Couch 117: Come On In and Set-tee A While

Hugs to all who want them and nods to the non huggers.

I've been shedding tears at work again. Really struggling with internalised biphobia and societial homophobia. I'm ex Christian, atheist as heck but I keep obsessing over how a lesbian peer I know tried reparative therapy at my ex church. I keep struggling between making an appointment with a counseling organisation, or making an appointment for reparative therapy.

I'm so tired of Christians in my nation and online saying "love the sinner, hate the sin" and saying they don't hate LGBT but it's just that we're sinning.

I posted angrily on my facebook about an anti LGBT Christian pastor and how his rhetoric is fuelling my suicidal thoughts, and two Christian peers (the only people who responded to me) just ignored my anger and pain and leapt to say "not all Christians are like that" when I was specifically calling out just anti LGBT pastors in my nation.

Hurting a lot over how T said its pointless recruiting her as an ally against my internalised biphobia. I know she said it's OK to be LGBT but sometimes I get thoughts thinking I'm better off dead in this LGBTphobic society of mine.

Do not hurt yourself more by "reparative" therapy. Please. The real name for that ought to be "destructive therapy". Your sexual preference and identity is not a flaw, not an abnormality, not something that needs repair. All societies are flawed in their own way, and it makes me desperately sad to hear about the enormous hate and intolerance you meet in your society. But that does not mean there is anything wrong with you.

I know so many Christians who fuel hate and bigotry. No, they are not all like that, but many are (in spite of the fact that it is very anti-Christian behaviour to preach any kind of intolerance, and calling LGBT preferentiality or behaviour a "sin" is the same as breaking the whateveritis commandment against lying. Sexual preference is not a sin, and sex that does not hurt others isn't either - that's all man made fabrications unrelated to anything Jesus ever said). Again, it is horrible that it happens to you but it is not your doing and not your fault.

I cannot imagine how hard that is Quiet Mind, and without the support that you rightly deserve.

I like carrots but can't stand celery. Seriously, why should it matter. Why should I ever contemplate forcing myself to eat celery and give up carrots. I know it may seem like a trite comparison but it is not meant as such. Preferences are inbuilt and ingrained, they are not wrong or right and anyone who believes that anyone whould change to 'fit in' are small minded, hurtful, uncompassionate and downright horrid, in my opinion.

EDIT My rabbits love celery, I but it for them, cut it for them and feed it to them, and I love them, without one thought of their love for something I just cannot understand.

I love the carrot - celery analogy. Thanks!

Alpha to ömega.

I agree.

In less interesting news, I lost about half of today's session to an unusually bad bout of dissociation. If that is what it is. T got me out of it by switching languages, which helped immediately. Weird how that works!

And its especislly importnat this week because i need the refund to pay for my tyres so i can put in the paper work to the govt so the electricity company can get the money back to replace the money I borrowed from the payment plan. Its time sensitive,

That's the name of the Couch band! Let's start producing album covers. (I imagine it will be a very eclectic band performing everything from Hildegard of Bingen to Gilbert & Sullivan to Greek folk to that newfangled music you youngsters listen to nowadays.)

It is a lesson I am slowly trying to teach myself!! I am who I am and I will one day be OK with that.

I'm trying to teach myself that too.

Thanks Crocus and Waterbear, reading your words, I almost started crying on the bus after work.

A friend might go with me to scout out the location of the counseling organisation... I'll think about an appointment again. That organisation trained the counsellors at an LGBT counseling place, so I'm also considering a female pansexual counsellor at the LGBT place.

I just need to check how much a session will cost at both places. Sliding scale based on income at both.

I might ask my clinical psychologist (in a public hospital) again if she can be an ally. If she says no, I'll ask if she has a colleague I can see briefly for LGBT stuff. If no, i'll make the counseling appointment.

I hate Amazon too. *fist bump*

In Canada they call it "ama-zed-azon". So... why am I thinking you live on the planet of the apes?

Morning, couch.

I was up till 3:30 this morning working on school work that is due in week 5 (a lesson unit with 5 lessons, with all the handouts and everything needed to teach the lesson). It is only week 4, but I need time to think about it, so I am starting it early. I needed to do something to keep my mind off my brother.

Despite going to bed at 3:30am, I woke up at 8:30am and am now unable to sleep. Oh well, I need to cut up the fruit for the fruit salad anyways.

May try to do a bit more on the unit project as well. I have 2 lessons with all the materials done, 3 more to go.

Well, I am off to cut peaches and strawberries and toss in some berries and mix it together. I'll be back later, couch.

I never saw it as a 'g' until mentioned here. I always see and still the first thing I see is a half head...

Morning couch! Yesterday at work the time absolutely flew by. Looking forward to our Italian pot luck for lunch today, we have some good cooks on my team! Tomorrow through Friday I'll be in training all day learning how to use a new system (the company I work for bought another company awhile back and they decided they need to train all the Sr advocates on how to use their system, apparently we're going to start taking their calls too, oh yippee) Well have a good day/night couchies, I'll try to check in at lunchtime if the spotty wifi at work allows!

The thing about there being nothing new under the sun, which apparently is from Ecclesiastes.

I got a new job recently that I hated, so I quit and have been looking for a new one. Today I have an interview at a place I really want to work! I also got two emails to set up interviews at two other places I'd like to work! I'm so glad! Being unemployed and having no money sucks.

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Well, fruit is cut up and half a lesson more is done on my unit project. Now to do a bit more on my unit project.

I am determined to get it done this week.

The only assignment due this week is the team project which we are almost done with because we started it last week. Just waiting for one person's information to add to the powerpoint. It's great having time to work on things. Need to start cooking about 1:15-1:30. That gives me 3 hours to work on my unit project.

I'm so sorry you're struggling with homophobia. It sucks that some people and some Christians don't accept LGBT people. Hugs!

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You multitask the right way. I used to, when I was younger and not as fat! I'm getting better at doing more than one task per day at least. Good for you for not letting your brother's problems weigh you down.

so i have therapy in a few hours. i dont know if i should continue talking about seeing her privately . or talk about things going on in my life and head .las week when i tried telling her how things were going she was not all that receptive to it

Granite, I would talk about what your first instinct is. I think you should talk about you and whatever is on your mind even if it's both of the above topics. I could see how they play into each other. Wish you the best.

Ok, so I found the perfect desk for my new home office but now I have to figure out how to save for it. H says my current one is fine, but it's way too small for my needs. So I need to sell some of my stuff or find outside work to do for a little bit of extra money so it doesn't have to come out of the family budget. He's a bit sensitive over finances right now, annoying. If he wasn't home he would never know but he is home now I have to figure all of this out....