[yagr]

Epiphany: any moment of great or sudden revelation.

So, I just had one and I thought it would be fun to not only share mine but to hear about everyone else's epiphanies through therapy - whether traditional or simply examining yourself outside of therapy. My most recent came this morning while driving to the grocery store with my wife. A couple of days ago she remarked that I was quick to throw people away - one little thing and I was done with them. She didn't say it scathingly, just as a matter of fact - a relevant contribution to another conversation we were having. I'd been thinking about it since she said it though and I asked her to elaborate.

She mentioned some in-laws that I had met many years ago, said that at first it seemed that I thought they were great and then began avoiding them. That was the catalyst for the epiphany. I never stopped liking them or caring about them - but she was right, I did avoid them. I avoid everyone really - very introverted. When my therapist would ask why I avoided social situations I stumbled through half hearted explanations that never really did capture the essence of the truth...and then suddenly, this morning, it was so clear.

People, to me, are infinitely different manifestations of divine expression. It is as if everyone has a song and when I meet them, I get to hear a new song that I've never heard before. I may prefer some genres of music more than others, but be it country or rock or rap or whatever - each song has it's own beauty and I can appreciate the music and lyrics. But no matter how much you liked the song initially, how much can you take of, "I love you, you love me; we're a happy family, with a great big hug and a kiss from me to you, won't you say you love me too?"

Anywho, that resonated with me so strongly - the truth of that for me. It's exactly how I feel. So now I understand myself a little bit more than I did yesterday. I enjoy moments like that - how about you? Any epiphanies you'd like to share?

[seoultous]

That was well put. I can see why that was particularly revealing to you. I liked the metaphor.

My most recent epiphany was a month or so ago. I had an important project at work and it terrified me. I wanted it to be perfect. I completed the project but could not push the send button to share it with my supervisor's supervisor. I have occasional bouts of anxiety and I found myself paralyzed by it. I talked to my therapist about it and we decided that what I had produced would be "good enough". And that instead of being perfect, (it took me years to finish my doctoral dissertation because of this paralyzing fear), I should strive toward good enough. That made me furious at my T. I couldn't figure out why she would suggest I submit anything but a perfect product.

I submitted the report with much trepidation. Nothing happened. I got no feedback. I don't even think it was read very carefully. In my struggle with perfectionism, I finally won. I learned good enough is good enough. My next project is due tomorrow. I will send it off with that same mantra because it is good enough.

[Out There]

I think I've had several. Most recently an inadvertent trauma trigger from my T. Rationally I know its inadvertant but I also felt an internal struggle in myself to balance rationality with the feelings of past patterns from others. I like Stephen Diamonds work and what he says about myths still matteringe twelve labours of Hercules being healing labours. I thought this was like wrestling the Nemean Lion for me , I didn't kill the lion , but I get to wear the mantle of lion , allow myself a little wisdom and realise I still have a lot of work to do. Thanks Yagr.

[nottrustin]

I recently realized how much I tend to read into what people say and don't say. When something doesn't go as planned or how I think it should it reinforces that I am really not important to the people I care about. I do this with my best friend when she has to cancel plans or is unable to do something. I also realized I do this with T a lot. Lately, I have felt like T no longer cares about me the way she did and that she is annoyed with me. So I started to push her away, contacting her less, being less open with her and stuffing a lot of feelings. I was looking for some information she had sent me through email quite some time ago. I ended up reading a lot of our email exchanges. I realized she has always been the same compassionate person and encouraged me to contact her whenever needed. She didn't change; it is my perception and lack of trust rearing its ugly head again.

Mine was following my sister's death. The pain of loss for me, for my family, was overwhelming, and that was under circumstances completely related to health and somewhat predictable. I realized in that pain that I could never put my family through the trauma a death by suicide. If the pain of my sister's predictable, understandable, "normal" death was so traumatic, I can only imagine the long-lasting trauma and horrible legacy a death by suicide would cause.

I took it off the plate. It completely became a non-option. That decision was the real beginning of my future as a rather stable, healthy, content woman.

I've had several throughout therapy. But one of the biggest was this. My t finally got it through to me that feelings are neither good or bad, they just are. And my epiphany went like this, in the car one day -if feelings aren't bad, then I'm not bad for having them. I'm not bad because I have feelings! And I never WAS bad!

That was a huge turning point in my therapy.

I've had lots, but one that jumps straight in my mind is coming to understand the transference with T1. When I was with him he refused to talk about transference so I never explored why I felt so strongly about him.
When my current T first suggested I could have had maternal transference towards a male T I had a strong negative reaction and rejected it, but the more I thought of it the more sense it made.
I had started seeing him shortly after my mother's death, since I started seeing him I started dreaming about being in therapy with her. Our relationship was playing out just like my relationship with my mother - he was over disclosing and I was caring about him and protecting him from my feelings. My feelings seemed unacceptable to him in some way and I ended up passive aggressive and angry at him all the time. And then leaving him was heartbreaking. It hurt more than my mother's death, and I realised that was because I hadn't allowed myself to grieve for my mother and I had transferred everything, including the grief, to that relationship. It all made sense, and discovering it and working through the feelings has allowed me to heal and move on.

[RedSun]

Good thread yagr!
I've had a few...most notably, one I worked out with T,
Me 'my Mum never fails at anything'
T, - discussion about coming from my adult place do I really believe that etc
Me 'oh, actually , she's totally failed. Loads'.

Also that I sexualise relationships such as with T because I can't see that someone would value any other kind of relationship with me.

And, recently, that I expect T to get irritated when I talk about myself, or think I'm selfish if I said something was difficult or damaging in any way....massive transference, this is what I experienced from my mum and other adults so I think T will be the same.

[Soccer mom]

I'm reading a book about working through abandonment issues to heal. I was reading about the stages someone with abandonment issues feels when someone leaves them by choice or by death/accident. I realized that's how I felt after many sessions with ex-T. She was inconsistent and didn't see what I needed, so I think I felt abandoned by her during/after my sessions. I never understood my intense feelings between sessions and crying for what I thought was no reason.

[ListenMoreTalkLess]

As a child SA survivor, I thought I was really good at reading people and knowing what they think, interpreting their behavior and motivations. I think I was good at this when it came to my abuser, as it helped to keep me safe. Or it gave me the illusion that I could avoid being hurt if I was diligent enough in reading him. Or both.

My biggest epiphany was in realizing that I couldn't know what other people were thinking, or what they meant, or what they were intending, unless I asked them. And then 2 things happened: 1) I started to relate to people as they are, not who I imagined them to be; and 2) they became more open to me, because I was open to them and not closed off in my beliefs that I knew them better than they knew themselves. Both these things have transformed my relationships, especially my marriage, into more satisfying and close ones.