers to help a bit, or fellow abuse survivors (also through text).

I'll write letters to her which I sometimes will give her, though I don't give her each letter I write to her.

It's not the same as in person connection and definitely not the same as in person connection with T but it helps me a tiny bit.

[Cinnamon_Stick]

Originally Posted by QuietMind

I look at her public instagram. Looking at her instagram reminds me that I'm just a client, yet gives me a glimpse into her non therapist life.

I swing between feeling connected like I carry her around with me, and craving that sense of connection too.

Those times are definitely hard. I try to remember things she has said, and sometimes I listen to some of my secret recordings of our session to hear again some of the healing things she has said.

Originally Posted by QuietMind

Yup, I record and listen for that same reason - to feel connected.

Like you, I still crave the in person connection. I know T can't be a friend, but I really enjoy the emotional intimacy as I'm very isolated. What I try (it's really difficult for me) is to see where else I can develop such emotional intimacy and connectedness with others in my regular life.

Thus far, I find having deep conversations (usually via text) about books with fellow book lovers to help a bit, or fellow abuse survivors (also through text).

I'll write letters to her which I sometimes will give her, though I don't give her each letter I write to her.

It's not the same as in person connection and definitely not the same as in person connection with T but it helps me a tiny bit.

I like the emotional intimacy as well. I have that connection and emotional intimacy with my husband which really helps. I cherish my sessions with my T and never take them for granted.

I am thankful she lets me email and sometimes I will write to her, similar to a letter.

[ScarletPimpernel]

I reread her emails. She finally understands the type of support I need from her.

My T actually cancelled this week. I asked her to send me an email the day we were supposed to have our session. I have read that email maybe 15-20 times already.

But I'm still struggling without her. I sleep most of my days away.

[Cinnamon_Stick]

Originally Posted by ScarletPimpernel

I reread her emails. She finally understands the type of support I need from her.

My T actually cancelled this week. I asked her to send me an email the day we were supposed to have our session. I have read that email maybe 15-20 times already.

But I'm still struggling without her. I sleep most of my days away.

I know the feeling. I am really struggling without my T right now. Hugs to you!

[Petra5ed]

Originally Posted by Cinnamon_Stick

I feel so connected to my T during our sessions. It feels so good. She really "gets" me. When I leave, I don't feel it as strongly and I crave it. I want to be with her in her safe room all the time.

Does anyone else feel like this? How do you deal with it when you are not in session?

Oh definitely. I crave the connection all the time. It's funny sometimes I crave it so much I can't look at him and can't connect. Anyways, I deal with it same as my depression, try to keep busy, physical activity at least once a week, talk to people where possible.

[ScarletPimpernel]

Do you have anything concrete to hold on to? An email? A transitional object? My memory rarely remembers positive things. That or the doubts start slipping in w/o constant reassurance. Ever since I revealed my secret to my T, I ask for reassurance weekly. I'm always afraid she'll change her mind. So every week, she assures me that nothing has changed btwn us. The emails she writes me reinforces her her support and our connection.

Can you ask your T for anything like that?

Another example, I had a college counselor I was very closed to. She always called me "trouble". She always had a basket of glass-like rocks (most people use them in fish tanks or flower arrangements). Anyways, she gave one to me. She called it a warm fuzzy. She explained that whenever I'm in a difficult situation and need her, I should rub my fingers and hands with the rock. After awhile the stone will be come warm. That warmth is from all the warm fuzzy feelings I have with her. So basically, I always had a part of her still with me. The last time I saw her was 10 years ago... and I still have the 3 rocks she gave to me.

[Myrto]

In order to stay connected, I listen to the recordings of my sessions (and swoon at the way her voice often softens) and I reread the emails she sent me.
But it's not enough so what do I do? I go on social media and look at her sons' FB pages, which always ends up hurting me. I just can't help myself. Otherwise I feel she's so far away and I crave her presence. I wish my need for her would lessen but there you go.

[justdesserts]

I think about our sessions. I have his voice pretty deeply ingrained in my head. I also have a couple of emails that I reread occasionally.

[Cinnamon_Stick]

Originally Posted by ScarletPimpernel

Do you have anything concrete to hold on to? An email? A transitional object? My memory rarely remembers positive things. That or the doubts start slipping in w/o constant reassurance. Ever since I revealed my secret to my T, I ask for reassurance weekly. I'm always afraid she'll change her mind. So every week, she assures me that nothing has changed btwn us. The emails she writes me reinforces her her support and our connection.

Can you ask your T for anything like that?

Another example, I had a college counselor I was very closed to. She always called me "trouble". She always had a basket of glass-like rocks (most people use them in fish tanks or flower arrangements). Anyways, she gave one to me. She called it a warm fuzzy. She explained that whenever I'm in a difficult situation and need her, I should rub my fingers and hands with the rock. After awhile the stone will be come warm. That warmth is from all the warm fuzzy feelings I have with her. So basically, I always had a part of her still with me. The last time I saw her was 10 years ago... and I still have the 3 rocks she gave to me.

Yes I have emails, a couple voicemails, a recording and video she made for me. I just really crave that in person safety and connection I feel. I miss it. I don't know if I could ask for an object.

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[Ellahmae]

I have an object, a couple and it really helps. I also text her everyday which keeps that 'connection' in between sessions.

