Couch 121: An Intimate Chat.

Geezus, who are these therapist who want their clients to stay? Mine have always been fine, see ya (if it was my choice). I even mentioned this to my therapist recently and she said she hasn't quite said it that way, and I said it was close enough. She didn't say I was wrong.

Art, I think you have a good approach with the talking about it, then taking a break when you're ready, trying it out, and going back for final sessions. If anyone makes therapy look good, it's you. If you were near me, I would send you to my therapist as a Christmas gift or something so she could have a great client.

Speaking of terminating, will be doing so this week (with current T).

Wondering if I should just email some version of 'So long and thanks for all the fish' and be done? Or, actually show up (in which case I'm utterly unsure if I'll actually walk away having terminated).

The pros of emailing: There've been endless rounds of me starting with 'I'm terminating' / 'taking a break because.....(some version of 'You suck as a therapist'; 'I need a break from therapy' etc) conversations which have all seemed to devolve into current T saying some or all of the following -- 'You only think I suck because of your attachment / Mom / family issues'; 'You are trying to escape from your attachment to me'; 'You are just trying to escape from your emotions as always'; 'If you stop letting out your emotions, your dark thoughts will return'; 'Try meds / group DBT along with therapy and things will be better'; etc.

So, I come away utterly confused (I know I sound different in writing but in person it's like my brain gets six thousand kinds of foggy in trying to talk difficult stuff with anyone else).

She also just told me that she's been using the borderline diagnosis framework (apparently I have borderline traits although she doesn't see me as a 'borderline client') in dealing with me -- it explains so much of why I feel like things have been really 'off' in therapy for so long. I don't have a problem (the usual stigma crap) about the borderline idea but I don't think it's the right diagnosis for me (although I'm pretty certain that I have some of the usual borderline co-morbidities such as depression and anxiety which she seems to have entirely missed -- she seemed surprised that I was depressed when I 'showed' her [let out the sadness] my depression for the first time rather than just talking about it as I have done all along).

The cons of emailing: I guess I have been seeing her for more than a year and I wonder if I'll have some sort of regret about not doing it in person? I can't tell. Also, emailing doesn't seem like an adult / mature way of doing it (since there are no ethical violations here etc)? So, I feel like it would be a step backwards insofar as my attempt at adulting more goes?

Then again, I know that I've come away feeling a lot worse after sessions (compared to how I felt walking in), especially these last few weeks. And, I'm really not sure I want to go through it again. But, then maybe I'm taking the easy way out by emailing?

For what it's worth, she's also acknowledged that we've had endless termination conversations -- so, it's highly unlikely that any brand new stuff will come up in a final in-person conversation.

Any thoughts / wisdom / advice greatly appreciated!

(And, sorry about spamming the couch with my T drama!)

So long, farewell, Auf Wiederschen, goodbye...



I have never actually terminated in person. No. 1 I just told I was no longer her client via email, though as you know I've been considering making an appointment just to have it out with her, because, yeah, no closure.

No. 3 and I terminated during a Skype session. It was kind of anti-climactic, and no, I don't feel a sense of closure. I'd vote for doing it in person if you think you can stand it.

It sounds like she might be having problems letting go of you. Which was also the last thing No. 3 said to me in person: "I don't want to let you go." Which should probably have prepared me for the email I haven't answered.

Wait...so are you only seeing T2 now? Did all of this happen at once? Besides feeling slightly guilty about terminating my last T over e-mail, I never felt like we didn't get "closure." I spent much of my therapy time extremely anxious and had a hard time talking. It is a world of difference with my current T.

Random question ATAT: so you refer to your ex-husband (i am assuming) as future ex....so doesn't that make him your current husband? Am i crazy and missing something? I have been wondering this for a long time

that needs to be a hallmark card.

Logically, yes, my future ex-husband is my current husband, to distinguish him from my ex-husband. But I'm divorcing future ex post-haste. And I like the term - as unaluna put it, "Anyone can have one!" I'm hoping I have at least one more future ex-husband...well, maybe we can skip the ex next time.

I used to call mine the early and the late(r) mr luna.

I can't sleep.. Son has nasty cartridge infection in his ear from God knows what, and all I can think about is him getting deathly ill while I am sleeping. So, instead I am thinking about eating chocolate peanut butter ice cream which we can now have in our house because son is not allergic tony anymore!!!

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well that was a s**t session. Kept freaking out over nothing and got zip all done.

Hugs. If you feel it'll help, can you bring forward your next appointment?

I had to cancel my next session because my car cost me so much and I already owe my T too much.

True that -- I do have that sense of lack of closure looming over several past relationships.

So yeah, doing it in person does have that real advantage.