T tomorrow and i've lost my nerve

i just don't feel up to all the stuff i thought i'd talk about. i have other medical issues which have just flattened my mood and sapped my energy. Now i don't know what to do. i really don't want to talk about strategies to deal with blah blah blah... there is still some crisis situation going on but i just want a break from that.

so what do we talk about? is there any point in going even?

sure. go and talk about exactly what you say in your post.

it's hard to go when you don't feel like it, but often I think that's an important time to go.. and can be a surprisingly meaningful session that lifts you up.

i once told a T that I wanted "points" for just showing up

I second Echoes' suggestion, to go in and state exactly what you did here.

I've done that at times, came in and said, I really don't wanna be here; the physical stuff is sapping me of energy, etc. I want a break from 'let's talk about strategies for blah blah blah'....

Let us know how you make out.

Take gentle care,

On days like that, I've gone in and told my T I just want to sit there and not talk. Sometimes, we've listened to music. One time I read a book and he did some paperwork quietly. I just wanted the ambient support, y'know? I didn't need the chattering because I had a headache or I was tired or whatever. On another occasion, we talked lightly and casually about current events -- nothing important or major or personal. Again, I wanted his presence and to be there, but I didn't want to "work".

The way I look at it, it's my dime, and I don't have to talk if I don't wanna! Still, I felt better for going.

I agree with the others here... go anyway but share how you are feeling. Therapy doesn't have to be delving into memories or deciding what to do for a situation. Therapy can be just "being" with someone who supports you, and being where if you do have something to share, having someone to share it with. Go. I think you'll be amazed.

i think you guys are SO right... i just got a very distressing phone call and all i can think about is how i don't have anyone to be with... to just be.

it's wrong... so wrong to be so unsure of him, so uncertain if he is even the right T for me, but needing someone so bad... and then all that needing has to be crammed into one hour a week, if i am lucky enough to have the money for once per week.

today has been so hard... at work i was in so much pain that on my lunchbreak i just lay on the floor in the lunchroom and cried. i didn't need this phone call too. life is a mess. i want a break from strategy but the "blah blah blah" keeps intruding.

thanks for being supportive.

(((( gerber ))))

hugs to get you through.

I'm sorry you're in such pain.

ECHOES

Yes yes yes go anyway. Tell T you don't feel like talking about anything. I've had to do that before. Once I said there was nothing of any significance that I was willing to talk about that day (I felt like crap). So he said "tell me something trivial." Surprise! From a completely trivial statement (I mentioned a TV show that I liked) we moved into a meaningful session....

Sidony

Gerber, I say go and try to take the top two or three issues you want to discuss. The most significant ones to you.

I take a list with me when I'm having a hard time emotionally and it helps to keep me focused.

Good luck!!!

I think telling your T. that you need a break from talking about a certain subject would be just fine...... maybe you could take a detour for one session and talk about an interest that you have-- a hobby or a favorite place. Everyone could use a break from the stresses.

I wish you the best tomorrow-- let us know how it goes!

gerber-

mandy

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Caramee said:
On days like that, I've gone in and told my T I just want to sit there and not talk. Sometimes, we've listened to music. One time I read a book and he did some paperwork quietly. I just wanted the ambient support,

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This sounds lovely.

well, i went. i lost my favourite book on the bus on the way there and was in a tizzy about it so it was easy to start talking about something... and we talked a little bit about good news i had at the end of the week... it looks likely that i'll be able to get back into a hobby that i truly enjoy.

i was in a pretty good mood and he asked where i wanted to start, with the stuff we ended off on last week... or the crisis situation stuff. We talked a bit about the crisis problem first, but not about strategies... because i switched gears and decided i wanted to talk about our relationship.

i have mixed feelings about how it went. Right now, ironically, since i came home some of the crisis stuff has come up and i am feeling pretty low and anxious. It's hard now to remember how things felt or what was said... it'll come back to me.

he mentioned that something i said today tied into how last time he had been thinking that i took on responsibility and blame for the feelings of others, and we talked briefly about how i became my mother's mother at some point... i stopped him and said that all the intellectual things he was saying were true and helpful, productive, etc... but did he at any point consider how i might have felt at the time?

he said he had and he asked "so how did that feel?"

that didn't work and wasn't going to go anywhere... i looked at him, which is unusual for me, and i said that what i have been getting at and asking for is tied into this very idea... how do i know that he gives a crap about how it felt? He asked what i was afraid of, and i said that if i told him how i truly felt during the times of intense events and i did not get what i was telling him now i needed, i would feel worse.

i can't talk to him about feelings without knowing he will handle them in the way i need him to... he has at times, in the moment, been very caring and gentle... i need to know i can get that when i need it even if i can't ask for it or show him openly that i need it. There are times when i don't even know that there is pain underneath something... he needs to be able to help me find that and then be caring and gentle.

i told him i didn't know if he gave a crap. It bothers me that he didn't just say that he did care. But that's him, he'd rather talk about what that all means. i can deal with that i guess.

as we were talking towards the end he said that it didn't bother him, but he felt uncertain if it was always the best thing for me to spend so much of my therapy time talking about the process rather than trying to get a handle on some of the larger issues around me. He agreed when i said that this was a structural thing for me. i also agree with him that i have got to set it aside a bit... to just leave it alone and let it grow instead of constantly picking at it.

and that's where we left off.

sadly for me bad news was waiting at home It's always this way.