I tried asking for an object once with my ex T. I had thought of asking her to choose one of my favourite marbles from a bag, and then "giving" me that because I knew she wouldn't give me any object of hers.

She said she had to seek peer consultation and supervision and they advised her not to in case it "promoted dependency". (I don't agree)

I've also asked my current T if I could have a photo of her for the same thing and she ignored my request every time I brought it up, so I assume it's a "no".

I really hope you get a better response should you feel a transitional object might help.

[Cinnamon_Stick]

Originally Posted by QuietMind

I tried asking for an object once with my ex T. I had thought of asking her to choose one of my favourite marbles from a bag, and then "giving" me that because I knew she wouldn't give me any object of hers.

She said she had to seek peer consultation and supervision and they advised her not to in case it "promoted dependency". (I don't agree)

I've also asked my current T if I could have a photo of her for the same thing and she ignored my request every time I brought it up, so I assume it's a "no".

I really hope you get a better response should you feel a transitional object might help.

Thank you for your encouragement. I am just worried that it is crossing boundaries if I ask my t to give me something.

[junkDNA]

my T gave me a stuffed animal moose years ago, i sleep with it. he knows this bc he came to my house one night and got my comforter and moosolini (thats what i named the moose) from my bedroom and put it on me to put me to bed on the couch. he handed me moosolini and said 'heres this little guy'. i also text and email with my T outside of sessions. he's given me a few gifts i have around my apartment as well.

[Cinnamon_Stick]

Originally Posted by QuietMind

I really hope you get a better response should you feel a transitional object might help.

I just wanted to let you know that I had a session on Monday and I mentioned to my T that I posted on here talking about connection and that I think an object would help. My T thought this was a great idea and said she was going to bring it up at the end of our session. I guess i just brought it up early. She ended up giving me this gemstone that looks like a crystal and told me to carry it around and think of how safe and happy I feel in session. I feel so much better having this gemstone that was sitting in dish next to my chair in her office. Thank you so much for your encouragement. I wish the same could happen for you.

[WanderingBark]

Originally Posted by Cinnamon_Stick

I feel so connected to my T during our sessions. It feels so good. She really "gets" me. When I leave, I don't feel it as strongly and I crave it. I want to be with her in her safe room all the time.

Does anyone else feel like this? How do you deal with it when you are not in session?

Yes, I feel like this all the time. I look back on the pre-therapy days and wish I could go back to that time of not wanting him so much. Anyway, I cope by exercising (sometimes twice a day), writing him a letter, writing in my journal, coloring mandalas, reading my favorite classics (Edgar Allan Poe, HP Lovecraft, etc), watching TV shows that remind me of him (In Treatment), and then of course work distracts me although not enough haha.

Originally Posted by Cinnamon_Stick

I just wanted to let you know that I had a session on Monday and I mentioned to my T that I posted on here talking about connection and that I think an object would help. My T thought this was a great idea and said she was going to bring it up at the end of our session. I guess i just brought it up early. She ended up giving me this gemstone that looks like a crystal and told me to carry it around and think of how safe and happy I feel in session. I feel so much better having this gemstone that was sitting in dish next to my chair in her office. Thank you so much for your encouragement. I wish the same could happen for you.

Happy for you! *hugs* !

[BudFox]

Originally Posted by Cinnamon_Stick

I feel so connected to my T during our sessions. It feels so good. She really "gets" me. When I leave, I don't feel it as strongly and I crave it. I want to be with her in her safe room all the time.

Does anyone else feel like this? How do you deal with it when you are not in session?

I did feel like this with ex T. I read something that said our primitive brains are wired to desire proximity with attachment figures. So if you have a strong attachment to T, seems it is not only normal to want proximity but would be strange to not feel this way. Especially if you lacked this in early life.

What's concerning to me is whether this dynamic will become a trap for the client.

[Cinnamon_Stick]

Originally Posted by BudFox

I did feel like this with ex T. I read something that said our primitive brains are wired to desire proximity with attachment figures. So if you have a strong attachment to T, seems it is not only normal to want proximity but would be strange to not feel this way. Especially if you lacked this in early life.


What's concerning to me is whether this dynamic will become a trap for the client.

What do you mean by a trap?

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

I completely understand. T is the only person in my life i am remotely close to. She is the only one i can talk to. We are so connected and when i dont have that connectn, my heart aches something fierce.

[velcro003]

Originally Posted by junkDNA

my T gave me a stuffed animal moose years ago, i sleep with it. he knows this bc he came to my house one night and got my comforter and moosolini (thats what i named the moose) from my bedroom and put it on me to put me to bed on the couch. he handed me moosolini and said 'heres this little guy'. i also text and email with my T outside of sessions. he's given me a few gifts i have around my apartment as well.

that's adorable.

[BudFox]

Originally Posted by Cinnamon_Stick

What do you mean by a trap?

I mean wanting/needing to be near the T all the time as a result of the strong attachment, but only getting very small doses.

[Cinnamon_Stick]

Originally Posted by Starry_Night

I completely understand. T is the only person in my life i am remotely close to. She is the only one i can talk to. We are so connected and when i dont have that connectn, my heart aches something fierce.

I really feel for you and with you. My T and I are really close and she knows more than anyone about me. Right now my heart is aches. Its tough but at least they are in our lives.